preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 One of the threads below made me want to start a new thread on this subject. Gentlemen, if you were a girl or woman who was only interested in a serious emotional long-term relationship with a man, how would you go about it. Now with social media and OLD changing the game so much, so many people out there just hooking up, so much bad communication via text, so many profiles that are just lies, if you were a woman, how would you sort out who was a guy really looking for love and commitment from the guys just looking for sex? And please let's not just go to telling women to date guys they're not attracted to. You can't change that. So assuming their aspirations lookswise aren't out of balance, what would you do to separate the serious from the not serious? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Be straightforward? As a man, if I'm told she's looking for a long term thing and as a way to make sure she will not have sex until a couple months down the line, I'd be okay with that. Men may have issues deciphering signals and subtle hints but if we're told straight up what is expected we work much better at that. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Gentlemen, if you were a woman... I'd be a lesbian. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I'd be a lesbian. LMAO...Thanks for making my day. I'm still laughing Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Gentlemen, if you were a girl or woman who was only interested in a serious emotional long-term relationship with a man, how would you go about it. Move to SF and get involved in the gay community. Lots of very emotional men there and they make great long-term emotional partners and friends. While in jest, it underlines an important component to answering your question. Demographics. IMO, it's key to immerse oneself in a demographic which consistently presents compatible examples, not only for relationship prospects but as an environment one feels a solid fit with. Next, develop a social circle of like-minded individuals, for a woman meaning other women they befriend and respect and who have spouses or partners the woman feels positive vibes with and respects. Don't overlook faith, if one has faith (in an organized or ad-hoc religion). I don't but respect those communities as being strong opportunities for meeting compatible mates who have long-term perspectives on relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I would date them without any sexual activity for up to 3 months or even 6 months. Any guy that was still standing afterwards would get a chance. Oh and they would have to spend lots of money on me during that period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Hire a PI to screen people I was thinking of seriously dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I've always had a good instinctual feel for what women were up to and about, so I would hope that would translate into being able to figure out guys too =/ because there really isn't any ironclad way to separate the two just based on logic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Peraph, great question but be aware that men are 'supposed' to be self proclaimed logical. The responses so far are ..not...we can't expect a logical response.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) If I was a woman looking for a serious emotional long-term relationship with a man... First I'd discard any notions of masculinity or perfection that I had when I was a teenage princess. I wouldn't limit myself to tall, dark, and mysterious types, or athletic hunks, with pretty eyes, and cute dimples, or thin, Byronic, hipsters. As long as I am attracted to the man (and he doesn't have to be gorgeous attractive) than I give him an opportunity for a date. To get a date, initially I'd flirt, give clear signals of interest. If the guy was dismissive of my advances, I'd stop immediately, and walk away. I wouldn't linger hoping he's realize he's being a big dope and that I am the perfect girl for him, he just doesn't see it yet. If he was shy or struggling with asking me out, I'd help out by saying "I will say yes if you ask me out on a date". Also I'd have no problem pulling out the big guns and asking the man for a date outright. Sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns, and why should men have all the fun? Prior to the initial date, and to weed out the weak willed or macho dominators, I'd talk on the phone with him, lay the groundwork for building a connection, even suggest ideas for a date which always be not-dinner, but something low key or simple. I would still iterate it's a date, not hanging out or a meet. I'm looking for a serious relationship, not my new gay best friend. I'd suggest a cafe, pastries, even brick oven pizza (any many that doesn't like pizza is not relationship material, unless he is lactose intolerant, then we'll go for some salad). If the guy suggests fancy dinner, or tells me I need to wear sexy clothes because I'm a trophy, I'll tell him we're not a match, and end the conversation. Once on a date with the man, I'll consciously make sure not to prattle on about myself, and my experiences, and more me, myself, and I stories. I'll ask the man about him, try to get to know him, show genuine interest. We would spar stories, continue building a connection if he made it past the phone conversation prior to the date. I'll try to learn if he is financially independent (he can have some debt, but have a clear plan for eliminating it), not a drug addict, alcoholic, serial cheater, married, or had a girlfriend. I'd use my female intuition to gauge his honesty. I'd reiterate during the date that I'm looking for a serious relationship, a partner, a lover, a companion. I'd also make sure not to harp about how independent I am and how I don't need a man. I wouldn't want to start off a potential relationship expressing that he needs to catch up with me and prove his worth. I'd express that I want an equal, to share my life with. Sure I'd be financially independent, educated, passionate, but I'd make sure the man wouldn't feel left out or left behind. I would express my strength through what I say and my actions. I then would ask him his opinion on the subject, and what he wanted as well. If he behaves during the date, says good things, is respectful, then I'd flirt, lite touching, to see if he responds to intimacy. If he reciprocates, then we would be on our way to something promising. I wouldn't sleep with him of course. If he was overly pushy for it at this point, I'd mention it to him that I don't sleep on first dates, asserting respect. But I already know the candidate is a bust, so no date number two. But if he was respectful, reciprocated chemistry, then it would be a good sign. I wouldn't expect him to kiss me at the end of the first date, even if we have chemistry. It would be nice, but even if he doesn't, I wouldn't disqualify him for it. We're both nervous and excited. Kisses should be for date two or three. Post-date, I'd want to hear from him, start with a text and transition to phone conversation. I wouldn't be above reaching out to the man first. Since I am looking for a serious relationship, I know what I want, and I wouldn't have a problem doing a little pursuing in hopes of igniting the man's interest further. Remember I said I'd express strength through what I say and actions. If he doesn't reach out to me, or respond if I reach out to him, or give me lame excuse during a conversation such as "ugh...umm....hmmm...I'm busy...I think...I don't know, I'll be direct and thank him for being indecisive, because it allows me to decide to move on to a new candidate. That's how I'd do it if I was a woman. Edited May 13, 2015 by Frank2thepoint 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Stop OLD or basically stop dating strangers. Date men you already know and can attest to their character. Prioritize qualities like trustworthiness and loyalty over ambition and looks. Actions speak louder than words and it takes time for someone to reveal their character - make sure you take enough time. Finally make sure you're someone a relationship oriented man would want to be with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 All great suggestions! Wouldn't it be interesting to know what percentage of the guys on OLD are actually only wanting a serious relationship? But I know there's a lot more who will take what come along in the meantime while they're waiting. And some of them are good guys, but it does make it hard to sort out. Link to post Share on other sites
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