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I have been single for 3 months as my husband left me and is now living with another women.

 

I just want some advice as i dont know how long i should wait before i get back on the dating scene?

 

I still love my husband but i feel so alone and really miss having someone there. I agree that jumping back into a relationship would be the wrong thing to do as its too soon for anything serious.

 

My friends have booked to go speed dating and i dont know if i should go... I was with my ex for 11 years and i am now 31 so i feel like i dont know how to speak to men nevermind date them.

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Hey Lisa. :)

 

Do you have any friends that you could hang out with casually? I don't mean to start a FWB with, but someone who's maybe not a BFF that would be a bit less of a known quantity. Reason I suggest that is why put extra pressure on yourself in social situations with expectations when you're already stressed out, and when you probably have no real desire to bang it out anyway.

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Sorry to hear that. If you still love your husband that must have been traumatic for you. If I were a male and single I would not be interested in dating you and being your rebound. It's not fair for the new man.

 

 

I understand you are alone but why don't you join a few meetup groups. It's a great way to meet new people and do fun activities.

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If you think going to a speed dating thing with your girlfriends sounds fun, go for it! Nothing saying that you have to start a relationship with anyone, but it might be a fun way to just get your toes wet on what to expect!

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Are you divorced yet?

 

IMO, if you aren't that should be your first priority above when to start dating.

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Re: the speed dating event. I know a few people that have tried it and it was a huge disappointment for them. You may actually feel worse about your situation if you have the same experience.

 

 

That being said, if you go with an attitude that it's a "fun" night out then you could have a good laugh and that's it then go for it.

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Hey Lisa. :)

 

Do you have any friends that you could hang out with casually? I don't mean to start a FWB with, but someone who's maybe not a BFF that would be a bit less of a known quantity. Reason I suggest that is why put extra pressure on yourself in social situations with expectations when you're already stressed out, and when you probably have no real desire to bang it out anyway.

 

Hi jen,

 

I have been going out with my friends which i found has helped, to be honest i prefer to be out specially of a weekend as being in my home alone is quite hard and stressfull...

 

My friends have booked speed dating as thet think it will be good way to meet and talk to men.

 

Just terrifying to be single and think of getting bk onto the dating scene again i thought my life was planned out.

 

Tnx for your advice

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Sorry to hear that. If you still love your husband that must have been traumatic for you. If I were a male and single I would not be interested in dating you and being your rebound. It's not fair for the new man.

 

 

I understand you are alone but why don't you join a few meetup groups. It's a great way to meet new people and do fun activities.

 

Hi carm,

 

I agree with what you are saying about someone being my rebound i am aware that getting into a serious relationship would be the wrong thing to do. My friends are saying i should get back onto the dating scene just st so i can get used to meeting and talking to men again as i really have forgot how to do that ha.

 

If i do go speed dating it would only be for fun not to actually meet someone. Tnx for your advice x

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If you think going to a speed dating thing with your girlfriends sounds fun, go for it! Nothing saying that you have to start a relationship with anyone, but it might be a fun way to just get your toes wet on what to expect!

 

Yeah it would be for fun only maybe i should give it a try and just have fun with my girls

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Are you divorced yet?

 

IMO, if you aren't that should be your first priority above when to start dating.

 

No yet... Dont feel like i can go down that road yet as its only been 3 months.

 

I know hes moved on but the breakup was a big shock to me and alot has happened in the last 3 months.

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Your friends hearts are in the right place, but making yourself date isn't the answer. It would be great to just go out with your friends like you used to do and have fun and maybe meet someone that way.

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Step one: Finalize the divorce

 

Step two: Circulate in the main stream of life. Find yourself before finding another.

Step Three: Once you are capable of sustaining yourself without a person, then you may want to consider establishing relations with a dating person.

 

Some folks say to jump in the pool as soon as the ink is dry on the divorce.

 

I make it a rule of thumb to not date or be involved with a person who has recently divorced or lost a true love for at least two years. And then, its a flip of the coin if they are worthy of a decent relationship. Some folks become so bitter and that can last for years...

 

I sincerely hope you take time out to regain your tempo and simply enjoy friendships and life experiences.

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whichwayisup

Go pamper yourself. Go shopping, get a new haircut, go with the girls and have a spa weekend somewhere. If you're not ready to date, then don't. Enjoy being single, enjoy being on your own, as scary and hard as it is for you, you'll grow from this experience and become much more independent.

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