cutegal Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, recently I read this quite good article about dating lessons and it also makes me curious what dating lessons people have? I'm curious what dating lessons you guys have learned as well? I want to learn too!! Edited May 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Three big ones for me: 1. if a guy says he's not ready for a RS, I believe him and I leave. If a man tells me he is not sure if he ever wants to get married, I give him the space he needs to figure it out and leave. I'm 35 this year and I pretty much know what I want from my partner. 2. listen to a what a man has to say but most importantly watch his actions and see if his behavior matches his words. Leave if the inconsistencies start mounting up 3. Always always always listen to your instinct and be on your guard. Women are very perceptive and we perceive the inconsistencies, inadvertences, hesitations - all those little details that hide those dreaded red flags. Keep it real, remember those details and if you have questions, always ask. Never leave anything unsaid - good or bad. It makes like easier - during the RS and after the RS. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Don't finish sex with a guy who poses/flexes in the mirror. (I didn't btw.) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Don't finish sex with a guy who poses/flexes in the mirror. (I didn't btw.) The thing I was most ignorant of when I started was probably how much social pecking order and how you interact with other guys around you comes into play in regard to women's attraction for you. It's almost more important than how you treat them in some cases. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 -> To not take it so seriously 5 Link to post Share on other sites
El Pallasso Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Don't listen to a woman's words. Listen to her actions. Women can talk a good game but what they're doing is what actually counts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 When I was dating and single... That there is more fish in the sea... realizing that the girl you just stopped dating isn't the only girl out there that will want to be with me and the girl I just stopped dating wasn't all that... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Lighten up. Stop taking the process (and yourself) so seriously Be patient and observe carefully Attitude is everything There is no formula. People are not math 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 1. Know your own values. Write them down if you have to. 2. Know what you want out of dating (i.e. casual sex? FWB? long term relationship? marriage and kids?) 3. Behave in ways consistent with your values and consistent with what you want out of dating (i.e. have integrity). 9 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 A few: 1) No man is your last chance. No matter how great he seems, if it's full of drama and more of an uphill battle with obstacles than it is something that comes together naturally, let it go. Don't believe that this person is the ONLY or last person you could have feelings for...they aren't...you'll eventually meet someone else. 2) Learn to realize when a dude is not that into you. When a man is into you he will match your effort, he will make time for you no matter how busy, he will communicate, you won't need to dissect his every text, every encounter etc. When a guy is into you he will make sure you know this. 3)When people show you they are, believe them the first time, don't wait until the 50th time. Likewise, if a man tells you plainly he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't know about something, he's iffy and hesitant etc...LISTEN and keep it moving if you aren't on the same page. Don't try to be the exception. Don't think you can seduce or fccck him into wanting something else. Don't think if you do xyz for him he will reward you by changing his mind. Likely, he'll accept all you offer and still return to what he already said. He's not really a jerk then, you just didn't listen. 4) Trust yourself and if something seems off, don't try to brush it aside, pay attention, as usually your discomfort is correct. 5) Don't make anyone your whole world while dating. When you like someone a lot it can be intense where you want to spend every waking moment together, but don't neglect your friends, other social activities, your health, your me-time, your work and so on just because of a relationship. It's not healthy and if it ends you will feel even more lost if you've abandoned your friends, activities, been slacking in all other areas and have nothing to fall back on. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 If a guy starts talking sex early on - and especially in a crude way - he's not remotely interested in you as a person. You might as well give up on him at that point, unless that's exactly what you are looking for too, because later conversations won't get any better. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) 1. Actions speak louder than words. Don't believe anything someone says to you until they show you that they mean it. 2. Boundaries work in your favor. Recognize what your boundaries are, and react when your boundaries are crossed. Don't acquiesce. Speak up! You are all you've got! 3. Always be honest. When you share your feelings or thoughts with your partner and there is backlash from them, that's because they don't respect you. If you argue back, you give them what they want: weakening your own boundaries so they can manipulate you. Stand your ground and tell them you'll respond when you're ready. That shows them that you have firm boundaries and can't be manipulated. 4. Don't be someone's placeholder. If your romantic partner won't give you what you ask for (relationship, marriage), break up with them. There is someone out there who will give you what you want, when you want it. Edited May 17, 2015 by writergal 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Dating is like a tennis match. You hit the ball over the net and wait for it to return. Whatever you do, don't chase. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Don't date psychopaths. Even if the chemistry is off the charts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 1.Dont try and be anything you're not because it doesnt help they will not be right for you dont do things you dont want to do ...its not right for you do always be true to who you are and where you want to be now and where you want to go share who that person is with a person who actually wants to know who you are..... and always be honest dont lead someone on who you dont really see a future with....and dont be led on by someone who doesnt see a future with you thinking you can hold up a relationship on your own.........make that clear from the beginning./or there is no future that will match up....deb . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 The lesson I learned late in the game that I would do different if I could go back in time, is I would ask out whoever I was interested in, even if they were already dating someone. If I could go back I would express my interest and make the offer even if they were seeing someone. I would leave it to them if they were going to be exclusive to the other guy or not. The lesson I learned is most people in dating relationships aren't as serious or as exclusive as you might think and if you are honest about your interests and make a valid offer, they might just take you up on it. A key piece of that lesson is the most desirable people are never completely free and single, they are always involved with someone to one degree or another. If they decide they want something different, they will secure someone else and then monkey swing to the next. If you aren't already next on their list, you are just going to be on the sidelines watching from afar. You have to risk rejection, risk making someone else mad and even risk a confrontation. If you wait for the best to be completely free and clear of all entanglements, you are going to spend your life waiting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 The lesson I learned late in the game that I would do different if I could go back in time, is I would ask out whoever I was interested in, even if they were already dating someone. If I could go back I would express my interest and make the offer even if they were seeing someone. I would leave it to them if they were going to be exclusive to the other guy or not. The lesson I learned is most people in dating relationships aren't as serious or as exclusive as you might think and if you are honest about your interests and make a valid offer, they might just take you up on it. A key piece of that lesson is the most desirable people are never completely free and single, they are always involved with someone to one degree or another. If they decide they want something different, they will secure someone else and then monkey swing to the next. If you aren't already next on their list, you are just going to be on the sidelines watching from afar. You have to risk rejection, risk making someone else mad and even risk a confrontation. If you wait for the best to be completely free and clear of all entanglements, you are going to spend your life waiting. I like what you wrote takes guts to risk rejection...i dotn agree with asking someone out who is exclusive or dating another...if a person has made it known they are single thats fair play to have some guts and make your feelings known.......even if those guts are a shakin like polaroid picture.......shake it shake it..heyyyyy yahhhhh ......ahem sorry...... do you really think oldshirt that only the best and most desirable people are entangled......deb Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 do you really think oldshirt that only the best and most desirable people are entangled......deb That was not the verbiage I used. I did not say that ONLY the best and most desirable are entangled. I said the most desirable are never completely free and unentagled for any length of time. They are always involved with someone to one degree or another. Maybe a better way to word this is if you want to be with a desirable person, you can't wait untill they are completely free and single to make your move. You are going to have to make your move and give it a good shot while they are still involved with someone(s) else. You are going to have to be competitive and be willing to compete and face potential conflict and even confrontation. If you wait untill they are completely free, you are always going to be on the sidelines waiting because the person they are going to monkey-swing to will have already made his/her move before the break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 What oldshirt wrote ties in with my lesson of not taking dating so seriously and adhering to rigid rules of engagement, rather following the generational maxim of 'all's fair in love and war'. My demographic and generational experiences, in this area, apparently mirror his and it was adherence to rigid rules of engagement which kept me on the sidelines a lot of the time while others who didn't care about such rules were dating and mating. Perhaps this only applies to men, IDK. All I know is that it (the dating/mating period) was, comparatively, the most brutal social experience in my 56 on this rock. Everything else, business, health, marriage, paled in comparison. Again, my responsibility. I took it too seriously, for too long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 .i dotn agree with asking someone out who is exclusive or dating another...if a person has made it known they are single thats fair play to have some guts and make your feelings known...... Exclusive is as exclusive does. If you make your move and they take you up on the offer, then they aren't really exclusive. My point is many people aren't really as exclusive as you may think they are and not as much as their current BY/GF wishes they were. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) Exclusive is as exclusive does. If you make your move and they take you up on the offer, then they aren't really exclusive. My point is many people aren't really as exclusive as you may think they are and not as much as their current BY/GF wishes they were. I agree. While it isn't 'nice,' there has never been a time either married or dating that men did not approach. It has always been my choice to remain faithful to my current relationship.....but it is a choice. Subsequently, less my two year self-made relationship sabbatical after my husband died, I have never been single since I was very young and there are always options. I think most women have similar experience. Edited May 19, 2015 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 What oldshirt wrote ties in with my lesson of not taking dating so seriously and adhering to rigid rules of engagement, rather following the generational maxim of 'all's fair in love and war'. My demographic and generational experiences, in this area, apparently mirror his and it was adherence to rigid rules of engagement which kept me on the sidelines a lot of the time while others who didn't care about such rules were dating and mating. Perhaps this only applies to men, IDK. All I know is that it (the dating/mating period) was, comparatively, the most brutal social experience in my 56 on this rock. Everything else, business, health, marriage, paled in comparison. Again, my responsibility. I took it too seriously, for too long. I think applies to both men and women but since men are typically thought of as the initiators, if they are passive and wait for only the most perfect opportunity, they will spend more time on the sidelines. I grew up in a tiny farming community in the middle nowhere in the Midwest during the 70s and early 80s. At that time and place, if Jimmy and Susie had a Sat night date to the soda shop, they were considered off the market untill one or the other declared a formal break up. The cultural rules of engagement were none could ask either of the out nor could they accept or initiate any offers untill they had declared their formal break up. I doubt if most places are that rigid today but I think a lot of that mentality does still linger. Multi dating is still frowned upon by many even today. I agree that those who do not follow such a rigid mentality will be the ones on the playing field playing the game while those following the rigid rules of engagement will be on the sidelines watching. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I agree. While it isn't 'nice,' there has never been a time either married or dating that men did not approach. It has always been my choice to remain faithful to my current relationship.....but it is a choice. Subsequently, less my two year self-made relationship sabbatical after my husband died, I have never been single since I was very young and there are always options. I think most women have similar experience. I think this illustrates my point well. If someone is committed to their current R, they will decline the offer. If they are not so committed or if they think the new offer is clearly a better deal, they will accept. It is incumbent on each individual to be the best candidate that they can be. The better candidate they are and the better offer they are able to make, the more successful they will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Important dating lesson? I made a not great choice with my ex hubs. Lesson learned. Choose carefully with head and heart.....then fidelity, trust, love, passion and respect fall rather easily into place. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Always get STD tests before sex. Requesting tests is a fool-proof way of sorting out the guys who aren't serious or who have a recent history of promiscuity. Any waffling at all, and I know the guy isn't for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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