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My friend brought me to a bar, and his cousin, Ben sings & plays in the band. Ben is good looking and has many girls that tries tackling him but he never accepts them as he has a girlfriend, who's currently studying overseas. He's been loyal to her for 3 years. For the first couple times I met him at the bar, I had no interest in him at all. We just say hi, and have small talks for less than a minute when we do pass by, that's all.

 

One night, when meeting with my friend, he brought his cousin, Ben along for coffee. Meeting together in a group, there were no flirting involved in the conversation and it was just very general. A few days later, it was the weekend again. I did not feel very good so I didn't go to the bar. Ben messages me and asked why I wasn't there, and I thought it was pretty weird because he wanted a conversation and could feel he wanted to talk. We texted for a few hours and continued for a few days. He then invited me to group outings, then to join him at the gym. I went thinking that we are hanging out as friends, but then the texts got naughty, and slowly we led to sleeping together, both willingly by choice and sober.

 

I don't have a boyfriend so I just thought of flinging with this guy. I had a very bad heartbreak before this guy so I felt quite numb towards guys. Even after the first time sleeping with Ben, I couldn't feel anything emotionally for him. However, after sleeping together the first time, he did not just disappear. He still took me out to dates, drive a great distance to see me, sings me to bed on the phone everyday, and treated me so good that it was unbelievable. He could see my needs before I myself could. He was never ashamed taking me out, not afraid of being seen with me. He even brought me to the bar he works at, and still holds my hand and kisses me infront of his colleagues and boss as if I'm his girlfriend. We even had many plans of traveling together, we connect in many ways, and are both completely honest and comfortable together.

 

Everything was too good that I started falling for him, and we both even said "I love you" and slowly got too attached. I did not plan to steal him from his girlfriend, all I wanted was to fling around. I didn't want to fall deeper and get hurt so I told him that we should stop meeting. He told me that he will let me go, and come back for me when he's free from his gf. He even cried when telling me how much he has fallen for me and that he has never felt such connection with anyone else before. After I told him that I want to stop meeting, he instantly broke up with her. His gf cut herself, and couldn't accept that he broke up with her. The reasons are not inclusive of me, the problems they have been having for a long time.

 

His gf does not appreciate him, treats him like a slave, and is very unreasonable. He said that he's been waiting for her to leave but she just hasn't. Few days after he broke up, she flew back to talk things out. She knows that Ben slept with me but the story that she was told is that it was just a one night stand, not knowing that Ben had a fling with me. This break up involves Ben's family, his cousins, relatives, the girl's family, cousins and even some friends. Everyone pressures Ben asking why he's broken up with the girl, and convinces him to stay with her and work things out.

 

When the gf came back, he told me he has to go settle things for a while, so we stopped talking for a few days. Few days later he texted me telling me that he wants to work things out with his girlfriend and that everything that has happened was a mistake, and asked me to not let anyone else know about what has happened between us. Knowing that his gf is back, I respect his decision if he wishes to stay with her, but I needed to know why the drastic change in just a few days. I met up with him for closure and he explained that it was just something he did without thinking straight, and that he did everything with me because he felt comfortable, and he did not intend to make me fall for him. He said what he had for me was more of a crush like in high school.

 

It just seems very weird that he changed so drastically and from loving me so much one moment until he teared, he can say it was all a mistake firmly in just a few days. I know the way we felt for each other was real and I can't do anything about it now because he said he is going back to his girlfriend, and I have no rights to fight for him because I don't have any status. If I do try fighting for what we had, I would become someone trying to steal another girl's boyfriend which is something that I did not intend to do. From the beginning till we ended, I never once asked him to leave the gf.

 

I wanted to walk away so that I don't get hurt, but he made me stay, gave me hope and made me think that we had a future. He told me that he sees his future with me but not with his girlfriend, then leaves me after that. It just seems very hard to believe that he suddenly can feel nothing for me, saying it was all a mistake. I really love and miss being with him, and I can't just let it go now. I don't know what to do.

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Clarence_Boddicker

Who knows if he was being honest or not. What's all this stuff about rights & status? What country or culture are you guys from? Why would he be ashamed of being with you in public?

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Quiet Storm

Before his girlfriend knew, you were a benefit in is life. Now you are a liability. The consequences he is facing and the pain he has caused have changed his perspective.

 

Think of it like this. Say you went to a great party. You were having the best time, all your friends were there, everything was fun & happy. You remember thinking "this is the best night ever!!!". Then, while driving home, you get into a car accident because you drank too much. It seriously injures your passenger, a very good friend.

 

The consequences you face will change your perspective. Looking back you will still think," Yeah, the party was fun". But you overindulged and took it too far, and hurt someone you love. All the happy memories have now been overshadowed. You realize that the fun was not worth it.

 

I think he genuinely enjoyed his time with you and felt those emotions while he was in the moment, but now his perspective has changed.

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La.Primavera

A cheater lies to their partner, why would it be any different with the person they cheat with?

 

You may feel blameless because you weren't trying to get him to leave her but the truth is you knowingly slept with a guy with a girlfriend so you are equally responsible for the consequences.

 

Be grateful you weren't stuck with him because you can guarantee he would have done the same thing to you at some point.

 

It's a painful lesson but hopefully you will learn from it and not put yourself in the same situation again. It's not worth it.

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