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I never loved any of my past bf's


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I would like to share this but please bear with me (try not to label me):

 

This might sound weird but I don't think I'm capable of falling in love nor forming deep connections with anyone. I've always felt I'm different from others. I'm saying this because I've been in a couple relationship where I enjoyed the guy's company and had fun but was never ''in love'' with him. There were times I would even flirt with others guys, exchanged numbers even lied about my whereabouts just to go dancing around in a club and didn't feel bad at all. The only thing that stopped me from proceeding further is the possible chance of getting caught and being single again, not able to enjoy what I had at the moment.

 

I didn't even love my first bf I lost my virginity too either. Only thing I loved was his company, the sex, going out on dates and the idea of being in a relationship. In terms of loving, I think I only love myself.

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TaraMaiden2

Yes.... and?

 

What are you asking, here....? :confused:

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Yes.... and?

 

What are you asking, here....? :confused:

For answers. Is this even normal to never fall in love nor even form deep connections with others? Basically to be voided of any type of real deep feelings.

For instance, even on my uncle's funeral all I felt was apathy while everyone else was mourning and crying. I felt like partying with friends within the next days.

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Sounds like some sort of personality disorder or some past hurts holding you back.

 

I personally feel deep connections, love and empathy. Perhaps you haven't found genuine connections? For you to lack care and concern at your uncles funeral is worrisome. You'll get great advice on here.

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TaraMaiden2

You my have a psychological block that needs investigating professionally, either by a counsellor or psychologist.

 

Seriously.

 

Such an investigation may expose a past trauma or experience which flicked a switch in your brain causing you to turn off the pathway of emotional connection - and dependence on others for affection, support and love - and become self-centred.

 

That's not a criticism, but it could be a defence strategy.

 

Can you think of any situation in your past, any family or associated incident which may have been a traumatic episode?

 

I'm not suggesting you reveal it or discuss it here.

I'm merely offering an avenue of investigation.

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TaraMaiden2
Sounds like some sort of personality disorder or some past hurts holding you back.

 

I personally feel deep connections, love and empathy. Perhaps you haven't found genuine connections? For you to lack care and concern at your uncles funeral is worrisome. You'll get great advice on here.

 

*Snap*. Simultaneous posting. :)

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Sounds like some sort of personality disorder or some past hurts holding you back.

 

I personally feel deep connections, love and empathy. Perhaps you haven't found genuine connections? For you to lack care and concern at your uncles funeral is worrisome. You'll get great advice on here.

Thank you for replying.

I've never been abused in the past nor know anyone like me. The first time I noticed I was kind of different was the time I was presented with a video about the Holocaust during history class in 7th grade. While a couple of my classmates got somewhat emotional, I didn't care and nearly fell asleep. In my mind I was like ''yeah whatever, so what, we all die anyway''.

 

The way to explain is I don't feel sad, nor anger nor even happy but just nothing.

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Such an investigation may expose a past trauma or experience which flicked a switch in your brain causing you to turn off the pathway of emotional connection - and dependence on others for affection, support and love - and become self-centred.

 

That's not a criticism, but it could be a defence strategy.

 

Can you think of any situation in your past, any family or associated incident which may have been a traumatic episode?

 

I'm not suggesting you reveal it or discuss it here.

I'm merely offering an avenue of investigation.

Nope, I can't remember anything traumatic, not that I know of. Or unless I don't remember it because I must have been either way too young or it's been blocked totally from my memory. But I honestly don't recall any abuse nor anything.
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Clarence_Boddicker

No offense, but girls like you frighten me. I wonder if everything my ex told me about our relationship was a total lie. Do you feel passionate about anything? Is sex only physical for you? Are you happy?

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Snakechammah

OP, same here! I didn't "love" any of my moronic exes either.

 

Not even the last one.

 

I believe at the time I told them I loved them, I probably did. But as soon as we broke up, the feeling whatever it was, completely vanished like a fart.

 

Now I look back and realized I didn't really 'loved' them after all.

 

So don't worry, you're not alone. I can't remember their faces or even names now.

 

But then again... moving onto your future guy, he will never have to worry about pesky ex flames hovering around - or you cheating with an ex - as that's sooo common in relationships nowadays! You've healed and ready for the next adventure. That is a good trait to have - NO BAGGAGE.

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You my have a psychological block that needs investigating professionally, either by a counsellor or psychologist.

 

Seriously.

 

Such an investigation may expose a past trauma or experience which flicked a switch in your brain causing you to turn off the pathway of emotional connection - and dependence on others for affection, support and love - and become self-centred.

 

That's not a criticism, but it could be a defence strategy.

 

Can you think of any situation in your past, any family or associated incident which may have been a traumatic episode?

 

I'm not suggesting you reveal it or discuss it here.

I'm merely offering an avenue of investigation.

 

It may be biochemical too. Low GH or low dopamine say and that would be harder to treat.

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regine_phalange

You haven't loved any of your boyfriends... But have you loved someone who's not your boyfriend? Your parents? A friend? A boy in elementary school? A pet?

 

Maybe you lack empathy. If it's the case it's not your fault, it's how your brain is wired.

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Hey M92, Why not try hypnotherapy? You will be surprised at what regression therapy can unravel in your past and how healing it can be. It may be worth it as otherwise you will be stuck with an empty loveless life and as you grow older you will find your self in a lonely unloved place. Just a thought.

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You haven't loved any of your boyfriends... But have you loved someone who's not your boyfriend? Your parents? A friend? A boy in elementary school? A pet?

 

Maybe you lack empathy. If it's the case it's not your fault, it's how your brain is wired.

At most I care about my closed ones in terms of liking what they provide.

 

Known friends: hanging out, their companionship, them thinking I'm such a great friend and going to parties sometimes.

 

Parents: them paying the first two years of college education and sometimes still being in contact with them; I'm not living my own and paying myself. They have a rocky marriage for years anyway and it's no surprise if one of them cheated on the other. If so, that's really not my business.

 

Crushes at school: I was attracted to a couple guys at my previous schools but nope, I didn't love them. I've always been able to move on without thinking too much about it and immediately liked someone else.

 

Pets: I don't have pets but strangely do have some type of fragmented visions of me caressing a poodle but I'm a lot younger, at times showing up in my dreams. I tried asking my parents and other members if we ever had a pet and all of them said no and how it's just a dream (even though it seemed kind of vivid).

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Ok, so what? Have you ever had a desire to hurt someone to get what you want? Doesn't sound like it.

 

If you are able, have a psych run a few tests and have therapy sessions.

 

As others have said, perhaps a PD but I don't think so, just run of the mill funk.

 

Good thing you are posting though, it is a loop. ;)

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Ok, so what? Have you ever had a desire to hurt someone to get what you want? Doesn't sound like it.
Nope, I haven't wronged anyone in a bad manner. However, let's say if I were in an argument and were to insult a bf or a someone else (or they get their feelings hurt), I wouldn't feel any type of regret nor apologized. In the following day, I might talk to them as if nothing happened and have done this a couple times in the past.

 

I can sometimes be inconsiderate and instead think about myself only.

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Nope, I haven't wronged anyone in a bad manner. However, let's say if I were in an argument and were to insult a bf or a someone else (or they get their feelings hurt), I wouldn't feel any type of regret nor apologized. In the following day, I might talk to them as if nothing happened and have done this a couple times in the past.

 

I can sometimes be inconsiderate and instead think about myself only.

 

Congratulations. Testing with a professional would be appropriate. It will help to discover and understand your self better.

 

What is the question that you are asking?

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It sounds like Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style

 

For what it's worth, here is Wikipedia's entry. You can do more research on it if interested....

 

Dismissive–Avoidant Attachment Style

People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships", "It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient", and "I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive–avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

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You don't have to love someone to loose your virginity to them.

 

Also , were you not so close to your Uncle?

 

Do you think you'd feel the same if you lost a parent or sibling?

 

It could just be you've not found the one, as I didn't love many of my Ex BFs.

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Some people aren't monsters you know...

 

Ever consider they don't seek love cuz the pain of rejection, let downs, being dumped is something they want to protect themselves from...in other words, if I don't allow myself to feel it, it can't hurt me.

 

So, they do "care" for others...shoot, once you gain their trust, you'll be amazed how the walls come down - cuz they are so "relieved" to be able to open up. They just "care" and "love" in their own way - which may not be the "norm" by others.

 

I rather be protective of my heart than just throw it around out there...

 

Ever consider all the people out there who "think" they are in love and/or "know" love when all they have are emotions, hornies, loneliness, unhealthy attachments? Whose worst than the other?

 

I may not show it and am protective of my heart - but ask anyone who really is close to me what I'm all about. I may not blurt ILY, but no man I've been with can't say I was selfish to him, quite frankly, I've shown them appreciation, care and/or kindness more than probably no woman ever will. My family knows I got their backs. I'm literally the rock that no matter how bad it's gotten for me, they can rest their shoulder on mine. My dogs know I'm the bomb too...

 

So, yeah, some of us are just "different" and we're just fine...

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You said there's no abuse. What about neglect or an environment growing up that was devoid of love, even if there was nothing physical going on? You have to receive love to know how to give it. A parent can be cold while still taking good care of you on most fronts. Also, if you truly had a loving family and all that, go get an brain scan and see if you've had some damage to any lobes that might be affecting you. It can certainly happen.

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To be clear, I'm not saying this with any ill will or to upset you or anyone else. You've posted some concern about your feelings (or really, lack of them) and are looking for insight. Well, I think you're familiar with your condition, or have been diagnosed in the past, as you asked us not to label you.

 

Based on your descriptions in this thread, namely repeatedly describing circumstances and situations that demonstrate a complete absence of empathy, impersonal sex/interpersonal relationships, and how you use people as tools to get what you want, a number of disorders come to mind, and you can have a combination of each of them, but Antisocial Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Sociopathy seem to be the most obvious.

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Hi M92, so are you thinking of trying what I suggested? I would, in fact, suggest that you try Past Life Regression based on what you wrote about having a dream about a poodle when you were younger. This might have been a flash from a past life scenario. Google Dr. Brian Weiss who is an authority on the subject and you might get some insight. Any way I would think that you would want to try something as there is truth in the adage"No man is an island" and deep down I am sure that you are capable of great love but it is being blocked for some reason. Cheers!

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I'd go to a psychiatrist. There's a few things that would cause this unusual lack of feelings of love and empathy and regret- some treatable, some not. Some people are just wired that way.

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