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Do men genuninely value being "no drama"?


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Eternal Sunshine

I am just wondering because I think that in general men prefer "no drama" women.

 

In reality though, I wonder how true that is. Men are very driven by their passions and physical attractions, even more so than women. If they are very physically attracted to a woman, drama doesn't even seem to matter. They always prefer the high attraction woman.

 

Are men more likely to commit to "no drama" women and is it something they look for?

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Some people seem to love drama, beats me. No idea why that would be seen as a positive. I avoid drama at all costs and would definitely look for 'drama free' qualities in a woman.

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There are people who are convinced if their partner isn't crying, screaming & carrying on that the person doesn't love them.

 

So while I prefer no drama I can't say it's a universal.

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I think when guys refer to drama, they are talking about the petty and the ridiculous.

 

The "whos this girl liking your status" and the "why are you going out with your friends instead of hanging out with me, even though we've seen each other 4 nights this week" kind of annoying crap that women can bother us with.

 

 

That's what I imagine as drama, anyway.

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Like anything it's all about balance. Too much and you start to get an ulcer, too little and there really isn't any kind of passion or fireworks.

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I think when guys refer to drama, they are talking about the petty and the ridiculous.

 

The "whos this girl liking your status" and the "why are you going out with your friends instead of hanging out with me, even though we've seen each other 4 nights this week" kind of annoying crap that women can bother us with.

 

 

That's what I imagine as drama, anyway.

 

Yes, I agree.

 

I think what women equate "drama" with men would describe as worse - "crazy."

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I am just wondering because I think that in general men prefer "no drama" women.

 

In reality though, I wonder how true that is. Men are very driven by their passions and physical attractions, even more so than women. If they are very physically attracted to a woman, drama doesn't even seem to matter. They always prefer the high attraction woman.

 

Are men more likely to commit to "no drama" women and is it something they look for?

 

Drama is about immature and often histrionic behavior in dealing with social scenarios and conflict. Men don't like that. What they do like is an assertive woman who handles conflict in a mature and supportive way.

 

What they also do not like is a passive or passive-aggressive woman who buries her emotions and feelings and never interacts effectively with a man to let him know what's going on with her because she's insecure or afraid to bring things up that are troubling her. That's boring and unsettling.

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Drama has its place, certainly and of course everyone's definition is slightly different. I think men like it when a woman occasionally shows her emotional side. What I have seen consistently is different men bating me in ways to get a reaction. You can call that immature, etc but I know I can be a bit too rational so just a small bite from time to time keeps them feel that I am emotionally engaged. It's definitely a balance. I also think generally it's good to keep men on their toes a bit. They just respect you more if you do that.

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Are men more likely to commit to "no drama" women and is it something they look for?
IDK, I married the first single one I ran across. Took about 20 years to find her though. Heh... My only error was not realizing she let me, as opposed to more equal passion, the drama level being so low.

 

I know a number of dramatic couples who often remind me of Burton and Taylor in their heyday and, while they might be entertaining to watch, I couldn't live like that.

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Men love crazies, I am convinced of it and I have proofs of it. If I act like a crazy demanding B they call back. If I present myself like the level headed woman I really am they lose interest.

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When I think of "drama, I think of "immature BS that is absolutely not needed". Like asking who is liking my FB posts, why I am doing this or that, see if any of my actions is leading me to cheat on her, why I am spending money on this instead of that, pointless arguments, etc etc.

 

No thanks. I don't want that. If I want that, I would stay with my mother.

 

Anything that concerns keeping me or my partner on my toes is certainly not linked to drama. If my partner feels she has to make up some immature BS to "keep me on my toes", I would be glad to end the relationship instead. I got enough drama for a lifetime.

 

I also have seen a LOT of couples that just constantly create drama with 3-4 kids in tow and all of that jazz and I knew the moment I see them that I wouldn't even want to be near them let alone date the women within that couple.

 

It's a deal breaker for me.

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Drama has its place, certainly and of course everyone's definition is slightly different. I think men like it when a woman occasionally shows her emotional side. What I have seen consistently is different men bating me in ways to get a reaction. You can call that immature, etc but I know I can be a bit too rational so just a small bite from time to time keeps them feel that I am emotionally engaged. It's definitely a balance. I also think generally it's good to keep men on their toes a bit. They just respect you more if you do that.

 

There is truth to this.....as *crazy* as this might sound, there are some men out there who are very drwan to so-called * psycho* women. They seem very captivated by her.....her drama, her fire, her high sexuality.....her PASSION.

 

There have even been a few threads discussing this and men have admitted it. Most have claimed it's the *crazy* sex that pulls them in and keeps them coming back for more, but some have also admitted that they're drawn to such women because SHE is able to so easily express emotions....that HE either feels too vulnerable to express... or is otherwise incapable of expressing, for one reason or another.

 

Such men also need a high level of stimulation (emotional, mental and physical).

 

That said, they have also admitted that will they rarely settle down with such a woman....but I was shocked how many admitted to be *pulled in* by such a woman.....even becoming addicted to the relationship in some cases....

 

Again, not all men of course....but definitely some. More than you might think.

Edited by katiegrl
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There is truth to this.....as *crazy* as this might sound, there are some men out there who are very drwan to so-called * psycho* women. They seem very captivated by her.....her drama, her fire, her high sexuality.....her PASSION.

 

There have even been a few threads discussing this and men have admitted it. Most have claimed it's the *crazy* sex that pulls them in and keeps them coming back for more, but some have also admitted that they're drawn to such women because SHE is able to so easily express emotions....that HE either feels too vulnerable to express... or is otherwise incapable of expressing, for one reason or another.

 

That said, they have also admitted that will they rarely settle down with such a woman....but I was shocked how many admitted to be *pulled in* by such a woman.....even becoming addicted to the relationship in some cases....

 

Again, not all men of course....but definitely some. More than you might think.

 

That's why I said balance. It's not black and white.

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What is it with men labeling the scope of emotions women express as 'drama?' So misogynistic. Makes me want to hurl.

 

When a man claims he doesn't want a woman who's into drama, essentially what he's saying is that he wants a Stepford wife who won't question his authority.

 

Drama?

 

Come on! I hate that label. It's psychological abuse and man-speak for "I don't want a woman who expresses other emotions aside from 'I'm happy' and is just absolute a crap excuse for not respecting women.

 

'No drama' women is a misnomer. If a woman gets upset about anything, she's labeled histrionic or a drama queen by a man because he doesn't respect her to begin with. Those same men who use the 'drama queen' label for women also refer to women as 'chicks' which is a pejorative term.

Edited by writergal
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When a man claims he doesn't want a woman who's into drama, essentially what he's saying is that he wants a Stepford wife who won't question his authority.

 

I doubt it.

 

I want a woman that wants to express her emotions. I just don't want a woman that has to tell me a lie to do so.

 

If she has to do that without realizing there is a different (and better) way to go about it, then I will be glad to let her go so she can find a man that can accept her way of "expressing emotions".

 

Because I know when I get like that, I certainly won't be telling lies and BS.

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Can't speak for "all men"' but I sure as hell have a low tolerance for drama.

 

Watching a woman melt down over something trivial or spit venom over a perceived slight is a major turn off.

 

I don't care how hot she thinks she is.

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That's why I said balance. It's not black and white.

 

I agree, exactly.

 

In fact, I have mentioned this before, but my own boyfriend loves my *fiery* personality...it keeps him challenged and stimulated....and attracted to me.

 

I would not call my behavior *psycho* per se....but I definitely don't hold back when it comes to getting angry and emotional... ****when warranted****!!

 

However, that said, I am also very level-headed, stable, and understanding....so Emilia is right, it's a balance...

 

Generally, I think men respect, appreciate and are drawn to women who refuse to put up with their *shyt*....(for lack of a better word)....sometimes even testing her (in the beginning) to determine how much she will tolerate.

 

They usually grow out of that though...as the relationship develops...hopefully.

 

Personally speaking though..when bf pisses me off and I get mad.....it sinks in more than had I *rationally* and calmly discussed it with him.

 

Everyone and every relationship is different...whatever works for each couple.

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Two days ago I had a date with a man. He told me all about how he thinks his last gf was bi-polar and even tried to stab him. He sticked with her for months. His words were she was crazy but he could not get enough of her.

 

Than last week I got contacted by a man I went on a couple of dates with last summer. Right after dumping me (Miss my life is perfect) he dated a woman that went straight to detox and he waited for her!! then dated her for a few months, paid her bills, got his car pounded because of her etc.

 

Conclusion: I need a dysfunction, I am open to suggestions. I am convinced once I get myself a collection of issues and problems men will stick around.

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I agree that they test you more in the beginning. Then once they know you they either accept you or reject you. I'd say though that generally being a good girl doesn't pay.

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**Two days ago I had a date with a man. He told me all about how he thinks his last gf was bi-polar and even tried to stab him. He sticked with her for months. His words were she was crazy but he could not get enough of her.**

 

Than last week I got contacted by a man I went on a couple of dates with last summer. Right after dumping me (Miss my life is perfect) he dated a woman that went straight to detox and he waited for her!! then dated her for a few months, paid her bills, got his car pounded because of her etc.

 

Conclusion: I need a dysfunction, I am open to suggestions. I am convinced once I get myself a collection of issues and problems men will stick around.

 

Well there ya go....you got it straight from the horse's mouth!

 

But Gaeta, you don't need to be "dysfunctional."

 

For example....let's not forget jewerly guy, who when he returned after a three week absense, you responded with "go get an escort!"

 

That fiery outburst apparently made such an impact on him, that after previously telling you you were not relationship material ..... he recently returned telling you he could NOT stop thinking about you.... wanting to explore things further with you!

 

He gave you a hard time for your snippy comment...but look at his behavior? He could not stop thinking about you....and came back for more. He liked it!

 

What does that tell you? :)

Edited by katiegrl
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That fiery outburst apparently made such an impact on him, he recently returned telling you he could NOT stop thinking about you.... wanting to explore things further with you!

 

What does that tell you? :)

 

I have nothing planned for tonight, maybe I should sent him a couple of hysterical texts.

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What is it with men labeling the scope of emotions women express as 'drama?' So misogynistic. Makes me want to hurl.

 

When a man claims he doesn't want a woman who's into drama, essentially what he's saying is that he wants a Stepford wife who won't question his authority.

 

Drama?

 

Come on! I hate that label. It's psychological abuse and man-speak for "I don't want a woman who expresses other emotions aside from 'I'm happy' and is just absolute a crap excuse for not respecting women.

 

'No drama' women is a misnomer. If a woman gets upset about anything, she's labeled histrionic or a drama queen by a man because he doesn't respect her to begin with. Those same men who use the 'drama queen' label for women also refer to women as 'chicks' which is a pejorative term.

 

 

Perhaps you have not been exposed to near borderline pathetic trivial constant childish delusional mountain out of molehill stupidity before ( or maybe that's what you are so can't see it). That sort of crap could be considered abuse as well. There is nothing wrong with expressing feelings, only " drama " is something completely different then that. Drama is for girls, emotions for women.

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I have nothing planned for tonight, maybe I should sent him a couple of hysterical texts.

 

Ha-ha no...my point was that, despite his assertions to the contrary, he liked and respected the fact you got a little angry..because your anger was warranted.

 

He KNEW he behaved like a a shyt....and as such, your outburst was justified... which apparently he respected and found intriguing, otherwise he would not have returned, after previously telling you that you were not relationship material (when you were calm and rational).

 

He gave you a hard time for your comment, but his behavior and the fact he came back wanting more says otherwise.

 

Just sayin....

Edited by katiegrl
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Ha-ha no...my point was that, despite his assertions to the contrary, he liked and respected the fact you got a little angry..because your anger was warranted.

 

He KNEW he behaved like a a shyt....and as such, your outburst was justified... which apparently he respected and found intriguing, otherwise he would not have returned, after previously telling you that you were not relationship material (when you were calm and rational).

 

He gave you a hard time for your comment, but his behavior and the fact he came back wanting more says otherwise.

 

Just sayin....

 

Moral of the story....when your SO does something that pisses you off.... don't be afraid to express your emotions....whether it be annoyance, irritation or even anger...and this goes for both men and women.

 

Everyone walks on eggshells with each other these days, afraid to speak up or even have a damn conversation! Fearful of *rocking the boat"..and turning the other off.

 

When the reality is.... expressing your emotions, anger, etc. is a good thing (again when warranted) and will most likely turn him (or her) on! They will respect you for it...

 

As long as such anger is warranted and justified....which in many of your cases Gaeta, certainly is!

 

Crazy psycho irrational behavior just for the sake of creating unnecessary drama? I would not recommend it....although as previously mentioned (not by just me)...some men *are* drawn to that too sometimes...

Edited by katiegrl
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Ruby Slippers

I don't think healthy, mature men seek out emotional, reactionary women. But if he really likes you and has strong attraction to you, he'll put up with almost anything. During my first minor disagreement with my new boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, I walked off in a huff, making a childish little "hrmph!" noise. I later apologized for being childish, but he said when I went "hrmph!" like a little girl, he just thought it was totally adorable. Now I make that noise sometimes to be cute, and he always gets all giggly and starts doting on me - like he's saying that he adores me even when my childish side comes out - which is very sweet. I think when the guy is crazy about you and has strong physical attraction, he'll put up with and even adore just about all of your drama.

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