Is there less of a stigma around women dating younger?

[Nikki Sahagin]

On my last thread, I spoke about older men younger women.

 

A few posters brought attention to the number of women dating younger (in some cases, considerably younger) males.

 

Examples: Kate Winslet, Susan Surandon, Tilda Swinton.

 

Do you think that it has become more socially acceptable for men to date older women? Is the stigma still there? Or has it never really been?

 

Perhaps I'm a hypocrite (hell yes I am, but I'm only human!) here but I think after so long where men have been 'allowed' to go younger and women have got more flack, it's cool to see women get their share of hot, young love too!

 

What are your thoughts?

[loveweary11]

On my last thread, I spoke about older men younger women.

 

A few posters brought attention to the number of women dating younger (in some cases, considerably younger) males.

 

Examples: Kate Winslet, Susan Surandon, Tilda Swinton.

 

Do you think that it has become more socially acceptable for men to date older women? Is the stigma still there? Or has it never really been?

 

Perhaps I'm a hypocrite (hell yes I am, but I'm only human!) here but I think after so long where men have been 'allowed' to go younger and women have got more flack, it's cool to see women get their share of hot, young love too!

 

What are your thoughts?

 

You only get one life (that you can remember). Do what you enjoy and don't worry about stigmas.

 

For the record, it's trendy for young guys to date older women right now.

[Woggle]

I don't care who dates who but don't be a hypocrite about it.

[Nikki Sahagin]

You only get one life (that you can remember). Do what you enjoy and don't worry about stigmas.

 

For the record, it's trendy for young guys to date older women right now.

 

I was just curious more than anything. God knows I don't let stigmas bother me in my own life. But I've felt a 'change in the tides.' It's been reported differently, less hidden? Wondered what had caused this change? Perhaps the way the media jumped on the 'cougar' term.

[loveweary11]

I was just curious more than anything. God knows I don't let stigmas bother me in my own life. But I've felt a 'change in the tides.' It's been reported differently, less hidden? Wondered what had caused this change? Perhaps the way the media jumped on the 'cougar' term.

 

It's been a trend with younger guys lately. I can't tell you why, but I see it happening and mostly a lot of younger guys have fantasies about it.

 

I wonder about the current 18-25 year olds. With so many of the girls seeing older guys and so many of the boys seeing older chicks, what do they have left to choose from in their own age range?

[Woggle]

By dating somewhat older women guys get to skip dealing with the GIGS phase in younger women.

[Gloria25]

My thing is while men get an ego boost off of a young, hard body, I have to ask myself what an older woman gets out of a significantly younger guy?

 

I mean, I guess somehow I still look at women a certain way - as mothers, caregivers, not horny girls screaming at guys in g-strings...that seems so "un-lady like" and immature to me.

 

When a woman is looking for a man, I'm thinking yea she wants a good looking in shape guy w/o a pot belly - but at the same time to go to the extreme of dating a "boy" who barely has hair on his chest is just wrong to me.

 

I think Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon are delusional...and, like most women who date younger guys, I think they are chasing the fountain of youth, want a "trophy boy-toy" and their decision has nothing to do with what a younger guy with such a significant age gap can offer (i.e. better body, stamina, full head of hair that isn't graying, lack of baggage).

 

Regardless of the gender, the time I have issue with age gaps is when it is a significant one. I mean, on top of the physical differences - there's also maturity and stages in life. I mean, I listen to most 20 yr olds talk (male and female) and so much pooop comes out of their mouth I just wanna stab myself with an ice pick.

[ascendotum]

I don't know if there was ever a big stigma (but likely a little because it went again the norm of finding a man to take care of her) about it with past generations, but the nature of dating has changed. The focus today on short term relationships is much greater than in the past plus also women have a lot more freedom to date for pleasure/looks instead of security plus its taken on a trend.

 

I do see a lot more hookups/flings/fwbs than LTRs though in this regard. For younger guys I don't think a lot has changed. There just more single older independent women with focus on fun and not long term commitment for every relationship to have opportunities with.

[blackcat777]

I'm with a guy in college, nearly a decade younger...

 

We connected in the craziest, deepest way before I knew how old he was. I thought he was a bit younger... he thought I was a bit older... I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him what year I was born. If he had been drinking water, I think he would have shot it out of his nose.

 

From my experience, the older woman/younger man dynamic is celebrated purely in terms of sexual conquest; if you want to pursue an actual RELATIONSHIP, well, talk about falling from the Unsolicited Judgment tree and hitting every branch on the way down. If you want to bang a younger guy, "You go, girl!" But if you're in love with a younger man? *strange stares like you better get your head checked, fast*

 

I wasn't looking for someone younger (and have, in fact, always dated older), so I wasn't on some conquest to get off on a young, hard body. My boyfriend is an old soul.

 

The age gap doesn't factor much into our interpersonal dynamic, but I see it as a positive where it does. I love where our perspectives differ, because it keeps me from thinking inside the box; rather than "chasing the fountain of youth," being with him presents me an invitation to constantly remain open-minded, to remain connected with the world as it evolves, and to take care of my health. I mean to do these things for myself, anyway, but it's still a nice smack upside the head sometimes.

 

I KNOW I've got a huge crock of wisdom that he just loves.

 

I don't want kids for another 7-10 years, if I am to have them. Without going into my whole life story, if we do work out, it could be a huge blessing in disguise. Our age difference isn't SO huge that it forces us, biologically, to choose different paths. There is some time where we could meet in the middle. My heart goes out to age gap relationships where it can't work, and this is the only potential legitimate problem I see with the older woman/younger man situation, if they're both in it for the relationship.

 

We're both interested in the same things, in terms of hobbies, in terms of spirituality and lifestyle, and we're both committed to self-improvement. We both want to evolve, and to evolve together. We learn so much from each other, from being together. (Isn't that how any healthy relationship should be?) In some ways, I think the age difference keeps us grounded in that, because we have less superficial commonalities to create a superficial connection.

 

There are definitely some risks and pitfalls to being with a younger person. We had a GIGS-style breakup (epilogue will one day be the subject of another thread), but we reconciled and are now indestructible because of it.

 

We have so much passion and the deepest connection, I'd love him just the same if he were 20 years older, too. We click enough for it to override the age difference, enough for us both to go all in despite the age difference.

 

His closest friends are deep thinkers. When I'm in situations with his broader spectrum of friends, though, I have no choice but to ROFL and have a good time. Like that night I was crammed into an SUV with seven of his friends on the way to go out dancing. It's not like I have some urge to be young and impulsive again (ugh, no, god no), but being around the "immaturity" in his social circles is a reminder to be lighthearted in spirit.

 

The whole experience has been such a gift. When the universe sends gifts, it's unwise to question the wrapping paper. It still feels surreal sometimes, but I'm okay with that.

 

tl;dr Blackcat is gushing on Loveshack about her boyfriend again

Edited April 1, 2015 by blackcat777

[EngnimaticResponse]

My best friend met a woman 10yrs older in a chat-room. They have been married 12-14 years, and have a 10 yo son. She also has 2 children (now adult)from a previous marraige and they like him better then their own father.

Edited April 1, 2015 by EngnimaticResponse

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't know if there was ever a big stigma (but likely a little because it went again the norm of finding a man to take care of her) about it with past generations, but the nature of dating has changed. The focus today on short term relationships is much greater than in the past plus also women have a lot more freedom to date for pleasure/looks instead of security plus its taken on a trend.

 

I do see a lot more hookups/flings/fwbs than LTRs though in this regard. For younger guys I don't think a lot has changed. There just more single older independent women with focus on fun and not long term commitment for every relationship to have opportunities with.

 

 

This....

 

I don't think older women really want to date younger men....I mean the thing most women in general complain about is immaturity among men...That, and I really don't think women get as much of a rise out of being with a guy that might have better physical attributes than an older one, if it has to come with conditions..

 

Where older women can get burned here is there are a lot of younger guys who might bullshyt them because they have some sort of sexual cougar fetish and once that's out of their system, then maybe he'd go back to those younger women.....I dunno...

 

But if everything works for both parties, good for them...

 

TFY

[Diezel]

Buyer beware: For every Kate Winslet, there is a Demi Moore.

[autumnnight]

Strictly sexually speaking, supposedly men reach their peak of libido in their 20's, while most women (hormonally anyway) reach it in their 30's or early 40's. So maybe that is part of it? I am not really attracted to people significantly younger because their life experience and the "era" in which they grew up is generally pretty different from mine, so we don't seem as compatible.

 

But I have a friend from college who married his 29 year old wife when he was 20 (his mom about had a heart attack for some reason). They have been married for 27 years and are very happy. A couple in my class at church have a 16 year gap, with her as older. They've been married almost 20 years. I guess it works for some people.

[GorillaTheater]

One of the posters here, Melodymatters, is married to a man 19 years younger, I believe. She may weigh in on this thread and correct me, but I don't believe I've ever seen her discuss any stigma she felt.

 

Of course, as tough and cool as she is, I'd feel a bit sorry for anyone who attempted to stigmatize her.

[Frank2thepoint]

Examples: Kate Winslet, Susan Surandon, Tilda Swinton.

 

Celebrities are never a good example of relationships. They exist outside of what regular people deal with. They have their fetishes and eccentricities that regular people want to emulate or criticize.

 

 

Do you think that it has become more socially acceptable for men to date older women? Is the stigma still there? Or has it never really been?

 

Older women have dated younger men in the past, before the Internet and media gossip. This isn't nothing new. You just easily hear about it via TMZ, video, or a text message from a friend. The question if it is socially acceptable is not pertinent, because then it would be on par with cannibalism or polygamy.

 

For me, I am attracted to older women just like I am to younger women. There is no difference, because I'm attracted to a woman regardless of her reasonable age. First is physical appeal for me, then it's personality. But I put more emphasis on the latter than the former. On top of that, I've met younger women that were more mature than older women, so age doesn't define a woman.

[melodymatters]

One of the posters here, Melodymatters, is married to a man 19 years younger, I believe. She may weigh in on this thread and correct me, but I don't believe I've ever seen her discuss any stigma she felt.

 

Of course, as tough and cool as she is, I'd feel a bit sorry for anyone who attempted to stigmatize her.

 

 

I think this may be the first time in 14 yrs I've been "name checked" on here ! Love it !

 

In short, we met at work, I thought he was much older, he thought I was much younger, we become friends, and he actually courted me in a sweeter, more upfront honest way than anyone my own age had in a while ! I warn others to be careful because flings can turn into wedding rings !

 

It's not like I NEVER worry what others may think, I do, I just don't care THAT damn much to let it actually affect me. And I'm afraid Gorilla theatre may be right in that I pride myself on being a tough, tiny, tiger of a Sicilian so I sometime think that others may be outright APPALLED but don't dare have the brass to actually mention it to ME. LOL. Again, I just don't give a flying a fig about others opinions. We're best friends and still highly attracted to each other and will have been married 4 yrs this fall.

 

I have experienced my fair share of tragedy too, so I know good things can end at any time for many reasons beyond our control, so I plan my finances but I dance on moonbeams when it comes to the human experience.