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how to feel equal to girls, if they alived much more?


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benjamin1000

Hi. I'm 28 years old and i never had sex (only 2 times at prostitutes). Its not because of my bad look, but because of my low selfconfidence since high scool. Years were flying by and here we are - 28. You will probably say go out and find somebody, but the problem are my thoughts that are taking all my will to live away. I cant deal with the facts that i lost 12 years of my live and havent experienced nothing. Not going out into the club with friends in young years and party, no real kissing with normal girl, no real sex, no one night stands, relationship, travelling. All things that for most people are normal. Because of that i dont feel competitive to girls that i like and i feel they all are much better then me, on higher level and i'm not good enough for them and all of the people, because i havent alived so much then others, was almost all the time at home and work. How can be such person equal to others? It can't!

 

Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i didnt have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i took antidepressants, but those also dont take facts away. Nothing can take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since highschool, were on so many parties and so on. For them its normal to have a penis in their hands or mouth, for me this is science fiction and somebody who is 12 years behind in my opinion can never again be same worth as person who alived all those things in normal years (18-24). Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived. Therefor i dont know what to do, because there is no way out to feel the same worth as those people anymore, that have normal sex live since their high school. To be honest, the best would be this life would be over and i could sleep forever, to not have this thoughts of facts every day...

 

For example i could meet now with 1 girl over facebook (actually more, but this i like the most), but its useless...she is on other planet because of sex in past. She actually has a ****buddy now she said, but she wants to meet me (had also problems with depression in past, but is beautiful), but this doesnt matter... Do you see the difference here? She can have sex every day, had it in past, i did not. How can those 2 person be equal, how am i on her level? I am simply not. Its statistic logic. Numbers say all. For her sex is normal thing. And she is only 21, had 7 sex partners so far.

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Nothing can take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since highschool, were on so many parties and so on.

 

I am sorry you are having a hard time.

 

It may be a fact that you haven't had as much sex as others, but YOU assign the importance to that fact.

 

I've never made a million dollar salary. I can choose to spend my time regretting that, obsessing over it, and being angry at rich people. Or I can choose to say "Well, yeah, but I have done X and Y and Z."

 

YOU choose what is important to you.

 

To me, there is no value in one-night stands and crazy sexual experiences. I've been there, done that, and it means nothing to me. Doesn't define me, and doesn't make me better or worse than you or anyone else.

 

Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived.

 

This is simply not true.

 

For example i could meet now with 1 girl over facebook (actually more, but this i like the most), but its useless...she is on other planet because of sex in past. She actually has a ****buddy now she said, but she wants to meet me (had also problems with depression in past, but is beautiful), but this doesnt matter... Do you see the difference here? She can have sex every day, had it in past, i did not. How can those 2 person be equal, how am i on her level? I am simply not. Its statistic logic. Numbers say all. For her sex is normal thing. And she is only 21, had 7 sex partners so far.

 

There are no levels. People are people. We all have pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses. If you truly think that sex is the most important thing, and this girl wants to meet you, you are a fool to let your insecurities stand in the way of getting what you most value.

 

I know you said therapy didn't help, but you should try again. You need someone to help you unravel the patterns in your thinking, so you can see things in a different way.

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Sex is not the most important thing in life, and certainly not to women. Not all women have sex in high school. And that one you're talking to is having casual sex, so she's not the one for you.

 

Here is how I would go about finding a girl who also wasn't very experienced. I think I'd bypass the OLD altogether and just find one in the community. A girl who isn't particularly hot or particularly popular is likely not going to have had much in the way of boyfriends or sex. So maybe you start with a girl who has a flaw, like pimples or extra weight or small breasts that all the guys are not chasing after. Find her at church activities or at the library. Be the one guy to ask the least attractive girl at the club to dance and not just the hot girl. And do not ever tell her that you have had sex with prostitutes OR that you haven't had sex. This is nobody's business but your own. Do not apologize for lack of experience. I can assure you there isn't that much difference between how a player guy makes love and how a virgin makes love. Having experience does not make you good necessarily. Sometimes it just makes you selfish.

 

And lastly, do not try any of the crap you see in porn thinking that is what girls expect. That is what guys expect -- not what women want, for the most part. Keep it simple. Meet a girl, date her, hold hands, little kiss later, and don't get in a hurry to have sex or let her know how desperate you are and scare her off!

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Never, ever, compare yourself to anyone.

 

It's a pointless and fruitless exercise.

 

You are yourself, totally unique and special.

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benjamin1000
Sex is not the most important thing in life, and certainly not to women. Not all women have sex in high school. And that one you're talking to is having casual sex, so she's not the one for you.

 

Here is how I would go about finding a girl who also wasn't very experienced. I think I'd bypass the OLD altogether and just find one in the community. A girl who isn't particularly hot or particularly popular is likely not going to have had much in the way of boyfriends or sex. So maybe you start with a girl who has a flaw, like pimples or extra weight or small breasts that all the guys are not chasing after. Find her at church activities or at the library. Be the one guy to ask the least attractive girl at the club to dance and not just the hot girl. And do not ever tell her that you have had sex with prostitutes OR that you haven't had sex. This is nobody's business but your own. Do not apologize for lack of experience. I can assure you there isn't that much difference between how a player guy makes love and how a virgin makes love. Having experience does not make you good necessarily. Sometimes it just makes you selfish.

 

And lastly, do not try any of the crap you see in porn thinking that is what girls expect. That is what guys expect -- not what women want, for the most part. Keep it simple. Meet a girl, date her, hold hands, little kiss later, and don't get in a hurry to have sex or let her know how desperate you are and scare her off!

 

Sorry, but then i rather dont have women. I dont want unexperienced one. For me people like this are not worth something, that didnt have wild life. I want normal girl, who had a few guys.

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You know, "numbers" don't mean a thing...

 

Quite frankly, sexual activity doesn't mean someone is having "quality" sex - even if it was with one person.

 

I know of people in their 30's, 40's, etc who have had more than one partner and still haven't gotten certain experiences and could use a tutorial on sex, sensuality, and sexual practices.

 

When you meet the right person...someone you "connect" with, you will be able to open up sexually with them and learn together. If the woman is more experienced with you, again it goes back to picking the "right" person - a mature, and reasonable woman wouldn't scoff at you...she'd take the opportunity to "teach you a thing or two in the bedroom".

 

A woman called my fav podcaster...she was already married and sexually experienced. Her 2nd husband was a virgin. When they got engaged, she said that they had to have sex, cuz, IMO, she was smart enough to not go forward with a marriage w/o putting her husband-to-be on a "test drive".

 

Well, in the beginning she initiated most of the time and with more experience her husband got - he took over and became the initiator/aggressor when it came to sex.

 

Me? I learned most of the tricks I have in my secret bag with my 6 yr guy. So, that's six years of rolling around in the hay, experimenting and learning.

 

I'm also a person who is "self-taught", in other words I teach myself stuff all the time. When it comes to sex, I've bought books, watched porn, practiced on ketchup bottles, my own fingers, etc. So, again, you don't need to rack up numbers to learn a thing or two about sex.

 

BTW, regardless of the amount of experience you have, with each partner you both have to feel each other out and figure out how you two come together and learn how to please each other. If the couple wants to hold off of sex until marriage, well, hopefully they're taking the time observing each other (i.e. how they kiss, are they a boring person, etc.) so that you can have an ideal of their ability to be sexual and what their sexual proclivities are. Even then, after marriage, IMO, a couple should spend at least 2-3 years w/o kids to bond as a married couple and then is your last chance to mesh in the bedroom.

 

Sorry for the long rant, but my point is that "numbers" and sexual activity do not necessarily equate "quality". So to put yourself down and be afraid to approach women out of fear of your ability to "perform", IMO, is you beating up yourself for no reason. Get out there, date, and if you find the right woman - learning and growing sexually will make the RL even more fun ;)

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Sorry, but then i rather dont have women. I dont want unexperienced one. For me people like this are not worth something, that didnt have wild life. I want normal girl, who had a few guys.

 

Well, an unexperienced one - if open to learning about her body and sexuality could be a fresh slate where both of you can grow and learn about sex together.

 

Again, just cuz a girl/woman had a few guys doesn't mean she's great in bed. For all you know those guys could have all been "jackhammering" :bunny::bunny::bunny:her and she calls that great sex...

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benjamin1000

Its not about not being good in bed...its about facts, what all those women have alived, experienced. Every experience makes you more rich. I didnt have any of those. You people dont understand how much am i behind, in all aspects of life :( I am simply not on level of those women. They have accomplished much more in life....they were capable of having sex at 18 and REGULARY in all years to follow. I DID NOT! This says it all :(

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Its not about not being good in bed...its about facts, what all those women have alived, experienced. Every experience makes you more rich. I didnt have any of those. You people dont understand how much am i behind, in all aspects of life :( I am simply not on level of those women. They have accomplished much more in life....they were capable of having sex at 18 and REGULARY in all years to follow. I DID NOT! This says it all :(

 

Lol!!!

 

Since when how many guys banged you became an "accomplishment"? :lmao:

 

Look, as a woman approaching 40, if I could reduce the number of men I was involved with to my 6 year guy alone, I'd happily do that.

 

I don't even think you read my responses...Again, numbers don't mean these women have "lived" and/or are "experienced" and/or have "quality" sex.

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benjamin1000
Lol!!!

 

Since when how many guys banged you became an "accomplishment"? :lmao:

 

Look, as a woman approaching 40, if I could reduce the number of men I was involved with to my 6 year guy alone, I'd happily do that.

 

I don't even think you read my responses...Again, numbers don't mean these women have "lived" and/or are "experienced" and/or have "quality" sex.

 

Its easy to say that, when you experienced all that... its like talking with full mouth about how starving is not terrible...

 

You dont know how this feels...i cant take it anymore simply :lmao:

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Its easy to say that, when you experienced all that... its like talking with full mouth about how starving is not terrible...

 

You dont know how this feels...i cant take it anymore simply :lmao:

 

But, you're here seeking knowledge and I wish I had someone "older" - like me telling you - that while you think you're missing out on something, you're not.

 

BTW, what you see as "starving" is GIGS ("grass is greener syndrome")...you are standing outside of a restaurant drooling but if you only took the chance to go to the kitchen in the back and see how much animal fat they put to "flavor" the food, you'd puke and run far away from that restaurant.

 

But go ahead, get you a "round the way girl" and/or have sex with Jane, Tammy, Dixie; and, good luck with that...

:lmao:

 

BTW, go on Craigslist, bars/clubs, Tinder, POF....plenty of "experienced" women with whom you can do the nasty with w/o worrying about your "performance" until you get enough women under your belt to quench your thirst.

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benjamin1000
But, you're here seeking knowledge and I wish I had someone "older" - like me telling you - that while you think you're missing out on something, you're not.

 

BTW, what you see as "starving" is GIGS ("grass is greener syndrome")...you are standing outside of a restaurant drooling but if you only took the chance to go to the kitchen in the back and see how much animal fat they put to "flavor" the food, you'd puke and run far away from that restaurant.

 

But go ahead, get you a "round the way girl" and/or have sex with Jane, Tammy, Dixie; and, good luck with that...

:lmao:

 

BTW, go on Craigslist, bars/clubs, Tinder, POF....plenty of "experienced" women with whom you can do the nasty with w/o worrying about your "performance" until you get enough women under your belt to quench your thirst.

 

The problem is, this would not help me. They had all this at 18-20. They won because of that. They were so adult and advanced doing those things at early age, i am not at 28. There is absolutely nothing i cant do and i cant take this loneliness anymore...crying all the time alone in room and others can have normal life...

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Sorry, but then i rather dont have women. I dont want unexperienced one. For me people like this are not worth something, that didnt have wild life. I want normal girl, who had a few guys.

 

Well, then I somehow completely missed the message of your post because I thought it was entitled "How to feel equal to girls" and going on about how you never feel you're good enough. So to me, it only makes sense you'd want one who was more equal to you to make you feel more comfortable.

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The problem is, this would not help me. They had all this at 18-20. They won because of that. They were so adult and advanced doing those things at early age, i am not at 28. There is absolutely nothing i cant do and i cant take this loneliness anymore...crying all the time alone in room and others can have normal life...

 

Ok, I'm posting this one more time and then walking away from this thread...

 

Just cuz someone had sex with one or more partners than you doesn't mean they are "advanced", "knowledgeable", "had quality sex", and/or "were living la vida loca"....I can GUARANTEE YOU, that most of those women were "jackhammered" by some dude instead of having any quality type of sex.

 

Just re-read my responses to your thread again - with an open mind...

 

BTW, if you still think out you're "missing out" on sexual experiences you didn't do 18-20 yrs of age...Hello, at 28 you're not on your death bed. You have decades to catch up....Again, check Craigslist, Tinder, POF, bars/clubs and make up for all you think/thought you missed out on...

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PinkElephants

What do you want out of this thread? Do you want constructive advice and suggestions or do you want to complain? I think you just want to complain.

 

Look, yeah, they had a lot of sex. These girls also probably, at various times, felt used and discarded. They might have had sex with someone in the hopes of a relationship that didn't materialize. It could have been unsatisfying FWB that didn't care about their pleasure. Whatever these girls were doing, I bet a few of them wish they could erase some of the men from their pasts.

 

There are also women who get a kick out of sleeping with inexperienced men. I slept with one guy who'd had sex twice. Two one night stands. It was kind of thrilling to watch him experience new things.

 

Stop whining and get laid. The only thing preventing you from a normal life is you.

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You don't have a sex problem. You have a confidence problem. Until you do something like get into therapy & realign your thinking, because you are not not less than somebody else, you will always have problems.

 

Go have adventures. Excel at your job. Travel. Broaden your horizons. As soon as you start to like yourself you will have more success finding somebody who loves you too.

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benjamin1000

You don't understand you can't talk about this if its important that you have been wild in youth or not, because you dont understand how it is, if you wouldn't alive nothing. You dont know how it feels to be so behind, when its clear all others have alived so much more. You feel like a total idiot compare to others.

 

It doesnt matter if the girls thinks this is even hot that guy had only 1 or none girl. What matters is objective fact, that this girl had much more joy in life then this guy. She had tons of sex, the highest thing in life. I did not. What is there not to see, the number say it all? Be realistic please... :(

 

 

But yes, its easy to say sex doesnt matter if you had it a lot... for us who didnt have it its like we would be living without eyes or hands, because we know how it feels, you dont.

 

Also i dont have nothing to talk about to women...

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