First time being rejected...

[na49]

Although I've had a girlfriend before, I think I was just rejected for the first time today. My ex and I began our relationship right away, and weren't really "friends" before becoming exclusive. It could be why our relationship failed twice...

 

I decided to grow a pair, and ask a girl if she'd be interested in just having lunch with me to talk more because I was talking to her last week. She politely declined, and now I'm hurting. I'm analyzing everything, wondering why she said no, and really want to talk to my ex again. I'm also really afraid to see this girl now that I know she rejected me.

 

They say that everyone gets rejected, but do they really? Have you been rejected? If so, how did you deal with it? How did you handle your first rejection?

[Shining One]

Very, very few men never get rejected. Women can generally escape rejection by never approaching. I've been rejected well over hundred times. If you want to count non-responses on OLD, make that over a thousand times. I've dealt with in various ways to distract myself: Drinking with friends, playing video games, sleeping with an ex, etc. I handled my first rejection in similar fashion to you: I overanalyzed everything despite having insufficient information to draw any conclusions. Eventually, I got over it, but I dwelled on it far too long. It does get easier as you get used to rejection.

 

If you're on good terms with your ex, some distraction sex is usually therapeutic. It works wonders for me. You need to find what works for you.

[na49]

As great as sex with my ex sounds, we aren't on what I would call "good terms" so that isn't possible. I'm hating myself for trying now. I feel so stupid for putting myself out there, and would have felt so much better if I didn't say anything.

[preraph]

Oh, everyone gets rejected, and it makes us all cringe and hurts all our feelings to some degree. You just have to realize some people know what they want and if you don't fit their parameters, please remember that's only this one person's parameters. It isn't a big reflection on you or any indication you're not fit to get a date. Also, why date someone who doesn't have the good taste to think you're great? She may be attractive, but she doesn't appreciate a good guy when she meets one, right?

[Shining One]

I'm hating myself for trying now. I feel so stupid for putting myself out there, and would have felt so much better if I didn't say anything.

Don't fall into this trap. I have, and it's not a good place to be. Don't ever regret asking a woman out. You should regret not asking a woman out. Yes, it hurts when you fail, but if you are afraid to try, you will never succeed.

[Bohonia]

Two ways to handle rejection - act or react. If you wanted to get back together you don't do lunch you do dinner. There is a guy on youtube that you would probably find EXTREMELY helpful I'm a woman and I can agree what he says is 100% correct his name is "coach corey wayne". Don't start chasing this woman give her space and let her come to you, in the meantime check out this guys stuff women want a 4% man keyword "man" you'll understand...

[na49]

It's nice to know that everyone has gone through what I went through, and that I'm not alone. In baseball, a hitter who fails 6 out of 10 times is one of the best hitters in the game.

 

I'm familiar with Corey Wayne. I watched a lot of his videos and found them really helpful. I used his "technique" in dealing with my ex girlfriend who told me she didn't want to get back together, but wanted to stay in my life while she explores. I told her that being friends doesn't work for me, and to let me know if she wants to be committed to me again. I haven't done an ounce of chasing since. Even though I kind of want to...

 

The girl who rejected me today is a different girl, who I talked to over the weekend. Lunch was just a casual way to meet up and talk more.

[Methodical]

Rejection hurts, but if you never take that chance and step out of your comfort zone to ask a person out, then you'll never get a chance to experience those who would say yes.

[2.50 a gallon]

I am several years retired, so no longer remember how I reacted to my first rejection. Being short and skinny, in the early days, I was rejected quite often. Now having said that, I went on to have great success with the ladies. I long ago lost count, but an sure my number of partners ran into the triple digits, with a crooked first number.

I eventually reached a point, where I no longer cared.

Can you dance? Learn!

Can you cook Learn! /

What do you know about history? Learn!

What do you know about astrophysics? Learn!

What do you know about photography? Learn!

Learn and become a super interesting guy

After awhile, I reached a point if I was rejected, my attitude, was too bad you just missed your chance to get to know me.

I started out by learning to dance. It did not take long in my high school days, that the girls who rejected me where hanging around hoping that I would give them a second chance.

I taught myself how to cook, not just well, but dishes like Cog au Vin. I am also a grill master, and used to make home made ice cream a couple of times a month.

Do you like tropical fish? I keep some of the prettiest tropical fish you can get. No you can't get them in a fish store. They are rare, and in many cases difficult to just keep alive. Not only can I keep them alive, I am also able to breed them. Women love to watch fish screw, it gives them ideas.

Photography, I learned, how to take great photos, no not magazine material, but still great nature photos, close up of flowers, tropical fish. Oh I also learned how to take great portraits, cheese cake and nude photos.

What do you know about history. I can hold my own, when discussing early man, Austrolopithicines, Neanderthals, English History, Scottish history, history of the wild west, classical music

And oh by the way, I am a model builder, no I don't use kits. I take some sheet plastic, scale size lumber, scale size plastic and build, what ever I want. Old west buildings, forts, railroad cars, star trek models.

[Hawaii51]

I don't remember that kind of stuff, but I think awkward silence.

[Black Pepper]

If you felt happy in yourself, you wouldn't take rejection so badly. Love yourself first and then you will attract the same energy.

 

I've had a lot of boyfriends. I've also had my fair share of rejection, so what!

 

If you base your feelings on whether someone wants to date you or sleep with you or not, whether someone finds you conventionally "attractive", then you are going to have a very unhappy life. Ever heard of the saying "you can't please all of the people all of the time". Well it applies to a LOT of areas in life, but here it very apt.

 

Perhaps you are quite young. There is a much greater focus on appearance these days than there ever was back when I first started dating. I am 40 now. We never had social media, selfies, pouting, or plastic surgery and this whole do I look good online/constantly rubbish. It seems things have got very shallow.

 

My tip is love yourself, focus on your hobbies, get fit, eat clean, exercise, travel, experience life. Sod whether a girl wants to date you/sleep with you or not. You WILL meet plenty that will. And having sex with your ex is NOT the answer. That sounds like an addict getting his fix, the desperate PLEASE SOMEBODY want meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 

Get over it and live. You are MORE than another person's opinion. If I had children I would have told them this as they were growing up.

[na49]

I am several years retired, so no longer remember how I reacted to my first rejection. Being short and skinny, in the early days, I was rejected quite often. Now having said that, I went on to have great success with the ladies. I long ago lost count, but an sure my number of partners ran into the triple digits, with a crooked first number.

I eventually reached a point, where I no longer cared.

Can you dance? Learn!

Can you cook Learn! /

What do you know about history? Learn!

What do you know about astrophysics? Learn!

What do you know about photography? Learn!

Learn and become a super interesting guy

After awhile, I reached a point if I was rejected, my attitude, was too bad you just missed your chance to get to know me.

I started out by learning to dance. It did not take long in my high school days, that the girls who rejected me where hanging around hoping that I would give them a second chance.

I taught myself how to cook, not just well, but dishes like Cog au Vin. I am also a grill master, and used to make home made ice cream a couple of times a month.

Do you like tropical fish? I keep some of the prettiest tropical fish you can get. No you can't get them in a fish store. They are rare, and in many cases difficult to just keep alive. Not only can I keep them alive, I am also able to breed them. Women love to watch fish screw, it gives them ideas.

Photography, I learned, how to take great photos, no not magazine material, but still great nature photos, close up of flowers, tropical fish. Oh I also learned how to take great portraits, cheese cake and nude photos.

What do you know about history. I can hold my own, when discussing early man, Austrolopithicines, Neanderthals, English History, Scottish history, history of the wild west, classical music

And oh by the way, I am a model builder, no I don't use kits. I take some sheet plastic, scale size lumber, scale size plastic and build, what ever I want. Old west buildings, forts, railroad cars, star trek models.

 

 

Wow... can I please be you?

 

I understand what you mean though, I do want to make myself into a more interesting person. I always wanted to learn to cook. I always thought about doing it when I was with my ex, but never did. Now I have no motivation to do it because I'd have no one to cook for.

 

My self esteem has taken a major hit ever since my ex broke up with me to be with someone else (for the second time). I didn't really have great self esteem when I was in the relationship either, but it was masked because I had a girlfriend so I felt like I was "okay". I just never understood how to start feeling better about myself?

[Elliotte]

Dude, when you put yourself out there, not everyone is going to react favorably, that is as true with asking a girl out as it is with all of life. It's kind of a cliche by now but the sentiment that life isn't about not failing, it's about picking yourself up after every failure.

 

I've asked a lot of women out, I've been rejected, ignored and stood up, it has caused me a lot of pain. But I also have dated a lot of amazing women and married the best one if I hadn't had the confidence from practice to keep asking, to be up front with women I was interested in about my feelings.

 

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, DO NOT seek your ex, DO keep asking women you are into out!

[Mrin]

Lots of times OP. The only people who have never experienced rejection are those who have never even tried. It is no big deal. You should be self confident enough not to let this even scratch you. So what. Move on. Next up!

 

Fortune favors the bold

[2.50 a gallon]

You just broke up with your GF, all the more reason to take the time to teach yourself how to cook.

If you're like me, when I broke up with my ExW, my mind was obsessed with her. "What's she doing", "Does she ever miss me?" Etc. That is all I could think about.

The idea is to find some activity that forces your brain to think of something other than her. Then to change those few seconds, into minutes and hours.

I found that be teaching myself to cook some gourmet meals, was a triple winner, they took more thought, and time (time away from thinking of her), then I was rewarded with a great meal, and when I got back into the dating scene they were a great hit.

Tomorrow is half price day at Goodwill. They have lots of cookbooks, cheap but even better they are half price. Also while you are there, if they have some cocktail glasses pick them up also. Not only for the cocktails, you are someday going to make, but they are also great looking pudding glasses. Mix up some instant pudding and put it in the fridge.

You can cook her something as simple as boiled hot dogs, then when you bring out the pudding glasses, add a touch of whipping cream, maybe a marchino (SP?) cherry and she will think, "How romantic"

Also buy yourself a flat cake pan.

One of my tricks was buying a white cake mix, then while mixing it up adding several drops of blue food coloring. "Where did you get that blue cake?" Or green, or add red and blue to get purple.

Take my word for it, women love a man who knows how to cook.

I might be short and skinny, but over the years I have had lots of GF's

Edited April 18, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

I once had a gal, whom after rejecting me for the third time tell me that I was too short, too poor, too old, and too white (she was Hispanic) and that she would never go out with me and there was no way we would ever be boy friend and girl friend.

That was my Ex-fiancé, the too white turned out to be prophetic, as her older just divorced sister, hated the idea of her marrying a non-Hispanic guy. It took her a couple of years, but she did succeed in breaking us up.

[Toodaloo]

They say that everyone gets rejected, but do they really? Have you been rejected? If so, how did you deal with it? How did you handle your first rejection?

 

I can't remember my first rejection...

 

I just shrug it off. After all I want someone who is really into me not just half measures so if they reject me I am good with that.

[Toodaloo]

Wow... can I please be you?

 

 

I know...

 

I know sod all about astro physics apart from its really difficult to say after half a bottle of brandy...

 

My artistic talents have also gone no further than plasticine blobs and keeping the crayons in the lines...

 

Agh well.

 

At least I have a reason not to date 2.50... I am terrified of fish... Shudder...

[na49]

I feel fine for a while, then I remember that I actually got rejected and I feel like crap. I asked the girl over Facebook, so now whenever I go on, I just remember it. I'm friends with her on Facebook, so it's just weird. (at least I think it's weird). I hope this feeling passes quickly, because I'm missing my ex like crazy right now, and that is bad enough.

 

How would I know if a girl was interested in me for the future? I really thought she would at least be interested in having lunch with me or talking, but I was wrong. She was more shy than I was which is hard to do.

[Toodaloo]

na your making this into something far bigger than it actually is.

 

Really.

 

Just because she doesn't fancy you right now at this moment...

 

Seriously.

 

Try to turn your logic around. If they reject you then they have seen something between you that wouldn't be all that great. So its OK not to date them. Think of all the girls who are out there wishing you would ask them out. How do you think they feel every time you pass one of them by! That in itself is a form of rejection.

 

You just have to learn to get over it, move on and try your luck else where. Its not rejection is passing up on opportunity...

[na49]

I'd say I'm pretty much over her not wanting to have lunch with me or get to know me better. The pain of it is still there somewhat, but now I just feel like things will be awkward between us if I ever see her again. Just knowing that I had asked her to have lunch because I liked talking to her, and her telling me "No thanks". The fact that our families know each other, and she may have told her parents, so even when her parents see me it will be weird.

 

If I had any self confidence I would believe that other girls want to date me. I don't believe it at all though. I can't even say "well I've had a girlfriend before, so I'm obviously desirable" because I think my ex was just in love with being in love, and didn't really love me. She just liked having a boyfriend, and I played that role until she got bored of me.

[na49]

Dammit, I ended up checking to see if she had removed me from her friends list. I don't really know why I did this, but I ended up seeing pictures of her with guys, and am now comparing myself to them. It feels like I was just rejected again, and I hate myself for looking. I don't really think I'd look again, and I accept her decision to not want to have lunch with me. I don't want to change her mind or anything, so my looking at her profile was just stupid.