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Marital Concepts from the 1950s


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So this is how many people saw marriage before the divorce rate went through the roof. :D

 

A Glimpse into Marriage Advice from the 1950s

 

...To be a successful wife is a career in itself, requiring among other things, the qualities of a diplomat, a businesswoman, a good cook, a trained nurse, a schoolteacher, a politician and a glamour girl.”

 

...We employers realize how often the wrong wife can break the right man. This doesn’t mean that the wife is necessarily wrong for the man but that she is wrong for the job. On the other hand, more often than is realized the wife is the chief factor in the husband’s success in his career.

 

...Even when alcohol, affairs or abuse was the issue in a failing marriage, wives were still responsible for making the marriage work — and for likely causing their husbands to stray, drink or be violent in the first place.... We have found in our experience, that when a husband leaves his home, he may be seeking refuge from an unpleasant environment. Could it be that your husband feels that he is not understood or appreciated in his own home? What might there be in your relations to him that could make him feel that way? Could you have stressed your contribution to your marriage in such a manner as to have belittled the part he has played and thus made him uncomfortable in his presence

 

...In addition to conducting a dignified campaign, women also needed to work on themselves, as a four-part series in 1954 in Ladies’ Home Journal suggested. In it, a single 29-year-old woman wrote about her counseling sessions in a “Marriage Readiness Course” at the American Institute of Family Relations. She learned that she needed to lower her expectations, improve her appearance and work on her intimacy issues — which she did and eventually landed a groom

A Glimpse into Marriage Advice from the 1950s | World of Psychology

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I can identify with a lot of that, being a child of the 50's, though late in the decade.

 

Here's my take on things:

 

We had a decade of some of the worst economic times imaginable, the 1930's, then another six years of world war where nearly 300,000 of our citizens, mostly male, were killed on the fields of combat. Due to the millions of men in combat, women took over domestic jobs and became far more independent, caring for their families in the absence of their husbands and partners.

 

Then, VE day and VJ day and all the men came home. Culture shock. Men, many of whom had experienced unspeakable violence and atrocity now had to reintegrate into civilian life and reconnect with their families.

 

Some guys like my dad lost their wives to other men while they were fighting the war. Other guys married when they got home. Others returned to their families who had hoped and prayed they'd survive.

 

It was a period, even respecting the increasing independence and burgeoning equality of women, which focused on growing the civilian male and family unit back to prior health and, yup, women focused on that goal, as men focused on growing the economy back to health and providing for and protecting their families, as they did on the fields of battle. Some remained in the milieu due to the Korean War.

 

It was a return to traditional gender roles and I experienced firsthand how healthily and well such roles could work if the partners were committed to them, and each other. The husband and wife were equals, with differing and unique responsibilities.

 

Then the 60's came and the first of the baby boomers, born just after the war, came of age and things changed forever.

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I can identify with a lot of that, being a child of the 50's, though late in the decade.

 

Here's my take on things:

 

We had a decade of some of the worst economic times imaginable, the 1930's, then another six years of world war where nearly 300,000 of our citizens, mostly male, were killed on the fields of combat. Due to the millions of men in combat, women took over domestic jobs and became far more independent, caring for their families in the absence of their husbands and partners.

 

Then, VE day and VJ day and all the men came home. Culture shock. Men, many of whom had experienced unspeakable violence and atrocity now had to reintegrate into civilian life and reconnect with their families.

 

Some guys like my dad lost their wives to other men while they were fighting the war. Other guys married when they got home. Others returned to their families who had hoped and prayed they'd survive.

 

It was a period, even respecting the increasing independence and burgeoning equality of women, which focused on growing the civilian male and family unit back to prior health and, yup, women focused on that goal, as men focused on growing the economy back to health and providing for and protecting their families, as they did on the fields of battle. Some remained in the milieu due to the Korean War.

 

It was a return to traditional gender roles and I experienced firsthand how healthily and well such roles could work if the partners were committed to them, and each other. The husband and wife were equals, with differing and unique responsibilities.

 

Then the 60's came and the first of the baby boomers, born just after the war, came of age and things changed forever.

 

Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. Add that in 1960 the birth control pill was approved for general use. Sex and marriage and the connection between the two are changed forever. No pill = no summer of love?

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Myself, having 'older' parents, with my dad being 44 when I was born, we lived in a neighborhood with mostly young couples, none of whom saw combat in WW2 or Korea. The family dynamics, though still leaning towards traditional 50's gender marital roles, seemed a bit different, perhaps more liberal. It was far more common for the wives to work outside the home, though only a minority did so consistently.

 

I would imagine birth control advances played their role as tools; with more and easier choices, a wider variety of people acted on the choices in front of them and diversified from the relatively narrow gender roles of the 50's.

 

I guess I had a unique perspective, being fathered by a very traditional male (50's traditional) and a more liberal and progressive mother who chose to become a SAHM in the 1950's after many years of being single, working and bucking traditional female roles.

 

Today, I can take out the old Sunbeam toaster that my parents received as a wedding gift in the early 50's, which still works, and instantly remember what it was like during that era. Pretty amazing how the early childhood memories return from simple objects. Perhaps that hits upon another aspect of the era - a commitment to quality and longevity, and by people who, because of their history of challenge, chose to embrace those ideals and grow them. Something some have called 'The Great Generation'. Opinion varies widely on that but it certainly struck me that way.

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This lifestyle wasn't available to everyone. Both of my grandmothers worked in the 50s, both as seamstresses. One grandfather was a good man but they needed the income, the other grandfather was a waste and my grandmother supported the family.

 

I wonder if the writer would blame my grandmother for her husband's failures? :rolleyes: She stood by him until he died, in his 70s, and then she really lived up the last 15 years of her life, bless her. Wonderful woman.

 

At least women had these..

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That popular view is just as right as the currently popular view is likely to be.

 

 

At first I thought it was a guide for sugar babies. :confused:

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Sigh....My mother has a Phd from Brown.....before they let boys in. I have similar degrees but to be honest, when I had children there was an internal shift.

It happens. Love comes first even with all the paper/career accomplishments.

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So this is how many people saw marriage before the divorce rate went through the roof. :D

 

 

A Glimpse into Marriage Advice from the 1950s | World of Psychology

 

What's interesting is how many women/wife's didn't care for this life that was expected of them. When valium came out in the late 50's or early 60's, it became a massive success and was called "mothers little helpers" cause so many wife's were miserably un-happy with this life style. There was also a lot of alcoholic wife's at home for the same reason..

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What's interesting is how many women/wife's didn't care for this life that was expected of them. When valium came out in the late 50's or early 60's, it became a massive success and was called "mothers little helpers" cause so many wife's were miserably un-happy with this life style. There was also a lot of alcoholic wife's at home for the same reason..

 

As opposed to the ecstatic home life that is represented by the 60% +++ divorce rate today.

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I think the women's movement destroyed the family unit and relationships...

 

And, even with all the "liberties" women have now, they are still freakin' miserable.

 

Why?

 

Women are emotional creatures. They are difficult to please in the 50's, 60's and now. That's why they should not be given so many "liberties".

 

Again, my fav podcaster had a call from a woman who had no "sweetness" to her. Just to remind and/or try to get her husband to do something...she resorted to yelling, pouting, nagging.

 

My fav podcaster was talking how back in the day, women were "smarter"...They used "feminine wiles" to get a man to do what they needed him to do...Like "handsome, could you help me with the trash?" Not, "Don't forget to put out the trash!!!"

 

So, now we have "partners"...as if man and wife is some sort of business transaction. Listening to that female head in Google one day, Sandberg, I felt more neutered than her pudgy sorry "husband"...oh oops, I forgot, her "partner".

 

Women come into marriages w/o basic skills to make a "house" a "home"...and sadly males now a day have grown not to expect this from a woman. Basic cooking, cleaning, bringing him a beer is deemed "submissive" :rolleyes:

 

I enjoy cooking and feeding others, I enjoy "nurturing", I enjoy making my man feel like "a man"....

 

You don't have that now a days...women are brash, harsh, dismissive and only see their value as a "worker bee" and that is so freakin' stupid. Your employer can find ten people with your skills or better the day you die, resign, and/or get fired...Your man and children cannot replace you...you have value in your men and home..Geesh!!!

 

Women have so much power over a man...My fav podcaster also commented how men are strong to fight wars and all that, but their egos are very fragile. They come from a mother's womb...look to their mothers for approval....and, then look to their women for that approval...Yet women now see men as something disposable...a penis, partner, sperm donor.

 

I could go on and on...

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As opposed to the ecstatic home life that is represented by the 60% +++ divorce rate today.

 

The divorce rate is dropping, and the intact marriages are more likely to truly be happy because we stay married even though we women aren't dependent on marriage. We are married because we want to be married :)

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As opposed to the ecstatic home life that is represented by the 60% +++ divorce rate today.

 

I'm quite certain if divorce wasn't so socially frowned upon back then, the divorce rate in the 50's and 60's would be comparable to today..

 

I grew up in the 60's and 70's in the same neighborhood. Most of the married couples were from the greatest generation. Lots of WWII vets and Korean War vets that had married after the war, raised kids and stayed together until one died.

 

Ask me how many of them were truly happy in their marriages? Not many..

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what we have now isn't working, we need some good leave-it-to-beaver thinking again.

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The divorce rate is dropping, and the intact marriages are more likely to truly be happy because we stay married even though we women aren't dependent on marriage. We are married because we want to be married :)

 

While I haven't checked any divorce rates (which you gotta watch out for cuz surveys, studies, statistics can be manipulated to produce certain results), probably less divorces are happening cuz less people are marrying....

 

Now maybe, maybe, cuz they are waiting till they are older, they are making a more informed and mature decision on a mate instead of marrying cuz "its the thing to do" and/or the only way a guy can get laid and/or a woman can get a someone besides her dad to take care of her.

 

But still, IMO, many women are still marrying and/or having kids just as another "thing to do on their list of things to do" and have no concept of what marriage and/or family life is about...

 

Seeing that divorces are mostly initiated by women, the fact that many women "think" they are marrying cuz they "want to" just makes me cringe...In other words, I don't take many women's decisions regarding the decision to marry or divorce that seriously...more than likely it is being made on emotional - rather than practical and/or factual reasons.

 

Worst, since they have their own income, marriages are some sort of "partnership" rather than a division of labor - where women expect men to cook, clean and all that 50/50...Ok, well will the women go cut the grass, tune up the car and/or do the handiwork? I think not...hence the rise in all these "maid" services. Well, if you're gonna outsource who cooks, cleans, and/or tends to your husband and kids (the daycare worker for the kids and mistress for the husband) then "why" do women marry now a days? To have a male roommate to have sex with occassionally? :rolleyes:

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The divorce rate is dropping

 

The MARRIAGE rates are at near historic lows. In the 60s the rate was over 70%, now it's around 50%, or almost 2/3 as many. It would be a miracle if divorces didn't drop off.

 

 

I'm quite certain if divorce wasn't so socially frowned upon back then, the divorce rate in the 50's and 60's would be comparable to today..

 

Thanks for making my point.

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The MARRIAGE rates are at near historic lows. In the 60s the rate was over 70%, now it's around 50%, or almost 2/3 as many. It would be a miracle if divorces didn't drop off.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for making my point.

 

It's true that marriage rates are dropping. And the divorce rate has been dropping among marriages that occur. People are getting married older and for the right reasons, and marriages are likely happier overall than in the 50s (when divorce wasn't really an option).

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calvincline47
It's true that marriage rates are dropping. And the divorce rate has been dropping among marriages that occur. People are getting married older and for the right reasons, and marriages are likely happier overall than in the 50s (when divorce wasn't really an option).

 

What's the point of marrying if you can't have children (and a family)?

 

By putting off marriage, women risk infertility as they age.

 

Like many other things today, the entire concept is counter-intuitive.

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2.50 a gallon

I am in the first class of the baby boomers. At that time my best friend neighbors dad had spent the war driving a tank across Europe. While his mother was a Rosy the Riveter, running any number of machines. On talking to her she really liked her work and was upset that with the end of the war that job as taken away from her. She turned to booze.

My mom was a farm girl, the thought of her going to college, which she wanted was never going to happen. She wanted to get into government administration. Which she eventually did as a clerk in the court administrator's office of a large city. Within 5 years she was running that office. Over the years the acting CA was changed several times. She was never given a shot at that position because of her lack of college, even though each time the old CA left she was made acting CA until the county recruited a new man. And in fact ran the CA office one time for over a year, as the new recruit backed out at the last second.

I always felt sorry for my sister, who was 2 years younger. While I could be anything that I wanted to be her options were far and few between. Secretary, teacher, cook etc. In fact at that time, at our high school Home Ec was required for all female students for at least 2 years. She too wanted to work in law (wanted to be a lawyer) and administration, but never got to go to school.

She has been married 3 times. What does that tell you? I should add that her first husband cheated on her.

Edited by 2.50 a gallon
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But still, IMO, many women are still marrying and/or having kids just as another "thing to do on their list of things to do" and have no concept of what marriage and/or family life is about...

 

Seeing that divorces are mostly initiated by women, the fact that many women "think" they are marrying cuz they "want to" just makes me cringe...In other words, I don't take many women's decisions regarding the decision to marry or divorce that seriously...more than likely it is being made on emotional - rather than practical and/or factual reasons.

 

I know it is not PC to agree with this and many women will be up in arms at the thought, but I have grown up with, worked with, and known lots of women who had no concept of marriage past the dress, the wedding, the new house/apartment, a feeling that they do not want to be the one to miss out, and the dogged mantra that they "love" him.

Asked what they love about him and they are struggling to find an answer.

 

One notable example, on the days and weeks before her wedding, went on lengthy tirades about her "scumbag" fiancé , yet she still went smiling down the aisle with him.

I lost touch, so I am not sure how exactly that panned out.

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autumnnight

I believe that men and women, husbands and wives, were designed to have absoultely equal value, but NOT the exact same roles.

 

This is not because I am oppressed, unintelligent, or a victim of a patriarchal, oppressive religion.

 

This is because I can see clearly that men and woman ARE, in fact, different, and that nothing is wrong with that fact.

 

My mother also has a PhD, and she was one of the first women in my state to go as far as she did in her field and as successfully.

 

Still, she was a wife and mother in the actual, non-Gloria Steinem sense of the word. I watched this successful woman bring my father a sandwich at night while he watched TV, and she did not feel put upon or oppressed. She was feminine. She was his "helpmeet" (there's a biblical word that gets a reaction out of the bra-burners).

 

He loved and cherished her, and he was our hero and protector. They disagreed. They had spirited debates :) But they were a team of equals who had differing roles and responsibilities.

 

I make no apologies for seeing this as ideal, and it is what I prefer for myself as well.

 

Quite frankly, I think dissatisfaction with this design increased mainly because selfishness has increased.

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Quite frankly, I think dissatisfaction with this design increased mainly because selfishness has increased.

 

Altruism is a dirty word and "narcissism" is rampant.

 

I want, I need, I get...

I manipulate, I lie...

I deserve...

The emphasis always on I.

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...Even when alcohol, affairs or abuse was the issue in a failing marriage, wives were still responsible for making the marriage work — and for likely causing their husbands to stray, drink or be violent in the first place.... We have found in our experience, that when a husband leaves his home, he may be seeking refuge from an unpleasant environment. Could it be that your husband feels that he is not understood or appreciated in his own home? What might there be in your relations to him that could make him feel that way? Could you have stressed your contribution to your marriage in such a manner as to have belittled the part he has played and thus made him uncomfortable in his presence

 

And this one ruins the older marriage concepts for me. So I'm at fault because the husband takes advantage of me being fianncially dependant on him, which I am due to the expectation of being a housewife only? Or maybe it's my fault because I can't keep up with the affair fog fantasy? Or is it my fault because he's always had issues which only bedding as many women as he can could fix? Pfft, even in the 50's I'd be against marriage it seems...

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It's true that marriage rates are dropping. And the divorce rate has been dropping among marriages that occur. People are getting married older and for the right reasons, and marriages are likely happier overall than in the 50s (when divorce wasn't really an option).

 

The fact that people who probably shouldn't have gotten married in the 50s were getting married anyway for a variety of reasons (want sex? tired of being alone?, etc) that no longer apply now. That doesn't mean the attitudes toward marriage had a causal relationship to people being happy in their marriage.

 

So yes, there are many factors.

 

If however divorce rates are dropping how can a person say 'divorce was not an option' in the past?

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