Male Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Being single for the past 5 yrs, I have experienced many situations throughout the dating world. The one that I never expected was dealing with biased single moms, and how many of them avoid single men with no kids. I was really caught off guard with this. I had a lot of single moms deny/ignore me on dating sites. Being the inquisitive type fellow I am, I started to poke around for answers. Women told me that they avoid guys without kids. Um...why? They told me that guys without kids "dont understand" what they are going through, and that it takes up a lot of their time. So in other words, any guy that haphazardly knocked up some chick 5 10 20 years ago, is automatically a better candidate than me? And another thing, when that single mom got pregnant her first time, the guy she was with didnt have kids either! So isnt that a complete double standard?? I just never realized there was such a huge number of single moms that avoid childless men. I just cant wrap my head around the logic of prejudging someone based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Don't date women with kids. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 So in other words, any guy that haphazardly knocked up some chick 5 10 20 years ago, is automatically a better candidate than me? And another thing, when that single mom got pregnant her first time, the guy she was with didnt have kids either! So isnt that a complete double standard?? No - because she didn't have any kids back then, either. Anyhow, I don't reject them based on that alone, but I assume - and that might be unfair - that the guy WITH kids simply has more patience and understands how it is to have a busy schedule. And an unpredictable schedule. And also you have a lot in common if you both have kids. And a lot to talk about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 What really made me laugh was whenever I'd encounter a single mom who wouldn't date a guy who DID have kids. I was like...really? You really think there's a single guy out there with options that's going to choose you and your offspring from your days of humping bad boys? Good luck, lady...you're gonna need it. I was on OLD off and on (mostly off) for a couple years. The same women were still there, being all picky, and expecting the world to hand her a man that'll fix her life right up. I used to get mad about it, but now I just think it's sad and pathetic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Don't date women with kids. This pretty much sums it up. But, to expand... A woman with kids, especially younger kids, is going to be Mom first. They will only be free every other weekend in the typical arrangement. If you have big plans and Suzie has a virus, your plans get cancelled. Etc, etc. Now, I am a mom, and I would unapologetically cancel plans to stay with a sick child, so I am not dissing that. But most of the single men I know without kids who have dated women with kids get tired of it and at some point it becomes a pretty big issue. Maybe these women are just trying to avoid all of that. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 This pretty much sums it up. But, to expand... A woman with kids, especially younger kids, is going to be Mom first. They will only be free every other weekend in the typical arrangement. If you have big plans and Suzie has a virus, your plans get cancelled. Etc, etc. Now, I am a mom, and I would unapologetically cancel plans to stay with a sick child, so I am not dissing that. But most of the single men I know without kids who have dated women with kids get tired of it and at some point it becomes a pretty big issue. Maybe these women are just trying to avoid all of that. I get that. But to just flat out reject EVERY guy that doesnt have kids, without even giving anyone a chance? I dont think single moms have any right to complain about getting rejected if they are that biased themselves. My ex wife had 3 young boys when we met. I practically raised her kids due to her being in school, then her getting a job with a 12 hr shift. I dont tell single moms this ahead of time because I let them present themselves as they are, without me skewing their perception. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I just never realized there was such a huge number of single moms that avoid childless men. I just cant wrap my head around the logic of prejudging someone based on that. that makes no sense. there are so many advantages to date a single man w/o kids. 1. he has more money 2. he has more free time 3. he can give the woman more attention and she won't be 'second' all the time. 4. scheduling dates is a lot easier if one person is childless Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I get that. But to just flat out reject EVERY guy that doesnt have kids, without even giving anyone a chance? I dont think single moms have any right to complain about getting rejected if they are that biased themselves. first of all... i am sure there are single mothers who wouldn't mind going out with a single dude (without kids). and second of all - i doubt they're complaining every single time they get rejected. you're mad about someone else's standard & criteria - makes no sense. if a lady will reject you because you don't have kids - you don't fit in what she's looking for and that's all there is to it. just like i would reject a dude who is shorter than me - i don't care how good he is, it's a dealbreaker for me. & just like peeps rejected me because i have a failed marriage - that's their choice. you can't be mad about what someone else desires and asks for in a partner, that's ridiculous. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Male, I see your point. Certainly a guy with no kids is probably a little more together than one with kids scattered here and there, more careful, more organized, more responsible. That said, I think this is coming from online dating because I've seen a few posts on here by guys who were a little doe-eyed trying to date a woman with kids and just having no concept how much of her time that is taking up and where on the totem pole he can reasonably expect to be, which is the bottom. So I think some of them are trying not to have to be the first mother to straighten an inexperienced guy out on that who simply has no clue about the rigors of parenthood. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 2. he has more free time but the single mother doesn't. & that's hard to understand for someone who doesn't have that kind of responsibility (children). 3. he can give the woman more attention and she won't be 'second' all the time. but he will. & this also becomes a problem after some time. dudes usually get tired of a woman putting her children before them. they understand but they usually go for someone who will focus on them & put them first for a change. 4. scheduling dates is a lot easier if one person is childless not at all - it's actually easier when both partners have kids, similar responsibilities. there is a lot of reasons why single mothers don't go for single dudes without children - if a mother is coparenting with an X, there is usually ocassional frustration and arguments there which can scare the single dude off. most single dudes don't understand the responsibility that is a child or the fact that they have to make a lot of compromises in order to fit in a single mother's life. most simply don't want to raise a kid that isn't theirs. dudes like the OP are actually rare, that's why it's easier to simply go for someone who already has a kid. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Male, I see your point. Certainly a guy with no kids is probably a little more together than one with kids scattered here and there, more careful, more organized, more responsible. no, a dude who has children is more likely more careful, organized and responsible. they HAVE to be - i'm talking about good fathers, not the deadbeats. a single dude doesn't really need to be little more together, he can afford to be reckless because he doesn't have anyone depending on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 One reason why i woudl reject a guy who didnt have kids...is that he might want some kids of his own and i cant have more kids....every guy should be able to be a father..its a wonderful experience i feel.....every man has a right to experience and cherish........deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I really don't see what the problem is OP. Everyone is entitled to what they want in a mate. Why are you looking to date single moms when they don't want to date you? There are plenty of child free women out there to date so why are you complaining about single moms not wanting you? Why do you want to date a woman with kids? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Ditto above /\ I know I don't want any more of my own kids, my womb is closed. That said, I prefer to have a man that has his own. Not to mention he is more understanding schedule wise and has his **** together because he's not just about "himself". Now that my son is older, scheduling is not as relevant but my womb is still closed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Makes sense to me. Family life is a lifestyle. Checking for a compatible lifestyle is 1,000 times better than just randomly picking nice photos off a website. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I really don't see what the problem is OP. Everyone is entitled to what they want in a mate. Why are you looking to date single moms when they don't want to date you? There are plenty of child free women out there to date so why are you complaining about single moms not wanting you? Why do you want to date a woman with kids? Try dating in suburbia, in god crazy middle America. Its almost impossible finding women without kids that are older than 35. I'm not saying single moms cant be choosy. But at least question the damn guy before you write him off. Maybe he doesnt want kids of his own, but has no problem dating a single mom? Maybe he has experience with kids from a prior marriage or relationship? Maybe he cant have kids? I could go on and on with possible scenarios. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 ...I prefer to have a man that has his own. Not to mention he is more understanding schedule wise and has his **** together because he's not just about "himself" I dated a single mom who preferred men with kids. Her reasoning had little to do with scheduling... a man with kids understands what it means to be a parent, and has made that significant transition to putting other's needs ahead of their own and not thinking of themselves as the center of the universe... not being just about himself. I also dated another woman who had no kids and it was interesting to see the subtle differences. She could not empathize very well with that part of me that was dedicated to my daughter. There was a subtle (unspoken) competition in her mind where she reasoned that since my daughter had recently turned 18 it was time for me to quit identifying as a parent... and shift my focus to, guess who? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I get that. But to just flat out reject EVERY guy that doesnt have kids, without even giving anyone a chance? I dont think single moms have any right to complain about getting rejected if they are that biased themselves. My ex wife had 3 young boys when we met. I practically raised her kids due to her being in school, then her getting a job with a 12 hr shift. I dont tell single moms this ahead of time because I let them present themselves as they are, without me skewing their perception. This is very much like it not being "fair" for women to reject shorter men or more obese men or men who do not make as much money as they do. It may very well not be fair. It probably won;t change. So the choice is to continue to bemoan it or put energy into moving on and pursuing women without kids. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Chances are they're afraid you want children but they're fed up with their own kids and don't want to add to that. A guy who just got out of a marriage and has children is far less likely to ever want kids again, which is fine with them. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 What really made me laugh was whenever I'd encounter a single mom who wouldn't date a guy who DID have kids. I was like...really? You really think there's a single guy out there with options that's going to choose you and your offspring from your days of humping bad boys? Good luck, lady...you're gonna need it. I was on OLD off and on (mostly off) for a couple years. The same women were still there, being all picky, and expecting the world to hand her a man that'll fix her life right up. I used to get mad about it, but now I just think it's sad and pathetic. The thing is though those OLD single moms will still get guys with no kids....as STRs/flings/fwbs which is why they will hang in there. I've found the stigma goes both ways,depending on the woman. Some as the OP says will discriminate against guys with no kids (for reasons which I can appreciate but I think she should give each keen guy merit) and others will chase guys with no kids. To be fair there are lots of single dads who are chasing women with no kids too (for gfs). Some of my friends are like that and I've had a go at them,and they'll say, how they already have kids in their life, they don't want anymore dropped on them with a woman with her own (the good looking ones can land them). I get it but at the same time its totally discriminating for something which they are liable of as well. Its why the competition is harder for guys over 30 with no kids looking for a slim woman around his age bracket with no kids. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) The fact that you don't understand why they would feel this way is validation for their fear. The truth is that you really DON'T understand what they are going through. It's not a value statement about your character, nor is it a statement that you wouldn't be a good choice for dating, it's simply a reality of your experience and many of these single-mothers have already been burned by a man in their lives. The opposite truth is more prevalent than the one you have described, however. It is more likely that a single man without children won't want to date a single mom - that's my opinion anyway. I am a single man, divorced, with children, and I can't find anybody who wants to date me! Oh, well, it's better to be single than to settle for a bad relationship simply because you don't want to be alone. Sorry for my soap-box...LOL! Blessings. Edited March 26, 2015 by GoBlue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I'm a single woman with no kids, and have dated men with kids. Lots of times they expected my life to wrap around his... the sole reason being that he has kids. Hey, sounds like a great gig to me. Squeeze out a kid and the world is supposed to drop to their knees to service you (not!!) Look, OP... you need to take it as a blessing that some of those women avoid men with no kids. The guys who either gravitated TOWARDS me or AWAY from me due to my childless status were almost always extremely selfish and disorganized. We all have priorities in life. Even people without kids have friends, family, and work commitments... Search out people who don't make excuses about them, who have a reasonable balance, and who have their shyte together. In other words, avoid people who use their kids an excuse unless their kids are sincerely out of-the-norm or have special needs. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) I dated a single mom who preferred men with kids. Her reasoning had little to do with scheduling... a man with kids understands what it means to be a parent, and has made that significant transition to putting other's needs ahead of their own and not thinking of themselves as the center of the universe... not being just about himself. I haven't found any correlation between altruism and parenthood. None. But I get it that lots of single parents want to see themselves that way... long suffering warriors paving the way for the next generation and all that... Ok. Some of the most selfish people I've ever met are parents. In fact, they HAD kids because they are selfish... not because they wanted to make the world a better place or they actually give a damn about nurturing another human being, lol. ... and if I get tired of some single dads... it was the ones who had difficulty integrating their time with kids self and their time with a partner self. Me and my (now deceased) fiancée never, ever had issues. I'm still friends with his ex-wife and kids to this day. Other single dads? They never shut up about their challenges, everything is a battle with their kids... or so it seems. Yea, who wouldn't want a break from THAT! It's no different than the folks who can't leave work at work. It does get old after awhile. If it's that challenging, go to therapy. Edited March 26, 2015 by RedRobin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I haven't found any correlation between altruism and parenthood. None. But I get it that lots of single parents want to see themselves that way... long suffering warriors paving the way for the next generation and all that... Ok. Some of the most selfish people I've ever met are parents. In fact, they HAD kids because they are selfish... not because they wanted to make the world a better place or they actually give a damn about nurturing another human being, lol. ... and if I get tired of some single dads... it was the ones who had difficulty integrating their time with kids self and their time with a partner self. Me and my (now deceased) fiancée never, ever had issues. I'm still friends with his ex-wife and kids to this day. Other single dads? They never shut up about their challenges, everything is a battle with their kids... or so it seems. Yea, who wouldn't want a break from THAT! It's no different than the folks who can't leave work at work. It does get old after awhile. If it's that challenging, go to therapy. Yeah, as a parent, I absolutely wouldn't want to date someone who had the above attitude about children, parenthood, and me. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) Yeah, as a parent, I absolutely wouldn't want to date someone who had the above attitude about children, parenthood, and me. Yea, I don't blame you. Life is much easier for those who believe their problems are much more profound than other people's problems... and people can blame their kids for whatever their life situation is. What a horrible example to leave for their kids... The kids don't like being the scapegoat for their parent's romantic issues. Don't think they don't notice when they get to a certain age. Kids need to see examples of healthy relationships... having the world revolve around them 24/7 isn't healthy for them either. Eventually they will grow up and discover that it doesn't. *shrug* But I guess there is plenty of time for that... I happen to believe that people of high character are that way with or without kids. Sorry if you believe otherwise. Edited March 26, 2015 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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