Jump to content

What do you think of this?


Recommended Posts

Okay, so I went on a cruise a months ago and my aunt lent me like 10 of her party dresses. This is like the thrid time she has lent me dresses and I have always returned them with no problem. She has a ton and we're the same size. She buys new dresses all the time and ends up just selling or throwing away the old ones, since they all cost less than $30.

 

Anyways, one of the dresses I got a little red nail polish on. The dress was black and white and the red polish of course went on the white part. The dress was definitely still wearable since I wore it after it got stained. Again, the red polish stain was like the size of a finger tip dot inside one of the dresses creases, you couldn't even see it when I was wearing it.

 

When I got back from my cruise, I told her about it and told her I was getting it cleaned. She said okay no problem. However, the cleaner said they couldn't get the stain out. I apologized and gave the dress back to her.

 

She called me a few days later mad saying the stain is worse than I said. She said I couldn't borrow her dresses anymore. I was surprised by her attitude and reaction because she is usually such a sweet, giving and nice person. She lends her things to people all the time. I then said sorry again, do you want me to like pay for it? She said if you want. I could tell she wanted me to. The dress was $20. I just said okay and she said okay. We didn't talk for a month after this happened, which is unusual for us.

 

I went over to her house for a family BBQ a month after this conversation happened and we never mentioned it. I didn't give her any money and she didn't ask. The whole thing just seemed to blow over.

 

However, I am still really surprised and upset by what happened. She knew I would be traveling with the dress and again the dress was not ruined by any means. I still wore it and got compliments. She loans her dresses to everyone. She went on a cruise a few weeks ago and lent her dresses to girls her sons met on the cruise and told me about it. I can't imagine her asking them for money if they stained one.

 

What do you think about this? Was she overreacting or was I in the wrong?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You give her the money as you agreed to do, and then you forget about it and carry on as normal.

She may or may not agree to lend you her dresses again, but you have to compensate her, after promising to do so.

If you don't she will not trust you and it will alter the way she feels about you.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You give her the money as you agreed to do, and then you forget about it and carry on as normal.

She may or may not agree to lend you her dresses again, but you have to compensate her, after promising to do so.

If you don't she will not trust you and it will alter the way she feels about you.

 

Well, I didn't really say I would give her the money. I made it sound like I thought it was ridiculous. I didn't sound sincere and promise. If I pay her for the dress, than I want the dress, since it is still very much wearable. However, I think she has probably already thrown out or sold the dress by now. She always wears stained and rip clothes, so this also shouldn't be that big of a deal. I am her niece and the way she freaked out was ridiculous. You don't ask family for money. She knew I was traveling with the dress and she lends dresses to everyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She feels taken for granted. You should at least compensate her $, be more apologetic and willingly listen to any whining she has about it.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
You don't ask family for money..

 

You do if you feel they are ripping you off or you feel aggrieved.

 

YOU had a pretty good deal going there and you showed, by not taking responsibility for that dress, you were not a person to be trusted.

Had you hired 10 dresses from a professional, you would have spent more than $20.

 

They may be rubbish dresses to you, but your aunt spent HER money buying them. What she does with them is her business.

YOU damaged one of her dresses and you have not taken responsibility for it. She wanted $20 and you are laughing in her face - unbelievable.

That particular dress may have had sentimental value for her, but even if it didn't, you are not showing her any respect here.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
She feels taken for granted. You should at least compensate her $, be more apologetic and willingly listen to any whining she has about it.

 

She didn't act mad or annoyed at the BBQ. It seemed like the whole thing just blew over. I just think it was an extreme reaction. I am her niece and did try to get it cleaned. It didn't even occur to me to offer to pay for it, since it was still wearable. I wore it that night and nobody noticed the stain, since it was in the crease.

 

Just to say to me I can't ever borrow any more dresses was over the top. She lends dresses to her son's friends and people they just meet on cruises. I mean I couldn't imagine her asking them for money. I am family and the dress was $20. If the dress meant so much to her she shouldn't have lent it to me. She knew I was traveling with it. I just was taken back by her reaction because she is usually so sweet and understanding.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I just was taken back by her reaction because she is usually so sweet and understanding.

 

I guess she felt you were using her and this was the last straw.

Appreciate her more.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You do if you feel they are ripping you off or you feel aggrieved.

 

YOU had a pretty good deal going there and you showed, by not taking responsibility for that dress, you were not a person to be trusted.

Had you hired 10 dresses from a professional, you would have spent more than $20.

 

They may be rubbish dresses to you, but your aunt spent HER money buying them. What she does with them is her business.

YOU damaged one of her dresses and you have not taken responsibility for it. She wanted $20 and you are laughing in her face - unbelievable.

That particular dress may have had sentimental value for her, but even if it didn't, you are not showing her any respect here.

 

haha, the dress was far from damaged. I wore it that night, it was a red dot on the crease. She acted like the dress was destroyed. I don't think they're rubbish dresses, she acts like they are. She is always throwing them out or selling them. She buys new ones all the time. If the dress has sentimental value to her than she shouldn't have lent it to me. I was going on a cruise, anything could have happened to it. The dress was just one of her hundreds. I couldn't believe she asked me for money. I am her young niece, who did try to get it cleaned.

 

The dress was wearable and the stain was not noticeable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I guess she felt you were using her and this was the last straw.

Appreciate her more.

 

Last straw? She was the one that insisted on me trying on her dresses and borrowing them. I was only going to borrow one and she gave me a whole bag full. She gives her dresses away to everyone though. People she meets on cruises get to borrow them. Her son's friends have ruined things in her house and she wouldn't dare ask them for money. One of her son's friends eats all their food. She will literally go food shopping and he comes over and eats it all. She complains and gossips about it, but never once asks him for money. She only asked me for my money because I'm her niece and I guess she doesn't care what I think.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Its $20? Just give her the money for it!

 

I think its more the lack of respect.

 

She obviously loves her dresses and wants to be able to see them worn and enjoyed. While you may not think its ruined I am afraid I am with your aunt. A large red splodge in a crease will show as you dance etc. Its also foolish and thoughtless behavior as most women know nail varnish is a pig to get out of anything and will paint their nails away from nice clothes etc to make sure it doesn't chip or ruin the nails or go on clothing.

 

Hell I am the most un-feminine girl I know and I wouldn't dream of painting my nails anywhere near a dress.

 

I think you need to give her the $20 with a short apology note and perhaps a thank you gift like some chocolates for all the dress loans she has given you over the years.

 

When someone is kind and generous don't take the piddle out of it.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Its $20? Just give her the money for it!

 

I think its more the lack of respect.

 

She obviously loves her dresses and wants to be able to see them worn and enjoyed. While you may not think its ruined I am afraid I am with your aunt. A large red splodge in a crease will show as you dance etc. Its also foolish and thoughtless behavior as most women know nail varnish is a pig to get out of anything and will paint their nails away from nice clothes etc to make sure it doesn't chip or ruin the nails or go on clothing.

 

Hell I am the most un-feminine girl I know and I wouldn't dream of painting my nails anywhere near a dress.

 

I think you need to give her the $20 with a short apology note and perhaps a thank you gift like some chocolates for all the dress loans she has given you over the years.

 

When someone is kind and generous don't take the piddle out of it.

 

Exactly, it's $20, so why even make a big deal about it and ask for the money?

Loves her dresses, but loans them to everyone, even complete strangers sometimes; ok?

When you loan things to people you need to be prepared for all possibilities. I wasn't prepared to have to pay for the dress because it was still wearable. I didn't view it as a destroyed dress. I danced and nobody saw the red dot. I asked my friend if she noticed it and she said no.

I was on my way out and my nail broke, so I just wanted to do a touch up and the ship rocked. Things happen, but you don't say to people you can't ever borrow anything again.

 

Give her chocolates? haha, that made me laugh :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
regine_phalange

This is why I never lend things. Accidents happen, and she must have known this. But you could buy her 2 dresses, one for compensation and one for the psychological distress.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
This is why I never lend things. Accidents happen, and she must have known this. But you could buy her 2 dresses, one for compensation and one for the psychological distress.

 

I have learned from this to just to never lend or borrow anything again.

 

What? Why would I buy her 2 dresses? Physiological distress over a tiny stain in a crease on a dress? I didn't kill her puppy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Exactly, it's $20, so why even make a big deal about it and ask for the money?

Loves her dresses, but loans them to everyone, even complete strangers sometimes; ok?

When you loan things to people you need to be prepared for all possibilities. I wasn't prepared to have to pay for the dress because it was still wearable. I didn't view it as a destroyed dress. I danced and nobody saw the red dot. I asked my friend if she noticed it and she said no.

I was on my way out and my nail broke, so I just wanted to do a touch up and the ship rocked. Things happen, but you don't say to people you can't ever borrow anything again.

 

Give her chocolates? haha, that made me laugh :laugh:

 

Sorry but I find your attitude really disrespectful. Doesn't matter if its $20 or $20,000.

 

I have brought my friends and family chocolates for far less.

 

You may not think that the dress is ruined, but it is. You have left a red mark on a patch of white material that can not be removed. It is thus ruined. Even if its as small as a thumb print and in a fold. It is ruined.

 

And yes if someone is trite about it, clearly not at all bothered that they have ruined something of yours and not at all remorseful it shows a lack of respect and care. So no. I am with your aunt. You would not be loaned any more of my dresses or anything else for that matter.

 

Your aunt is clearly a very kind and generous person. Your current attitude shows that you clearly have no respect for her feelings or her belongings.

 

You may not want to hear it but you have effectively taken advantage of her good nature - time for you to learn a hard lesson here. If you take the pee you get F all back in return. You have taken the pee and clearly don't even care about it. No manners at all, and a severe lack of grace.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
I have learned from this to just to never lend or borrow anything again.

 

What? Why would I buy her 2 dresses? Physiological distress over a tiny stain in a crease on a dress? I didn't kill her puppy.

 

You said when you saw her she acted like it had blown over, so you're the only one who seems to be in any distress about it still.

 

You borrowed a dress, ruined it, then didn't pay her for it. She's perfectly reasonable in not lending you any more dresses.

 

Just move on and buy your own dresses from now on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The rule is that, when borrowing something, return it in the same or better condition that you received it. If you damage it, fix it. If you can not fix it, replace it. This is just basic consideration.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse
You don't ask family for money.

 

But apparently you do ask to borrow hundreds of dollars worth of clothing, or accept it willingly and joyously when it's offered to you?

 

Honestly you sound like a spoilt brat, that's probably why your aunt doesn't want you to borrow her things anymore. If you damage something, you offer very seriously to pay for a replacement, it doesn't mwtter whether YOU think it's damaged, clearly she does, and I would feel the same with red nail polish on a white part of a dress! It's none of your concern how many dresses she has or who she lends them to. You were trusted with this one and screwed up. I bet if you'd apologised and offered to give her the money for the dress she would have been fine with it because accidents happen (although who is silly enough to use nail polish near a borrowed dress I do not know) but your attitude afterwards stinks.

 

If my friend ruined (in my opinion, not hers) or damaged a dress I had let her wear, I would be very hurt if she was blasè and acted like it was no big deal. When you do that, you apologise genuinely and offer to give them money to cover it or pay for the dry cleaning. If the dry cleaning fails you give them the money for the item. I wouldn't accept money from a friend's mistake but they would offer and mean it, that's how being respectful of somebody works. The fact that you wouldn't give her the money even when she clearly wanted you to is horrible and I'd be amazed if you were trusted again.

 

To fix this situation you send flowers, $20 and a note saying you're sorry for being a jerk and thank you for all of the clothes you've let me borrow. She's your aunt and you hurt her and seem to be taking her for granted and if my beautiful nephews who I love like they're my own and have bought gifts for and spent hours and hours spending time with grew up and acted like 'oh it's only my aunt, she's being ridiculous' if they broke something I leant them I would be gutted and wonder what kind of people they'd turned into.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
The rule is that, when borrowing something, return it in the same or better condition that you received it. If you damage it, fix it. If you can not fix it, replace it. This is just basic consideration.

 

I agree. You borrowed it, you damaged it, you fix it. If you can't fix it, then you pay for it. And if you fail to do these reasonably considerate things for her, when she's been considerate enough to lend them to you in the first place, then don't be surprised that she doesn't lend you things again in the future.

 

And I couldn't care less what your relationship is, or who else she lends things to, or where you planned on going with the dress, or how insignificant you think the damage is. It's her dress. You didn't return it in the same condition and you haven't been grateful enough to even make up for it. The problem here is not her; it's you. And you've gotten that message consistently in this thread. Are you listening to these objective voices or did you just want us to tell you what you want to hear?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
toolforgrowth

I'm a dude, so take this with a grain of salt, but I would have offered to replace the dress with a brand new one and kept the stained one. That way she gets a new unstained dress and you get to keep the old one. Everybody wins. That way your aunt knows that if something happens to a dress you borrow, you'll take ownership of it and replace it so she's not out anything.

 

At bare minimum, I'd give get the cash as promised along with a heartfelt apology. I don't think you meant to do it, it was an accident. But even when we inadvertently create accidents, apologizing and fixing the problem is the right thing to do.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sorry but I find your attitude really disrespectful. Doesn't matter if its $20 or $20,000.

 

I have brought my friends and family chocolates for far less.

 

You may not think that the dress is ruined, but it is. You have left a red mark on a patch of white material that can not be removed. It is thus ruined. Even if its as small as a thumb print and in a fold. It is ruined.

 

And yes if someone is trite about it, clearly not at all bothered that they have ruined something of yours and not at all remorseful it shows a lack of respect and care. So no. I am with your aunt. You would not be loaned any more of my dresses or anything else for that matter.

 

Your aunt is clearly a very kind and generous person. Your current attitude shows that you clearly have no respect for her feelings or her belongings.

 

You may not want to hear it but you have effectively taken advantage of her good nature - time for you to learn a hard lesson here. If you take the pee you get F all back in return. You have taken the pee and clearly don't even care about it. No manners at all, and a severe lack of grace.

 

I understand why you think I sound disrespectful. I re-read my initial post and I see what you're saying.

However, I personally don't think the dress is ruined because the red dot is not even a thumb size. I wore the dress with no problem and I think she overreacted.

However, what bothered and surprised me the most was my aunts attitude towards me. After I returned the dress she called mad saying it was worse than I said, which wasn't true. I explained to her while the dress was at the cleaners what the spot looked like. She didn't even give me a chance to apologize again and offer money to replace it before she started being disrespectful to me. To not even let me get a word in and just run your mouth off saying things like you can't ever borrow anything again from me again, etc. was immature and rude.

 

She was mad at me even before I had the chance to offer money to replace the dress. However, again I don't think the dress was ruined and to act that way over an item of clothing was ridiculous.

 

If she allowed me time to apologize again and didn't start getting mad right away, than maybe I would feel worse about what happened.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You said when you saw her she acted like it had blown over, so you're the only one who seems to be in any distress about it still.

 

You borrowed a dress, ruined it, then didn't pay her for it. She's perfectly reasonable in not lending you any more dresses.

 

Just move on and buy your own dresses from now on.

 

I am not in distress about it, just curious what others think.

 

The dress is not ruined. Ruined to me means the dress is unwearable, which it certainly is not. I wore it that whole night, danced etc. Nobody noticed the small spot (I asked people) The red dot was in a crease on the bottom of the dress. It really wasn't noticeable. I don't like wearing ripped and stained clothing, so if it was bad I wouldn't have continued to wear it.

 

I won't be borrowing anything from anyone anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
The rule is that, when borrowing something, return it in the same or better condition that you received it. If you damage it, fix it. If you can not fix it, replace it. This is just basic consideration.

 

Again the dress is not ruined. There is a small red dot in the crease at the bottom of the dress. You can't notice it. Why would I would I replace or pay for a dress as if it was ruined and not wearable anymore? She already threw that dress away and others. She told me and my sister she threw like 5 of her dresses out because she was tired of them. I would have rather her at least donated them or gave them to me. She is careless and wasteful, so me paying for a dress she would have thrown out anyway is insane.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Again the dress is not ruined. There is a small red dot in the crease at the bottom of the dress. You can't notice it. Why would I would I replace or pay for a dress as if it was ruined and not wearable anymore? She already threw that dress away and others. She told me and my sister she threw like 5 of her dresses out because she was tired of them. I would have rather her at least donated them or gave them to me. She is careless and wasteful, so me paying for a dress she would have thrown out anyway is insane.

 

The dress IS ruined! You keep saying its not but the fact is that it is!

 

Your reaction and the way in which you treated her was nothing short of abysmal.

 

I am actually really tired of this as all you are doing is showing a complete lack of manners and decency in the way in which you have treated her and when any of us suggest that you take some form of action all you do is laugh and tell us that we are daft and continue to treat your aunt as some sort of inconsequential heathen.

 

Your aunt has acted with dignity and class in continuing to treat you as normal after your argument. An argument that you could well have prevented by showing her some kindness and a bit of thought towards her feelings. You have behaved in a very crass way and continue to do so by not accepting responsibility or treating your aunt as a decent, generous and caring human being.

 

Simple as.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
But apparently you do ask to borrow hundreds of dollars worth of clothing, or accept it willingly and joyously when it's offered to you?

 

Honestly you sound like a spoilt brat, that's probably why your aunt doesn't want you to borrow her things anymore. If you damage something, you offer very seriously to pay for a replacement, it doesn't mwtter whether YOU think it's damaged, clearly she does, and I would feel the same with red nail polish on a white part of a dress! It's none of your concern how many dresses she has or who she lends them to. You were trusted with this one and screwed up. I bet if you'd apologised and offered to give her the money for the dress she would have been fine with it because accidents happen (although who is silly enough to use nail polish near a borrowed dress I do not know) but your attitude afterwards stinks.

 

If my friend ruined (in my opinion, not hers) or damaged a dress I had let her wear, I would be very hurt if she was blasè and acted like it was no big deal. When you do that, you apologise genuinely and offer to give them money to cover it or pay for the dry cleaning. If the dry cleaning fails you give them the money for the item. I wouldn't accept money from a friend's mistake but they would offer and mean it, that's how being respectful of somebody works. The fact that you wouldn't give her the money even when she clearly wanted you to is horrible and I'd be amazed if you were trusted again.

 

To fix this situation you send flowers, $20 and a note saying you're sorry for being a jerk and thank you for all of the clothes you've let me borrow. She's your aunt and you hurt her and seem to be taking her for granted and if my beautiful nephews who I love like they're my own and have bought gifts for and spent hours and hours spending time with grew up and acted like 'oh it's only my aunt, she's being ridiculous' if they broke something I leant them I would be gutted and wonder what kind of people they'd turned into.

 

I never asked to borrow these dresses, she insisted. I actually said no at first because I was concerned about traveling with them and she said oh it's fine.

 

She told me I wasn't allowed to borrow her dresses anymore even before she gave me a chance to offer to pay for it. However, what bothered and surprised me the most was my aunts attitude towards me. After I returned the dress she called mad saying it was worse than I said, which wasn't true. I explained to her while the dress was at the cleaners what the spot looked like. She didn't even give me a chance to apologize again and offer money to replace it before she started being disrespectful to me. To not even let me get a word in and just run your mouth off saying things like you can't ever borrow anything again from me again, etc. was immature and rude.

 

She was mad at me even before I had the chance to offer money to replace the dress. However, again I don't think the dress was ruined and to act that way over an item of clothing was ridiculous.

 

If she allowed me time to apologize again and didn't start getting mad right away, than maybe I would feel worse about what happened.

 

My nail broke and I just wanted to do a quick touch up and the ship rocked.

I was getting it cleaned and they said it couldn't come out. Her demading money for the dress wasn't nice. She was acting like the dress was torn in half or something. There is a small red dot at the bottom in the crease. She already thrown the dress out and told me she threw 5 others out too because she was tired of them. I am glad I never paid for a dress she would have just thrown out anyway. Why would I pay for a dress as if it was ripped in half?

 

"It's none of your concern how many dresses she has or who she lends them to."

It is my concern because if she cared so much about her dresses she wouldn't just lend them to strangers or anyone. She continued to lend her dresses to strangers she met on her cruise and then told me about it.

 

Recently one of her son's friends broke a nice outdoor chair in their backyard. She just laughed it off and said it's only stuff. I was really mad because she gets mad at me and demands money, but to her son's friends it's only stuff?

 

I'm her niece and she shouldn't have acted like that towards me.

Also, my aunt is not as generous as you think. She never gave me a graduation gift, missed some birthday gifts etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
The dress IS ruined! You keep saying its not but the fact is that it is!

 

Your reaction and the way in which you treated her was nothing short of abysmal.

 

I am actually really tired of this as all you are doing is showing a complete lack of manners and decency in the way in which you have treated her and when any of us suggest that you take some form of action all you do is laugh and tell us that we are daft and continue to treat your aunt as some sort of inconsequential heathen.

 

Your aunt has acted with dignity and class in continuing to treat you as normal after your argument. An argument that you could well have prevented by showing her some kindness and a bit of thought towards her feelings. You have behaved in a very crass way and continue to do so by not accepting responsibility or treating your aunt as a decent, generous and caring human being.

 

Simple as.

 

The dress is laying in a landfill now, with other ones she carelessly threw away because she was tired of them. It really doesn't matter anymore.

 

I apologized, tried to get it cleaned. She then called me all mad and demanding money for it. I was suprised by her attitude. It was an accident and she acted like I did it on purpose.

 

I am showing a complete lack of manners and decency ? She is the on calling up her neice mad and demanding money for a dress that has a dot at the bottom in the crease. She knows she throws dresses out anyway

and has a ton. She also always stains her clothes and wears them anyway.

 

You don't even know my aunt, so why defend her so much? She only acted this way because I am her niece and probably doesn't care what I think about her. Read my other post about her son's friends.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...