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Why do so many older men think younger women want them?


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Nikki Sahagin

I realise this question is controversial in nature but I genuinely don't understand...

 

I'm 25 years of age and in my time have been propositioned by many an older man. My point of attraction is approx between the ages of 18-36 in a man. No older. I have never found a man in his 40's, 50's or beyond even remotely attractive, minus a few Hollywood star exceptions such as Johnny Depp etc (although not any more).

 

I simply don't find older men attractive. They are wrinkly, losing their hair and their bodies largely don't compare to younger men. They can be more mature, wealthy and settled, but even then, many older men are financial messes, eternal little boys or undergoing a midlife crisis, so it's not set in stone.

 

I find that most men have this odd believe that they are studs to young women. I've always found it weird how gorgeous women in their 40s can feel so insecure and ugly, whilst 40 year old men with paunches and receeding hair lines believe they are 'at their peak.'

 

I personally don't believe that men age better than women. I think men in their 30s look great, but I think that is a mans peak and after that, I don't think he is material. Of course, there are occassional exceptions but very few and even so I would never want to sleep with an older man because I would find it like having sex with my dad...just gross.

 

Is the reason we are trained to believe that younger women like older men because of:

 

* Porn, which is fake and acted anyway

* Or past societal rules where young women were married to older men

 

I believe most people are attracted to their own age group i.e. most 18 year olds want an 18 year old, not a 40 year old.

 

Even if you do date older, it's usually only by a few years or so, where the physical, emotional and mental differences aren't so vast.

 

Obviously some people enjoy sexual or romantic relationships with men far older than them; some genuine, others for money/status/fame or because they have daddy issues.

 

I've just never found an older man attractive and think it's a sign of the false male ego that men believe their value goes up in age and women goes down...actually I find past mid-to-late 30s, men don't look too hot either. I see many more attractive older women than older men personally, because I think women always take greater care of themselves.

 

This isn't meant to be insulting to older men...but just because you might love chasing after young women and thinking you're 18 and a few girls get cheap drinks out of you at a bar and porn tells you it's realistic and you sleep with a few younger women who are probs just mucking around...why do you think it's a general truth?

 

I don't know any women my age who I'm close with who actually fancy far older men...they only exploit them and laugh about it. Is this largely a case of the delusional male ego?

 

I feel like 30 year old women look in the mirror and think they are 60 whilst 30 year old men look in the mirror and think they are 16. I think older men who prowl for younger women are creepy, desperate and weird and that seems to be the general consensus amongst most women I know.

Edited by Nikki Sahagin
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Shining One

I'm 33 myself and it's only in the last few years that women in their early 20's have shown any interest in me. I was completely invisible to them from 18 to 27. I don't make the initial contact, they do.

 

As far as the older men who constantly pursue much younger women, it must work at some level. Pursuing women is a numbers game. They may get rejected by you and all of your friends, but the next young lady may respond positively. If they had a 100% failure rate, they would not be doing it.

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Hope Shimmers

The reason I quit Match dot com was because I was receiving tons of messages from men who were 20 years+ older than me, or else looked like they were. And their messages were always focused on my physical appearance - nothing else.

 

Those that were attractive and/or my age turned out to be undesirable for other reasons (married, no job, etc).

 

Having said that, many 'older' men are hot. And looks aren't everything. A person doesn't have to be conventionally good-looking to be attractive to someone else.

 

But I know what you are saying - I have wondered myself why some men think they are God's gift to women. I actually miss Match sometimes because some of the profiles were so hysterical, it was entertaining.

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I find that most men have this odd believe that they are studs to young women.

 

Really? Most? The vast majority of men date and marry women close to their own age. The average age difference in marriages is 3.5 years.

 

If most of the men you hang out with think they are studs to younger women, you've for some strange reason chosen the wrong men to hang out with. Because the vast, vast majority do not think that way at all.

 

Weird that you have such a mistaken view if men. Why do you think that is OP?

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There is a percentage of young women who are open to seeing an older man in some context - hookup, regular dating, fling, sugar baby type of thing, whatever. And there are plenty of young women who marry much older men. So speaking as a man in his fifties who recently got a date with his 22 year old neighbor [which I canceled to be with my 24 year old sugar baby! :laugh:] we are playing the odds. The trouble is that we have no way to know who might be open to seeing an older man and who isn't. So what can we do but try? You all don't come with instructions attached.

 

As for men acting all macho, I don't know if they really think they are studs or are simply trying to project that image. For me it is a daily struggle to look as good as I can and be as fit as possible. My entire life is focused on health, looking good, feeling good, and having great sex. It is a constant battle to stay ahead of the curve. So in my case, I don't see myself as a stud. Body builders and the like these days are insanely studly. But I can give a lot of young guys in the gym a good run for their money and I work my ass off to keep it that way. And I am proud to usually be the fittest guy my age in any room.

Edited by Robert Z
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It is a game of odds. If you ask enough women at least one will say yes. I have found that a lot of men when they come to a certain age just don't care what people think anymore. Impressing people in not on the agenda. I am not into younger women but if everybody is a consenting adult why not.

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toolforgrowth

I'm 35, and I've found that women just seem more attracted to me in general now than they did as recently as three years ago. I've had ladies from their early twenties to early forties look at me with that gleam in their eye. To be fair, I look 25...I swear I was born in the fountain of youth.

 

I have never intentionally pursued women in their twenties, although my girlfriend is 29. I typically dated women in their early to mid thirties. When I was single, I was hoping I'd meet a woman in her forties...not necessarily for a relationship, but just to have fun with and see what it'd be like. But the ones I know are all married and that is a line I will never cross.

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I have found that a lot of men when they come to a certain age just don't care what people think anymore. Impressing people in not on the agenda.

 

 

Bingo; especially for those of us who hit rock bottom. We know what is important and impressing people isn't on the list.. unless they are young and hot. :)

 

 

The truth is that we just want to enjoy and make the most of life while there is time left to do so; while our health holds out. And I'm sure I speak for a lot of men my age when I say so.

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I am not into younger women but if everybody is a consenting adult why not.

 

 

However, as a matter of clarification, if you were single and looking, and the situation was right, and some exceeding beautiful young woman was all over you, and you knew you would never see her again, would you kick her out of bed?

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The truth is that we just want to enjoy and make the most of life while there is time left to do so; while our health holds out. And I'm sure I speak for a lot of men my age when I say so.

 

That goes for a lot of us, though. I'd rather treat everyone with respect, and I do, unless they're actively trying to insult me or others - although I've let it slide when I'm feeling good, and realize that their lashing out has nothing to do with me. As a young "older" woman, I don't see why I'm less deserving of being treated well. If you only act a certain way to impress younger women, some of those women won't be so impressed.

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Something else that women may not realize. We take it as a given that we are going to endure a huge number of rejections. And there is no way to know how a young woman might react if approached directly. So I walk on eggshells to broach the subject without seeming like the creepy old guy. I am constantly reading body language, listening to the tone of her voice, watching her eyes, looking for clues of nervousness, to avoid crossing a line. The last thing I want to do is freak anyone out. So it is a game of tact and extreme caution.

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Because many younger women indeed want older men. They offer financial security, what the younger generation cannot offer in the slightest. Or do you really believe that all those youngsters becoming OWs to some married guy are all just in it for the sex? No sir, they're hoping he'll leave old wife and she'll be set for the rest of her life herself.

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I think many of the things you said are really hurtful and make any older person sad or annoyed to say the least

Remember one day you will get old as well, regardless if you are man or a woman

but getting old means we get old in body, but our soul don't really change..

When you are old, you don't want younger people to call you wrinkly and unattractive..

 

 

 

Anyway....

 

Since I don't object if an older woman be with a younger guy

I won't object if an older guy be with a younger girl

 

I mean, it's their life and their choices and preferences

 

If they are happy, who are we to judge..

 

But you hit the nail with saying older woman in their 30s or 40s think they are so old and unwanted while men in their 30 and 40 think they own the world

 

But you see

people always use age against a woman

 

they use it in a way to hurt her

 

Here is what Madonna said the other day..

 

 

"It's still the one area where you can totally discriminate against somebody and talk ****. Because of their age. Only females, though. Not males. So in that respect, we still live in a very sexist society."

 

She continued: "No one would dare to say a degrading remark about being black or dare to say a degrading remark on Instagram about someone being gay. But my age -- anybody and everybody would say something degrading to me. And I always think to myself, why is that accepted? What's the difference between that and racism, or any discrimination? They're judging me by my age. I don't understand. I'm trying to get my head around it."

Edited by Noproblem
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Ninjainpajamas

I've never actively pursued younger women at 34, but I've sensed an interest from them at times just as I would have when I was younger.

 

Unless my sensor has broke and I'm getting my old perv radar installed which is supposed to tell me I'm sexy since I carry a boombox playing "girl look at that body...I work out!"

 

A 22 year old the other day jokingly asked me what my age was...and she said, well it's not like you're 34 or something! And I just smiled and said good guess actually.

 

And I think I definitely look my age or at least 30's just being honest about it, but I like the way I look, I feel masculine and handsome enough even though I don't look 25 anymore, hair isn't what it used to be but body is...I assume she just assumed I was younger because we get along.

 

My gym buddy is only 20, and my other friend is 25 both whom I've become friends with in Europe who are not American, seem to think my age isn't that old and that important...it makes me feel uncomfortable going out with them, I begrudgingly go out and its not really my thing to go out to clubs, but I had one girl pull me by my arm with a force out to the dance floor who was clearly in her early 20's, she followed me around the whole damn night sipping her drink next to me or in front of me across the table...I also got hit on several times by other women around that age as well, blatant sultry lips inches away from my face..I definitely didnt pursue them. Sure, some women have amazing bodies and I glance but never stare, my behavior or attitude didn't change.

 

So I'm not really sure where this old man pursuing younger women attitude is coming from lately on the forum, I never went out of my way for it and I've even had a girl 14 years my junior trying to convince me it was ok to date her because her parents also had an age gap, and I told her I'm just not comfortable with that and she needs to date a guy closer to her age, she didn't let off for a month.

 

So I don't know what guys you're talking about, do they message you online? Big deal, it's online dating....I've had women in their 60's send me pictures in their lingerie...you think I'm into that? Older women do the same crap you younger women complain about but you act like you're special and grow a diva complex over it..It's sad.

 

So I don't know what kind of schmucks you're hanging around...where you're batting off older men left and right, but I suppose you should stop hanging around your daddies friends or something, because I'm sorry but I think this is exaggerated out of proportion, and its an obvious stab at older men for being attracted to younger women...but you're not as special as you think you are, you're letting it get way over your head.

 

As far as porn, grow up..you think we were born yesterday and have no sense or skill in the bedroom, you think all guys in their 30's think like children? We're not the ones in droves watching movies like Twilight, reading or watching 50 shades of grey...are you going to attack the old hens for that when a 40 year old woman is holding a team Jacob sign? Or when grown "old" women are in love with these young men and magic Mike's whom would never be into them over a young skinny hottie?

 

And you ask us men what we are thinking! HA! But go ahead and blame porn and the media for all your problems, like every other woman.

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I have also noticed this phenomenon of how men continually have the thought that they are hotties at any age, and how so many women after age 40 and up feel badly about themselves, even though they take better care of themselves and actually do look better than most guys who continually say "I look much younger..."

 

Sometimes its discouraging.

 

Other times, like this past week when I was working at two major Universities, I felt differently. I had a handful of men at both places who paid obvious attention to me, mostly visual and some verbal. A woman told me "nice curves." I'm not even curvy, I'm 127 lbs.

 

So anyway, my point here is, it works both ways. Its just unfortunate that women are made to feel they are "less than" by men of their own age group. These days, I pretty much ignore men of my age unless they make a big effort (basically never.) Whereas men older than me, and (apparently!) men much younger than me, are attracted to me and see me as a viable and desirable woman. Back when I did OLD (no more!!) I never searched for men my age, because they all want a different demographic. I searched for men older or younger than me.

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However, as a matter of clarification, if you were single and looking, and the situation was right, and some exceeding beautiful young woman was all over you, and you knew you would never see her again, would you kick her out of bed?

 

The age wouldn't really matter. There are a few women in their 40s I wouldn't kick out of bed.

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2.50 a gallon

Maybe because there are a lot of younger women who hit on older men. Since I turned 30, many decades ago, at least half of my bed partners were younger women, who hit on me. At age 32, met my future ExW age 19, it took her 15 minutes to proposition me.

I am now retired for several years now, and am still being hit on. Last summer it was a 39 year old. And she knew and had met my current GF.

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thefooloftheyear

Its been my experience(more now than ever in the past), that younger women are really disappointed in the guys of their age group being a bunch of unmotivated, undriven, poorly kept, fools that dont want to grow up...Then you have some other younger girls that might have "daddy issues"..

 

Women mature much faster than guys do, so the typical 20 something woman with her shyt together may decide to go older to find a guy that is on her level...They talk often about wanting a "real" man...

 

Add that to the fact that a lot of older guys are taking very good care of themselves...I have a physique that's on par or better than most of the 20 somethings at the gym I train at, I have all my hair and teeth, etc..Ive been hit on repeatedly by younger women...even though its not my thing..

 

So, to answer the OP's question..Sure...Its pretty creepy and pervy that some fat, bald, 55 year old should think the pretty coed should fall at his feet...But not everyone is like that..

 

TFY

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salparadise
Maybe because there are a lot of younger women who hit on older men. Since I turned 30, many decades ago, at least half of my bed partners were younger women, who hit on me. At age 32, met my future ExW age 19, it took her 15 minutes to proposition me.

I am now retired for several years now, and am still being hit on. Last summer it was a 39 year old. And she knew and had met my current GF.

 

Yea, seriously. The answer is, because they do. When I was in my 30s and early 40s I was running a business... driving a nice sports car, dressing well, tall, thin, full of confidence... 20-25 year olds were too easy. I didn't even look unless they were extra special, and then the immaturity was often apparent. I was interested in women, not girls with an attitude.

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autumnnight

I've never really understood the problem. There are men who want a younger woman. There are men who don't. There are women who want an older man. There are those who don't. The saddest thing to me are those women who are just SURE they are some sort of psychology psychic and they KNOW that no woman who would date an older man is "healthy." The arrogance of that kind of personality is probably more of an answer as to why they don't date than their age.

 

In my mid to late 40s now, I am surpirsed at how many people who are between 21-30 who want to date ME. I mean, I do not look like that woman on the courgarlife commerical. I am just a regular woman! But thanks, it is flattering :)

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Some younger women are into older men. So, you aren't, OP. And from a biological perspective, for a man of any age, a 25 year old woman is the ideal in terms of maturity and reproductive potential. Whether we acknowledge it consciously or not, that's the true underlying basis of attraction: potential fertility.

 

However, many - if not most - men will pick women closer to their age, but will probably have a fling with a younger woman if given the opportunity. I'd certainly never marry or have a serious relationship with anyone more than 10 - perhaps 15 - years younger. Eventually, the age difference would be a burden on one or both of us, I think.

 

That said, I've had a 27 years younger FWB for several years, who propositioned me. I'm not going to complain - I'll just enjoy it while it lasts (which won't be forever). So, I KNOW there's at least one younger woman who wants me!

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Why do so many older men think younger women want them?

 

We could extend that to any person of any gender and sexual proclivity. It's universal and individual.

 

In the context of your post IMO it's more why do men want younger women. That's our thought process when we engage them. What they want isn't really on our mind.

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This post reminds me of the one where someone's asked, why do men randomly approach women?

 

Ummmm duh!

 

What next, why is it that every Pope seems to be a Catholic?

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Okay, I have read some articles about "creepy older men" who try flirting with younger women, particularly servers at restaurants and get rather "pervy" with them. The question in my mind is what makes them think that the younger girl would go for it if they make inappropriate comments towards them?

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That goes for a lot of us, though. I'd rather treat everyone with respect, and I do, unless they're actively trying to insult me or others - although I've let it slide when I'm feeling good, and realize that their lashing out has nothing to do with me. As a young "older" woman, I don't see why I'm less deserving of being treated well. If you only act a certain way to impress younger women, some of those women won't be so impressed.

 

I don't understand your post. I never said anything about anyone being less deserving.

 

 

If the point is that we shouldn't want to be with younger women, then you will have to talk to our designer. Unfortunately the queues that indicate reproductive viability are generally associated with youth. And those same queues are what form the basis for physical attraction, for men.

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