Almond_Joy Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Hi everyone, Just wondering if anyone is in a relationship that has never had a honeymoon phase, but are still happy and feel fulfilling emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
frogs88 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 It was more a rational decision to see where the ship will strand and just enjoy the relationship till that time. But... it never stranded so there you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 No, wouldn't even have tried. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I think every new "thing" -- relationship, new car, new job, whatever has a period when it's shiny & new & different & therefore more alluring. However, with DH although I got some butterflies because he's soooo gorgeous, I was never stupid / giddy. A dear friend also died 6 weeks into my relationship with DH which threw me into a tailspin. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I don't know if every new relationship has to give you the weak-kneed-butterfly-effect but as already mentioned anything new is bound to provoke some kind of emotion, even if it's just curiosity for however long. My most significant relationships have all come with their own brand of honeymoon delirium but there were definitely a couple that seemed to skip right over any of that and were just interesting enough to want to try-it-on-for-size . So yes, I think it's quite possible. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Been married over 18 years now, and I never had that " honeymoon" phase at the start of our relationship, though we did agree to get married after knowing each other a very short period of time. ( I know, that sounds weird) I've had giddy feelings at the start of other long term relationships, but in each of those, the guy cheated on me, so I don't count "butterflies" as any sort of a measure of a relationship at all. Mind you, I feel them now, after all these years that I've known him-over 20 years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 After 10 years, arranged marriages and "love"-based marriages rate similar levels of happiness in the relationship. Which means that the honeymoon/lust phase of the relationship is not needed for long-term happiness . This article looks at some of the statistics related to marital satisfaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Thanks everyone for your feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I don't consider myself to have had a "honeymoon" period. My wife was more into me than I was into her -- this was a stark contrast to my single life, where the opposite type of attraction imbalance was always the problem. This isn't to say that I wasn't attracted -- just a little conflicted -- but our mutual insecurities, my "nice guy" issues and her weight-related body image issues didn't make the best recipe for that crazy-in-love infatuation stage, at least on my part, that most people have. There are almost always pros and cons to every life situation. On the con side, I assumed that moving on with life would wipe my slate clean and that didn't happen. I still struggle with the same loser-with-women self image that I had when I was single over 20 years ago. On the other hand, I truly like my wife and truly enjoy her company more and more. Getting into our late 40s, it's sad that that is something that a lot of couples seem to lose. In general, I feel like I experience the mirror image of what a lot of couples go through. Most have incredible physical intensity at first and have to work harder at compatibility. In my case, compatibility seems to naturally get better and better and the physical part takes a little more work. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Been married over 18 years now, and I never had that " honeymoon" phase at the start of our relationship, though we did agree to get married after knowing each other a very short period of time. ( I know, that sounds weird) I've had giddy feelings at the start of other long term relationships, but in each of those, the guy cheated on me, so I don't count "butterflies" as any sort of a measure of a relationship at all. Mind you, I feel them now, after all these years that I've known him-over 20 years. This to me would be the best thing of all. The beginning stuff is just new chemicals. Having that "pull" after 20 years...now THAT would be a wonderful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Hi everyone, Just wondering if anyone is in a relationship that has never had a honeymoon phase, but are still happy and feel fulfilling emotionally. We had no "honeymoon phase". We spent a long time checking each other out, before negotiating the terms of a relationship. Over the years we fell in love, and grow a little more in love each day. As we get to know each other better and better, and learn still more, and experience more together, we find we like each other even more, and love each other more, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 We had no "honeymoon phase". We spent a long time checking each other out, before negotiating the terms of a relationship. Over the years we fell in love, and grow a little more in love each day. As we get to know each other better and better, and learn still more, and experience more together, we find we like each other even more, and love each other more, too. I think this is the easiest and safest way to develop a relationship, it's the "growing to love" kind of relationship. I think these type of relationships offer much more security for people who are cautious and fear being hurt, it's more about building trust than love. Loving someone out of companionship and reliability. I'm a bit reckless and need a powerful motivation to be interested in a relationship...it's like work life, if good at most things I do...but if it's not my passion I cannot stay interested, but If I am passionate about something the comparison is unrivaled and I can succeed way beyond just "good". I guess for me, it's more of a fundamental life philosophy or just apart of who I am...I don't fear being alone, or not having someone...I'm kind of in it for all or nothing, because anything less is just demotivating...and If I'm not motivated I can perform quite mediocre at something, including relationships...at least to my "potential". Otherwise it would be incredibly easy to settle into a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Torii Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I believe you can learn to love somebody, granted they provide you with what you need to be secure ; safety, respect, understanding, honesty and commitment. So many people are in a rush to see where a relationship will go and there's no reason to rush. If it's mean to be, the feelings will be there - regardless of how we try to express ourselves through romantic gestures. You can say all the romantic stuff in the world, be as cheesy as you possible can when trying to express your feelings when - in all honesty - your actions, alone, should be good enough to let your partner feel your love for them. If you really connect, your eyes will express what your mind can't in words every day. I've been with my SO for 2 years, and I can tell you we've never had a honeymoon phase in our relationship. We grew to appreciate each other, to respect each other, to understand all our differences yet similarities and I can finally say we're now in love with each other - every aspect, the negative and positive side of out personalities. We took our time getting to know each other, and I'll always cherish getting to know more and more about the person I fell for. When it feels right and natural, you're always on an adventure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Yeah, I've operated most of my life with a perspective like Ninja 's - if there's no passion then I don't see the point in being on board. But the logical sensible part of me realizes that passion is not reliable, and reliability is important to me too. I would like to have both but my experiences have only presented me with tradeoff scenarios. Either volatile passion or tepid consistency. It frustrates me to work at a love with no spark, even though I can see that it is a healthy relationship with a good person. I'm hoping to learn to appreciate this quieter/mature love as I get older....as long I keep working at it. It's encouraging to hear that some find passion a long ways down the road of the relationship. There's no guarantees for anyone, but that would be really awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
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