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Dating somebody you believe is "out of your league"?


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tbolts619

So guys, I will be going on a date with an extremely extremely attractive woman I met through my Statistics class at the University I go to. A solid 9 or even a 10. By far, the most beautiful woman I've ever taken out in my life.

 

In 2 weeks, I will be going on my first date with her. She is perfect personality wise. Very sweet, a good listener, and such a wonderful person to talk to. It still amazes me that I was still somehow able to get this girl to go out on a date with a guy like me. Unfortunately though, I did some "research/stalking" on her Instagram and found out she's very popular, a big big party girl, and has tons of friends. This girl's got like 1800 followers on Instagram and sooo many thirsty dudes commenting on her **** lol

 

This really scares me because her life is at a completely different pace compared to mine, and I'm not exactly the sociable type. This girl parties, works 2 jobs, works out, and has gone to Vegas 4 times in the last month WHILE getting through school. Me on the other hand, I am a humble boring homebody with no job, no car, and the most interesting thing I do on the weekends is play video games lol It's not that I have a problem with her lifestyle, I'm not asking for her to change or anything, I'm just intimidated. Everything so far, seems to be going right between the both of us. I really really like her but my biggest fear is opening up to her and for her to realize that I wouldn't be able to keep up with her lifestyle.

 

Meeting her, opened my eyes and kind of made me realize how boring and uneventful my life is and it's a horrible feeling. I'm feeling way in over my head on this one. I'm feeling pretty depressed and super insecure. Don't really know what to do about it.

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Ninjainpajamas

Well my advice would be just to be yourself, this kind of party girl might not be looking for that in her dating life...she knows what kinds of guys those are, and usually women get the hint after sleeping with a few of those guys anyway what it's really about.

 

At any rate, don't treat her special...you don't know where she's been and what she's done, she might not be all that "special" in the end..the quality may be lackluster but you're building her up to be this goddess.

 

By dating her, you will realize she is not. She's just a regular woman on the inside, despite her beauty on the outside, so don't treat her with this thread of insecurity and fear, you've got to be confident in yourself and secure with what you're doing...no matter how embarrassing and lackluster your life may be compared to her. She's a woman for one, and she's good looking...it doesn't exactly take the rarest gem of a woman to be popular. You're just a guy...and if you were like those other guys, you're just following behind her smoke trail trying to get a whiff of her panties as she passes by.

 

Don't put her on that pedestal, do what you can to treat her exactly as you would any average looking girl. You'll get more comfortable around her and you'll see her as a person, instead of the fakeness in the party world and socially, which in the end doesn't account for much. All the guys that like her and are hanging around her are just trying to sleep with her, and all the others are just clinging to her popularity...it's pretty superficial attention.

 

Once she develops feelings for you and you get comfortable with her, it'll be like any other girl. Well...not like any other girl but it won't be this huge shock anymore, you'll get conditioned to it. Look at other guys with beautiful women, you don't exactly see them doing back-flips down the road, he's just kind of there with her and it's not a big deal anymore. You've got to get yourself into a more balanced mentally, or you'll just be one of those guys drooling on the street as she walks by...don't be that guy, don't let yourself be, you'll see her imperfections soon enough, she's not a fantasy.

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StanMusial

Honestly guy it doesn't seem like you have much in common with her.

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^ Agree. I hate to be a naysayer but you seem to be in awe of her, and her maybe not so much of you, which is just going to start things off on the wrong foot and give her all the advantages.

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Frank2thepoint

Just enjoy the date. Don't get freaked out about her active lifestyle. Talk to her like a human being, not like some unicorn. Just don't bring up or volunteer information that you do nothing except play video games. I'm sure you having something to draw upon when talking to this girl, like experiences you had when you were younger, vacation with family, hanging out with friends, etc.

 

Meeting her, opened my eyes and kind of made me realize how boring and uneventful my life is and it's a horrible feeling. I'm feeling way in over my head on this one. I'm feeling pretty depressed and super insecure. Don't really know what to do about it.

 

The good thing is now you know. Start changing your life in someway. Doesn't have to be big immediately. You can start off small. Maybe you have some hobbies, aside from video games, you want to pursue that involves outdoor activities, like playing a sport, jogging, bicycling, hiking, swimming, or whatever that may interest you. It could also be an introverted activity like art, drawing, or photography. Whatever it is, just do something with it. Even if it's small, you have to start from somewhere. Once you do it, you will accomplished and content with what you are doing, and then you'll be more confident. Don't try to match your lifestyle with this girl or anyone else. Just be passionate about what you do.

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Michelle ma Belle

There is nothing worse than dating someone who is trying so hard to be something they're not.

 

Relax. Stop stalking her social media pages IMMEDIATELY. Remember that she said yes to a date with you - that's half the battle isn't it?

 

You also need to see yourself in higher regard. She may LOOK like she lives this exciting glamours life with men falling over themselves to be with her BUT maybe what she really wants is a great guy who'll open doors for her, hold her hand and be there for her.

 

Don't get sucked into the facade people project. It very rarely is what it seems.

 

Be yourself. Yes, I said it. Yet another cliche but it's a cliche for a reason...because it's true! Wouldn't you rather her like you for YOU and not some character you're trying to be just for her sake?

 

How exhausting would that be long term :/

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d0nnivain

Look at this another way.

 

She agreed to go out with you. So if she so perfect, she must have good taste in men. Therefore, you must be worth dating because she agreed to go out with you.

 

Stop thinking you know what she's about from Instagram of all the stupid places. Talk to her. Take a page from her book & be a good listener.

 

Maybe she's sick to death of the fake posers she meets in other aspects of her life & wants to date the nice guy from her statistics class.

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I think once she figures our you feel you have nothing in common with her and only picked her for her looks, this will be over.

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loveweary11

I don't see a good ending here either.

 

These are pretty much the kind of girls I attract and probably pursue as well.

 

They like to have fun and you'd better show her a good time (with conversation, a cool place, etc...) if you want the second date.

 

And what's a "league?" Don't buy into that crap for a second. The only league I've ever heard of is in baseball... or maybe bowling.

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E-Squared

I recommend you watch "She's Out of my League." It's with Jay Baruchel and Alice Eve. This thread reminds me so much of that movie.

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calvincline47

I would say to use this a way to get more experience.

 

She doesn't sound like relationship material, to be honest.

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I say continue to be jobless, a couch potato and play video games for the rest of your life...

 

BTW, there are a lot of "5s", "4s", "3s" etc who are just dying for some guy to pick them up and who also share the lifestyle of a "slug" (a chick who is lazy, has no interests/hobbies, doesn't work out and/or do anything with herself)...So, you won't die lonely. I mean, I was watching some kids in my hood. They live with their parents, don't go to school and/or work, drive their parents cars all day and still have chicks pulling up to their doorstep to get with them.

 

BTW, no one is trying to make you change - but ever consider that things she does (i.e. working out, having a social life, working two jobs/being ambitious) isn't a bad thing?

 

I've worked three jobs, went to school, found time to cook/clean/maintain my yard, take care of my mum and brother, and even go clubbing/volunteering/working out. It's not easy, but I'm proud to not be some "slug". I worked hard for the little bit that I got and can look back with pride about that.

 

It's not easy...I remember I used to be so happy for the 3-4 day weekends when I was in the military. I just wanted to sleep in w/o being disturbed...but, you can do it. A lot of it takes planning and organizing.

 

Guess what I did tonite? I cooked a simple alfredo pasta cuz my mum surprised me with leaving me a note that she had to go into work tomorrow - so, I wanna make sure she has food to take. It took me barely 30 min to cook. Not that freakin' hard. I watch so many lazy people in my hood. They don't walk their dogs, they don't exercise, they just are freakin' lazy.

 

No, I'm not a social butterfly - I am a homebody, but I'm not a lazy slug either.

 

Like Ninjapajamas said, you got some grandiose idea of her and she's probably just a normal person like the rest of us...but, I see people look at me and get intimidated and they are so flippin clueless that I'm not SuperGal. I'm just a chick who does what she does....I have weaknesses, fears, etc. I am FAR from perfect and yea, I'm comfortable kicking back on my recliner chair and chillaxin', but after I do my chores thank you.

Edited by Gloria25
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StanMusial
I say continue to be jobless, a couch potato and play video games for the rest of your life...

 

BTW, there are a lot of "5s", "4s", "3s" etc who are just dying for some guy to pick them up and who also share the lifestyle of a "slug" (a chick who is lazy, has no interests/hobbies, doesn't work out and/or do anything with herself)...So, you won't die lonely. I mean, I was watching some kids in my hood. They live with their parents, don't go to school and/or work, drive their parents cars all day and still have chicks pulling up to their doorstep to get with them.

 

BTW, no one is trying to make you change - but ever consider that things she does (i.e. working out, having a social life, working two jobs/being ambitious) isn't a bad thing?

 

I've worked three jobs, went to school, found time to cook/clean/maintain my yard, take care of my mum and brother, and even go clubbing/volunteering/working out. It's not easy, but I'm proud to not be some "slug". I worked hard for the little bit that I got and can look back with pride about that.

 

It's not easy...I remember I used to be so happy for the 3-4 day weekends when I was in the military. I just wanted to sleep in w/o being disturbed...but, you can do it. A lot of it takes planning and organizing.

 

Guess what I did tonite? I cooked a simple alfredo pasta cuz my mum surprised me with leaving me a note that she had to go into work tomorrow - so, I wanna make sure she has food to take. It took me barely 30 min to cook. Not that freakin' hard. I watch so many lazy people in my hood. They don't walk their dogs, they don't exercise, they just are freakin' lazy.

 

No, I'm not a social butterfly - I am a homebody, but I'm not a lazy slug either.

 

Like Ninjapajamas said, you got some grandiose idea of her and she's probably just a normal person like the rest of us...but, I see people look at me and get intimidated and they are so flippin clueless that I'm not SuperGal. I'm just a chick who does what she does....I have weaknesses, fears, etc. I am FAR from perfect and yea, I'm comfortable kicking back on my recliner chair and chillaxin', but after I do my chores thank you.

 

Dang. To be fair he said he was a college student. This looks to be a developing life lesson for him.

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Dang. To be fair he said he was a college student. This looks to be a developing life lesson for him.

 

In high school I graduated top 10% in a high school where Spanish was a 2nd language to me. I tutored, cleaned houses, went to school, did endless chores at my parent's home (where I lived) cuz no one wanted to maintain the lawn, wash and/or clean (especially the dog mess in the house). Mind you, we had to wash clothes by hands.

 

Back in high school, I was the same anti-social person I am now, but I had some friends and participated in certain activities.

 

While I guess you can say I was/am a smart girl ("gifted and talented" since elementary school) and had to grow up faster than some kids (cuz of my parents)...at the same time, the lazyness of this youth and many Americans just baffles me.

 

I see college kids in my hood. Gosh darn, initially their parents had to come and clean, cut grass, etc for them. Do you know how many times I've moved and set up my own home (setting up the entertainment systems are sooooo tedius) w/o any help from family? I somehow "figured it out".

 

I mean, it's nice to have family and friends to support you cuz no one is an island and we all need help at times, but the youth today need to cut the umbilical cord already and grow a pair.

 

Well, seems like the college kids in my hood sorta got shamed into growing up if you ask me (probably by seeing me, a single and older woman handle her business)...long time since I've seen their parents come to clean, cut grass - even visit.

 

That kinda alluded to my distaste of Millenials that I have expressed in other threads. This generation has to have their hands held too much. And, they can't even do basic things like cook, clean, handiwork...etc. They also want "stuff" and wanna drop off their children in daycare like if they were pets. They run and shack-up, marry, and/or have babies w/o getting themselves straight...oh yeah, mom and dad will step in to clean up their poop cuz thanks to their parents and society now a days, the world "owes" Millenials stuff.

 

Seeing how the OP is "challenged" by a FEMALE - who IMO, isn't doing anything besides being hardworking and responsible baffles me. But again, the Feminist movement has also made many MALES quite unmotivated and just lazy. Yes, men usually mature a bit later in life than women (we come out the womb demanding a Barbie and Ken to play "house" with already and by 4 yrs old, already planning our wedding to Prince Charming :rolleyes: ), but this generation of "men" are more worried about kicking back, smokin' blunts and playing video games. But can you blame them? You have women volunteering to sex, shack-up and/or marry them along with paying all and/or half of men's bills.

Edited by Gloria25
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E-Squared

Please, OP, watch the movie "She's Out of My League" for guidance.

 

Information about the movie is found here.

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calvincline47
In high school I graduated top 10% in a high school where Spanish was a 2nd language to me. I tutored, cleaned houses, went to school, did endless chores at my parent's home (where I lived) cuz no one wanted to maintain the lawn, wash and/or clean (especially the dog mess in the house). Mind you, we had to wash clothes by hands.

 

Back in high school, I was the same anti-social person I am now, but I had some friends and participated in certain activities.

 

While I guess you can say I was/am a smart girl ("gifted and talented" since elementary school) and had to grow up faster than some kids (cuz of my parents)...at the same time, the lazyness of this youth and many Americans just baffles me.

 

I see college kids in my hood. Gosh darn, initially their parents had to come and clean, cut grass, etc for them. Do you know how many times I've moved and set up my own home (setting up the entertainment systems are sooooo tedius) w/o any help from family? I somehow "figured it out".

 

I mean, it's nice to have family and friends to support you cuz no one is an island and we all need help at times, but the youth today need to cut the umbilical cord already and grow a pair.

 

Well, seems like the college kids in my hood sorta got shamed into growing up if you ask me (probably by seeing me, a single and older woman handle her business)...long time since I've seen their parents come to clean, cut grass - even visit.

 

That kinda alluded to my distaste of Millenials that I have expressed in other threads. This generation has to have their hands held too much. And, they can't even do basic things like cook, clean, handiwork...etc. They also want "stuff" and wanna drop off their children in daycare like if they were pets. They run and shack-up, marry, and/or have babies w/o getting themselves straight...oh yeah, mom and dad will step in to clean up their poop cuz thanks to their parents and society now a days, the world "owes" Millenials stuff.

 

Seeing how the OP is "challenged" by a FEMALE - who IMO, isn't doing anything besides being hardworking and responsible baffles me. But again, the Feminist movement has also made many MALES quite unmotivated and just lazy. Yes, men usually mature a bit later in life than women (we come out the womb demanding a Barbie and Ken to play "house" with already and by 4 yrs old, already planning our wedding to Prince Charming :rolleyes: ), but this generation of "men" are more worried about kicking back, smokin' blunts and playing video games. But can you blame them? You have women volunteering to sex, shack-up and/or marry them along with paying all and/or half of men's bills.

 

Well, I mean it's not really like women give us a ton to work with. Most women that I've met are very demanding and materialistic. If you are not perfect looking, it will take a TON of work to get them and then, even if you do, they will act as if they're doing you a favor.

 

Personally, I don't understand why any guy even bothers anymore.

 

I'll be the first to admit that I'm pretty lazy (though I have a good job). My apartment is a mess, my car is a mess, and I'm out of shape (though I don't really look it with clothes on lol).

 

But I wasn't always this way. I used to care about my appearance. But I stopped caring since I've stopped chasing women.

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salparadise

OP, I think you need to adjust your attitude in several ways...

 

First, as ninja said, don't elevate her. She's just a woman and I guarantee you she has deficits and insecurities of her own. If she's a female player and her expectations are in the stratosphere then just accept that for what it is and don't look at it as a personal failure.

 

Secondly, be proud of who you are regardless, and don't buy into the old fallacy that more stuff = better person. Your value is determined by your character and is in no way relative to someone else's (her) party lifestyle. Exude confidence in your own intrinsic value and hold your head high.

 

Third, keep expectations reasonable and enjoy the date. Try not to be self-conscious. It's one experience that will last a couple or three hours, so just focus on conversation, eye contact and a bit of flirting. The worst outcome is you have a nice date with an attractive woman, and you gain the confidence to go out with attractive women without it being a big deal.

 

Two trips to Vegas doesn't make her Marilyn Monroe. She's an ordinary person. Focus on what makes her human, not the glitter. If the two of you click, great. If not, still great as long as you don't take it personally. The only way you come out the loser is if you allow specific outcomes or expectations become a determinant of your self-worth. Otherwise it's a win/win.

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