Jump to content

If a man's love is based on looks, why should I get married?


Recommended Posts

Looks fade, and if I loved somebody, I wouldn't them to stay a second longer than he wanted. If a man's love for me is tightly connected to his desire for my body, then marriage over the long term seems like a bad bet. I wouldn't trust it enough to make it the centerpiece of my identity, nor reason to sacrifice other long-term dreams. I think having a family with a man is one thing, but that takes maybe 1.5 - 2 decades, not a lifetime.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Looks fade, and if I loved somebody, I wouldn't them to stay a second longer than he wanted. If a man's love for me is tightly connected to his desire for my body, then marriage over the long term seems like a bad bet. I wouldn't trust it enough to make it the centerpiece of my identity, nor reason to sacrifice other long-term dreams. I think having a family with a man is one thing, but that takes maybe 1.5 - 2 decades, not a lifetime.

 

 

80% of divorces are file by women. So maybe the problem is the other way around. A guy gets a beer belly and he's toast?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
80% of divorces are file by women. So maybe the problem is the other way around. A guy gets a beer belly and he's toast?
You really think?
Link to post
Share on other sites
You really think?

 

 

I don't know.

 

 

I think it has more to do with women thinking they can change men. But I have heard/read women talk about hating having sex their big fat disgusting husband.

 

 

Do think it is realistic to assume that men are the problem when women are primarily the ones filing for divorce?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra
80% of divorces are file by women. So maybe the problem is the other way around. A guy gets a beer belly and he's toast?

 

 

First of all, it's not as high as 80% and second, I wish you and your ilk would stop quoting those stats out of context. There are a multitude of reasons why women file the majority of the time and it isn't merely because they've up and decided they're tired of being married.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I don't know.

 

 

I think it has more to do with women thinking they can change men. But I have heard/read women talk about hating having sex their big fat disgusting husband.

 

 

Do think it is realistic to assume that men are the problem when women are primarily the ones filing for divorce?

 

There are definitely different levels of superficiality.

 

I feel as though you don't have much reassurance for me with regards to my long-term value to men, so you're at least trying reassure me by saying that men can experience the same problem.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What killed my love for my wife was not her aging or looks, it was her attitude.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
What killed my love for my wife was not her aging or looks, it was her attitude.

 

This does reassure me. Attitude is within my control.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
First of all, it's not as high as 80% and second, I wish you and your ilk would stop quoting those stats out of context. There are a multitude of reasons why women file the majority of the time and it isn't merely because they've up and decided they're tired of being married.

 

 

I didn't quote anything out of context. I quoted a statistic. You are posting a false claim.

 

According to the National Center for Health Statistics 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Of the marriages that end in divorce, 80 percent of the divorces are initiated (filed) by women

Uplifting Love: 80 Percent of Divorces Are Filed By Women

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Nevertheless, the idea is hopefully to do a little better than just not having him divorce you. A meaningful relationship would be one where he continued to choose to be with you because he loved you, not just because he felt as though it would be leaving you out on the street to leave you. I don't want anybody doing me any favors. Either it's real or let's not force it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
This does reassure me. Attitude is within my control.

 

 

Honestly, until I had gone at least 5 years without sex the idea of divorce never even entered my mind. I was 100% confident that I would spend the rest of my life with my wife.

 

 

And I did eventually get fat but not until long after the sex was over, which was pretty much as soon as we got married. And I did lose all of the weight again when I took my life back. ;)

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
regine_phalange

I think this is unfair to say, for many men. There are many who don't mind ageing or some extra weight from pregnancies and age or some stretch marks. Men are people too, and love in the same way as we do. If your husband gained 30 kgs you wouldn't be attracted to him either even though you would love him as a person. You'd want him to take care of himself and look as good as possible.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
CrystalCastles
I didn't quote anything out of context. I quoted a statistic. You are posting a false claim.

 

 

Uplifting Love: 80 Percent of Divorces Are Filed By Women

 

So what are you suggesting? That these women one day woke up and decided to get a divorce? And that the poor, innocent husband had absolutely nothing to do with it? Yeah right.

 

Why is there so much emphasis on the woman filing? Maybe she filed because the husband stuck his dick in a piece of a$$ on the side, or maybe his sex drive vanished, or maybe he was very selfish in bed. Its not always, 100% the woman's fault. Just because your ex was a bitch it does not automatically brand all women bitches if/when they file. Yeesh.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
toolforgrowth
So what are you suggesting? That these women one day woke up and decided to get a divorce? And that the poor, innocent husband had absolutely nothing to do with it? Yeah right.

 

Why is there so much emphasis on the woman filing? Maybe she filed because the husband stuck his dick in a piece of a$$ on the side, or maybe his sex drive vanished, or maybe he was very selfish in bed. Its not always, 100% the woman's fault. Just because your ex was a bitch it does not automatically brand all women bitches if/when they file. Yeesh.

 

All we can do is speculate. To my knowledge, no study has been done on why the divorces were filled, and "irreconcilable differences" could mean anything. No fault states probably don't even have means of tracking that data, simply because the reason is irrelevant.

 

Until more data is gathered, focusing on the why is irrelevant.

 

But the consequences of divorce are very real and easy to determine. All one has to do is read their state laws or consult an attorney. It's typically not good for men, and if their marriage ends, odds are 4 in 5 that his wife will be pulling the plug for whatever reason.

 

That's a concern for us, their reasons notwithstanding.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
toolforgrowth

And it's not accurate to say that a man's love is based on looks. My last serious GF used to model and was stunning. She was classically beautiful, never wore makeup (she didn't need it), and was very healthy in spite of having cystic fibrosis. And the sex...let's just say I'll never forget it. But she was also very high maintenance, and in spite of her beauty she was extremely insecure and prone to emotional outbursts bordering on emotional and mental abuse. I put up with that off and on for 13 months before I finally had enough.

 

The woman I briefly dated after her was just as beautiful. She was 35, petite, blonde, and had never had any children. Her body was literally flawless. She was extremely feminine and always made sure she was dolled up whenever she went out. But she was also diagnosed as heavily bi-polar and would have violent mood swings. She made decisions haphazardlyband was a classic narcissist; she once told me that she wanted her next bf to make over $100,000/year, but that she wanted to go out with me anyway because I was cute. That lasted only three weeks.

 

My current girlfriend is about a 6.5 to 7. She has a plain face, she's had two kids, and it shows. It happens...women get stretch marks. Pregnancy is not easy, so I honestly get that. But she is one of the most incredible women I've ever met. She is kind, gentle, never manipulates, and never says a mean word. She is always smiling and is very resilient. She doesn't look to me to make her life better or change her situation; she looked me right in the eye and said she wants to stand on her own two feet. We are both humanists, and most importantly...She does not want to get married. She's never believed in it. She wants to be in a committed, loving relationship "without all the legal mumbo jumbo".

 

In other words, I'd be a fool to let this woman go.

 

I've had beautiful women. Women so stunning that they will turn a croud. But I've never had as much passion or desire for a woman as I have for my GF. It's who she is that makes me so into her...She's the one I want to make love to every night and wake up next to each morning.

 

Keep your chin up and be yourself. You'll find someone who will appreciate you just the way you are.

Link to post
Share on other sites
First of all, it's not as high as 80% and second, I wish you and your ilk would stop quoting those stats out of context. There are a multitude of reasons why women file the majority of the time and it isn't merely because they've up and decided they're tired of being married.

 

No, they decide they don't have to put out first.

 

 

You really think?

 

Yes.

 

 

Looks fade, and if I loved somebody, I wouldn't them to stay a second longer than he wanted. If a man's love for me is tightly connected to his desire for my body, then marriage over the long term seems like a bad bet. I wouldn't trust it enough to make it the centerpiece of my identity, nor reason to sacrifice other long-term dreams. I think having a family with a man is one thing, but that takes maybe 1.5 - 2 decades, not a lifetime.

 

In my experience as long as the home cooked meals and blowjobs keep rolling in a husband tends to always see his wife as she was when he first fell in love with her. Once she starts realizing he's getting fatter faster than he's getting richer, it's the beginning of the end.

 

Most of the time people stopped being functionally married a long time before someone strays or files. Just in my observation.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
In my experience as long as the home cooked meals and blowjobs keep rolling in .

 

LOL!!! I'd have been relatively happy with a hand job once a month and a microwave hot dog now and again. :laugh: Meals and bjs... yeah, right!

 

 

I seriously doubt that many men marry only for looks or a hot body. If that's all you want, why get married? Just hire escorts.

Edited by Robert Z
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

OP, how did you come to the conclusion that ALL men's love for their partner/spouse is primarily based on looks?

 

My opinion is that you typically get the kind of catch that you set out bait for. If you want a potentially lifelong partner, then seek men who value other traits in women.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
OP, how did you come to the conclusion that ALL men's love for their partner/spouse is primarily based on looks?

 

My opinion is that you typically get the kind of catch that you set out bait for. If you want a potentially lifelong partner, then seek men who value other traits in women.

 

Most men are pretty simple, slightly more complex than houseplants. If you give us food, water (beer, bourbon) and sex, we're basically OK.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Most men are pretty simple, slightly more complex than houseplants. If you give us food, water (beer, bourbon) and sex, we're basically OK.

must be nice

Link to post
Share on other sites
Most men are pretty simple, slightly more complex than houseplants. If you give us food, water (beer, bourbon) and sex, we're basically OK.

 

 

I don't agree with the simple part but agree that sex, food, and water go a long way. :laugh:

 

 

And I would bet that a large percentage of men put "don't nag" right at the top of the list as well. Perpetual nagging is probably the most common complaint that I have heard from other men over the years - that and too little sex. And I too felt it in a big way. I actually clocked something like an entire week where my wife never said anything except to nag. It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman might be, if she constantly nags, she gets ugly real quick.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think you should get married. Out of all of the possible things in the universe you picked the name "Eggplant."

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think we all have a responsibility to maintain the attraction between ourselves and our partner/s. But attraction is based on soooooo much more than looks alone! Yes, physicality is part of that; but so too is your unique brand of personality and sensuality and humour and style and... All those other things that formed part of the package that attracted you to each other in the first place.

 

And just like looks, many of these things will change as the relationship and the individuals within it change and grow as well. From the successful LTRs that I see, the trick seems to be being open, honest and aware of the changes and staying not the same... But in synch.

 

I'm in no way underplaying how important I think it is to be physically fit and healthy and in doing so maintain age-appropriate aesthetic appeal; I do think this is important for a lot of reasons. I just think that maintaining 'relationship fitness and health' applies to so much more than just our bodies.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...