Does anybody here agree with this quote that women are in charge of dating?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I got this quote from a woman that is a dating coach and matchmaker, her name is Amy Laurent, and yes she like 99 percent of women who stubbornly, adamantly insist that the man do the pursuing, approaching, asking out, making the first move, etc.

 

 

She says that even though the man is taking the lead, doing the leading. Because many people argue and say that since the man typically does the leading, takes the lead, does the approaching and asking out, makes the first move, that means he is the one in charge, in control, but not according to her, here is here quote:

 

 

"All the decisions and power lies where the woman sets the boundaries by saying “Yes” or “No” to things. It’s the woman that sets the pace, sets the parameters, and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man (for instance, are you a casual play-thing or relationship/girlfriend material?) This is all up to the woman, and the woman has the most control via means of her “influence.” A misconception is to view it the other way. The core of power does not come from the one who is initiating (the man)."

 

 

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

[smackie9]

I got this quote from a woman that is a dating coach and matchmaker, her name is Amy Laurent, and yes she like 99 percent of women who stubbornly, adamantly insist that the man do the pursuing, approaching, asking out, making the first move, etc.

 

 

She says that even though the man is taking the lead, doing the leading. Because many people argue and say that since the man typically does the leading, takes the lead, does the approaching and asking out, makes the first move, that means he is the one in charge, in control, but not according to her, here is here quote:

 

 

"All the decisions and power lies where the woman sets the boundaries by saying “Yes” or “No” to things. It’s the woman that sets the pace, sets the parameters, and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man (for instance, are you a casual play-thing or relationship/girlfriend material?) This is all up to the woman, and the woman has the most control via means of her “influence.” A misconception is to view it the other way. The core of power does not come from the one who is initiating (the man)."

 

 

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

 

Yup.Women let men take the lead to gauge their worth to him. The more effort he invests, shows her how much he values her. Women have all the control because we decide when, where and if we let you have sex with us.

Edited May 29, 2015 by smackie9

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Yup.Women let men take the lead to gauge their worth to him. The more effort he invests, shows her how much he values her. Women have all the control because we decide when, where and if we let you have sex with us.

 

people say that women are the gatekeepers to sex, while men are the gatekeepers to commitment and relationships, while I like to believe women are the gatekeepers of both because typically when a man and a woman become exclusive with each-other, as in after they were seeing each-other for a bit and they end up officially becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, it's the man that is the one that typically asks for or brings up exclusivity while the woman accepts or declines.

 

 

Also even before sex, if things don't go past the first or second date, it's usually because the girl, not the guy, that ended up losing interest, lost attraction, lost interest, that's not to say it can happen the other way around, i'm sure it can but since the guy is typically the pursuer, he is the one that probably wants things to go beyond the first or second date more than the woman does.

[Gaeta]

people say that women are the gatekeepers to sex, while men are the gatekeepers to commitment and relationships, while I like to believe women are the gatekeepers of both because typically when a man and a woman become exclusive with each-other, as in after they were seeing each-other for a bit and they end up officially becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, it's the man that is the one that typically asks for or brings up exclusivity while the woman accepts or declines.

 

 

Also even before sex, if things don't go past the first or second date, it's usually because the girl, not the guy, that ended up losing interest, lost attraction, lost interest, that's not to say it can happen the other way around, i'm sure it can but since the guy is typically the pursuer, he is the one that probably wants things to go beyond the first or second date more than the woman does.

 

Nah, I'm a woman and I don't feel in charge of anything. I got dumped for all reasons imaginable: Too slow, too quick, too rational, too busy, name it.

[smackie9]

Nah, I'm a woman and I don't feel in charge of anything. I got dumped for all reasons imaginable: Too slow, too quick, too rational, too busy, name it.

 

That's quite.......sad Geata (saying that with empathy)

[barcode88]

Women are in charge of dating & relationships.

 

By nature women are more choosey than Men, so they will be setting the pace of things in most regards.

[Redhead14]

I do not agree. In any developing relationship the power should be balanced. Yes, it may seem that the man has to do the "initial" work by initiating dates, but at some point early on, say 3 or 4th date, the woman should begin to initiate some. This gives the man a better sense of her interest level and so it becomes more balanced in terms of "power". If that balance of power is stable from the get go, it will be part of a healthy foundation for the potential relationship.

 

Laurant's premise that the woman has the "power" because she says yes or no to things, isn't quite on. It only becomes a matter of power at all, if there is mutual interest.

 

A woman saying no to a date, isn't a matter of power. It's simply a lack of interest in dating that man. He doesn't have control of that and neither does she. So, power doesn't play into it.

[Gaeta]

Women are in charge of dating & relationships.

 

By nature women are more choosey than Men, so they will be setting the pace of things in most regards.

 

So the man that dumped me after 3 dates for not sleeping with him was not in charge of setting the pace or choosing the dynamic of our relationship?

 

Unless I'm the only woman on here getting dumped for not putting out on a 1st or 2nd date.

[Torii]

I think the quote symbolizes choice - the choice to choose how you want life to be experienced. Sometimes we get so concerned about others, that we forget to take control of our own actions, responses and decisions we want to make.

 

Empowerment is a wonderful booster, for women AND men. Being allowed to make choices for ourselves, to make our lives better or worse, has a huge impact on how we perceive and interpret everyday information that our brain gathers. It gives us the power to control our lives, regardless of how unhealthy or healthy the choices may be for us.

[alphamale]

yea i would agree with that. any good womanizer would agree

[smackie9]

I do not agree. In any developing relationship the power should be balanced. Yes, it may seem that the man has to do the "initial" work by initiating dates, but at some point early on, say 3 or 4th date, the woman should begin to initiate some. This gives the man a better sense of her interest level and so it becomes more balanced in terms of "power". If that balance of power is stable from the get go, it will be part of a healthy foundation for the potential relationship.

 

Laurant's premise that the woman has the "power" because she says yes or no to things, isn't quite on. It only becomes a matter of power at all, if there is mutual interest.

 

A woman saying no to a date, isn't a matter of power. It's simply a lack of interest in dating that man. He doesn't have control of that and neither does she. So, power doesn't play into it.

 

Most women have the last word even in marriage. As they say ''Happy wife, happy life''.

[alphamale]

all women need now is a female president

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I do not agree. In any developing relationship the power should be balanced. Yes, it may seem that the man has to do the "initial" work by initiating dates, but at some point early on, say 3 or 4th date, the woman should begin to initiate some. This gives the man a better sense of her interest level and so it becomes more balanced in terms of "power". If that balance of power is stable from the get go, it will be part of a healthy foundation for the potential relationship.

 

Laurant's premise that the woman has the "power" because she says yes or no to things, isn't quite on. It only becomes a matter of power at all, if there is mutual interest.

 

A woman saying no to a date, isn't a matter of power. It's simply a lack of interest in dating that man. He doesn't have control of that and neither does she. So, power doesn't play into it.

 

here is the link where she said that quote:The Only Love Advice You Really Need to Follow | Divine Caroline

[smackie9]

So the man that dumped me after 3 dates for not sleeping with him was not in charge of setting the pace or choosing the dynamic of our relationship?

 

Unless I'm the only woman on here getting dumped for not putting out on a 1st or 2nd date.

 

Sorry Gaeta, never had this experience.

[Gaeta]

I don't think it has anything to do with being male or female.

 

I think the one that has the most power in a relationship is the one with the least interest.

 

My mom told me often in a relationship one always loves more than the other, try not to be that one.

 

The one that has the least interest is the one setting the pace and defining the relationship dynamic. The one that has the most interest will go along with the pace, compromise the most, as their motivation is greater to win that person over.

[Redhead14]

Most women have the last word even in marriage. As they say ''Happy wife, happy life''.

 

I've never like that quote. It suggests a passive-aggressive attitude by a man who had maybe just given up his mutual role in a relationship for various reasons (probably married a shrew or control freak and he just gave up) and was now content to be in the backseat and didn't want conflict and on auto-pilot in the relationship.

[Redhead14]

and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man -- About this statement, I'd like to say that the woman doesn't dictate how a man will treat her. He will treat her the way he wants to treat her according to what it is he wants from her. She can't dictate or control that. What she does have control to do is to extricate herself when it becomes clear that they don't want the same thing. A woman gets herself into trouble when she wants a relationship with someone, but the one she's dating tells her or demonstrates that he just wants casual but continues to date him because she thinks he will change his mind. She then accuses him of stringing her along. He wasn't stringing her along .. . he told her or she ignored the signs and strung herself along.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man -- About this statement, I'd like to say that the woman doesn't dictate how a man will treat her. He will treat her the way he wants to treat her according to what it is he wants from her. She can't dictate or control that. What she does have control to do is to extricate herself when it becomes clear that they don't want the same thing. A woman gets herself into trouble when she wants a relationship with someone, but the one she's dating tells her or demonstrates that he just wants casual but continues to date him because she thinks he will change his mind. She then accuses him of stringing her along. He wasn't stringing her along .. . he told her or she ignored the signs and strung herself along.

 

well there is no denying the fact that women are almost always in the position of just having to either say "Yes" or "No" to things.

[Gaeta]

well there is no denying the fact that women are almost always in the position of just having to either say "Yes" or "No" to things.

 

If you invest a little bit of time on here you will find many women posting about things they want in a relationship and the man is voluntarily not providing like exclusivity. If women had the power over exclusivity we would all be in an exclusive relationship. Men are the ones delaying commitment and exclusivity in many many of the stories on here.

[Emilia]

 

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

 

In the case of women who need lots of external validation and you only need to buy them expensive meals To make them feel 'sweapt off their feet' yes. With those women who actually try to get know a guy's character and build a connection, It's a little more complicated.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Neil Strauss, who wrote "The Game" said "if there's anything I've learned, the man never chooses the woman, all he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him or not"

[MissBee]

I got this quote from a woman that is a dating coach and matchmaker, her name is Amy Laurent, and yes she like 99 percent of women who stubbornly, adamantly insist that the man do the pursuing, approaching, asking out, making the first move, etc.

 

 

She says that even though the man is taking the lead, doing the leading. Because many people argue and say that since the man typically does the leading, takes the lead, does the approaching and asking out, makes the first move, that means he is the one in charge, in control, but not according to her, here is here quote:

 

 

"All the decisions and power lies where the woman sets the boundaries by saying “Yes” or “No” to things. It’s the woman that sets the pace, sets the parameters, and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man (for instance, are you a casual play-thing or relationship/girlfriend material?) This is all up to the woman, and the woman has the most control via means of her “influence.” A misconception is to view it the other way. The core of power does not come from the one who is initiating (the man)."

 

 

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

 

In theory I can see how this makes sense.

 

I wouldn't think of it as the woman having the core power, but rather that not being the initiator doesn't mean you have no power. I think it's different kinds of power.

 

However, in reality though, many women don't know their power or have no boundaries and thus give their power away, allow men to bulldoze their boundaries or they have none to begin with so he does whatever he wants, some are desperate for a man so will put up with a lot, some are attracted to unavailable men so are constantly anxious, some women are scared of saying no because they want to be "nice" and to be liked....the list goes on of ways in which many women relinquish power.

 

This isn't so much about being a man or woman though, as some men can relinquish their power too. Any person who for whatever reason doesn't own their power, isn't comfortable with boundaries, isn't prepared to say no, cares more about being liked than choosing wisely, tends to be the backseat passenger in the relationship etc. all those kinds of people will feel like the other person is in control and not them. I've certainly been there myself. I have also been in the opposite position where I knew I had way more control and power in the situation.

[Revolver]

Women are in charge of sex, I don't don't know if that means dating overall

[Got it]

So how does a blind date impact it? Since both are choosing/or not choosing equally, does that start things on the same page? Since each are even assessing if there is any attraction.

 

I really think it ultimately comes down to the one that cares less has the most power because they are less invested and so the worst piece, ending, is not as bad for them.

[misspond]

I really think it ultimately comes down to the one that cares less has the most power because they are less invested and so the worst piece, ending, is not as bad for them.

 

When it comes to the crunch then I think this is a key point. How many people post on here saying, "OMG I didn't really fancy him/her and I turned down date #whatever and now I don't know if I did the right thing?"

 

When it comes to women having power? At nearly half a hundred years old I've played both sides of the coin. I've been pursued and I've been the pursuer. Ultimately it turns out that I've made both good choices (long relationships) and bad choices (short, semi-short and non-existent relationships).

 

Stop worrying, start doing and see what happens.