lucy1822 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Hi loveshack community, It was my birthday today and my boyfriend admitted to me he didn't get me a gift - because he didn't have time. He's been with me 2 years now what the hell. He asked me if its ok if I wait for my gift and that he's very sorry. We went to the city together 2 days ago as a early birthday day out and he was supposed to pay for the whole meal but I ended up paying a small amount as he didn't have enough cash on him. Then I also ended up paying for an ice cream too........ I'm just so damn disappointed. He's been on about this new suspension kit he has bought for his car which is about £500 - and that he can't wait for it to be delivered. Is that more important than your girlfriends gift? I don't want to act like a spoilt girl by showing that I'm upset by this, but I really really am. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 While I will say it was a bit tactless of him to blather on about this expensive thing he bought, overall the situation seems a bit nitpicky to me. You guys did something! You went somewhere, you guys celebrated your birthday. It's not like he totally forgot your birthday even existed (I've had that before!), or ignored it. You guys celebrated, and he DID acknowledge that he meant to give you a gift, and he apologized for it. Sure, it's not the most romantic scenario, a bit of an "oops", but he owned up to it and has plans to remedy it. If you're feeling upset, then go ahead and feel upset, process it all, think about it all, and then try to let it go. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 i had a boyf who was like this, but great in other ways, and your one, is he mostly great too? Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 While I will say it was a bit tactless of him to blather on about this expensive thing he bought, overall the situation seems a bit nitpicky to me. You guys did something! You went somewhere, you guys celebrated your birthday. It's not like he totally forgot your birthday even existed (I've had that before!), or ignored it. You guys celebrated, and he DID acknowledge that he meant to give you a gift, and he apologized for it. Sure, it's not the most romantic scenario, a bit of an "oops", but he owned up to it and has plans to remedy it. If you're feeling upset, then go ahead and feel upset, process it all, think about it all, and then try to let it go. This. At least your boyfriend made an effort. Try having a (now) ex not bother celebrating your birthday with you period, even when you asked them to - never mind not getting a gift or even a card. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Oh man, I'm at a loss for words, so I'm gonna hand it over to Badu to help you here... Erykah Badu - "Tyrone (Live)" Link to post Share on other sites
SerCay Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 There are 2 possibilities. 1. He's a great guy and this is just one of his quirks. If so> don't make a deal of it and appreciate his good traits. 2. He's not like this with others, but only towards you. This means that he just doesn't but as much effort into your relationship. If so> put some distance between the two of you, show your independence very clearly and see how he reacts. If he expresses concerns and grows closer, then you have reached point 1. If he's ok with the situation and continues the way he does, then ditch and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I'd be pretty disappointed, too. Not that I didn't get a gift, but the stupid excuse of "not having enough time" to get one? He couldn't have done it one week ago, two weeks ago? A month ago? He knew it was coming, right? I myself don't like receiving gifts but would rather be taken out, which at least your guy did, but then not to have brought enough cash with him? Does this guy think of anyone but himself? Maybe I am indeed reading too much into this, but it sounds to me like you're more of an afterthought than a priority. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 "Not enough time" = "I'm broke" would be my guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 "Not enough time" = "I'm broke" would be my guess. Yeah, from what she posted he couldn't even afford dinner the other day... But come on, would it have been too hard to run her a bubble bath, find like $4 for a wine-cooler and/or a cheap bottle of wine, turn on some slow jazz or sexy music and massage her feet while she relaxes in the tub drinking that wine-cooler or cheap bottle of wine? Not everything you do gotta cost money... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 My initial thought was to advise you to be more understanding of his financial situation and that he'd already made an effort to take you out even though he couldn't afford to pay for all of the dinner... but then I read the part about the $500 suspension kit. *facepalm* I think it's pretty obvious where his priorities lie (unless he actually needed that suspension kit for his job, which I doubt). I also agree with Gloria that if he'd already known he was going to be short on cash, he could've made an effort to do things that didn't cost money. Could've cooked for you instead of trying to take you out for a dinner that he couldn't afford, to start with... So, yeah, I think you're totally within your rights to be upset, especially given that you are in an established R of 2 years, not exactly newly dating. Try and communicate your disappointment to him in a calm, non-accusatory manner and see if he bothers trying to make amends. If he doesn't, I'd seriously recommend rethinking this whole thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hi loveshack community, It was my birthday today and my boyfriend admitted to me he didn't get me a gift - because he didn't have time. He's been with me 2 years now what the hell. He asked me if its ok if I wait for my gift and that he's very sorry. We went to the city together 2 days ago as a early birthday day out and he was supposed to pay for the whole meal but I ended up paying a small amount as he didn't have enough cash on him. Then I also ended up paying for an ice cream too........ I'm just so damn disappointed. He's been on about this new suspension kit he has bought for his car which is about £500 - and that he can't wait for it to be delivered. Is that more important than your girlfriends gift? I don't want to act like a spoilt girl by showing that I'm upset by this, but I really really am. What should I do? Dump him. And don't look back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy1822 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I'd be pretty disappointed, too. Not that I didn't get a gift, but the stupid excuse of "not having enough time" to get one? He couldn't have done it one week ago, two weeks ago? A month ago? He knew it was coming, right? I myself don't like receiving gifts but would rather be taken out, which at least your guy did, but then not to have brought enough cash with him? Does this guy think of anyone but himself? Maybe I am indeed reading too much into this, but it sounds to me like you're more of an afterthought than a priority. Exactly he had time to buy his car parts for a big amount of money, he only ordered that 2 weeks ago, but not a small gift for me not even a card. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy1822 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 "Not enough time" = "I'm broke" would be my guess. Broke because he paid £500 for car parts!! He apparently cannot afford a gift for me 'at the moment', he has a full time job. Obviously I am not as important as his car. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy1822 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yeah, from what she posted he couldn't even afford dinner the other day... But come on, would it have been too hard to run her a bubble bath, find like $4 for a wine-cooler and/or a cheap bottle of wine, turn on some slow jazz or sexy music and massage her feet while she relaxes in the tub drinking that wine-cooler or cheap bottle of wine? Not everything you do gotta cost money... This post is exactly it!! It's he thought that counts. I don't feel like my birthday was special it's just all about him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 When I 1st met DH he tried to pull some of the same stuff saying birthdays & Christmas weren't important to him. I countered with I like to make a fuss & I expect my SO to make a fuss over me. There have been years he's slipped & I explain how hurt that makes me feel. In your case, even if funds were short he could have done something: A card, a sign he printed on his computer, a dinner he made or even a single flower / cup cake. His failure to do anything is problematic. You two need to have a talk about expectations & feelings. If he's going to take you for granted for the rest of you life, get rid of him. If he apologizes & does anything to make up for his insensitivity give him a second chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy1822 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 When I 1st met DH he tried to pull some of the same stuff saying birthdays & Christmas weren't important to him. I countered with I like to make a fuss & I expect my SO to make a fuss over me. There have been years he's slipped & I explain how hurt that makes me feel. In your case, even if funds were short he could have done something: A card, a sign he printed on his computer, a dinner he made or even a single flower / cup cake. His failure to do anything is problematic. You two need to have a talk about expectations & feelings. If he's going to take you for granted for the rest of you life, get rid of him. If he apologizes & does anything to make up for his insensitivity give him a second chance. Thank you, this is what I was thinking. Even if he got me a card and wrote sorry in it or just a flower or something small that shows that he's thought about me on my birthday, ah it just makes me so sad!! I haven't seen him yet today so I'm not sure what he's doing. I will have to have a talk with him and just tell him how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Broke because he paid £500 for car parts!! He apparently cannot afford a gift for me 'at the moment', he has a full time job. Obviously I am not as important as his car. Nor are you as important as his friends, nor basically anything else of meaning in his life for that matter. OP, I browsed over your previous threads. These problems in your relationship have been going on for quite some time now. And yet you keep staying. I'm not good at sugarcoating. Not sure whether the problem is he or you, it's probably both. This relationship clearly is dysfunctional though. Eventually you need to take responsibility and walk away. Edited July 6, 2015 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Gloria has it right. I get annoyed when someone expects an expensive gift. To me it seems greedy and materialistic and I find that attitude unattractive. I rarely spend much on my wife's birthday. But I randomly buy her presents at other times whenever I think of something that she would like. And I try to do stuff for her on her birthday like breakfast in bed, taking her out and so on. In this case what seems a bit crass is him going on about spending lots on himself and then not having enough to take you out. Is this typical behaviour? Or is he generally financially responsible? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 When I 1st met DH he tried to pull some of the same stuff saying birthdays & Christmas weren't important to him. I countered with I like to make a fuss & I expect my SO to make a fuss over me. There have been years he's slipped & I explain how hurt that makes me feel. In your case, even if funds were short he could have done something: A card, a sign he printed on his computer, a dinner he made or even a single flower / cup cake. His failure to do anything is problematic. You two need to have a talk about expectations & feelings. If he's going to take you for granted for the rest of you life, get rid of him. If he apologizes & does anything to make up for his insensitivity give him a second chance. Well, I'm not a "day" person... I believe I show them I care throughout the year 365. I mean, if I'm out/about and see something mum needs, I pick it up for her. I don't need to wait for a particular "day" to do something for someone... But, if I know it means a lot for them, I put in the effort. That's what you do in RLs, you sacrifice and care for each other - it's no longer all about "you". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Gloria has it right. I get annoyed when someone expects an expensive gift. To me it seems greedy and materialistic and I find that attitude unattractive. I rarely spend much on my wife's birthday. But I randomly buy her presents at other times whenever I think of something that she would like. And I try to do stuff for her on her birthday like breakfast in bed, taking her out and so on. In this case what seems a bit crass is him going on about spending lots on himself and then not having enough to take you out. Is this typical behaviour? Or is he generally financially responsible? It's different when you're married. When my birthday is coming up I usually say "don't get me anything" because I really don't need anything or want anything that I could think of and if I do I'll just buy it and say "this is my birthday gift." however... Dating is different. Not to do something special for her birthday when you're dating says he's not very nice. Again my advice: Dump him and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Broke because he paid £500 for car parts!! He apparently cannot afford a gift for me 'at the moment', he has a full time job. Obviously I am not as important as his car. You are quite right. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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