Gloria25 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The other day in a thread comments were made about Bradley Cooper taking in his mum upon her being widowed... I thought it was cute cuz it shows compassion... BUT, I'm not a fan of parent/adult relationships where it interferes with that person's desire/ability to date and/or be in a RL. I mean, Bradley Cooper was a bachelor before he took in his mum, so I don't see how her being on his arm changed his dating style/desire. But, I think it's unhealthy when a parent leans on their child as their source of a "life". I mean, if your parent is healthy and/or is not suffering from financial difficulties - then IMO, they need to back off and let you have a life. They should only be seeing you on Sundays now and then for chicken dinner and/or for the holidays. Them coming by on the regular - as if you were still living with them just smells "off" to me. Anybody opinion/experiences on the topic of a parent leaning too much on their kids - to the point where it interferes with their dating, RLs, and/or marriages? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The other day in a thread comments were made about Bradley Cooper taking in his mum upon her being widowed... I thought it was cute cuz it shows compassion... BUT, I'm not a fan of parent/adult relationships where it interferes with that person's desire/ability to date and/or be in a RL. I mean, Bradley Cooper was a bachelor before he took in his mum, so I don't see how her being on his arm changed his dating style/desire. But, I think it's unhealthy when a parent leans on their child as their source of a "life". I mean, if your parent is healthy and/or is not suffering from financial difficulties - then IMO, they need to back off and let you have a life. They should only be seeing you on Sundays now and then for chicken dinner and/or for the holidays. Them coming by on the regular - as if you were still living with them just smells "off" to me. Anybody opinion/experiences on the topic of a parent leaning too much on their kids - to the point where it interferes with their dating, RLs, and/or marriages? My parents' marriage never worked because my father was more loyal to his family than to my mother and the kids they had together. My mother always said that he was not married to her but to his family. After her passing it got even worse. He hangs out with his siblings and always talks about their kids, and shows hardly any interest in me and my siblings. It's really sad. Of course, if he gets older and needs help, we won't feel inclined to support him. I'll just tell him to go see his siblings and my cousins. I have a colleague how is with a guy whose kids (daughters) don't want to have anything to do with her. Not because of her but because they can't stand the fact that their dad has a new woman in his life. So every holiday is a disaster because he wants to spend time with his kids which means that he cannot spend time with her, since spending time with her and his kids is impossible for these kids. After 2 years she has enough and is on the verge of breaking up with him... And I can give you a lot of examples of situations where the parent-kid relationship even between adults causes trouble in a relationship. For me the conclusion is simple. If you are in a relationship, your partner has to come on the first place. Not your kids, not your job, not your parents, not your friends, not your sport or whatever. You have to be each other's number 1 or it will simply not work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I could write an entire novel on this as the adult child of parents (one in particular) who couldn't cut the apron strings for a LONG time. I wish sometimes I could go back and tell my younger self that the universe would not explode if I did what I wanted instead of cowing to my parents. And pinkthelimo is right. Parents who won't let go and children who won't let go but make the parent/child relationship above (or even equal to) the marriage bring lots of trouble to a relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I was my moms surrogate for years when I was younger, before she met my step father. To the point I used to have to give her long massages that were kind of sexual in nature. =/ And it skeeved me out to the point I didn't even get around to dating or even masturbating until I was in my 20's and had been away from her for years. Last I heard she had divorced my step father and has one of my step siblings sleeping in bed with her. Shocking that he's mentally messed up to the point he's on all kinds of meds now and SSDI. The main reason I'm not a fan of single parent adoptions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Oh gaius, I'm sorry you went through that. I know a few moms who are unhealthily attached to their sons, one in particular after a divorce when her son was only about 9. Not good, and she STILL doesn't see years later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 There's a growing trend of mothers trying to be best friends with their kids that result in them clinging to them and not teaching them to mature and leave the nest. You cannot become an adult while still living with your mother and without ever breaking away and getting out from under her influence like all young adults are supposed to do. Some mothers have come to depend on their children as if they were their spouses and it's not good. That said, with Mr. Cooper, his home is probably gigantic enough so she's maybe not right underfoot. But still, if he can afford that, why not just get her some home care and her own place? It's nice to be able to care for your parents when they get old, but you can't do it at the expense of your own marriage or career when there are other alternatives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's not just parents. My parents keep out of it and my wife's are 1000's of miles away in another continent. But we used to have an interfering busybody neighbour that liked to involve herself in all our personal business. I was quite rude to her on a few occasions which backfired a bit as she started siding with my wife whenever she sniffed out an argument or any difficulty at home. It took a long time to teach my wife to keep her at arms length. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's not just parents. My parents keep out of it and my wife's are 1000's of miles away in another continent. But we used to have an interfering busybody neighbour that liked to involve herself in all our personal business. I was quite rude to her on a few occasions which backfired a bit as she started siding with my wife whenever she sniffed out an argument or any difficulty at home. It took a long time to teach my wife to keep her at arms length. Agreed ^^ I've lived in several hoods over the years and always one or two older people who think it's their job to get into the business of everyone, police the hood, and/or walk around with an "entitlement" (we were here before you) mentality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I was my moms surrogate for years when I was younger, before she met my step father. To the point I used to have to give her long massages that were kind of sexual in nature. =/ And it skeeved me out to the point I didn't even get around to dating or even masturbating until I was in my 20's and had been away from her for years. Last I heard she had divorced my step father and has one of my step siblings sleeping in bed with her. Shocking that he's mentally messed up to the point he's on all kinds of meds now and SSDI. The main reason I'm not a fan of single parent adoptions. Ouch, yes, sorry to hear about that gaius... Makes me think of that song "Alive" from Pearl Jam...I liked that song for the longest and one day decided to look up the meaning of it and found out that it was based on a son/mum molestation thing. But, it's still a good song...I guess the message is surviving an abusive situation - which is cool with me... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm sorry that you went through that too gaius. xo As far as parenting goes there is definitely a fine line in getting your children to talk to you without having them as your best friend. My daughter says all the time that I'm her best friend. She is not mine. She's my daughter...the very same way that my mom is my best friend but I know she doesn't think I'm hers because I'm her daughter. Open communication is great but some things you just don't tell your children. Ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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