Ally-65 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Dear All, I am not actually talking about myself here, but am wondering if one can really love again, after losing the love of your life. I know someone who has been divorced for 2 years and still has alot of pain, feelings of rejection and failure and being cast aside. (The divorce was not his idea). He says that he wont go into another relationship until he can give 100% and love again. He also says that he doesn't know if he will ever be able to do this. I think it is sad for someone feel that way, and not even be prepared to TRY again with someone else. Any comments ? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 It takes a while to fully heal from any trauma. Think of the broken heart like a broken arm . . . it needs a cast for a while then some PT. Time will eventually allow a broken hearted person to love again but it's not an overnight healing process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 It takes a while to fully heal from any trauma. Think of the broken heart like a broken arm . . . it needs a cast for a while then some PT. Time will eventually allow a broken hearted person to love again but it's not an overnight healing process. And even if (like me), you broke your arm and it healed back up in such a way that you never notice it again, you could still see it on an x-ray. Healing doesn't mean there won't be scars, or that you won't sometimes feel it when the weather changes. It just means that it no longer becomes a part of your everyday life. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I've never had true love, where a man loved me and i loved him, so i do have faith in love but because i've been deeply betrayed and repeatedly violated, nonetheless .. i think for me, at my age, with the enormous personality and ideological changes i've had to undergo, just to simple survive... im no longer care about love for myself. It can happen for others who have less .. im sure.. but i know im ruined. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I know someone who has been divorced for 2 years and still has alot of pain, feelings of rejection and failure and being cast aside. (The divorce was not his idea). He says that he wont go into another relationship until he can give 100% and love again. He also says that he doesn't know if he will ever be able to do this. I think it is sad for someone feel that way, and not even be prepared to TRY again with someone else. Any comments ? Personally I think he is being very sensible not to push himself when he is not ready. But yes you can love again. Its different but can be just as intense. Before it happened to me I didn't think I would ever love fully again either. Leave him to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 After the healing, I found the most difficult part was to learn to trust again. And only then could I relax and let the love happen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I was dating before my divorce was final. It was her idea so I thought that i wasted too much time with her and it was time to get going again. Guess that wasn't true love. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I was dating before my divorce was final. It was her idea so I thought that i wasted too much time with her and it was time to get going again. Guess that wasn't true love. Not necessarily... Some people quickly move on not cuz they didn't care and/or love their ex, but cuz they miss the companionship, love, sex, etc they had with the ex - even "if" everything wasn't perfect with an ex. That's why you gotta be careful for rebound situations, cuz the person is not healed yet, but is just looking for a hamburger to get them through till they are ready for steak again. You know this thread makes me think of actor Liam Neeson. You know, seems like he hasn't moved on from his wife's death and like the characters in his movies - there's a sadness to him, like if it wasn't for his two boys, he'd probably kill himself. I understand that we all need time to heal and move on, but to stop living/dating cuz of one person is quite sad, IMO. At some point you gotta give it a whirl again. I'm very afraid to get hurt, but believe it or not, I do try to put myself out there...one day for the right guy I believe I'll find it... Key is finding the right guy So, I consider myself "bent" not "broken" and I can learn to love again... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Not necessarily... Some people quickly move on not cuz they didn't care and/or love their ex, but cuz they miss the companionship, love, sex, etc they had with the ex - even "if" everything wasn't perfect with an ex. That's why you gotta be careful for rebound situations, cuz the person is not healed yet, but is just looking for a hamburger to get them through till they are ready for steak again. You know this thread makes me think of actor Liam Neeson. You know, seems like he hasn't moved on from his wife's death and like the characters in his movies - there's a sadness to him, like if it wasn't for his two boys, he'd probably kill himself. I understand that we all need time to heal and move on, but to stop living/dating cuz of one person is quite sad, IMO. At some point you gotta give it a whirl again. I'm very afraid to get hurt, but believe it or not, I do try to put myself out there...one day for the right guy I believe I'll find it... Key is finding the right guy So, I consider myself "bent" not "broken" and I can learn to love again... I wish I had your courage, and your answer is superb, I know there's life after love, but first you gotta trudge through the hurt. Personally, I've taken a hiatus to dating....no woman recently that I've tried to woo, Going on about a year now, and frankly, it'll probably turn into two. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I wish I had your courage, and your answer is superb, I know there's life after love, but first you gotta trudge through the hurt. Personally, I've taken a hiatus to dating....no woman recently that I've tried to woo, Going on about a year now, and frankly, it'll probably turn into two. Well, before I met dude about a year ago, I was already a year after being with my FWB. I just didn't put myself out there cuz I was going through a lot of stress that made me undateable...I mean, even with my FWB and/or masturbation I was having trouble having orgasms...I was in a bad place. But I was now and then giving it a try you know...when I met dude I was talking to one guy and even exchanged tels, but did a fade on him cuz I wanted to give dude a try. Gosh, look how time flies, going on 2 years now - 1 of which I think cuz me being tangled up in dude. I mean, sometimes you gotta just "do it". Feelings often follow actions... When I got out of the army I gained like 25lbs and one day just "did it" and got back into running and here I am, maintaining a decent weight and working out on the regular. I wasn't sure about dude, but mustered up the courage to chat him up and while it has been a bitter/sweet situation, it made me realize what you miss when you're hiding. If I would have put myself out there and was open to guys, probably would have met him before all this... So, gotta try...gotta put yourself out there - even when/if you don't feel like it. If not, you might miss out on someone special Link to post Share on other sites
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