Buying gifts leading her on?

[Bondage301]

If I buy gifts for a woman that I have no intention in dating then is that considered leading her on? Like if I buy her favorite candy regularly but never ask her out.

[darkbloom]

Depends... What are you trying to accomplish by buying her gifts? And does she have any type of romantic feelings for you? If she does, then you are definately leading her on. Men do not buy women gifts just because.

[Bondage301]

Depends... What are you trying to accomplish by buying her gifts? And does she have any type of romantic feelings for you? If she does, then you are definately leading her on. Men do not buy women gifts just because.

 

I'm not really sure I am ready to go out on a date with her yet but I have been doing small gestures every now and then of buying her stuff.

[darkbloom]

I'm not really sure I am ready to go out on a date with her yet but I have been doing small gestures every now and then of buying her stuff.

 

Then my advice would be to hold off on gift giving until you're sure about whether or not you want to date her. Your actions (gift buying) are telling her a couple of things:

1. You are thinking about her.

2. You want to do something nice for her.

 

Those are all things that hint at you wanting to date her without any words coming out of your mouth. Actions will always speak louder than words.

[Gloria25]

I'm not really sure I am ready to go out on a date with her yet but I have been doing small gestures every now and then of buying her stuff.

 

But "why" do you do these gestures?

 

I believe you know why but don't want to be honest with yourself here...You can't keep someone on hold until you make up your mind, they have a life to live too.

 

Especially if that person expressed that they have romantic interest in you, then I'm sure you know that when you do a gesture, they are gonna see it as you also having interest in them.

 

Why don't you just tell her then, so she has no expectations. Cuz, the way you're doing it, she's making assumptions of your interest and may be putting off dating others cuz she's waiting on you.

 

I mean, I see my dude do these "gestures" and still haven't/won't even have a 2 min convo with me. I think he wants his cake and eat it too...he isn't going to ask me out and/or date me, but just wants to keep me around cuz he enjoys the attention.

 

If you can't help yourself from restraining yourself from doing these "gestures" and she has made clear that she has romantic interest in you, I think you owe it to her to lay out what's going on here - that you have interest/feelings/etc, but for whatever reasons, not ready to date her so you hope she appreciates your gestures but not get too excited about them.

 

Not fair to play with someone's heart/feelings based on your selfish whims...If you really care about someone, you'd consider their feelings/needs too.

[Bondage301]

I don't get why it would be leading her on? I mean I'm the one spending my hard earned money to buy something nice for her so if anyone should feel cheated for not getting a date with her it should be me. It is my money that I am wasting and not hers.

 

I could see how it would be leading her on to accept a favor or gift that she offered me because then it is her wallet that ends up hurting as a result. I have never once accepted any of her gestures whether it is a candy bar or a cheeseburger or anything else.

[Gloria25]

I don't get why it would be leading her on? I mean I'm the one spending my hard earned money to buy something nice for her so if anyone should feel cheated for not getting a date with her it should be me. It is my money that I am wasting and not hers.

 

I could see how it would be leading her on to accept a favor or gift that she offered me because then it is her wallet that ends up hurting as a result. I have never once accepted any of her gestures whether it is a candy bar or a cheeseburger or anything else.

 

But while you may see it as nothing, she or any woman would see it as "something"...that's the way the dating world works.

 

People look at each other for "signs of interest" and one thing is when a guy is doing and/or buying stuff for a woman....

 

That's just the way things are

 

And, you're contradicting yourself - cuz while you say it means nothing - you keep on crushing on her, so you ARE doing what people who date do....when a guy is interested in someone, he does nice gestures to get her attention and win her affection.

 

So, while you're saying she shouldn't look into what you're doing as signs of interest she IS. And you ARE into her, just unsure when or "if" you wanna actually date her.

 

So, not fair to play with someone's emotions. If it is not your intention to play wit her emotions,doesn't matter cuz that's what's taking place.

 

But, I hope like you just posted in your other thread that you resolve to never date her, so I guess at this point this thread is now a moot point because you're gonna stop with any more "gestures" to/for her.

 

Please, just stop.

[Bondage301]

Ok but again if these gestures don't lead up to an actual date then it is me who should feel that I was being led on and not her. I'm the one willing to risk spending extra money taking a risk that a date won't materialize. It isn't her wallet that is going to get hurt here.

[Bondage301]

I'm the one working hard trying to make a good impression on her by improving my physical appearance and dress attire and shaving every 2 days. I wouldn't be going through all this if I was not into her.

[darkbloom]

I'm the one working hard trying to make a good impression on her by improving my physical appearance and dress attire and shaving every 2 days. I wouldn't be going through all this if I was not into her.

 

So you ARE into her. Here's the thing. She is going to look for clues that you are interested in dating her BEFORE she asks you about it so that she doesn't get rejected. You are giving out all signs that you WANT to date her. You are improving yourself hoping she will notice. You are buying things for her to be nice. Guys do NOT go through those motions or actions unless they want to date her. Also, by declining her offers to buy you something you are showing that you can take care of her and that is more date-like than if you allowed her to purchase things for herself or for you.

 

I would be very surprised if she didn't think you two were already dating based off of your actions.

 

If you don't want to date her, than stop doing everything you are doing.

[d0nnivain]

What you see as a nice gesture -- buying her favorite candy -- she probably sees as creepy stalker behavior so stop doing it. Be gracious & cordial to her while you sort out what you want to do but save your money.

[Gloria25]

Ok but again if these gestures don't lead up to an actual date then it is me who should feel that I was being led on and not her. I'm the one willing to risk spending extra money taking a risk that a date won't materialize. It isn't her wallet that is going to get hurt here.

 

While you think she isn't taking a risk here, yes she is...cuz she may not be putting yer self out there and/or making herself available to date others cuz with each "gesture" she thinks she may have a chance with you...

 

So, while it ain't hurting her wallet, it may be hurting her heart...something to consider.

 

In this world, when we do things, believe it or not, it affects others. So, if you can't get her out of your mind, then build a shrine in your basement or something to adore her...Cuz if she witnesses these "gestures" she's gonna think you're doing it with the intent of woooing her.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot...Imagine if this crush keeps on calling on you to help her carry a load of things on the job - and you do it cuz you think you got a chance with her, she knows you like her, and its not your job to carry her stuff - then, during break, all she talks about is her bf and/or some other guy (not you) that she's crushing on? Wouldn't you feel used and/or silly for thinking she was into you when she just wanted someone to do her job for her?