Perspective makes all the difference (Updated)

[HtotheN]

While reading a thread in the infidelity section (the one about character flaws), it occurred to me that oftentimes (not always) but oftentimes, the opinion of why an affair started can usually be predicted based on whether the person giving the opinion is an AP or a BS. It seems that most BSs think that people who cheat do so because of some character flaw while most APs attribute the decision to the OM/OW's marriage being bad. Kind of like how most BSs think that their WS is in the affair just because of the sex, while the APs would say that it is not just about the sex. I am thinking that in both cases, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I think that everyone tells himself/herself what he/she needs in order to feel okay about the situation. Thoughts?

[Popsicle]

I agree, the truth is somewhere in the middle.

[HtotheN]

And don't get me wrong because there are cases where the marriage was essentially good and the BS was given no indication otherwise and the WS just felt entitled to cheat, and there's also serial cheaters. But in a case where one spouse communicates serious fundamental dissatisfaction for months/years and nothing is done to improve anything, it would be ridiculous for that BS to say that the affair was only because of her/his spouse's poor choices, etc. And I get that not everyone cheats even when there are major problems but that does not mean that those who do necessarily have character flaws.

[minimariah]

And I get that not everyone cheats even when there are major problems but that does not mean that those who do necessarily have character flaws.

 

it does, cheating IS a character flaw. it doesn't mean that one will be "stuck" with that character flaw forever, not at all. if one spouse voices her or his dissatisfaction for months & years and nothing is done in order to improve anything... then the real problem is that spouse staying in that marriage, staying in an unhealthy situation. there is always a choice - you can either straight up tell your spouse that you're done with the romantic relationship & that you're going to date but stay married for other reasons OR you can simply divorce, separate... whatever. choosing cheating (as a way to cope with your problems and staying in a miserable relationship instead of doing real action and leaving) IS a character flaw.

 

i actually disagree with you - the APs and spouses who cheat that i know of, do recognize cheating as a character flaw. i know several spouses who left the marriage to be with the APs and they all seeked counseling in order to NOT let the cheating (dealing with the problems in an unhealthy way) happen again. cheating is most definitely always a character flaw (temporary or permanently, depends) BUT it can also be a symptom of a really bad and dead marriage, a symptom that something is missing in the relationship (and it usually is). bad marriage & character flaw aren't mutually exlusive, i personally believe cheating is actually a mix of the two things. that's why you have folks who won't cheat and will simply walk away from a bad marriage - meaning, you gotta have a "special" type of character to NOT walk away and lead that kind of life.

 

all of that doesn't change the love in an A, it doesn't make the A any less real or authentic - an A is a real, relationship... usually filled with some strong emotions. it's rarely just sex.

 

at the end of the day... there is no man without a character flaw. no such thing existing in an imperfect world.

Edited May 2, 2015 by minimariah

[Blu72]

I agree that it's somewhat of a character flaw. Do I understand how I got in my situation? Yes and no...but I know it's not something I can explain away with excuses like I mysteriously got in this position by chance. Because that simply is not true. But at the end of the day, people will tell themselves crazy things to make something seem less wrong. All excuses.

[Hope Shimmers]

While reading a thread in the infidelity section (the one about character flaws), it occurred to me that oftentimes (not always) but oftentimes, the opinion of why an affair started can usually be predicted based on whether the person giving the opinion is an AP or a BS. It seems that most BSs think that people who cheat do so because of some character flaw while most APs attribute the decision to the OM/OW's marriage being bad. Kind of like how most BSs think that their WS is in the affair just because of the sex, while the APs would say that it is not just about the sex. I am thinking that in both cases, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I think that everyone tells himself/herself what he/she needs in order to feel okay about the situation. Thoughts?

 

I participated in that thread and as an ex-OW, I tend to take the side that it is a character flaw.

 

However, where I think things got lost on that thread was in the semantics. A couple of people instantly latched onto that and projected it to mean that saying it was a "character flaw" was literally stating that cheaters are all evil from the womb to the tomb.

 

"Cheating" in an of itself is not the character flaw (if you accept that term for it). Rather I think it is the possession of certain personal characteristics that LEAD to the choice to cheat that is the real issue. So no - cheaters aren't "evil" (a couple of exemptions to that come to mind on this forum of serial cheaters who actually are proud of it and who just don't care what they do or who they hurt). But they may tend to make that decision, whereas others may tend to make a different decision as to how to handle problems or stress.

[jellybean89]

And don't get me wrong because there are cases where the marriage was essentially good and the BS was given no indication otherwise and the WS just felt entitled to cheat, and there's also serial cheaters. But in a case where one spouse communicates serious fundamental dissatisfaction for months/years and nothing is done to improve anything, it would be ridiculous for that BS to say that the affair was only because of her/his spouse's poor choices, etc. And I get that not everyone cheats even when there are major problems but that does not mean that those who do necessarily have character flaws.

 

How exactly do you (general you) know nothing is done to improve anything? Because the cheater tells you? That is what always gets me - how the affair partner believes so much out of the cheater -- how the marriage is, what is done in the marriage to improve the marriage (or what isn't done), how the betrayed spouse did xyz to 'cause' the cheater to cheat or the BS didn't do abc and that is why the cheater cheated. It just boggles the mind how an AP truly thinks they "know" the cheater and "know" how the marriage is. Unless you (general you) live with another couple, sleep in the bedroom with them, are tethered to them 24/7, you (general you) have no flipping idea what goes on in the home. The comments you (general you) read on the OW/OM board about how the betrayed spouse doesn't "call" the cheater enough; doesn't do what the cheater likes to do; makes the cheater do "all" the chores; expects the cheater to "babysit" the kids (hello - a parent doesn't babysit - they parent. Spouses can still have friends and interests and go and do those things and the other parent shouldn't have an issue with it <such as going to boys night out; going to play card; etc>. Makes me really wonder when someone believes all the baloney that comes out of a cheater's mouth.

 

What AP would really voluntarily get into an affair if the cheater said 'I love my spouse. Our sex is amazing. We share everything in common. We have the best times ever when we are together".

 

Some AP don't get that after 10+ years of marriage, couples don't spend every waking moment screwing each other nor do they have to be chained together. AP's tend to forget that once upon a time, the spouses courted, dated, got engaged, planned a wedding, went on a honeymoon and planned a future way before the AP ever chose to have sex with one of the spouses. The cheater didn't "never have sex" with the spouse, didn't ever not do anything with the spouse and definitely DID love that spouse at one point (and let's not play the "he was forced to marry her" card...that gets old. It shocks me when I see OW who truly believe that the MM married his wife while under duress; who thinks the wife got pregnant to trap him; who truly think the couple hasn't had sex in years (and the ever popular sleep in separate rooms or the cheater sleeps on the couch) and who believe all the lies that come out of the cheater's mouth.

 

I wish more people would stop and think before engaging in an affair. Stop and think that just because there is an attraction, it doesn't mean you have to have sex with the person and remember that the cheater had attraction with many others too, including the spouse. I really feel sorry for the people who buy into all that and then waste months/years thinking the cheater is going to leave. Why should they - the cheater has someone at home to take care of them and someone on the side to sneak around with. Why don't people value themselves more than to be a side person? Just very sad how little self respect some have.

[GirlStillStrong]

I think everyone and every situation has to be evaluated separately. I don't think it is correct, or advisable, to paint everyone who has an extra-marital affair with the same paint brush. People cheat at different stages of life, for different reasons. Some people have no self control, some people are disillusioned by marriage and having children, some people are going through mid-life crisis, some people have horrible home lives and need to escape.

 

But I think you are right, OP. To me, the real question is not whether or not the WS has a character flaw; it is why the need to determine whether or not a character flaw exists? I evaluate everyone I get into a relationship with as to whether or not they have a character flaw, and whether or not I can live with them and their flaws. Usually, the answer is "No." IDK why I do this, but I know it has something to do with expectations. Especially expecting perfection.

 

We are all human and we ALL have character flaws. Every last one of us. Does that mean we are all going to cheat on our spouses and partners? No. And if we do cheat does it mean we have a character flaw? One may have nothing to do with the other. Long and short of it is, you cannot predict a person's behavior just because you decide they have a character flaw.

[HtotheN]

Jellybean,

 

I understand everything you said, and have read that on LS a million times.

 

Regardless of what one knows or does not know, that is sometimes the case regarding the crap marriage and no attempt to improve it.

[still_an_Angel]

 

We are all human and we ALL have character flaws. Every last one of us. Does that mean we are all going to cheat on our spouses and partners? No. And if we do cheat does it mean we have a character flaw? One may have nothing to do with the other. Long and short of it is, you cannot predict a person's behavior just because you decide they have a character flaw.

 

Agree that all of us have character flaws, me as the OW is just as flawed as the MM, its like opening a box of nails, what we do with what we get depends on everything about us, not everyone will react in the same way, whether its stress, opportunity, escape, etc. A righteous person may have more character flaws than a WS, doing something or reacting to an attraction may not be due to a character flaw at all, its a person's choice.

[RoseVille]

Watching the series The Affair shows how the two sides view the same situations very differently, leading me to conclude that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

[HtotheN]

Roseville,

 

I have not seen that program but it sounds interesting. I have been a BS, and I have been an AP. I am neither now but I guess that since I have been on both sides of it, I understand both perspectives. In my marriage, my serial cheating WH was most to blame but I do take some ownership in not trying to improve things at all; I had checked out long ago. Was his cheating the best choice to make? Of course not, and one that I never thought I would choose (especially after experiencing the pain that the BS does.) But I understand his perspective to a point. We all know that if the marriage is dead, divorce is really the only right choice but we don't always make the best choices. I became involved with a MM while reeling from the pain of my husband's cheating (ironic, I know) and I was happy with MM for a time. (I ended it with him several times due to guilt on my part and then finally ended it for good a few months ago.) We fell for each other but I came to realize that I did not want to wind up with him. Not because I believe in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy because I know that that's not always the case; I just didn't see myself with him for the long haul, and I could no longer participate in an affair. As I told him when I ended things with him after he asked me what had changed, the fact was that when we first started, I was broken but that I was no longer broken and I realized that an affair and all of the lying, etc. was unacceptable to me. That happens to be my perspective.

[AlwaysGrowing]

While reading a thread in the infidelity section (the one about character flaws), it occurred to me that oftentimes (not always) but oftentimes, the opinion of why an affair started can usually be predicted based on whether the person giving the opinion is an AP or a BS. It seems that most BSs think that people who cheat do so because of some character flaw while most APs attribute the decision to the OM/OW's marriage being bad. Kind of like how most BSs think that their WS is in the affair just because of the sex, while the APs would say that it is not just about the sex. I am thinking that in both cases, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I think that everyone tells himself/herself what he/she needs in order to feel okay about the situation. Thoughts?

 

 

Perception is reality. Like another poster stated the show The Affair, shows the same meetings from both APs perspective. Major points....are very different. And we the viewers have never been given the "true" version. Probably, because for most...the real truth is just not attainable unless we all lived a "The Truman Show" kinda life.

 

Personally, I do not think a poor/bad/low point/stressful marriage causes affairs. If that were the case, all marriages that were that would have affairs in them. We know that is not the case. The only thing that differs is the people in those marriages.

 

It is the humans...the unreliable, unpredictable element to those situations.

 

 

Only two people decided to have the affair....so...those are the only two people that can answer as to why. The person who makes the choice gets to own it. In its entirety.

[HtotheN]

Personally, I do not think a poor/bad/low point/stressful marriage causes affairs. If that were the case, all marriages that were that would have affairs in them. We know that is not the case. The only thing that differs is the people in those marriages.

 

It is the humans...the unreliable, unpredictable element to those situations.

 

 

 

I don't know, AG. Obviously, not all who are unhappy cheat (and not all who cheat are acutally unhappy for that matter!) but that doesn't mean that those in bad marriages who do then choose to cheat are doing so ONLY because of who are they are as a person. In those cases, the situation contributed. How could it not?

[MuddyFootprints]

My thinking was nothing less than flawed. Not only did I justify betraying my husband, I justified betraying my own integrity.

 

While I don't consider my decision to cheat fundamental, I absolutely had every intention of destroying my integrity.

 

I was in full-on destruction mode.

 

Fortunately, my core has been restored and on a scale of 1-10, I consider myself a healthy 7 as far as human flaws go.

 

I'm pretty ok with that.

[Sassy Girl]

Doesn't everyone have character flaws?

 

Who decides whose are worse?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

In my opinion, a person who CHOOSES to CHEAT when they know full well that they have the OPTION of LEAVING the marriage *before* they act on their sexual urges definitely DOES have a CHARACTER FLAW.

 

A person who possesses INTEGRITY, HONESTY and DECENCY does NOT *choose* to engage in sexual relations with a person OTHER THAN their SPOUSE or SIGNIFICANT OTHER - no matter how "unsatisfying" or "miserable" or "sexless" their marriage or relationship is! They can **CHOOSE** to LEAVE the RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE and THEN have sex with as many people as their genitals can handle.

 

BUT...because cheaters want their cake AND eat it too (they want to remain in their comfy lifestyle, they want to remain with the spouse they're so "dissatisfied" with, they want to "see" their kids everyday, they want to continue having a "side piece" while being with their spouse at the same time, etc.), and also because they're huge COWARDS and are very SELFISH, they **CHOOSE** to REMAIN IN their marriage WHILE having SEX with OTHER PEOPLE because - it's what THEY want to do, without having ANY CONSIDERATION or RESPECT of their SPOUSE, their CHILDREN or of their marriage VOWS.

 

Do I think cheaters are "evil"? That's only for God to decide. Do I think cheaters are horrible people for all of the PAIN and SUFFERING that they cause to INNOCENT people? Yes. Cheating is such an absolute negative and disgusting character flaw that I would NEVER tolerate it from a spouse or significant other, nor would I EVER forgive it.

 

When it happened to me - and as soon as I found out about it - I ended it right then and there...and, I NEVER looked back, NEVER forgave him and will NEVER consider him as a decent person who would ever deserve anything good in life. For the past 8 years, Karma has been putting HIM through a lot of spiritual and emotional suffering as well as physical suffering. Now, he KNOWS what it truly FEELS LIKE to **SUFFER**. And even though I am civil towards him whenever I'm unfortunate enough to have to be in the same room with him, I now see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me - he KNOWS what he did to me (and to our children) was SO WRONG on EVERY LEVEL imaginable...and THAT is something he has been living with (and will continue to live with) for the REST OF HIS LIFE.

 

No matter what the innocent spouse/significant other has done (or has not done) in the marriage/relationship, that does NOT give the cheater ANY right OR excuse to have sex with other people. The cheater has the FREEDOM and the CHOICE to LEAVE the marriage/relationship at ANY TIME, if they're "not happy" with the quality of their marriage/relationship. BUT, a lot of them CHOOSE to CHEAT. They CHOOSE IT - no one has FORCED them to do it.

 

 

Yes. Perspective really DOES make all of the difference.

 

 

 

.

[HtotheN]

In my opinion, a person who CHOOSES to CHEAT when they know full well that they have the OPTION of LEAVING the marriage *before* they act on their sexual urges definitely DOES have a CHARACTER FLAW.

 

A person who possesses INTEGRITY, HONESTY and DECENCY does NOT *choose* to engage in sexual relations with a person OTHER THAN their SPOUSE or SIGNIFICANT OTHER - no matter how "unsatisfying" or "miserable" or "sexless" their marriage or relationship is! They can **CHOOSE** to LEAVE the RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE and THEN have sex with as many people as their genitals can handle.

 

BUT...because cheaters want their cake AND eat it too (they want to remain in their comfy lifestyle, they want to remain with the spouse they're so "dissatisfied" with, they want to "see" their kids everyday, they want to continue having a "side piece" while being with their spouse at the same time, etc.), and also because they're huge COWARDS and are very SELFISH, they **CHOOSE** to REMAIN IN their marriage WHILE having SEX with OTHER PEOPLE because - it's what THEY want to do, without having ANY CONSIDERATION or RESPECT of their SPOUSE, their CHILDREN or of their marriage VOWS.

 

Do I think cheaters are "evil"? That's only for God to decide. Do I think cheaters are horrible people for all of the PAIN and SUFFERING that they cause to INNOCENT people? Yes. Cheating is such an absolute negative and disgusting character flaw that I would NEVER tolerate it from a spouse or significant other, nor would I EVER forgive it.

 

When it happened to me - and as soon as I found out about it - I ended it right then and there...and, I NEVER looked back, NEVER forgave him and will NEVER consider him as a decent person who would ever deserve anything good in life. For the past 8 years, Karma has been putting HIM through a lot of spiritual and emotional suffering as well as physical suffering. Now, he KNOWS what it truly FEELS LIKE to **SUFFER**. And even though I am civil towards him whenever I'm unfortunate enough to have to be in the same room with him, I now see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me - he KNOWS what he did to me (and to our children) was SO WRONG on EVERY LEVEL imaginable...and THAT is something he has been living with (and will continue to live with) for the REST OF HIS LIFE.

 

No matter what the innocent spouse/significant other has done (or has not done) in the marriage/relationship, that does NOT give the cheater ANY right OR excuse to have sex with other people. The cheater has the FREEDOM and the CHOICE to LEAVE the marriage/relationship at ANY TIME, if they're "not happy" with the quality of their marriage/relationship. BUT, a lot of them CHOOSE to CHEAT. They CHOOSE IT - no one has FORCED them to do it.

 

 

Yes. Perspective really DOES make all of the difference.

 

 

 

.

 

Not everyone can leave. Just sayin. Thanks for YOUR perspective.

[MuddyFootprints]

I'll just judge you for your lack of ability to converse without the random caps and punctuation.

 

And I'm okay with that, too.

[MuddyFootprints]

Doesn't everyone have character flaws?

 

Who decides whose are worse?

 

Yes, we all have flaws. Unfortunately, some flaws have a tendency to become septic.

 

I know I was worse. I had to prove it somehow.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I'll just judge you for your lack of ability to converse without the random caps and punctuation.

 

And I'm okay with that, too.

 

They're not random caps and punctuation, it is how I type to emphasize a word or to make a point. If you want to "judge" me for how I "converse" via the typed word, that's YOUR choice. And whether you're "okay with that" or not, doesn't matter to me at all. If you don't like the way I type, DON'T READ ANY of my posts.

 

 

@HtotheN: EVERYONE can leave. Just sayin'. There are no physical barriers that are stopping a cheater from leaving. NONE. If you're saying what I think you're saying, it goes back to what I said in my OP about the cheater wanting their cake and eating it too. If a cheater is THAT miserable in their marriage or relationship, then they CAN LEAVE! Seriously. They really CAN. They just DON'T WANT to and CHOOSE *not* to.

 

 

Anyone who defends a cheater or justifies why a cheater "can't leave" an unsatisfying, miserable, sexless, etc. marriage makes me wonder if that person is someone who would also cheat on an innocent person - or, if they have already cheated in their relationship.

 

 

Thanks for YOUR perspective as well.

 

.

[velvette]

While reading a thread in the infidelity section (the one about character flaws), it occurred to me that oftentimes (not always) but oftentimes, the opinion of why an affair started can usually be predicted based on whether the person giving the opinion is an AP or a BS. It seems that most BSs think that people who cheat do so because of some character flaw while most APs attribute the decision to the OM/OW's marriage being bad. Kind of like how most BSs think that their WS is in the affair just because of the sex, while the APs would say that it is not just about the sex. I am thinking that in both cases, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I think that everyone tells himself/herself what he/she needs in order to feel okay about the situation. Thoughts?

 

 

I don't think of it so much as a character flaw as I do dysfunctional coping mechanism rooted in unresolved issues of the person cheating......issues that have nothing to do with the marriage other than creating the problems the cheater is complaining about.

 

 

I've been the OW and the BS. Not sure if you are asking about each person's own situation or in general. I tend to think most BS know the behavior of the cheating spouse better than the AP even if they are blindsided by the cheating. First they have lived with them day in/day out for years. Second, its hard to know your own truth or even the truth when you are actively engaged in deceiving other people imo.

 

 

And, except for rare situations where they are family or friend of the family, how would the AP know anything about the marriage except what the WS told them. Several things happened at my house today that either my husband or I could truthfully tell someone else and make it sound like we have a bad marriage. The reality is they were no big deal/non issues.

 

 

I hope people don't just tell themselves what they need to feel ok. In either situation, you either need to get to the truth in order to fix whats broken or realize you cant get the truth and walk away.

[velvette]

Doesn't everyone have character flaws?

 

Who decides whose are worse?

 

 

Everyone has personality traits, ways of behaving that can range from annoying to toxic.

 

 

Its up to both people in a marriage to determine whats acceptable to them to live with, communicate that effectively and ask the other person respectfully to work on the negative traits they cant live with.

[MuddyFootprints]

They're not random caps and punctuation, it is how I type to emphasize a word or to make a point. If you want to "judge" me for how I "converse" via the typed word, that's YOUR choice. And whether you're "okay with that" or not, doesn't matter to me at all. If you don't like the way I type, DON'T READ ANY of my posts.

 

 

@HtotheN: EVERYONE can leave. Just sayin'. There are no physical barriers that are stopping a cheater from leaving. NONE. If you're saying what I think you're saying, it goes back to what I said in my OP about the cheater wanting their cake and eating it too. If a cheater is THAT miserable in their marriage or relationship, then they CAN LEAVE! Seriously. They really CAN. They just DON'T WANT to and CHOOSE *not* to.

 

 

Anyone who defends a cheater or justifies why a cheater "can't leave" an unsatisfying, miserable, sexless, etc. marriage makes me wonder if that person is someone who would also cheat on an innocent person - or, if they have already cheated in their relationship.

 

 

Thanks for YOUR perspective as well.

 

.

 

Most of us here are literate enough to be capable of understanding a position without the juvenile emphasis on selected words.

 

My judgement stands.

[goodyblue]

In my opinion, a person who CHOOSES to CHEAT when they know full well that they have the OPTION of LEAVING the marriage *before* they act on their sexual urges definitely DOES have a CHARACTER FLAW.

 

A person who possesses INTEGRITY, HONESTY and DECENCY does NOT *choose* to engage in sexual relations with a person OTHER THAN their SPOUSE or SIGNIFICANT OTHER - no matter how "unsatisfying" or "miserable" or "sexless" their marriage or relationship is! They can **CHOOSE** to LEAVE the RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE and THEN have sex with as many people as their genitals can handle.

 

BUT...because cheaters want their cake AND eat it too (they want to remain in their comfy lifestyle, they want to remain with the spouse they're so "dissatisfied" with, they want to "see" their kids everyday, they want to continue having a "side piece" while being with their spouse at the same time, etc.), and also because they're huge COWARDS and are very SELFISH, they **CHOOSE** to REMAIN IN their marriage WHILE having SEX with OTHER PEOPLE because - it's what THEY want to do, without having ANY CONSIDERATION or RESPECT of their SPOUSE, their CHILDREN or of their marriage VOWS.

 

Do I think cheaters are "evil"? That's only for God to decide. Do I think cheaters are horrible people for all of the PAIN and SUFFERING that they cause to INNOCENT people? Yes. Cheating is such an absolute negative and disgusting character flaw that I would NEVER tolerate it from a spouse or significant other, nor would I EVER forgive it.

 

When it happened to me - and as soon as I found out about it - I ended it right then and there...and, I NEVER looked back, NEVER forgave him and will NEVER consider him as a decent person who would ever deserve anything good in life. For the past 8 years, Karma has been putting HIM through a lot of spiritual and emotional suffering as well as physical suffering. Now, he KNOWS what it truly FEELS LIKE to **SUFFER**. And even though I am civil towards him whenever I'm unfortunate enough to have to be in the same room with him, I now see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me - he KNOWS what he did to me (and to our children) was SO WRONG on EVERY LEVEL imaginable...and THAT is something he has been living with (and will continue to live with) for the REST OF HIS LIFE.

 

No matter what the innocent spouse/significant other has done (or has not done) in the marriage/relationship, that does NOT give the cheater ANY right OR excuse to have sex with other people. The cheater has the FREEDOM and the CHOICE to LEAVE the marriage/relationship at ANY TIME, if they're "not happy" with the quality of their marriage/relationship. BUT, a lot of them CHOOSE to CHEAT. They CHOOSE IT - no one has FORCED them to do it.

 

 

Yes. Perspective really DOES make all of the difference.

 

 

 

.

 

Jesus Christ on a crutch i feel like i was punched in tje face about ten times just reading that. While everyone's input is appreciated and taken into consideration, the anger you exhibit is a little disconcerting. Like.it.or not, life is not a straight line, it has many zig zags, twists, divots and bumps on the path. Nobody always makes the right choice all the time and i agree sometimes, even if you think they can just walk out, THEY feel trapped and miserable. So, please keep commenting, but try to calm down a little.

 

All that anger, whoo! Maybe therapy would help you let go of some of that because it must be exhausting.