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guy can only sleep with girls with bfs.


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For several years I have only been able to sleep with women that are attached. I am 27 yrs old. Ive been with six different women who all are commited in relationships. I tend to fill a void that they arnet getting. Whether is be the sex is bad or lack of attention or something. These women are all curious as to why im single. Im funny, interesting, mature, all the good stuff. If I had a S/O I would encourage her to follow her dreams I would work extra hard so she didnt have to if it meant she could pursue her passions. Im also not too mushy mushy.

Anyway, Completely stuck in this rut where single women want nothing to do with me but committed women are just all googly eyed and practically melt in my arms. Its fun and dangerous but I would really just like someone for myself and not have to worry about all the ramifications that result from this sort of behavior.

 

any advice would be grateful.

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Karma is a bitch.

 

Perhaps the universe is simply waiting for you to step up, do the right thing and stop playing the role of the other man before you will be rewarded with a GF of your own.

 

You know that what you are doing is wrong, so stop it.

 

Just say no when it comes to women that are attached. Hold out for something truly meaningful. The wait will be worth it and you will feel much about yourself in the meantime.

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I agree with you. But I'm human and as a man I fail. I know the rights and wrongs of what I do. But i generally love women. If they are missing attention at home, I provide. If their sex life is less than acceptable. I provide. I am super sensual. And i guess I'm a bit of a seducer but it not because I intend to ruin relationships. I just genuinely care about a woman's needs and Its not so much my own satisfaction. I just like to see a pleased woman.

 

I suffer too cause i sometimes fall in love with these girls that I know they wont ever fully love me. It sux. It does but I get those dry spells where a woman's touch is the best thing in the world. and I falter. Personally, I get the bad in my behavior but no mater what I do. The only women that are moved to me are ones that are committed. I don't wanna be a gigolo of sorts. I really just want a woman of my own. I just don't know what I do that turns of single woman, and at the same time turns on committed women so much.

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Oh please, you're not doing anything to 'fullfill a Void' or whatever you want to call it. Intentionally sleeping with a bunch of committed women is one thing but don't try to sugarcoat into some sort of thing you do in their best interest. Affairs are very destructive and almost unilaterally result in pain and heartbreak for whoever is involved. If they have lousy boyfriends then they should do something about that or get rid of them. Let alone the fact that many people tell a bunch of lies about their partner to justify cheating.

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I agree! I don't like it but like I said. I fail. I've been with six women that are committed. I have many opportunity that I have have had the wherewithal to reject them. Again I get it. I know whats going on sux but the only women that seem to be attracted to me are ones that are already in relationships. I don't want it. But after months of trying and not having my needs fufilled I succumb and shes happy. but Here I am in this stupid spiral of adultery. I want to break that and find someone that is my own. But for whatever reason, The only women that and of my "smooth moves" work on is committed women.

 

Reiteration. I get it. I know. Help me with advice not scoldings. My only guess is that Im super sensual and that the woman that i meet see this and pounce on it. I mean I talk to my moms friends the exact same way and have no probs. But bars or what not when I go out i attract the attention of committed women. I don't get it. I don't out and pursue it. Id like for someone myself. but seriously wtf. Any woman out there that can comment as to what I might be doing wrong?

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My tip? Stop pounding committed women - that might be part of why it is scaring away the women that are looking for a serious relationship.

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Ninjainpajamas

Personally I don't really care what you do, and the world is filled with much worse people than you. So they're cheating on their BF's with you and you're sleeping with them, big deal...another day in the city in my book.

 

But for yourself, I find it strange you can't find any companionship with women that are single.

 

Personally, there is complete transparency in the women I attract...meaning whether they are married, in relationships, single...it's all the same thing to me and always have been, they all act out accordingly to their attraction and I've never really experienced a fluctuation of interest because of one being married or single, it's the same kind of interest, flirtation or what not...there might be a subtle boundary but in the end it's just about really what I am willing to do with that woman and in that moment, whether I pursue it or not.

 

It's always been personal choice to avoid women in relationships, more than anything to avoid unnecessary drama or sleeping with a woman that's already taken...but even considering that, a lot of these guys don't even do that right in the bedroom, she might be getting less sex than the girl in OLD.

 

So morality aside, based on what you're telling me..is that women are only attracted to if they are desperate. I mean, I know you're saying you're sweet and sensual and all of that, but a woman doesn't know that anyway unless she doesn't get to know you...If I personally don't interact with women, they won't know the kind of guy I am until I actually spend time with them, and once you take it to the physical and all of that...then they learn what you have to offer, but if the only women that are pursuing you are lacking something in their lives...well, that's not a real good sign.

 

I think you should stop focusing on these women in relationships, not because I'm going to mount my white horse and tell you what a bad guy/person you are, but because these women are available but not available at the same time. I wouldn't seriously pursue someone romantically and develop emotions for them if they were in a relationship/marriage, I just wouldn't allow myself to take that serious and past FWB type of situation, and that's even if I ever did change my mind because I certainly don't do things based on what other people think because I hardly respect their views and "values" personally.

 

But you need to push yourself out of that, I don't think you're doing a good job or you can necessarily give yourself praise if you can only attract women who are in relationships who just are kind of sabotaging their relationships or acting out desperately...you just don't get yourself deeply involved like that, women tend to that a lot more than men so you pretty are going to act like a woman in that situation "will he ever leave her for me!" and that kind of crap...and no one is going to respect you for it either.

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I just don't know what I do that turns off single woman

 

I do. Sleeping with committed women is a huge turnoff.

 

If you want to attract a meaningful relationship with a single woman, you have to stop sleeping with committed women.

 

Imagine this scenario....you're in a bar and a beautiful single woman walks in with her friend. The single woman notices you and tells her friend she thinks you're hot. The friend says "Yeah, but I heard he's slept with 6 women who were in committed relationships."

 

That's it. You're done. Hot single chick is no longer into you and continues scoping out the bar for the next good looking guy who might actually have the same moral standards that she does.

 

If you need help to be able to stop yourself from sleeping with women in committed relationships, get professional help.

 

If you're meeting all these committed women in a bar. Stop going to the bar.

 

If you continue to do what you have always done, you will get the same results you have always gotten.

 

Try to figure out where the kind of single woman you want to attract would be hanging out and go there instead.

 

When you meet a woman, ask her if she is single. If she says no end the conversation and walk away. Don't keep putting yourself in the position to "accidentally" wind up sleeping with a committed woman because you can't control your sex drive. Remove yourself from the situation.

 

Hold yourself to higher standards.

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ascendotum
But for yourself, I find it strange you can't find any companionship with women that are single.

I'm skeptical on this as well. the few guys I know who were doing attached women on the sly, (not just a one off) did well with women in general. With this guy the married/attached women say 'I can't believe you're single' but the single ladies turn up their noses at him....doesn't make sense. Even if he was attractive to the married women because he is good looking but not relationship worthy, he should still pull in single women for fwbs.

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Do you actually want to quit, or are you just trying to convince yourself you want to quit? I get the periodic failures concept, but if this is your longterm MO, it suggests that ultimately you're fine with it.

 

Lots of people have affairs, so if it's your thing to be the side guy for all these women, just go do your thing I guess.

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understand50

Blueimp11,

 

You are playing with fire, because someday, someway, you are going to meet a B/F or Husband, that will not blame their WS/GF and come after you. The news is filled with stories of guys getting beat up, or some other things, up to and including murder. Something to think about.

 

I think you get a thrill in bedding a "committed" women. You are "taking" something from another man, and that can be a real ego boast. I do not think you realize the pain and damage you have done to other people. The woman can lose a good relationship, and if they have kids, the kids suffer as well. For the BF/husband the hell of being cheated on is indescribable, and can last a life time. Look at the threads in the infidelity page.

 

It is one thing to be deceived, and sleep with a married or commuted women and not know that you are, but it is another thing to seek them out, and know you are doing it. Does your happiness depend on hurting others? It all comes down to your own honor and personal code, and what type of human being, man, you want to be. Not hurting anyone by your actions, that you do not have to if, you can help it. You are acting like a child, who only cares about themselves. Maybe that is the turn off, and why no woman will commit to you. To be in a relationship or marriage, one must be beyond themselves, and think about her needs and what is good for both of you.

 

I think you want a good LTR or marriage to a woman who will commit to you and you alone. If that is your goal, then work towards it. Your success with committed women, would work the same way with single women looking for a commitment and marriage.

 

Wish you luck

 

469471473

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Maybe you're really not ready for a committed relationship yourself, so you date women who are unavailable.

 

Be careful though. All it takes is for one angry BF to get hold of you and you'll wish you never ventured there.

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ascendotum
..Be careful though. All it takes is for one angry BF to get hold of you and you'll wish you never ventured there.

I've heard of some savage beat downs from guys that were nasty bastards. Savage as in ended up in hospital for a number of months and will be reminded of the day for a long time. Sometimes they would have had no idea who the guy was or he wore a balaclava or he brought a few mates along to do the job. When you open the door and you are greeted with a punch to the face in the first second then a relentless barrage of fists & boots its not that easy to give a good description to the cops

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Well no offense to you OP but what girl would want a guy that can't say no and takes on every opportunity that arises? You're not a prize anymore, no matter how "mature" and interesting you are on the outside. Once that type of neediness shows off they are ten miles the other direction before you even so much as say "hello" - of course, this weakness is what committed adulterers favor because it makes things easier instead of having to do the whole "woe is me" speech over and over again to keep the AP from questioning things.

 

As for the "scare stories" above - please, betrayed people go from running out of the room crying to shooting the other guy or girl in the face. No need to give detail for every single possibility what might happen.

Edited by No Limit
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Actually I was in very similar circumstances as Blue in my mid-upper 20s.

 

I can corroborate some of what he is saying. I too seemed to stumble into multiple unsavory situations with married and cohabitating women while at the same time seemed to struggle with single women.

 

At the time I kind of chalked it up to 'bitches-be-crazy' and went on about my business. But now 20+ years later I do see it differently and see myself as more the culprit than the victim.

 

In my case, single women didn't have much interest in me because I didn't have much to interest a reasonably mature single woman looking for a legit partner.

 

I was a classic struggling student, living with some wacky roommates in an apt. Didn't really have too much of a life-plan and was perfectly content with my lifestyle.

 

....in other words I was a slacker.

 

And I wasn't really into wooing and courting and wining and dining a single woman and really had no true desire to marry or have kids or have a house in the suburbs and any single woman that was under 200lbs had plenty of men who were perfectly willing and happy to jump through those hoops.

 

What I was though was reasonably fit, reasonably attractive, a bit of a flirt and was perfectly happy to have a night of hot, sweaty passion with some gal but not be calling her every day and not trying to ask anything more of her than an occasional good romp in the hay.

 

That was actually the perfect combination for a married woman who was bored and sexually dissatisfied at home.

 

From my perspective at the time, married women were simply much easier to get in the sack than single women. All married women wanted was to get their ego stroked and a few sweaty orgasms on the down low and then go back to their husbands to let their husbands support them and help them raise their children. They got their orgasms, excitement and validation from me.

 

Single women wanted a lot more. I didn't really have much more to offer a single woman and didn't really want to give anything else.

 

So IMHO opinion, I'll agree that Blue may be having an easier time bedding married women as that was my case as well. But I question that that he is actually unable to date single women if he actually wanted to and was able to offer what single women want.

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So yes, for some guys it can seem that single women are unattainable but married women come out of the woodwork.

 

I started dating my now wife at 30 (she was one of the cohabitating women but we hit it off and decided to actually fight for her and won) and we married when I was 31.

 

At that time at least 75% of the women I had been with since high school sweetheart days were married or cohabitating.

 

Like Blue I had many times where I was wondering WTF?????

 

Looking back now I realize it was because I was a slacker and had nothing to offer an adult single woman.

 

My advice to Blue is look in the mirror and ask yourself if you would set up your sister with a guy like you? Would you want your daughter dating a guy you? Would you want your wife be around a guy like you?

 

I'm hoping your answer is no.

 

If you truly do want to meet and date a woman of your own and not have to hide in shadows and live a lie and be able to openly date legitimate women by the light of day in public, Then figure out what kind of guy you would set your sister up with and then become that guy.

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This is going to destroy your trust in women. Dating married or taken people ruins your ability to trust the opposite sex because you start seeing everybody through that lense.

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This is going to destroy your trust in women. Dating married or taken people ruins your ability to trust the opposite sex because you start seeing everybody through that lense.

 

It doesn't necessarily destroy your ability to trust, but it absolutely positively makes you realize that an affair may only be a wink and a nod away and you realize that absolutely no one is immune from it.

 

All of the BHs were better off financially than me (one was a resident physician at the time) most were better looking than me. All were much better husbands and fathers.

 

The one thing that it really made me realize was trysts with married women are NOT romantic getaways with candlelight dinners in secluded 5star restaurants and exotic high end hotels after weeks and months of courting and seduction. Affairs are in bathrooms in bars and up against dumpsters in alleys. They can be in stairwells and cleaning closets in office buildings and cars in parking lots and benches in parks. They don't occur after months of wooing but after mere winks and double entondre flirtations.

 

I lose my ***** here in the forums when some guy says that his wife can't be having an affair because "she doesn't have the time."

 

News flash! Affairs take 5 minutes. If some gal has 5 minutes out of the day out of sight, she has time to tear off some dick and pop a big O.

 

I had one gal show up at my door after she drooped the kids off at school and literally say, "we only have 5 minutes!" In 5 minutes we were both done and she was out the door.

 

So yeah, any shred a naïveté you may have had is gone forever but I wouldn't say that I don't trust anymore. I can trust people as long as they don't display any suspicious behavior.

Edited by oldshirt
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OP here.

 

So today I decided to ask this girl that I have been eyeing for quite a while out for a date. Talking months here. Turns out she Bi and shes dating another woman. CONFIRMED. Now this woman in my eyes seems to be marriageable type. She has goals and she is just one of those people types of people that you know has great things destined in their lives. And she told me that if she wasn't seeing said GF I would be hers. I have no plans of interrupting her relationship in anyway. But to me this seems like giving up???

 

As Im trying my best to self criticize as best that i can, I could see this girl and myself building a great family together. Yet I wonder, if not on some level, that I apply this to all relationships. Or perhaps the fear of dying alone. or something that i just cant figure out. This particular woman struck my eye at first sight and without trying to change myself in anyway other than being openly flirty with her, I have completely fallen for her.

 

And here in lies my problem. For what ever reason, here i am in the same situation that always leads to destruction. But with respect to everyones opinions here, I see this woman in a completely different eye than the others. I know if i press I could probably get this girl but if she is happy who am I to wreck that??

 

Insight into me. I really really do not want to continue being the ******* of life. I almost feel on the woman's side of things at being just a piece of meat. In fact its as though that somehow the woman I have been with talk to each other and conspire to get with me. Whether its for sex or for attention of something that they aren't getting at home. Even if its impossible for them to know each other. I guess im decent in bed but what guy doesn't think that he is.

 

So far Oldshirt seems to get me the most. Still looking for advice.

 

Blueimp

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Well at least you're taking the consequences and implications of breaking into a relationship into question - many don't even go there.

 

I'd never advise intentionally inserting yourself in the picture to sabotage whatever's going on between them though. I suppose it's ok to stay open minded and if their relationship (or is it just still dating?) Dies naturally then you can try it of course.

 

 

But besides any of that I'd keep my eyes open for whatever else is on the horizon. I'm still confused as why single women seem to have no interest in you. Is it obviously clear to them what your romantic life consists of atm?

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Getting between two women is a low percentage prospect imo, so I think if you push 'the real thing' notion with the bi girl you'll likely end up heartbroken.

 

Maybe it's time to man up and do the right thing anyway and let them be. Ironic, isn't it?

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salparadise

What could possibly be more ego-gratifying than bedding women with husbands or boyfriends... why, bedding a lesbian of course!

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So today I decided to ask this girl that I have been eyeing for quite a while out for a date. Talking months here. Turns out she Bi and shes dating another woman. CONFIRMED. Now this woman in my eyes seems to be marriageable type. She has goals and she is just one of those people types of people that you know has great things destined in their lives. And she told me that if she wasn't seeing said GF I would be hers. I have no plans of interrupting her relationship in anyway. But to me this seems like giving up???

 

So, for a couple of years now I have been eyeing my best friend's car. It is a beautiful bright white Dodge Charger with a chrome grill. It is the car of my dreams. It has all of the features that I want. I really think that this would be the perfect car for me. I think if I had this car I would live happily ever after. I asked my friend if I could have her car, but she said no because it belongs to her. I really feel that, even though she owns the car, it really would be better off with me. I have no plans of stealing the car from her, but this seems like giving up????

 

Has the lightbulb clicked on yet?

 

You are not giving up! It's called being respectful.

 

She is in a relationship, which means she is not available. You would be trying to take something that does not belong to you (just like stealing a car). Stop it. Just stop.

 

The perfect woman for you will be the one who has all of the qualities you are looking for AND IS SINGLE AND AVAILABLE!

Edited by kjohn
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I'm 51 years old, have been in your exact situation and have come out the other side and have been happily married for 20 years now. I see things quite differently than the single, 20 and 30-something's that frequently post to the threads about dating.

 

Here a few little factoids that took me years of learning the hard way to figure out -

 

- the most desirable women are never completely free and clear. They are always dating someone to one degree or another.

 

- those 'relationships' are very often not as serious or as committed as you may think.

 

- They may be seeing someone at any given moment, but they very often have their eyes open for something better to come along and make a valid offer to jump ship.

 

- They will often monkey swing from one to the next with very little, if any, down time in between.

 

- the one they end up with after the monkey swing is usually the one that made the strongest play while they were still involved with the other. The ones that waited untill they were completely free and clear are usually still waiting and watching from the sidelines.

 

- They may decline the initial offer but very often show up days, weeks, months or even years later asking if the offer is still open.

 

So what I think all of this boils down to is you simply haven't made a strong enough power play for someone you really like. You've been lurking in the shadows being a hook up on the down low but haven't made a valid play to take it out of the shadows and into the light of day.

 

In other words you've been afraid to rock the boat, afraid of public criticism and controversy and afraid of a ticked off boyfriend.

 

Here's another factoid - Mother Nature never intended for weak, timid, cowardly males to breed.

 

When a bull elk encounters a cow with another male sniffing around her, the weak and timid slink back into the woods and don't breed because he doesn't want to interfere with the their relationship (which is often just butt-sniffing at that point)

 

The bulls that actually breed are the ones that are willing and able to butt heads and stir things up in the woods.

 

You've been looking in the shadows like a dirty secret because you haven't stood up for your own interests yet.

 

Once you're willing to stand up and tell some chick you aren't gonna be her dirty secret and make her a valid offer for a legit date and are willing to make waves with her current status quo, then you will have a shot at an honest relationship.

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