Is my husband gay??.

[Jill923]

Hi all just need a little support, not sure if it's the right section.

 

I've been with my husband now for 18 year.

A few years ago we got into swinging well I say swinging more voyorism we never swapped partners.

 

That lasted a couple of years I know my husband is BI we have I couple of men at our house that is fine because I Am present and know about it.

 

Well recently I have followed my husband and found him in car park where gays hang around, I have asked him if he's gay and he says not he loves me. I've told him that if he asked me can he visit these car parks I'm ok with that as long as I know.

 

I know he's visiting them more often without saying anything to me, our sex is not the same there's no passion, but we get on fantastic.

 

Yes my title is stupid bet you all saying of course he's Gay!!

 

What should I do separate and find someone that love me for me or live a lie?

I can live with him been bi as long as I'm told but he's been sneaky now.

 

I love him so much and I know he loves me but I'm begging to think it's more like a friend.

 

Any advice would be great my heart is breaking here xx

[Million.to.1]

I don't think he is "Gay", but clearly Bi and maybe favouring a male sexual preference at the moment.

 

Clearly he is neglecting his sexual relationship with you in the process and that's totally unfair considering how open to his needs you are.

 

I think you are being amazingly understanding about this by the way, and you could both work through this. He is not being fair to you at all right now. Clearly honesty needs to be paramount for you to accept the situation and he needs to respect that.

If you are really okay with him playing with men outside of your marriage, then rules need to be set about the frequency and disclosure and adhered to by him.

 

Do you also get to play around outside of the marriage?

[Blueimp11]

just hold up. Guy here. I personally am not gay. I dated only one woman in my life that was willing to pleasure me anally. Its a pretty sensitive topic for straight men. I'm not bi. But I do like strap ons and the like from women. However I have thought about the Idea of being with another guy to get me that similar pleasure. U mention that u know he is bi so he likes men and women. Perhaps open a dialog with him about using such toys with you. 18yrs is a huge deal to just throw away. Communicate. My personal guess (as a guy) he is just looking for something he isn't getting at home. However, I am a firm believer in woman's intuition. maybe he is gay and not just bi. Talk, communicate. Just pls dont jump to conclusions and throw away something. on a hunch. If he truly loves you he will open up. or maybe bring up the idea of u using toys on him. Like i said, Only been with one woman that I could trust with this stuff. She and I just prefer anal together on both sides. curious as to how it turns up.

[Jill923]

Thanks Blue

 

I do allow him to meet other guys I get off on it but oral only never anal don't think I could handle that.

 

When we do have sex it's great but I just feel as if he's visiting these place more and more is he wanting to be with men more the he normally has.

 

When I ask him if he got anything (blowjob) he says nowt going on waste of time, but I don't believe this for one minute I still think he's feels embarrassed. Don't know why when I'm so open about it.

 

Bet not many blokes have a wife like me.

 

 

As for another comment that others have put no I would not except it been another women.

Nor do I play with others but that's just because I don't want to.

[Blueimp11]

do this. If you really love him and u suspect that he really loves you then just initiate and make ass contact. Rim job, a finger, or more. If you and he really love each other. Whats a little kinky sex? if this still doesn't please him COMMUNICATE, and if he still pursues men at parks, he either really likes parks or he really isnt interested in u as he is in these encounters, u can either leave him to pursue other interests or put up with it. I doubt at this point he is willing to change his ways so. Its tough and I couldn't imagine being with someone that just wasn't into me. And in terms of life you shouldn't keep him from his happiness nor should he keep you from yours. But if he is just going through a "curious" phase. don't throw away true love out of awkwardness. if you both love each other deal with this as a couple. Don't isolate him. Like i said before. Its tough for some men especially straight men that like ass play to admit it comfortably. From my point of view, I love you and Im trusting you with this information. The way the world is today. If you betray that trust it is extremely hard to recover from. careers and friendships could be ruined for him. As the woman you could completely ruins his life as he knows it. good luck hopefully you can get something otta this rambling.

 

edit. missed the no anal part. But u can still use toys like strapons. If he likes that stuff. I would guess that hes a bit on the open side. If I were u, Initiate the contact if u can. Ask him to blow u or make him do it. or you blow him. I suspect after 18 years he is just trying to find something interesting in the bedroom. I said before Im not gay and being with a guy despises me personally. but I have craved anal sex before cause of the toys and I have been at the "**** it" stage where i just wanna feel it. So i have sought out men to perform anal sex. Fortunately for my sanity all of the interactions fell threw. Thats why needs are needs. You got this.

 

If and only if your attempts fail. you can either be cool with it cause thats what he likes. but dont do it at a loss of your own needs. or unfortunately move on. It sux I know. but if he wants to be with men, let him be. this leaves you open to your own fantasies and pursuits. Besides you don't wanna be with a man that doesn't love you sexually.

Edited May 27, 2015 by Blueimp11
clarification.

[Adele0908]

OP are you attracted and turned on by men?

 

 

Do you enjoy seeing men naked and looking at their bodies?