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What is My Best Course of Action Here


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loveweary11

I have a goal. (maybe that's the problem to begin with) :laugh:

 

Goal: To get myself someone cool, fun, laid back and easy going who wants to and can travel.

 

Obstacles I run into with girls I meet:

 

1) Are looking for houses, kids and picket fences

2) Have the above

3) Talk about dreaming of traveling the world, but don't...they just sit there

4) Are focused on a career

5) Don't want to be more than 50 miles away from family

6) Are just too mainstream

 

 

Why do I fail to find this type of person?

 

What could I do to help find/attract this specific type?

 

I feel my looks focus can be adjusted a bit if I really like the girl and adjusted a lot if she's ready to travel.

 

Also, anyone choosing this with me wouldn't have to work, other than with me, half time and isn't forced to marry me or whatever from my end... I'm totally easy going about that now.

 

But why do I keep failing to find the fun, different, adventurous type?

 

-------------

 

I do know one and she is my Yoga instructor chick. She stays in my life over the years, goes off for adventures, returns to me, goes off for adventures. She is in London for July/August (stay away, Haydn!... ha ha ha) and will be back to NYC to hang out with me for Sept Oct/Nov before I return to SoBe Miami (where she usually lives).

 

It's weird with her. She denies liking me "that way", but never lets me go. She initiates contact when I don't, we have sex every time we see each other, we have a lot of fun. But... nothing serious.

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Jessie1231

I think there are plenty of women like this. I'm pretty much like you describe except that I do have kids. They are with my ex husband 50% of the time and when they are, I'm usually gone somewhere because I just like being anywhere but home. I lost my job six months ago and have done nothing but travel since then. It's lovely. However, I'm running low on savings now and have to get back to the real world.

 

And that's probably your problem. Anyone you meet worth anything isn't going to be ok with you saying she doesn't have to work except with you. Down the road, sure it could work. But to go into a relationship and automatically depend on the guy to support you so you can live this fun life with him is really scary and not very smart.

 

I think you'll have to go about it the old fashioned way and date someone like anyone else would. Once you get into a committed relationship she can decide whether to quit her job and be free to go wherever you guys want to go whenever.

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loveweary11

Ok, I hear that.

 

Maybe my communication is wrong.

 

She'd get paid her own money working wih me and since there are no living expenses at all, it would all be savings, building her own net worth at a rate much higher than any job.

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PrettyEmily77

You are setting yourself up for a tricky ride, OP!!

 

 

Best course of action is to meet and get to know someone you really like and see where it'll take both you in time.

 

 

She might be wanting kids at first then realise she'd rather be with you than have some, she might be career-minded now but could be sweet-talked into leaving things behind for you, etc.

 

 

Who knows, you might even want to settle for the right girl :).

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Jessie1231

I understand what you're wanting and it sounds great to me, but if you are up front from the beginning about wanting this kind of life you may find yourself with someone who will be using you for a free ride.

 

I think it would be easiest to date someone you do like enough to go out with for a while before you ever bring this idea up at all. Make sure that she likes you and just you before you mention the kind of future you want at all. Otherwise, one of those sugar daddy sites would be a safe place to find someone who would be willing to be your partner for the type of life you want. I'm saying make sure you've found someone who wants you and not just the fun life you can provide.

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loveweary11
I understand what you're wanting and it sounds great to me, but if you are up front from the beginning about wanting this kind of life you may find yourself with someone who will be using you for a free ride.

 

I think it would be easiest to date someone you do like enough to go out with for a while before you ever bring this idea up at all. Make sure that she likes you and just you before you mention the kind of future you want at all. Otherwise, one of those sugar daddy sites would be a safe place to find someone who would be willing to be your partner for the type of life you want. I'm saying make sure you've found someone who wants you and not just the fun life you can provide.

 

This is what I've been doing and it doesn't work because finding someone who wants to have a fun, exciting life (or even 6 months or whatever) is proving to be impossible.

 

It's taken me years of dating and hooking up to get exactly nowhere.

 

I don't think I'd even care if someone was using me for the fun. I'd be using them right back for the companionship. I mean we all use the other person, really. I have fun, adventure and work to offer, with no long term commitment. I don't even know if I'm ready a long term commitment. If we clicked, then I'm open to it, but not searching for it.

 

All I'm trying to find is someone carefree who wants to have some good times...

 

Maybe this *is* the right thing for a girl who leans more on the sugar baby side...?

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It's a tall order. You can't initially expect somebody you don't know to tie up their romantic & economic future to you right off the bat.

 

 

Let's tackle the travel first. I know it's sort of pedestrian but have you considered going on a singles cruise? There are companies that organize on-board activities for their groups. You have some control over the age demographic. Men are usually in short supply on these trips but you are almost guaranteed to meet an unattached woman who likes to travel because she is traveling when you met her & who has at least enough discretionary income to go on the cruise. From there you can build to the other aspects.

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You may also want to consider hiring that Patty Stanger from TV the Millionaire Matchmaker. I am not suggesting you go on her show which is fake but she does have an actual business.

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I agree that it's a tall order. Most women will want at least one thing on your list whether it's career, kids, a home, to be near friends and family, etc. While there are people who spend their lives traveling the world, I think most people either don't want that life or aren't in a profession that is portable enough to allow it.

 

You also seem to want a girl who is somewhat intelligent and motivated. That type of girl is likely to have career aspirations of her own (that may not be portable) and may not be happy simply working for you. She will have dreams of her own.

 

Seems like the best way to meet a girl who wants to travel full time is by traveling. Start traveling and as you go to new places see who you meet? Or maybe travel bloggers? Or look for wanderlust type groups or meet ups for travelers. Or yeah...sugar baby.

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serial muse
It's a tall order. You can't initially expect somebody you don't know to tie up their romantic & economic future to you right off the bat.

 

Yeah, I agree - OP, this is an awful lot to ask of someone. This yoga woman is the natural extension of what you're looking for - someone who is footloose but by that same definition isn't interested in tying herself to you. That's the flip side of what you want, I'm afraid.

 

I think you can't really expect someone to be willing to have their only tie in the world be to you - when you've only just met them and you barely know each other! Anyone who's truly a free spirit is going to chafe at that and find it constricting - she'll want to be under her own steam, not dependent.

 

You're kind of asking someone to conform to you, not to be her own person, you know? That's...contradictory.

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SycamoreCircle

I think to meet a person with that lifestyle, you need to be living that lifestyle. How long have you been docked at this one place? If you started traveling you would meet people abroad who spend their lives traveling.

 

Be what you want to attract.

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Well, seems like a no-brainer to me. If you really want a woman who travels the world as a lifestyle, then you should... travel the world as a lifestyle. I've read travel blogs by folks who met their current partner in a backpackers' lodge while they were traveling, and they just went on to the next place together. If you're living a mainstream life, living in your apartment/house while focusing on your career and not traveling much, then you can't really expect to easily meet these women.

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This is what I've been doing and it doesn't work because finding someone who wants to have a fun, exciting life (or even 6 months or whatever) is proving to be impossible.

 

It's taken me years of dating and hooking up to get exactly nowhere.

 

I don't think I'd even care if someone was using me for the fun. I'd be using them right back for the companionship. I mean we all use the other person, really. I have fun, adventure and work to offer, with no long term commitment. I don't even know if I'm ready a long term commitment. If we clicked, then I'm open to it, but not searching for it.

 

All I'm trying to find is someone carefree who wants to have some good times...

 

Maybe this *is* the right thing for a girl who leans more on the sugar baby side...?

 

Sounds like you should go the sugar baby route if you:

 

  • don't want to commit to something long-term
  • objectify women: i.e. "chick" and "hookups"
  • set conditions like "she has to work for me, I'll pay her" so that you can control her (?)
  • are okay with using women for companionship b/c you're lonely
  • are land-less due to your restless nature and chosen lifestyle

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autumnnight

Have you thought about joining travel/adventure oriented websites or forums? The people there are probably there because they enjoy those things and do them regularly, and that way anyone you click with will already have that mindset. Just a thought.

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I agree that it's a tall order but it's doable. Maybe you just need a different approach to 'dating'.

 

I know it goes against most advice - including some of my own - but maybe find yourself a female 'friend' who likes to go on trips. I think it's possible to have a 'friend' while seeing the potential for something deeper. I think it's possible to have that kind of connection. Best to start out a little slow on the sex part and just appreciate the companionship first. Be basically honest about your desires as a person, and just get to know this person over time and accept whatever the outcome may be.

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Get out, go to somewhere really interesting. You don't actually need a companion, if you frequent the right places off the beaten track, you will meet like-minded people wandering about too. A companion can actually sometimes be a hindrance to meeting interesting people.

IME as a couple, you end up doing coupley things and spend the time compromising over what you really want to do.

Alone you do your own thing, go where you want to go and you end up speaking to people you would never have needed to speak to if you were in a couple.

That adventurous woman you seek may be in Borneo at this very minute, waiting for you...

 

If you mean 5 star luxury travel, then I guess Patty Stanger or other upmarket matchmakers may be your best bet in finding the right woman for you.

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loveweary11

A little extra background:

 

Sycamore: How long have *I* been at this location or how long has the new boat been here? I've bern here since December feverishly trying to get it in the water. The boat has been here since it was a pallete of fiberglass and 50 galoon drums of epoxy. I've popped in here over 4 years and did the first couple years myself (structural, important stuff). This was while I was still married. There have been 3 full time employees here year round working on it as well.

 

I do travel, but i stay in places a minimum of a month normally, other times for a season.

 

Places I've been/lived:

 

All places from Jersey to Canada.

All major cities in FL

Michigan

Erie Canal

Wisconsin

California

Spain

Switzerland

France

Italy

Monaco

Germany

Israel

Australia

Aruba

Bonaire

Curacao

Bahamas

Canada

New Zealand

Mexico

St Lucia

.... probably forgetting a few

 

I feel I'd be very incompatible with people on a cruise. So plastic and fake. I really cant see why anyone would go on one, to be honest. Sorry... don't mean to offend... i just have private boats and go to cool places with less people.

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loveweary11
It's a tall order. You can't initially expect somebody you don't know to tie up their romantic & economic future to you right off the bat.

 

 

.

 

What if they could leave though? like there are no obligations?

 

They would be better off financially than before joining me.

 

I really do have something quite special to offer, but can't seem to make the right connection to people who appreciate it.

 

But i do here everyone who is saying, " go where they are."

 

Would love to do that online.... in an OLD sense. Simply due to the sheer hours i have to put in right now to finish this setup.

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loveweary11
Get out, go to somewhere really interesting. You don't actually need a companion, if you frequent the right places off the beaten track, you will meet like-minded people wandering about too. A companion can actually sometimes be a hindrance to meeting interesting people.

IME as a couple, you end up doing coupley things and spend the time compromising over what you really want to do.

Alone you do your own thing, go where you want to go and you end up speaking to people you would never have needed to speak to if you were in a couple.

That adventurous woman you seek may be in Borneo at this very minute, waiting for you...

 

If you mean 5 star luxury travel, then I guess Patty Stanger or other upmarket matchmakers may be your best bet in finding the right woman for you.

 

No no no..., That dream girl in Borneo is the one for me... or even the one at Bonneroo. ;)

 

But I have definitely thought about your suggestion as well. I can currently pop in to any location, go online to OLD, get a date in about 24 hours and meet new people. This has been working, but at the same time, I wonder if i should be doing this forever or...?

 

Damn, back to the same old problem. IDK what i want and am still not ready i guess.

 

I do want to go have all the fun and visit all these islands and stuff with people though, It's not the same by yourself.

 

Even just casually.. for a season or w.e. Nothing where she is obligated to anything.

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amaysngrace

Since you're so wealthy why not date someone with a flexible career like nursing and support her for a year while you two travel the world on your yacht?

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loveweary11
Since you're so wealthy why not date someone with a flexible career like nursing and support her for a year while you two travel the world on your yacht?

 

That's pretty much what I'd like to do.

 

Just not finding the right ones who have that sense of adventure.

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This is easy, LoveWeary. You don't wait for a woman before you start living your dream lifestyle. You start living it, and by doing that, you meet women who are also doing it. So start traveling and you will meet people on the street and on the docks and in restaurants doing the same thing.

 

Example that is not quite just right, but closest I can come: When I finally got to go to England, don't know how they spotted me, maybe because I was walking alone, but especially in London, other travelers would just come up and say something.

 

Maybe you should hang out at seaside restaurants and yacht clubs and that sort of thing where other boaters are. I'm afraid if you go on social media and write that you're looking for someone to travel with you, it will sound too much like a sugar daddy thing and you will attract golddiggers. So on social media, put that you want women without children, because obviously that's not going to work. And pets will only work if they have a reliable roommate to care for them. Which many people do (and I wish I did).

 

One group of people who have summers off is teachers, so teacher might be perfect for you if they don't have kids. So you might put on social media you love the idea of dating a teacher who has summers off to go do things.

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loveweary11
This is easy, LoveWeary. You don't wait for a woman before you start living your dream lifestyle. You start living it, and by doing that, you meet women who are also doing it. So start traveling and you will meet people on the street and on the docks and in restaurants doing the same thing.

 

Example that is not quite just right, but closest I can come: When I finally got to go to England, don't know how they spotted me, maybe because I was walking alone, but especially in London, other travelers would just come up and say something.

 

Maybe you should hang out at seaside restaurants and yacht clubs and that sort of thing where other boaters are. I'm afraid if you go on social media and write that you're looking for someone to travel with you, it will sound too much like a sugar daddy thing and you will attract golddiggers. So on social media, put that you want women without children, because obviously that's not going to work. And pets will only work if they have a reliable roommate to care for them. Which many people do (and I wish I did).

 

One group of people who have summers off is teachers, so teacher might be perfect for you if they don't have kids. So you might put on social media you love the idea of dating a teacher who has summers off to go do things.

 

 

Perfect! All good thoughts here. I like the tips on the online profile stuff.

 

Also, I would welcome a cat with open arms!! :D:love:

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SycamoreCircle
A little extra background:

 

Sycamore: How long have *I* been at this location or how long has the new boat been here? I've bern here since December feverishly trying to get it in the water. The boat has been here since it was a pallete of fiberglass and 50 galoon drums of epoxy. I've popped in here over 4 years and did the first couple years myself (structural, important stuff). This was while I was still married. There have been 3 full time employees here year round working on it as well.

 

I do travel, but i stay in places a minimum of a month normally, other times for a season.

 

Places I've been/lived:

 

All places from Jersey to Canada.

All major cities in FL

Michigan

Erie Canal

Wisconsin

California

Spain

Switzerland

France

Italy

Monaco

Germany

Israel

Australia

Aruba

Bonaire

Curacao

Bahamas

Canada

New Zealand

Mexico

St Lucia

.... probably forgetting a few

 

I feel I'd be very incompatible with people on a cruise. So plastic and fake. I really cant see why anyone would go on one, to be honest. Sorry... don't mean to offend... i just have private boats and go to cool places with less people.

I didn't mean to sound like I was challenging your qualifications as a seasoned traveler. It's just I've been under the impression that you are tied down to the place you are presently.

 

I wish people would lay off you with their judgments of the authenticity of your accomplishments and so forth. We're all here dealing with our own insecurities and demons.

 

We react usually to what we see most in ourselves, I guess.

 

Personally, I don't think you're at a point right now that commands the attention of a fiercely independent, well-rounded woman of the world. I think you're wounded. I think it's great that you have your eye on that sort of prize. But I think you've got a few mountains to climb. And I think that sort of "prize" will become available to you only when it becomes secondary in influence, if that makes sense. I think there's something deeper gnawing at your spirit that you need to confront.

 

Just my opinion.

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amaysngrace
That's pretty much what I'd like to do.

 

Just not finding the right ones who have that sense of adventure.

 

Then pay even more and hire an escort this way she's guaranteed to pretend to like you and enjoy your company.

 

Sounds like fun!

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