Infidelity happens much less frequently than reported by media

[VeryBrokenMan]

I've been reading for several days as to how common cheating is and I've found studies that say it's a lot less common than the 50% number we hear about so often.

 

Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31, 217-233.

 

 

 

Whisman, M.A. & Snyder, D.K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21, 147-154.

 

 

Researchers Blow & Hartnett (2005)1 took a comprehensive look at this issue and reviewed all the research on infidelity a few years ago. Here is what they have to say about how common cheating really is:

Many research studies attempt to estimate exactly how many people engage in infidelity, and the statistics appear reliable when studies focus on sexual intercourse, deal with heterosexual couples, and draw from large, representative, national samples. From the 1994 General Social Survey of 884 men and 1288 women, 78% of men and 88% of women denied ever having extramarital (EM) sex (Wiederman, 1997). The 1991-1996 General Social Surveys report similar data; in those years 13% of respondents admitted to having had EM sex (Atkins, Baucom, & Jacobson, 2001).

In the 1981 National Survey of Women, 10% of the overall sample had a secondary sex partner. Married women were the least likely (4%), dating women more likely (18%), and cohabiting women most likely (20%) to have had a secondary sex partner (Forste & Tanfer, 1996). […]

Compared with Laumann et al. (1994), other authors report significantly lower prevalence statistics. General Social Surveys conducted in 1988 and 1989 showed that a mere 1.5% of married people reported having had a sexual partner other than their spouse in the year before the survey (Smith, 1991), and less than 3% of Choi, Catania, and Dolcini’s (1994) sample had engaged in EM sex in the previous 12 months.

In a 1993 probability sample that included 1194 married adults, 1.2% had EM sex in the last 30 days, 3.6% had EM sex in the last year, and 6.4% had EM sex in the last 5 years (Leigh, Temple, & Trocki, 1993). These results possibly indicate that the number of EM sexual involvements in any given year is quite low, but that over the lifetime of a relationship this number is notably higher.

In general, based on the above data, we can conclude that over the course of married, heterosexual relationships in the United States, EM sex occurs in

less than 25% of committed relationships

, and more men than women appear to be engaging in infidelity (Laumann et al., 1994; Wiederman, 1997). Further, these rates are significantly lower in any given year. […] (Blow & Hartnett, 2005)

 

Another study conducted on a population-based sample of married women (N = 4,884) found that the annual prevalence of infidelity was much smaller on the basis of the face-to-face interview (1.08%) than on the computer-assisted self-interview (6.13%) (Whisman & Snyder, 2007).

2

Taken together, in any given year, it looks like the actual likelihood of your relationship suffering from cheating is low — probably

less than a 6 percent chance.

But over the course of your entire relationship, the chances of infidelity may rise to as much as

25 percent

. Twenty-five percent — over the course of an entire relationship — is a far cry from the 50 percent number we hear from many

so

-called professionals and services trying to sell you something.

 

Over the course of an entire marriage the prevalence is 25% and 6% in any given year. That's quite different than the 50% number that is often thrown about.

[flowergirl14]

I for one would love to believe this!

[beach]

It appears that very small portion of the population was specifically asked about the act of intercourse...

 

And I am seeing that they've left out statistics about cheating that happens without actual penetration.

 

So, really - this study isn't accurate as far as the scope of cheating goes.

 

It is also assuming those interviewed were honest...

[Auspecial]

I have read similar studies, and I agree that cheating doesn't happen as much as it seems. Along with the simple fact that the media loves stirring up trouble to increase listeners, also people tend to vent more about negative things in their lives than positive, so the stories are more "out there," than the more prevalent happy, or at least content, stories of couples who do not cheat.

[velvette]

I agree its probably not 50% just based on people I know.

 

 

I do think the incidence of female cheating is higher now or has risen simply in relationship to the fact that they have more opportunity due to more women being in the workplace where lots of affairs start.

 

 

In the end though, my thought is what does it matter how prevalent it is. The only thing that matters to me is whether or not it is happening in my relationship or to someone I care about.

[violet1]

I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. I've read somewhere that 75% of men and 50% of women cheat at least once in their lifetime. I can't remember where I read it so it could be wrong. This includes emotional and physical cheating and any exclusive relationships not limited to just marriages. Google married but looking sites. They have sky rocketed in the last 10 years. It's not just Ashley Madison out there. Obviously there's a lot of willing participants and websites are profiting off of infidelity. It's a hard pill to swallow how common infidelity really is.

[jen1447]

This is one of those 'funny figures' things that illustrates the difference between studies and reality/practicality or logic and common sense. (I'm assuming it's accurate and its conclusions are legit, but they may not be - as beach said above, subject honesty is often an issue with collecting this kind of data for example. But let's say it's legit and go with 6% and 25%.)

 

If you think about it, 6% (or say 1 in 20) is terrible odds for infidelity. And 25% over a lifetime is horrifically bad - 1 in 4. Is it better than 1 in 2? Yes, but when looked at in practicality terms instead of in the lab, it's actually not much different. The odds could be concluded to simply "suck."

 

RL correlations - would you get in a car and drive if you new there was a 1 in 4 chance you'd wreck and die? Hell no, I'd walk the rest of my life. Would you invest $100,000 on a 95% likely-to-succeed investment, where the 5% means you lose it all? Not me. The odds of losing are too sh*tty.

 

This isn't me denouncing marriage or preaching doom and gloom for everyone, I'm only saying that the nerds who studied infidelity may not actually understand the practical meaning of their numbers and that "never fear, it's only half as bad as you thought!" isn't really comforting in the least.

 

My BF lives in this world, so I can give you some more basic cautions based on his experience ....

 

- There's a good chance that you'll experience infidelity in your marriage at some point, simply bc it happens everywhere and in all social classes, rich and poor, etc. The chance isn't 42.7565%, it's "good." (Again, not fear-mongering, just reality.)

- The normal conventions of a successful marriage like trust and a stable environment don't actually mean you're less likely to experience infidelity.

- It's entirely possible that even the most trusted person in your life will betray you, oftentimes in really injurious ways. (It's also possible they won't, of course.)

- Women are indeed as likely to cheat at least as much as men now, if not more. (BF says more, but while his experience is more than anecdotal, he's not inclined to make sweeping declarations.)

 

I think all this bscly just means the same things we've known all along - be careful, go in with your eyes wide open, and don't get swept away by fanciful notions that you're invincible. No matter what studies say.

[No Limit]

Well, take some time out and position yourself in front of a court room. Then ask the couples who are seeking a divorce why they want one and start counting it down. Not to mention counting the members of those affair portals and what not.

[understand50]

Odds, are great, until it happens to you. Then it was 100%.

 

I think today, Popular society actively promotes cheating, and this is why it seems that there is so much more of it. Also, we really never know if our spouse has cheated. They could have and gotten away with it. So, we go on, until we are shown that it has happened or is occurring.

 

I put the odds of my wife having had cheated at 15%, 5% for being alive. (there is no 100%, anyone can cheat under the right environment.) and 10% because she did before we were married. So, I am reasonably sure she has been faithful. She, of course, says she always has been faithful to me in our marriage. I believe her, but if evidence came up, would look into it. Nothing ever has. She would do the same, and has, if something comes up on me. We both realized early that this can happen in a marriage. I think that is the answer is, not that cheating happens less than reported, but that cheating can happen in any marriage or relationship.

12641278

[carhill]

Skimmed the quoted article text and can offer one possibility based on that skim...

 

Compared with Laumann et al. (1994), other authors report significantly lower prevalence statistics. General Social Surveys conducted in 1988 and 1989 showed that a mere 1.5% of married people reported having had a sexual partner other than their spouse in the year before the survey (Smith, 1991), and less than 3% of Choi, Catania, and Dolcini’s (1994) sample had engaged in EM sex in the previous 12 months.

 

Using those parameters, I would have removed myself from the affair statistics since they're looking at extramarital sexual partners. How many others would do similar? How many people consider genital contact to define what an affair is?

 

That's one small, but significant, nuance.

[newmoon]

i read this too - before it was posted here. but the problem is that the statistic only reflects those people who admitted to their cheating. since many people will never admit to what they've done, you have to assume the prevalence is much higher than these numbers.

[davidromero43]

I would think it was 75% women and 50% men. Women hide it better. I have had so many relationships where at the end I have been told "I cheated on you!". I don't see it until it is right in my face.

[Auspecial]

i read this too - before it was posted here. but the problem is that the statistic only reflects those people who admitted to their cheating. since many people will never admit to what they've done, you have to assume the prevalence is much higher than these numbers.

 

I think this may be true to some extent, but I feel like if the surveys results are truly anonymous, people would tell the truth.

 

Like, an alcoholic may not tell the whole truth of how much they drink, but they will admit to "3." For example.

[stillafool]

My goodnes you can read around LS and see that cheating is at an all time high!

[newmoon]

I think this may be true to some extent, but I feel like if the surveys results are truly anonymous, people would tell the truth.

 

Like, an alcoholic may not tell the whole truth of how much they drink, but they will admit to "3." For example.

 

it's interesting, because no matter what the field of study and even under anonymity, people cannot be relied upon to self-report honestly. in some cases people will exaggerate to get included! in any case, there is a big difference between the 25% in the study and the more commonly assumed 50%, so we can determine that cheating falls (presumably) under 50%. Hooray!?

[Morro72]

If my wife or I thought that population statistics were of any use in predicting the results of our individual decisions on any important matter we would have lived our lives very differently. There are several times when we've metaphorically closed our eyes and jumped off a metaphorical cliff together - including when we decided to get married - and I can't imagine doing things any other way.

[Dutchman1]

I found this:

Lover Beware: The 8 Countries that Cheat the Most - Insider Monkey

 

 

Why do I feel Lucky?

[preraph]

The media definitely skews literally everything, so I believe that. At the same time, though, many people will not admit they cheated to anyone, so it's an underreported phenomenon.

[BetrayedH]

The stats are ridiculously difficult to nail down, of course, due to the inherently secret nature of affairs.

 

That said, after looking at a lot of different statistics on this over the last four years, I do think that the number is somewhere around 25% over the life of the marriage.

 

And that opinion is worth exactly as much as the paper it's printed on.

[Auspecial]

it's interesting, because no matter what the field of study and even under anonymity, people cannot be relied upon to self-report honestly. in some cases people will exaggerate to get included! in any case, there is a big difference between the 25% in the study and the more commonly assumed 50%, so we can determine that cheating falls (presumably) under 50%. Hooray!?

 

 

Yes, and I begrudgingly accept the medium of 37.5%.

 

That still gives me 62.5 % chance of fidelity.