What is truly important in a partner?

[shvrk]

Why is it that the looks of the person you date are so important?

What is your ideal partner BESIDES the looks and assets?

Is it something I'm missing out on bc of my age and maturity levels?

 

Honestly, I want to know. I understand looks go as far as having someone nice to look at when you have sex, but when those dwindle, whats to happen?

 

And financially I know that's important to show responsibility and the ability to support a future family in that aspect.

 

But really what is truly important in a partner?

Edited April 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clarify topic and move to GRD

[Hawaii51]

That we're accommodating to each other's well being, and better on a whole. In-touch with reality, emotionally and financially stable, well read and thought, nurturing, affectionate, loves the tropical jungle (a percentage hippy), and open to grow. Most above all, just be herself.

 

I don't see why I can't find that in someone who happened to have an abundance of outer beauty as well.

[shvrk]

That we're accommodating to each other's well being, and better on a whole. In-touch with reality, emotionally and financially stable, well read and thought, nurturing, affectionate, loves the tropical jungle (a percentage hippy), and open to grow. Most above all, just be herself.

 

I don't see why I can't find that in someone who happened to have an abundance of outer beauty as well.

 

Wouldn't that inner beauty flow out to her outer beauty

[Gaeta]

Of course I want a man with beautiful qualities but I want him to be attractive to ME. I don't care what's on top of magazines. I want to be taken away by his smile and be sexually attracted. It's not being superficial, it's knowing what you need and want. It's the law of attraction you cannot change how humans are wired. The man I go for most my females friends would not go after. What we find attractive is personal to each person.

 

I find it funny when a 20s yo talks about looks changing. I spent 15 years with a man and he looked exactly the same after 15 years. Sure our body will start changing but we're talking in decades. Hopefully in decades with that person you will have built a deep connection with that person and you won't care about his or her wrinkles. When my dad looks at my mom after 50 years of marriage he still finds her beautiful. I am more attractive at 49 than I was at 35, I take better care of myself, I've gained in style and in confidence so no, looks don't abandoned you if you take care of yourself.

[Toodaloo]

What is wrong with wanting to sleep with someone I find attractive? Or should I just put the pootang out for general consumption to be fair to everyone?

 

What is attractive to one is not going to be attractive to another.

 

I am not going to judge someone just because they don't fancy me. Why should they?

 

The 11th commandment is not that everyone must fancy everyone else. What a mess we would all end up in if we all did.

 

Attraction doesn't always mean the best looking. I know some stunning people who are so ugly in character that it makes them ugly. I also know some people who are what we would as society call "ugly" but never have any problems because they are very attractive.

 

So yeah I am happy to be considered superficial in this case. My pootang is under wraps and only available to those I want to flash it to thanks.

 

And yes LS is normally that way because after years of going through all sorts of discussions like this we have come to accept that it is just the way it is and its actually no bad thing.

[shvrk]

Of course I want a man with beautiful qualities but I want him to be attractive to ME. I don't care what's on top of magazines. I want to be taken away by his smile and be sexually attracted. It's not being superficial, it's knowing what you need and want. It's the law of attraction you cannot change how humans are wired. The man I go for most my females friends would not go after. What we find attractive is personal to each person.

 

I find it funny when a 20s yo talks about looks changing. I spent 15 years with a man and he looked exactly the same after 15 years. Sure our body will start changing but we're talking in decades. Hopefully in decades with that person you will have built a deep connection with that person and you won't care about his or her wrinkles. When my dad looks at my mom after 50 years of marriage he still finds her beautiful. I am more attractive at 49 than I was at 35, I take better care of myself, I've gained in style and in confidence so no, looks don't abandoned you if you take care of yourself.

 

 

I see thanks for the response. I guess I would Not know about looks changing. I just know in a past experience my boyfriend tried to change the way i look, vs my boyfriend now who encourage encourages me to do whatever i please as far as not wearing makeup and other simple stuff like that, and he tells me that my appearance is only so much, that i bring much more to the relationship that looks dont matter as much as everything else. I can say the same, i honestly am more attractive to the personality and ambition of my man than his looks, but he is still handsome to ME.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Don't worry about what other people do.

 

You could be dead in a year.

 

If you want to date a girl who isn't that great looking but is awesome and inspires you, then do it.

Edited April 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[smackie9]

#1 Confidence #2 having things in common and same values and point of view, self respect, positive attitude.

[katiegrl]

Of course I want a man with beautiful qualities but I want him to be attractive to ME. I don't care what's on top of magazines. I want to be taken away by his smile and be sexually attracted. It's not being superficial, it's knowing what you need and want. It's the law of attraction you cannot change how humans are wired. The man I go for most my females friends would not go after. What we find attractive is personal to each person.

 

I find it funny when a 20s yo talks about looks changing. I spent 15 years with a man and he looked exactly the same after 15 years. Sure our body will start changing but we're talking in decades. Hopefully in decades with that person you will have built a deep connection with that person and you won't care about his or her wrinkles. When my dad looks at my mom after 50 years of marriage he still finds her beautiful. I am more attractive at 49 than I was at 35, I take better care of myself, I've gained in style and in confidence so no, looks don't abandoned you if you take care of yourself.

 

Agree with Gaeta. My only criteria, with respect to looks, is that he be good looking TO ME.

 

I couldn't give a rat's rear end what anyone else thinks.

[shvrk]

 

Attraction doesn't always mean the best looking. I know some stunning people who are so ugly in character that it makes them ugly. I also know some people who are what we would as society call "ugly" but never have any problems because they are very attractive.

 

I'm not talking solely about people wanting an attractive partner along with other qualities. I would be referencing people that are the ugly on the inside, because of how they look. I know of people that do go for others just for looks. Even my close friends... Then things end up being hell in there relationship bc of the differences. I don't see a problem w wanting someone attractive, but why miss out on someone that is "kinda" attractive to you physically but with an awesome personality? And same values? Etc? I just wouldn't want to focus on looks i guess.

[Toodaloo]

Wouldn't that inner beauty flow out to her outer beauty

 

shvrk...

 

Your not getting it.

 

A big nose isn't attractive right? But some people (myself included) are attracted by big noses.

 

Bald heads are "ugly" right... Again your wrong. to some they are beautiful.

 

A gooky eye? Nope someone will adore that about you.

 

Blonde, brunette, red head... it doesn't matter. Someone will fancy you for the very reason that you "think" you are ugly.

 

Ergo. No point worrying about it. Worry about the local homeless population or starving children in Africa, or animal cruelty. Jessh worry about what your going to eat for supper tonight make more sense than this.

[shvrk]

Excuse any of my typos, my phone makes it hard yo autocorrect and adds in random words, and remixes regular ones.

[Gaeta]

I see thanks for the response. I guess I would Not know about looks changing. I just know in a past experience my boyfriend tried to change the way i look, vs my boyfriend now who encourage encourages me to do whatever i please as far as not wearing makeup and other simple stuff like that, and he tells me that my appearance is only so much, that i bring much more to the relationship that looks dont matter as much as everything else. I can say the same, i honestly am more attractive to the personality and ambition of my man than his looks, but he is still handsome to ME.

 

That is a different subject than look changing. If you meet someone you have to like them the way they are now.

[ZA Dater]

But really what is truly important in a partner?

 

For me its the truly astonishing person who speaks to my mind as well as my heart, that person who captivates me with their personality and looks good to me.

 

 

People like that are rare for me but its like going on an exotic island holiday, once you have met this rare person its the only type of person you want.

 

 

Ultimately its about balance.

[Gary S]

What's really important in a partner? - Lots of oil and suntan lotion, and coupons.... don't forget the coupons!

[Gaeta]

shvrk...

 

Your not getting it.

 

A big nose isn't attractive right? But some people (myself included) are attracted by big noses.

 

Bald heads are "ugly" right... Again your wrong. to some they are beautiful.

 

A gooky eye? Nope someone will adore that about you.

 

Blonde, brunette, red head... it doesn't matter. Someone will fancy you for the very reason that you "think" you are ugly.

 

Ergo. No point worrying about it. Worry about the local homeless population or starving children in Africa, or animal cruelty. Jessh worry about what your going to eat for supper tonight make more sense than this.

 

Well said !

 

I love bald men! every single man I talked about on here had a shaven head. My friend can't stand shaved head.

 

My daughter (27) love the tall skinny long hair rocker style. I don't know what she sees in them but that's her thing!

 

Viva la différence!

[Toodaloo]

I'm not talking solely about people wanting an attractive partner along with other qualities. I would be referencing people that are the ugly on the inside, because of how they look. I know of people that do go for others just for looks. Even my close friends... Then things end up being hell in there relationship bc of the differences. I don't see a problem w wanting someone attractive, but why miss out on someone that is "kinda" attractive to you physically but with an awesome personality? And same values? Etc? I just wouldn't want to focus on looks i guess.

 

Honey, you are all young. Let them learn.

 

There has to be something there for that "attraction" to spark and conversation to start. Who cares if they have great hair or pretty eyes or whatever it is that they like?

 

Everyone has something attractive about them. Everyone. It may even be that they have nice knees!

 

Seriously try it sometime. Find someone that you think is as ugly as sin then find something attractive about them. Once you get into the habit you start to see the world around you differently

[shvrk]

shvrk...

 

Your not getting it.

 

A big nose isn't attractive right? But some people (myself included) are attracted by big noses.

 

Bald heads are "ugly" right... Again your wrong. to some they are beautiful.

 

A gooky eye? Nope someone will adore that about you.

 

Blonde, brunette, red head... it doesn't matter. Someone will fancy you for the very reason that you "think" you are ugly.

 

Ergo. No point worrying about it. Worry about the local homeless population or starving children in Africa, or animal cruelty. Jessh worry about what your going to eat for supper tonight make more sense than this.

 

I think we might be missing eachothers points completely.

I uunderstand attractiveness is subjective.

 

I do worry about worldy affairs but mostly spiritually... I know i can be set back a bit but that's another thread.

[Toodaloo]

Well said !

 

I love bald men! every single man I talked about on here had a shaven head. My friend can't stand shaved head.

 

My daughter (27) love the tall skinny long hair rocker style. I don't know what she sees in them but that's her thing!

 

Viva la différence!

 

I know! There is something so so sexy about bald heads!! I love them! I love touching them.

 

I also have a thing about big noses that are really pronounced on the face. Don't know why but I just love them! I didn't realise until recently that I like big noses!

 

Ironic that that the chap I am most interested in has a small nose and a full head of hair... he also has a cleft on his chin which I have never liked before but on him I find it really "cute".

[Toodaloo]

I do worry about worldy affairs but mostly spiritually...

 

So you think about it talk about it but don't actually do anything about it...

 

You and I are very different there...

[shvrk]

So you think about it talk about it but don't actually do anything about it...

 

You and I are very different there...

 

 

[shvrk]

So you think about it talk about it but don't actually do anything about it...

 

You and I are very different there...

 

I make one post and you assume i don't care about other things? Maybe my chakras aren't balanced but everyone has moments where they are slipping in spirituality, I love growing more than anything.

[xxoo]

I can say the same, i honestly am more attractive to the personality and ambition of my man than his looks, but he is still handsome to ME.

 

I can relate to that.

 

And my guy is handsome! Many women have told me so, and I can see it. But I don't look at his appearance and get turned on. His actions turn me on. But regardless, what is important is that he turns me on.

 

What is important:

 

attraction, whatever the source (not just appearance)

shared goals, dreams, ideas about career and family

functional relationship skills and conflict resolution

LOVE.

[Toodaloo]

I make one post and you assume i don't care about other things? Maybe my chakras aren't balanced but everyone has moments where they are slipping in spirituality, I love growing more than anything.

 

There is a very big difference between wanting change and implementing change.

 

There you go.

 

That is something important to me. I want someone with gumption and determination to make a change for the positive. Not some one who thinks about it but someone with the strength to carry out their convictions.

 

Its hard to stand up, away from the crowd and do something different sometimes. Its difficult to stand by your convictions and stay firm when you are under enormous amounts of pressure from others. So that is important to me. Also someone who will stand by me and support me when I do it.

[shvrk]

There is a very big difference between wanting change and implementing change.

 

There you go.

 

That is something important to me. I want someone with gumption and determination to make a change for the positive. Not some one who thinks about it but someone with the strength to carry out their convictions.

 

Its hard to stand up, away from the crowd and do something different sometimes. Its difficult to stand by your convictions and stay firm when you are under enormous amounts of pressure from others. So that is important to me. Also someone who will stand by me and support me when I do it.

 

As do I, but sometimes is it not a bit discouraging when trying to rationalize the changes to the outer world and the effect you have on it? Or are you talking about introspection? Introspection is more the route I am taking in order to follow what I can do for the world... you know... what I'm supposed to do not what I want to do...

 

But I agree! I think that's a great think to want in a partner and I'm sure you value that more than appearance, right? I don't know. I do like what you've had to say.