Attraction for co-worker is driving me crazy

[DerbelMcDillet]

I've worked with this woman for over 2 years now. We don't work together face-to-face a lot, and I know that when people do, it's easy to develop feelings for each other. But we do work together on a regular basis, usually communicating through email and phone and face-to-face semi-regularly. Regardless, I've managed to develop such strong feelings for her.

 

I have always been very shy around women so it's not easy for me to get to know someone on a personal level. I'm also the type of person who feels like I fall in love too easily. I don't know a whole lot about this woman on a personal level, other than that she has two young children and that I think (but I'm not sure) that she lives with another man. She doesn't wear a ring so I can only assume they are not married, but if she had children with this guy, they must be at least somewhat serious about each other.

 

I do know, however, that we have a great mutual respect for each other in the work place. She always sends me positive feedback on the work that I do and goes out of her way to let the director who we report to know how great of a job I am doing. I take my work very seriously, and in an office where slackers are no stranger, it's a breath of fresh air to find someone with the same work ethic as I have. I think that's what attracts me to her the most - the fact that she works so hard, is very knowledgeable, and we always help each other out. Not to mention it always puts a smile on my face when she compliments me. It's not even a physical attraction (although I am physically attracted to her) but it's more about the way she makes me feel and the fact that meeting a woman like her is so rare for me.

 

As of late, my feelings for her are driving me crazy, mainly because I have had to hold my tongue. As much as I would love to tell her how I feel about her, I know that if she does not feel the same way, it could do more harm than good and create an awkward situation between us from that point forward. The last thing I want to do is ruin a perfectly good professional relationship over matters of the heart. But like I said, my feelings have become so overwhelming lately I don't know what to do. I've seriously been considering just looking for a new job somewhere else. I figure if I can't have her, the only way to get over her is to remove her from my life completely. Of course, my job is great and I think I have a great future with this company so I wouldn't want to lose that over something so silly either.

 

I kind of feel like Jim on The Office when his feelings for Pam were so overwhelming that he moved to New York, then eventually he couldn't hold back his feelings for her any more and put it all on the line. But I don't know if I should make that move or not since there is so much at risk and unfortunately life does not always have storybook endings like they do on television. I can only imagine how awkward it would be working with someone who knows you have strong feelings for them but the feeling is not mutual. If that happened, I'd end up having to look for a new job anyway. I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this before I do something drastic - either tell her exactly how I feel and see what happens or quit my job.

 

I have not been in a relationship in over 10 years, and the last relationship I was in ended when I found out the woman was cheating on me. After that, I've been very hesitant to fall in love again, but my feelings for this woman are undeniable. I keep telling myself to get over her, but I can't. I think about her all the time, and I swear I even dream about her sometimes.

 

Well, that's my story. I guess I'm hoping someone here has been in the same situation and can offer me some advice on what they did. Either that or someone can give me a harsh reality check. Maybe what I really need is a good slap in the face.

 

Thanks for reading. Wish me luck!

[spiderowl]

Can't you just say something like "If you were free, I'd be very interested in you." and leave it and see how she responds? You don't have to take it further than that but dropping a hint is better than nothing. As long as you leave it at one or two hints to see whether she responds in kind, that should be fine. Too many hints could be taken as harrassment if she's made a point of ignoring hints.

[sandylee1]

Try and ascertain if she actually has a boyfriend. Say something like 'what did you do at the weekend ' or something else to see if she mentions him. Make it sound like general chit chat. Like do you have any holidays planned? Are all 4 of you going?

 

If she says something to indicate she has a man in her life, then you need to keep your feelings to yourself. If not, you can ask her out.