forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) Well me and my girlfriend have been going out for nearly 4 months now and everything was great to be honest, we enjoy being with each other no matter what we do, being for a mean, or cuddling at home. But the other morning, when she stayed at my house, I was taking selfies on her phone whilst she was in the shower for her to come out to and to find later as a joke. We know each others passwords for our phones and things. For some reason, I'm not sure if i can justify it, i looked through her texts, and found she was texting this guy from her college. The texts were very flirty, and i even think they could've been sending nudes on snapchat. Later that day, i asked her if she has spoken/snapped him recently she said yes on Tuesday, which was true. I asked if she's sent a nude to him either before me or whilst we've been going out, again she said no. I said to her, can i just see the texts for peace of mind, to which she said why don't you trust me, and didn't show me the texts. She admitted she used to like him, but he turned weird in her words. I don't want it to be true though, because if she's sent a nude, then that's cheating! I feel hurt to be honest, she always tells me she loves me and i honestly love her, but what should i do? Should i tell her i've already seen the texts? Thanks in advance! (if anyone wants the conversation just ask and i will post it! Edited March 31, 2015 by forest97 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 (if anyone wants the conversation just ask and i will post it! Yeah, post it. Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 As much as I would hate admitting I was snooping, I would if I found something. The fact that she wouldn't show you, means she definitely knows she's doing something wrong. You should push it more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I cannot remember the exact words but: Him: You've turned boring Girlfriend: That's because i'm not single any more Him: I don't care Girlfriend: Well you should really Then i cannot remember what the next few said but... Girlfriend: Hmm i'll send you one then Him: Get on snapchat now Girlfriend: Answer me on there then Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 As much as I would hate admitting I was snooping, I would if I found something. The fact that she wouldn't show you, means she definitely knows she's doing something wrong. You should push it more. That's what i was thinking, normally she would tell/show me what her texts said, even this guy's messages to her. What would you suggest doing? Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP you're being needy and insecure, don't expect us to feel sorry for you if she dumps you. You had no right going through her phone, and I'm surprised she didn't dump you then and there. I'd consider her response to you pretty cool. If you can't trust her, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. So just dump her and move on. Keep in mind that in the future it's advisable NOT to snoop on someone's phone especially if they don't give you reason to... By snooping you'll find a text or something from a friend, and you'll go crazy with the possibilities of what it could mean. It might mean something, but oftentimes it will mean nothing. It's best to just be blissfully ignorant sometimes, that way you won't obsess over certain outcomes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP you're being needy and insecure, don't expect us to feel sorry for you if she dumps you. You had no right going through her phone, and I'm surprised she didn't dump you then and there. I'd consider her response to you pretty cool. If you can't trust her, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. So just dump her and move on. Keep in mind that in the future it's advisable NOT to snoop on someone's phone especially if they don't give you reason to... By snooping you'll find a text or something from a friend, and you'll go crazy with the possibilities of what it could mean. It might mean something, but oftentimes it will mean nothing. It's best to just be blissfully ignorant sometimes, that way you won't obsess over certain outcomes. She goes through my phone, we have no problems with this. Do you think there is a problem with her texts to this guy, and when asked about it she does not show me, when she usually would? She doesn't know i went through her phone by the way, I mean doesn't everybody at some point! Should i ask her again, when i next see her about it (telling her i've seen the texts) or just give her the benefit of the doubt, this guy has a certain reputation. I did trust her, it was an innocent thing to do, i didn't do it for any particular reason, but then i found this so... Isn't flirting, and i maybe think she has been sending nudes to him, it sounded that way, isn't that cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 It didn't seem all that flirty to me. It seemed like she was trying to get the other guy to back off because she was with you. Confess to the snooping. Apologize & ask Qs about the other guy but be calm & don't accuse. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 It didn't seem all that flirty to me. It seemed like she was trying to get the other guy to back off because she was with you. Confess to the snooping. Apologize & ask Qs about the other guy but be calm & don't accuse. But the last bit, did it look flirty to you, like when she said yeah i'l just send one? Does that suggest a nude to you, like i'm pretty sure she they have sent some to each other, but she denies it. How can i confess to her though? And how would i go about asking about this guy, i've met him and i don't think he likes me for no reason? She just says that i don't trust her, but i do believe that's to make me feel guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 And to be honest, does she have the need to hide the texts from me? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 The idea that somebody would send or request a nude photo would never occur to me. That is so outside the realm of how I think. I agree it was a conversation about a picture but I was thinking her face You confess by saying Hey, did you find the selfies I took the other morning? I kindda gotta tell you something. While I was messing around with your phone I read your texts. I don't know why & I'm sorry I invaded your privacy but the texts I read to the other guy kindda upset me. Can we talk about it? I don't want to me the crazy jealous BF but who is he? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 The idea that somebody would send or request a nude photo would never occur to me. That is so outside the realm of how I think. I agree it was a conversation about a picture but I was thinking her face You confess by saying Hey, did you find the selfies I took the other morning? I kindda gotta tell you something. While I was messing around with your phone I read your texts. I don't know why & I'm sorry I invaded your privacy but the texts I read to the other guy kindda upset me. Can we talk about it? I don't want to me the crazy jealous BF but who is he? To be fair this guy is like this, he also has a reputation for going out and having one night stands almost every week so i'm worried about him. I really don't think it was her face to be honest, why would he call her boring essentially and only want one of her face, what is the about in your opinion? I will try that on Saturday when i see her, although, she has made me meet him so and she seems him everyday at her college. Why does she have to hide it if there is nothing dodgy about it? all i get is you don't trust me and her trying to twist it on me, even though she doesn't know i've seen them. Also i think she will probably delete the texts, so there will be no proof either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 The idea that somebody would send or request a nude photo would never occur to me. That is so outside the realm of how I think. I agree it was a conversation about a picture but I was thinking her face You confess by saying Hey, did you find the selfies I took the other morning? I kindda gotta tell you something. While I was messing around with your phone I read your texts. I don't know why & I'm sorry I invaded your privacy but the texts I read to the other guy kindda upset me. Can we talk about it? I don't want to me the crazy jealous BF but who is he? Also where he says you used to be fun, doesn't that suggest they used to do something dirty (either pictures or talking)? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't know. You & I speculating is only going to make her crazy. One person has the answers: your GF. Talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't know. You & I speculating is only going to make her crazy. One person has the answers: your GF. Talk to her. But she doesn't tell me about it, everytime i ask, she just says i don't trust her kind of thing. She says she hasn't and never will, and she would never lie to me, and i believed that i really did, until i saw the texts and she won't show me them. Any advice on this? Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 It didn't seem all that flirty to me. It seemed like she was trying to get the other guy to back off because she was with you. Confess to the snooping. Apologize & ask Qs about the other guy but be calm & don't accuse. That was my initial assessment as well. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 If it was all above board, she'd show you. Read the thread from the woman who has a new BF but usually has dinner with a friend she went on 2 dates with but met on OLD. The minute they respond to the 1st request for a discussion with "you don't trust me" there isn't much to trust. If there was nothing there she'd say oh he's so & so from my class. Do you want to meet him? I realize you have met him but that was before the texts. If your gut is telling you there is something wrong listen to it but do talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I cannot remember the exact words but: Him: You've turned boring Girlfriend: That's because i'm not single any more Him: I don't care Girlfriend: Well you should really Then i cannot remember what the next few said but... Girlfriend: Hmm i'll send you one then Him: Get on snapchat now Girlfriend: Answer me on there then Do you know who this guy is? If not, than she's not g/f material. No one should be texting another guy that you don't even know. I've seen these threads time & time again on here, it hardly ever ends well. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The texts don't sound flirty at all to me. She was totally putting him in his place. They had something in the past, it's quite normal to still have some degree of intimacy. Please don't get too worried. When in a relationship I sometimes respond to ex flirts texts, and there's banter, sometimes they hit on me, but seriously it means nothing. Don't worry too much, please. If you do, it will ruin the relationship with the neediness. It turns women off when they know they're not doing anything to encourage another guy. Try to trust her and what she said. Stop snooping. Things are not what they seem sometimes. And why on earth do you have each other's passwords? That doesn't seem healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Do you know who this guy is? If not, than she's not g/f material. No one should be texting another guy that you don't even know. I've seen these threads time & time again on here, it hardly ever ends well. Well she made me meet him early on in the relationship, like with most of her friends. She has also showed me the texts they sent before, just not the ones i've already read, any ideas why not? I really do not like him, and i don't think he likes me, and i haven't really spoken to him properly to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 The texts don't sound flirty at all to me. She was totally putting him in his place. They had something in the past, it's quite normal to still have some degree of intimacy. Please don't get too worried. When in a relationship I sometimes respond to ex flirts texts, and there's banter, sometimes they hit on me, but seriously it means nothing. Don't worry too much, please. If you do, it will ruin the relationship with the neediness. It turns women off when they know they're not doing anything to encourage another guy. Try to trust her and what she said. Stop snooping. Things are not what they seem sometimes. And why on earth do you have each other's passwords? That doesn't seem healthy. I agree with the first few texts doing that, but then if she was putting him in his place, why would she agree to send him "certain" pictures on snapchat? she has no need to. They have never dated, but i guess they kinda had a flirting thing before me. We have each others passwords for our phones because we can trust each other and if we don't we can have a look for ourselves because there is nothing bad or dodgy on there. Although, she did the texts mentioned, when i asked about them so what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 If it was all above board, she'd show you. Read the thread from the woman who has a new BF but usually has dinner with a friend she went on 2 dates with but met on OLD. The minute they respond to the 1st request for a discussion with "you don't trust me" there isn't much to trust. If there was nothing there she'd say oh he's so & so from my class. Do you want to meet him? I realize you have met him but that was before the texts. If your gut is telling you there is something wrong listen to it but do talk to her. That's what i think, if there was nothing wrong with the texts, there is no nneed to hide it, which she is doing, would you agree with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forest97 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I need everyone's opinion on what the next steps should be, I am going to be with her this weekend and most of next week, staying at her dad's house and I feel i should say something to her. Can everyone please answer the following questions please? 1. Should i tell her i looked through her phone and found the texts, but i was just looking? 2. Should i confront her about what the texts mean and why she hid them? 3. Should i confront her about what sort of things she has done or is currently still doing with this guy? 4. How would I do the above, if she keeps saying you don't trust me when asked anything about it? Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 To me, it sounds like she likes the attention but she's not really interested in him. Especially since she was setting boundaries, but not in an extremely mean way. I had a guy I used to text that was like him. For awhile, I acted like her because just in case something happened with me and my boyfriend, I could fall back on that guy and just have someone to flirt with to make me feel better, even if I never intended on ever being with him and then when I realized my relationship wasn't going to just be a fling, I stopped all contact with him. It's also possible that since she likes the attention, she could've just been messing around and tricking him. You know, getting his hopes up for nothing. If she had sent him a nude, he would be texting her a lot because he'd really think he had a chance. Since the conversation ended there, I think she didn't give him what he wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 If this is what the relationship is like 4 months in, end it, for your own sanity. There's no trust. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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