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Another day, another woman that crosses my path thinking I'm the typical idiot that will put up with her inconsiderate behavior.

 

Got a match on Tinder the other day with a very nice looking woman. So I sent her a nice casual greeting. A day goes by and nothing. Typically this isnt a big deal, and I dont jump the gun. But during that time the app clearly showed that she had been on at least 3 separate occasions that I saw. So being the no nonsense type of guy I send her a message telling her...

 

"Thanks for clicking on my pic, then ignoring me".

 

Of course now she replies(funny how that always gets them to reply, but a nice hello, how are you gets ignored). She states shes "been busy" with work.

 

Now I understand theres no set in stone rules saying that a person needs to reply within X amount of time. And no rules saying they have to reply to a message the next time they visit the app. But in my mind, if youre going to "click" on a persons profile, and you get a match with them, why in the hell would you visit the app at least 3 times without taking the time to reply to a message the person sent you?? THATS the whole reason you signed up, to get matches, talk, and meet. But if you have time to visit the app, then you sure as hell have time to take 5 secs and reply to someone that sent you a message. Someone that you clicked on to begin with! Its not like its a dating site, and I am messaging random women, not knowing at all if they are interested. She made a conscious decision to click specifically on my profile in hopes that we were a match.

 

So in response to her "been busy at work" comment, I replied with the following:

 

** Total Bull****. You must not realize that it shows on your profile every time that you use the app. You've been on here multiple times since I sent that message. You made a choice not to respond. You could have taken 5 secs and replied "Hi xxxxxx, really busy at work, but I'll hit you up soon"! But women like you dont have manners like that nowadays. You just expect that guys will hang around no matter what, and put up with your inconsiderate behavior. It's called common courtesy...something a lot of people dont know anything about anymore. **

 

Now I'm sure many of you are thinking "geez, with that attitude you do you really think a woman will want to date you"? Women that deserve respect get my respect. Women that act like that, I will always give them a piece of my mind. And if women out there have guys do it to them, they should make it a point to read them the riot act as well. Too many people in our society just let things go by the wayside, without holding people accountable for their actions. And in the dating world, theres way too much of it.

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I think you should consider the fact that you are taking dating on the Tinder app far more seriously than many people do. Or dating in general too seriously. This is a passtime for a lot of people. Half of them probably aren't even who they say they are, so they start backing up when you are ready to meet. You can't invest your emotions in an X factor like that. Just write them off as people with too much time on their hands.

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compulsivedancer

I had eight matches and was talking to 5 guys in the first few hours of joining Tinder. It was overwhelming and I stopped swiping. But swiping is kind of fun. I imagine a lot of people go really overboard and have a million messages.

 

After a week of talking to these guys, I'd narrowed it down to two who I met in person. I've continued to date one of them and we've been going out for two months now.

 

Once I had the two dates, I stopped replying to other messages because I didn't want more choices until I had ruled out these two guys. I was still on the app for a few days because I talked to them via the app's messaging function.

 

I also got onto the app a couple times to show friends and family how it worked, cuz I thought it was kind of neat, or to show them pictures of the guys I was talking to.

 

A few times I got on because I saw that I had a message, but didn't have the time to respond then and there.

 

It's not even a little bit personal, and you shouldn't take out your frustrations on a random stranger. Swiping right on your profile doesn't come with any obligations to interact with you. In fact, I believe 2 out of 8 (25%) of my matches never even messaged me.

 

If I was this woman, and I received your message, I'd just be thankful that I'd dodged a bullet and never gave you my number.

Edited by compulsivedancer
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minimariah
But in my mind, if youre going to "click" on a persons profile, and you get a match with them, why in the hell would you visit the app at least 3 times without taking the time to reply to a message the person sent you??

 

because she isn't interested, someone else interests her more, she's REALLY busy, she's on Tinder trolling - long story short... she doesn't owe you anything. and it's not a matter of respect -- it's a matter of a personal freedom. take a hint next time.

 

THATS the whole reason you signed up, to get matches, talk, and meet.

 

how would you know why someone signed up to any site?

 

But if you have time to visit the app, then you sure as hell have time to take 5 secs and reply to someone that sent you a message.

 

it's not about time at all. when i had a profile on Tinder, i got a million messages a day -- do you really think i bothered to answer those folks who didn't interest me? she probably clicked your picture to check out your profile, didn't like you, didn't respond to the message. why do you think she OWES you anything?

 

She made a conscious decision to click specifically on my profile in hopes that we were a match.

 

she did and she didn't like you - hence not responding. for some reason, she gave up and she has that right.

 

HINT, HINT! just because someone clicks on your profile, it doesn't mean that they're interested in further communication. why is that not clear to you?

 

Now I'm sure many of you are thinking "geez, with that attitude you do you really think a woman will want to date you"? Women that deserve respect get my respect.

 

funny because you showed no respect to the woman you harrassed in the 1st place. showing her respect means RESPECTING her choice and her freedom to NOT text you back.

 

Women that act like that, I will always give them a piece of my mind.

 

you need to keep this "peace of your mind" for yourself unless someone asks to hear it.

 

And if women out there have guys do it to them, they should make it a point to read them the riot act as well. Too many people in our society just let things go by the wayside, without holding people accountable for their actions. And in the dating world, theres way too much of it.

 

your behavior is highly problematic & indicates possible abusive patterns -- you're so righteous, you think it's up to YOU to teach others what YOU think is respect & right.

 

hell yeah, i would run for the damn hills if i ever crossed paths with you. women probably see the red flags and do the same.

 

no offense -- but you remind of those crazed shooters in USA & Canada... you know, those who get rude comments or are "bullied" and a girl rejects them so then they shoot the entire mall up? get counseling, ASAP before this escalates.

Edited by minimariah
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If she was legitimately busy, she might have responded to your message later. Now that you've b*tched at her, she won't respond at all.

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swiping is kind of fun.

 

Thats the problem with the whole situation right there. Everyone is allowing themselves to be drawn into the swiping addiction with not one care in the world about the person on the other end.

 

I literally do not understand why people swipe yes on a profile if they have no intention of doing anything about it??? What are you gaining by clicking yes?? You could just click no on every profile and you still get to look at the pics.

 

Am I the only person on this planet that looks at things from a logical perspective anymore?

 

Why dont I blindly follow along like so many other people, conforming and giving up any form of responsibility like so many others do when using apps or dating sites???

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If she was legitimately busy, she might have responded to your message later. Now that you've b*tched at her, she won't respond at all.

 

If she was legitimately busy she wouldnt have been logging on the app to begin with.

 

I already wrote her off when I sent my complaint. Shes doing me a favor.

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because she isn't interested, someone else interests her more, she's REALLY busy, she's on Tinder trolling - long story short... she doesn't owe you anything. and it's not a matter of respect -- it's a matter of a personal freedom. take a hint next time.

 

Only immature people drop hints. Adults communicate properly.

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minimariah
Only immature people drop hints. Adults communicate properly.

 

and...? is she not allowed to be immature...? she can be as immature as she wants. other folks can be whatever and however they want.

 

she doesn't owe you anything. she has a right to NOT acknowledge you and you have NO right to harrass her for it. what part of that do you not understand?

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and...? is she not allowed to be immature...? she can be as immature as she wants. other folks can be whatever and however they want.

 

she doesn't owe you anything. she has a right to NOT acknowledge you and you have NO right to harrass her for it. what part of that do you not understand?

 

If she wants to be immature about it, than she does have that right, you are correct. And I have every right to voice my opinion. Calling her out on it is not harassing. YOU are just trying to make me out to be the bad guy. Harassing would be barraging her with multiple messages. I replied once since she said she was "busy". I made my point, nothing more.

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toolforgrowth

The entitlement is strong with this one.

 

Here's the bottom line. She saw your message, wasn't interested, ignored your message, and continued swiping. THAT'S why you're angry.

 

Dude...IT HAPPENS. When I tried OLD I had women message me, and I didn't respond to the bay majority of them. If any of them came here complaining about it, I'd tell them the same thing I'm telling you: get over it.

 

You are extremely high maintenance, especially for a guy. This passive/aggressive bull$h!t is utterly ridiculous. If I were her, I would have told you under no uncertain terms exactly where you could stick it.

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eye of the storm

I think you are taking the whole Tinder thing waaay to seriously.

 

I know both men and women on Tinder and (unscientific untested opinion) it looks to me like women get a lot (by a huge margin) more messages.

 

So she may have seen the message or she may not. She may only read messages from people she sent messages to.

 

I am in awe of your ego that you think by her tapping on your picture, you and she have enough of a relationship where she would be required to respond to you.

 

Just because I go and look at a shopping website and enter my phone number to get access to certain pages of the website does not mean I am willing to talk to the telemarketers that call my house later. It is the same deal.

 

Shopping does not equate to buying. Or even trying on the clothes. If I want to enter a store and flip thru sales racks (click on pictures) and then put them back (not respond to emails) it is my right and I am not rude. If a sales clerk berates me for not going into the dressing room and buying stuff I don't like (you and your messages)...who is rude?

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She saw your message, wasn't interested, ignored your message, and continued swiping. THAT'S why you're angry.

 

.

 

The ONLY reason I'm angry is because of the way her and the rest of society thinks its totally fine to act the way they do.

 

The only reason everyone accepts the behavior is because nobody has morals or common courtesy anymore. The internet and social media is slowly draining everyone of personal responsibility. Her clicking "yes" on my profile means to me shes interested. Period. I am no way out of line by assuming she would want to respond to me. The problem is that ********s* have mandated how we have grown to expect people to act on such sites. We're supposed to "expect" to get screwed over nowadays, rather than expect a person to act properly. Thats the only reason why I dont fit in, because I havent conformed like everyone else has.

 

Everyone thinks that its OK to act and treat people different since its "online" compared to how they would act and treat people in person.

 

Just because the majority does something a certain way doesnt mean its right.

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minimariah

Her clicking "yes" on my profile means to me shes interested. Period.

 

it means to YOU. do you understand that? TO YOU. & to nobody else.

 

The problem is that ********s* have mandated how we have grown to expect people to act on such sites. We're supposed to "expect" to get screwed over nowadays, rather than expect a person to act properly.

 

her not wanting to engage with you is a matter of self - care, it's NOT you being screwed over.

 

Everyone thinks that its OK to act and treat people different since its "online" compared to how they would act and treat people in person.

 

she didn't answer your text - you're acting as if she insulted you and trashed you in the worst way... when in reality, that's what YOU did to her. she refused to acknowledge you, she refused to engage with you and you attacked her because she dared to say NO? because she dared to change her mind? because she dared to CHOOSE not to engage with someone she wasn't interested in, in the end?

 

the worst thing is... even if she responded and blew you off politely, you would've still find something to be mad about.

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Her clicking "yes" on my profile means to me shes interested.

 

Nope, it just means she was curious.

 

 

I am no way out of line by assuming she would want to respond to me.

 

Yes you are. You have no business 'assuming' anything about a stranger on a dating app. She does not owe you anything.

 

 

You really need to ditch that great massive chip that's on your shoulder.

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minimariah
And I have every right to voice my opinion.

 

actually, no - you don't have the right to impose your opinion on folks who didn't ask for it. do you approach a random dude who randomly looked at you, on the street, telling him about your political views? if the answer is no - then why do you think it's okay to harrass someone you never ever met with your "opinion"?

 

Calling her out on it is not harassing.

 

you didn't "call her out" - because she did nothing wrong. she chose not to engage with you. ain't a thing wrong with that.

 

you actually made HER point - turns out, not texting you was a good call.

 

get your sh*t together, folks here are telling you SOMETHING. why don't you think about it, learn from it and try to work on it? you're mad for absolutely no reason.

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toolforgrowth
The ONLY reason I'm angry is because of the way her and the rest of society thinks its totally fine to act the way they do.

 

Oh, please. If she had said "Thank you for the message, but I'm not interested. Good luck, and take care!", you'd still find a reason to b!tch.

 

And until a woman cheats on you, takes your daughter away, empties your house and leaves you stuck paying the mortgage, and tries to bleed you for as much child support as she can, and gets away with almost ALL of it, I have zero sympathy for your complaints. You're like a spoiled brat who, when is told no, throws a temper tantrum.

 

The only reason everyone accepts the behavior is because nobody has morals or common courtesy anymore. The internet and social media is slowly draining everyone of personal responsibility. Her clicking "yes" on my profile means to me shes interested.

 

That's the real issue. You're trying to bury it under "society is crap" excuses, but when you filter out all the useless excuses, this is the nugget of truth. You thought she was interested. Well, she wasn't. Here's my guess as to what happened:

 

Her: "Hmm, a guy messaged me. Let's look at his profile." :looks at your profile: "Nope, not interested." :moves on:

 

THIS is what has made you angry.

 

I am no way out of line by assuming she would want to respond to me. The problem is that ********s* have mandated how we have grown to expect people to act on such sites. We're supposed to "expect" to get screwed over nowadays, rather than expect a person to act properly. Thats the only reason why I dont fit in, because I havent conformed like everyone else has.

 

This is what I'm hearing you say: "It's not me, it's everyone else." In those situations, odds are, IT'S YOU.

 

Everyone thinks that its OK to act and treat people different since its "online" compared to how they would act and treat people in person.

 

Absolutely. Case in point: I don't think for a second you would have laid into this poor girl like you did if you hadn't been behind a screen. If she had been standing directly in front of you, you would have done the exact opposite. But you laid into her because you can hide behind that screen and be a jerk and get away with it.

 

Just because the majority does something a certain way doesnt mean its right.

 

If your biggest gripe is Tinder manners, then I want your life...seriously. lol

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Here's my guess as to what happened:

 

Her: "Hmm, a guy messaged me. Let's look at his profile." :looks at your profile: "Nope, not interested." :moves on:

 

 

You dont even know how Tinder works do you? And your trying to rectify this situation???

 

Tinder is not like a dating site where I just randomly message women, hoping they look at my profile, and reply back.

 

You look at a persons profile and pics...you have the choice to either "like" or "dislike". If both of you happen to "like" each other THEN the messaging feature is unlocked, and you can now send each other a message.

 

That is the whole point! She had to physically view me AND click "like" on my profile BEFORE any of this transpired. I think that is enough proof of "intent" on her part. And I think any rational person would safely assume under those circumstances that the person is interested.

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eye of the storm
And I think any rational person would safely assume under those circumstances that the person is interested.

 

 

Wrong.

 

 

First you shouldn't assume another person's intent.

 

 

Second, clicking sometimes mean interest, sometimes mean curiosity, sometimes mean oops my finger slipped.

 

 

Third, considering your anger about this, I am not sure you are an expert on rational people anyway.

 

 

If Tinder is causing you this much angst, maybe you should take a break for a bit.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl
You dont even know how Tinder works do you? And your trying to rectify this situation???

 

Tinder is not like a dating site where I just randomly message women, hoping they look at my profile, and reply back.

 

You look at a persons profile and pics...you have the choice to either "like" or "dislike". If both of you happen to "like" each other THEN the messaging feature is unlocked, and you can now send each other a message.

 

That is the whole point! She had to physically view me AND click "like" on my profile BEFORE any of this transpired. I think that is enough proof of "intent" on her part. And I think any rational person would safely assume under those circumstances that the person is interested.

 

 

In your OP, you said that after you sent her the first message that said something like, "Thanks for not getting back with me" (sorry I don't remember what your message said to her verbatim), she sent you a message back saying something like, "Sorry, I was busy."

 

I think it was CONSIDERATE of her to reply to your first message when it was sarcastic and disingenuous. She didn't have to reply to you at all and just iggied you completely. In fact, now that I think about it, it was a MIRACLE that she even replied to your message at all! Count yourself lucky. Most women wouldn't have even bothered, or, they would've/could've sent you a nasty message back.

 

Look...I can understand your frustration with why she (or any other woman) wouldn't message you after they swiped your profile after having looked at it. After all, you feel that this is the whole entire point of the Tinder app - to swipe a person's profile and then engage in messages with each other to get to know each other or to set up a date, right?!

 

The problem with how you feel about this is - precisely THAT - it's how YOU feel the way interactions on Tinder should go. And, you're probably right. BUT...not EVERYONE feels exactly the same way YOU do about the purpose and usage of Tinder. Some people just go on there and swipe away...for HOURS...out of curiosity...because of genuine interest....to feed/boost their egos....etc. etc. Tinder is just like OLD in a way - sometimes, you'll meet people who do NOT have the same agenda that YOU do; sometimes, you'll meet some pretty damn RUDE and inconsiderate people; sometimes, you'll meet someone who was interested in you at first but then changes their mind minutes, hours or days later and are NOT interested in you anymore.

 

Like I said OP, I understand where your frustration is coming from. But um, if you're going to use Tinder, OLD or any other type of dating format online, you're gonna have to develop a THICKER SKIN than what you have right now. If you don't, you're going to continue to get more frustrated and more stressed out - for NOTHING.

 

 

.

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Look...I can understand your frustration with why she (or any other woman) wouldn't message you after they swiped your profile after having looked at it. After all, you feel that this is the whole entire point of the Tinder app - to swipe a person's profile and then engage in messages with each other to get to know each other or to set up a date, right?!

 

BINGO!

 

 

 

Like I said OP, I understand where your frustration is coming from. But um, if you're going to use Tinder, OLD or any other type of dating format online, you're gonna have to develop a THICKER SKIN than what you have right now. If you don't, you're going to continue to get more frustrated and more stressed out - for NOTHING.

 

I'd rather stay the way I am, and weed out the women the way "I" see it. I have no problem repeating the same event over and over until I meet a woman that has true standards, rather than a woman that plays by the immature, stupid, inconsiderate, social media dating games.

 

Thats what nobody understands. I dont not care if I'm scaring all the women away. They are doing me a favor by showing their true colors right from the start. I want a woman like me. A woman that actual cares about how she interacts with people. Not a stuck up wench that has no sympathy because they havent adapted themselves to the updated "unwritten rules" of this new app or that new app.

 

How people interact with each other shouldnt change just because its not face to face. And to the earlier member that stated "You only chewed her out because you yourself were hiding behind a screen" You wanna bet? I have no problem voicing my opinion to a woman or anyone else in such situations. I WISH I could have been face to face with her rather than sending the message through the app.

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mrs rubble

I'm Not 100% sure how tinder works, but I woulve blocked you if that's an option after the sarcastic second message if I were her.

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Male

 

When I am at work I sometimes log on intending to reply to a message sent etc but then I get a phone call or someone asks a question and I forget.

 

I like to have time to concentrate on the people I am responding to. Sometimes that means waiting for a bit/ a couple of days.

 

What you have just done is blow up in her face and she is probably thinking "Thank God what a lucky escape!"...

 

You could have just made a complete pillock of yourself in front of one of the good ones.

 

I know its very frustrating this OLD and stuff but you have to learn to relax and not read into anything at all.

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salparadise
The ONLY reason I'm angry is because of the way her and the rest of society thinks its totally fine to act the way they do.

 

You're in for an interesting life. How do you feel about padded walls?

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