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Being Masculine enough..


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Hi guys,

 

I have been thinking lately about my last relationship which ended around 2-3 months ago after my Long-term girlfriend (6 years) cheated and dumped me for someone else. We were each other's first love.

 

Anyway, this post is more about me. We met 2 years after I lost my mom to cancer. I took a really hard blow when this happened and somewhat closed myself into my own little world but she changed everything for me.

 

So, I got attached to her really quickly and during the course of our relationship, I wouldn't say I was the "man" in the relationship. She wasn't either. No one was more dominating than the other and we "clicked" well for a long time. I am not tall (170cm), but taller than her. She didn't wear heels when she met me in case she is taller than me. She didn't like that.

 

I never really did any kind of sports when we were together and I was just not the man she needed me to be compared to her friends' boyfriends. I didn't drink, nor smoke or go clubbing. I don't dance (don't know how to and she loves it). She couldn't go clubbing here as well but I could guess she loved it and so when she got her total freedom in a new country, she parties a lot.

 

I am the guy that would rest my head on her lap while she plays with my hair. I am the gentle one in the relationship and sex was always that way too. I always listened to her, never said no to anything she had to say. I gave her all my time (big mistake) and let her run my life.

 

Now the other guy, physically, is a lot more handsome than me. Tall (196cm), green eyes with blonde hair and well she even admitted to being really into him with her friends: the guy takes her in her arms, she feels protected and she even told her friends that the guy once pushed her against the wall and kissed her (which really turned her on).

 

I was never that person. I know this post seems like I am looking for reasons as to why my GF cheated and left, but really, it's about learning from past mistakes and making sure I don't do the same in my future relationships.

 

Should I be more adventurous and show my masculinity?

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Nah. If you're not that guy, you're not that guy. Faking it won't fool anyone and it'll probably just make you look like a poser. Just be yourself.

 

(You'd do better to screen future prospects for women that would like your attributes rather than try to reinvent yourself.)

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deathandtaxes

I can guarantee you her cheating had nothing to do with perceived masculinity. it just didn't work and she wanted something besides you. if you dwell on this masculinity angle, you will needlessly drive yourself nuts.

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Jen is right, you cannot suddenly change into someone you're not and even if you could, you couldn't keep up that act long term.

Better to find a woman who loves you for who you are.

 

You can take a woman in your arms too and make her feel safe and protected, but smashing them up against walls to kiss them?

I wouldn't try that, you could get arrested...:rolleyes:

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Don't worry about being like that other guy. You sound nice and there will be women out there who appreciate you for who you are. Women do tend to like a kind of dominant guy, but those same women could like other types as well. I dated different types and liked them for different reasons. Someone who's starting to really think about a nice gentle reliable father for her kids will see that in you. So you may have your best luck once you're in your 30s dating women in late 20s and in their 30s who already sewed their wild oats and are ready to settle down. So don't worry. Of course, you can always just be a little more aggressive in bed and see how that goes. But if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

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