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Do we really find someone better than our ex?


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Or is that just some bull**** we tell everyone so they can shut up and quit whining?

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It's relative. Your EX has good qualities. Otherwise why did you date them?

 

 

Your new person has different good qualities & when you find the right person they are better for you.

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Yes, you always do find someone better. Almost anyone is better than someone who is far away, with someone else, and not thinking or caring about you. No matter how great the ex is, she's not offering you a single thing. But then consider that the new person will have a good personality, with a real interest in being with you, and legitimate attraction, and yes, that's certainly better.

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Grumpybutfun

Well, anyone who wants to be with you is going to be better than anyone who does not....

Best,

G

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Well, anyone who wants to be with you is going to be better than anyone who does not....

 

 

I wouldn't go THAT far.

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No one has ever dated someone and told themselves, "Damn, that last girl was much better. What have I done??"

 

I feel that's what i'm going to say.

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Or is that just some bull**** we tell everyone so they can shut up and quit whining?

 

Of course people do.

 

I mean...look around, do you see most people in the world stuck on their ex from high school, from 5 years ago, 15 years ago etc? No. If you are stuck on an ex for decades later, it's likely that you've got an unhealthy attachment going on. Otherwise, most of us, if we did not initiate the break up especially, might fear we won't love again, but inevitably do. Most people have multiple boyfriends and girlfriends in their lives esp before marriage and people even have more than one marriage...so of course. The world is a vast place and it is unlikely that one single person is the ONLY person you could be with. More true to reality is that we have a bunch of people that can be good matches for us and in my experience when I've broken up I've gone on to feel as strongly or even more about someone new. When I break up anew and start feeling that irrational feeling like I won't ever find someone else I feel that strongly about I just remind myself of all the other times I thought so and how inevitably it wasn't true.

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No one has ever dated someone and told themselves, "Damn, that last girl was much better. What have I done??"

 

I feel that's what i'm going to say.

 

 

I firmly believe that I just had to give up the greatest love of my life. I will never get over her but I will move on. That's how life works. We keep going... or we don't.

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No one has ever dated someone and told themselves, "Damn, that last girl was much better. What have I done??"

 

I feel that's what i'm going to say.

 

Then don't date that person.:confused:

 

That is my barometer. If I am comparing a new guy to an ex and I am feeling he doesn't match up I DON'T continue dating him, simple. As that means he isn't at all an upgrade and it's unfair to compare him to an ex especially if he isn't coming out on top. That's just settling. I've definitely gone out with others after a break up and felt worse like my ex was so much better and for me that feeling meant I was not ready to date yet OR this person was simply not a good fit for me.

 

However, the green light to continue is when I meet a new guy and find that I can take him for who he is without comparing OR when I compare but it's positive and I find more qualities I like that my ex might not have had, it's like ding ding, I've found the one I want to invest more seriously in.

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loveweary11
Or is that just some bull**** we tell everyone so they can shut up and quit whining?

 

No way. Each new person you meet ends up being better than your ex in one way or another. This reminds you how much your ex sucks, actually.

 

From there, you realize that you'd never take your ex back.

 

You realize just about everyone is better and the reson you gert stuck on your ex is simply force of habit.

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No one has ever dated someone and told themselves, "Damn, that last girl was much better. What have I done??"

 

I feel that's what i'm going to say.

 

In the early days after the breakup, pretty much everyone says something like that. As time passes you are much more likely to look forward than back. You start building an image of your future that doesn't include the ex. And it starts to include others who have something to offer that you really value. Compared to the fading collection of memories that is all your ex amounts to, that person is a million times better.

 

It's automatic. Time does this for you.

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there is a myth flying around that there are grades of humans .. like we come in good, extra good and rotten eggs. None of which is true.

Instead as others have conveyed, some maybe more compatible to the goals of the relationship. i've had the guy that got away and the guy who i wished to go away... it all boiled down to how complimentary the support and love was generated. some relations are based on where we are headed not where we've been. Luckily we have the ability to restart our engines when someone worthwhile comes along.

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Grumpybutfun
No one has ever dated someone and told themselves, "Damn, that last girl was much better. What have I done??"

 

I feel that's what i'm going to say.

 

 

You sound like someone who has dated very little so maybe that clouds your view of what dating is about. It is about figuring out who you are and what you want out of life through interactions with others then trying to find those values and desires mirrored back at you with the woman who would share your life.

 

Comparing everyone to the perfect one who got away just means you are stuck and haven't used that relationship to propel yourself towards who you want to be or your goals in life. That woman or girl you put on a pedastal was just a human being who you placed a lot of importance on because she was a novelty.

 

If she was as perfect FOR YOU as you thought, she would still be with you trying to develop and mirror your pinnacle of love and devotion back to you. Not one woman I dated has ever came close to my wife in any way....and I dated quite a bit.

 

Good luck,

Grumps

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SammySammy

I would like to think I learned from my past relationships. While the next person may not be a better person, hopefully I'll have the wisdom to select someone more suitable for me.

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It depends.

 

Problem is, you have very little control over fate. You have to do your best to create your best reality but even herculean efforts of one person can't overcome decisions made by the universe.

 

So I guess my answer is: it doesn't matter. If you want to be part of a loving relationship, you have to keep trying.

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You sound like someone who has dated very little so maybe that clouds your view of what dating is about. It is about figuring out who you are and what you want out of life through interactions with others then trying to find those values and desires mirrored back at you with the woman who would share your life.

 

Comparing everyone to the perfect one who got away just means you are stuck and haven't used that relationship to propel yourself towards who you want to be or your goals in life. That woman or girl you put on a pedastal was just a human being who you placed a lot of importance on because she was a novelty.

 

If she was as perfect FOR YOU as you thought, she would still be with you trying to develop and mirror your pinnacle of love and devotion back to you. Not one woman I dated has ever came close to my wife in any way....and I dated quite a bit.

 

Good luck,

Grumps

 

I've asked about 5 girls out on a date my entire life and 2 of those became relationships. So yeah, I don't have much experience but it's because there just aren't any good people here. Well maybe I should say most are not compatible to me.

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I've asked about 5 girls out on a date my entire life and 2 of those became relationships. So yeah, I don't have much experience but it's because there just aren't any good people here. Well maybe I should say most are not compatible to me.

 

Hmm, well you must have a darn good internal radar for matches for yourself!!!

 

Wow, I can't even fathom what that would feel like, 5 tries and 2 wins.

 

Way over my head.

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Hmm, well you must have a darn good internal radar for matches for yourself!!!

 

Wow, I can't even fathom what that would feel like, 5 tries and 2 wins.

 

Way over my head.

 

Actually it's more like 4.

 

And all of them were women who liked me first. I eventually grew a liking to them because they liked me, and I thought they were cool and sexy lol.

 

I never asked a girl out who I REALLY liked, but had no idea how she would felt about me. I feel like I would fall flat on my face so I just don't. I don't have the balls to. *shrugs* lol

 

But yeah, this is how relationships find me, and that's why I believe my chances of finding better is so low.

Edited by Jonp219
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And all of them were women who liked me first. I eventually grew a liking to them because they liked me, and I thought they were cool and sexy lol.

 

I never asked a girl out who I REALLY liked, but had no idea how she would felt about me. I feel like I would fall flat on my face so I just don't. I don't have the balls to. *shrugs* lol

 

But yeah, this is how relationships find me, and that's why I believe my chances of finding better is so low.

 

 

After reading this I am wondering if you are being caught up in the circus wheel of GIGS (grass is greener syndrome.)

 

What do you mean by "better??"

 

I am guessing you mean by looks, status, income??

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Actually it's more like 4.

 

And all of them were women who liked me first. I eventually grew a liking to them because they liked me, and I thought they were cool and sexy lol.

 

I never asked a girl out who I REALLY liked, but had no idea how she would felt about me. I feel like I would fall flat on my face so I just don't. I don't have the balls to. *shrugs* lol

 

But yeah, this is how relationships find me, and that's why I believe my chances of finding better is so low.

 

Because itseems to me that if you are content in a relationship, who cares you initiated what? Are you saying that you participated in r-s that you didn't think the girl was good enough for you? Please clarify.

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Because itseems to me that if you are content in a relationship, who cares you initiated what? Are you saying that you participated in r-s that you didn't think the girl was good enough for you? Please clarify.

 

In the beginning I didn't think my recent ex was good enough. However, I gave the relationship a chance and learned to love her.But sometimes things didn't seem right because we fought and argued a lot.

 

When I say better I mean someone i'm more compatible with. Someone I can respect and enjoy my time with. Do looks matter? Of course, I have a preference, who doesn't?

 

Me and ex didn't have a very deep connection in certain aspects. I really don't know how to explain it, something was just missing there, but I feel that's as good as it gets.

 

Men tend to compare the women they date with their mothers. My mother is a wonderful woman and I had a great relationship with her growing up. My ex didn't measure up to my mom in the slightest. My brothers girlfriend reminds me a lot of my mother, that's probably why he's been with her for over 5 years and they're the best of friends.

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ascendotum
No way. Each new person you meet ends up being better than your ex in one way or another. This reminds you how much your ex sucks, actually.

 

From there, you realize that you'd never take your ex back.

 

You realize just about everyone is better and the reson you gert stuck on your ex is simply force of habit.

 

I don't know I don't think all exes suck. I guess it depends if they broke up with (or cheated on you or you screwed up and got busted cheating on them) you and broke your heart or you had had enough of them and dumped them or circumstances changed and there was an amicable parting of the ways. I still remember the great times and qualities of some of my exes and not all of my past relationships ended up with nastiness or regrets.

 

Ideally most people will want their next bf/gf to have all the good qualities of their most loved exes but non of the bad qualities. A lot of people just don't get to experience the upward ascension in quality with each new relationship. Be awesome if it worked out that way and while you do have a lot of control over who you choose to date and you also get wiser, you can't control the ones you meet and think are awesome to think the same of you. I guess it depends a lot on how many options you have so you can find a great replacement but for some people they just got real lucky once and cant wait it out to get lucky again.

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Pretty much everyone I dated after the ex was better.

 

Sounds like it could be a mindset thing. I don't understand why kids in my generation including myself get fixated on relationships and certain people.

 

My mom told me once that longest it took her to grieve over a break-up was 6 months and that was after separating from my dad after a 20 year marriage. She never worried about the next guy being better she's perfectly fine being single. She has an abundant mindset as opposed to me who has a scarce mindset. I see too many skanks out here it's hard to think otherwise.

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eye of the storm
No one has ever dated someone and told themselves, "Damn, that last girl was much better. What have I done??"

 

I feel that's what i'm going to say.

 

If you feel that way, then you need to wait for awhile before you start to date. You are still hung up on your Ex.

 

I don't think you are dating someone "better" per se. I think you are looking for someone more compatible with you.

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