liril Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Hello, I have never been betrayed nor been a OW. Just out of curiosity, I want to understand that why do OW/OM not forsee the pain of a BS. I mean things aka love just doesnt happen in a day. You feel attraction towards a person, text him , call him, meet him, and sooo on. And each time you know where you are heading to. You know you are getting involved with a taken person.How do you not take into account that this person has significant other and even if your married man badmouths his wife, but you dont know what exactly is going on with their marriage.How can you participate in cheating a person.Will you not be hurt if someone did the same to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Liril Unfotunately they do not care about the things you are asking. Just read all the descriptions of "my MM". As you said they are banging someone else's husband , destroying a family , and refer to the AP as " theirs". There is no way to fully and accurately explain what goes through someone's mind that enters the destructive world of infidelity. Just like there are some people who cannot resist the temptation of food or drugs , there are those of us who are not capable of resisting the temptations that are out there and they will always find a reason why their affair is different . Whoever figures it all out will be the most famous person on earth 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LifelongCheater Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm a lifelong cheater. I've contributed to breaking up many marriages. I specifically hunt for married women to have relationships with. I guess the reality is I'm a bad person so the pain of their betrayed husband never enters into my thoughts. To me it's a competition to spread your seed so as an alpha male I try to spread mine as much as possible. In every other aspect of life I'm straight as an arrow. I'd never cheat in business or break laws. Only with women. Married women. I can't give up married women. In this age of empowerment of women they're way more likely to cheat too. I have zero problems finding my next conquest. Once I spot a woman I know meets the criteria to cheat I have about a 90% success rate. Maybe higher. Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm a lifelong cheater. I've contributed to breaking up many marriages. I specifically hunt for married women to have relationships with. I guess the reality is I'm a bad person so the pain of their betrayed husband never enters into my thoughts. To me it's a competition to spread your seed so as an alpha male I try to spread mine as much as possible. In every other aspect of life I'm straight as an arrow. I'd never cheat in business or break laws. Only with women. Married women. I can't give up married women. In this age of empowerment of women they're way more likely to cheat too. I have zero problems finding my next conquest. Once I spot a woman I know meets the criteria to cheat I have about a 90% success rate. Maybe higher. Rolls eyes. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
LifelongCheater Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Rolls eyes. I've noticed you're a wayward. You fell for someone like me. Did he discuss how deep the connection was? How he didn't know real love until you met? We have a playbook you know. Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I've noticed you're a wayward. You fell for someone like me. Did he discuss how deep the connection was? How he didn't know real love until you met? We have a playbook you know. Nope. He was real, not a player. Most strong women learn about womanizers either by a short brush or unfortunately a longer. The ones who are self assured will have given you the hand, and oh please, run ahead now, go, scoot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liril Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Some of them who are involved in such situations , they themselves are unhappy but fail to get out of it or are just addicted to it.And some have gone through horrible pain and I do feel their pain and feel sorry for that. I was just curious that how can they knowingly and intentionally hurt someone for such long time. As you gave example of drug and food addiction, somewhere I can understand but the lack of empathy for others that makes me bit disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
LifelongCheater Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Some of them who are involved in such situations , they themselves are unhappy but fail to get out of it or are just addicted to it.And some have gone through horrible pain and I do feel their pain and feel sorry for that. I was just curious that how can they knowingly and intentionally hurt someone for such long time. As you gave example of drug and food addiction, somewhere I can understand but the lack of empathy for others that makes me bit disappointed. Most of the cheaters I've been with are actually good people. They can do this to the ones they love because they're not thinking about it at all. They push it out of their minds. I did one time have a woman that cried some before we became physical and actually started crying right after she had an orgasm. Really wailing. She felt horrible about it. That didn't stop us though. We continued another few months and she got over the guilt and enjoyed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liril Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Lirilcheater ..thanks for sharing. I just like learning from other peoples experiences . Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Some of them who are involved in such situations , they themselves are unhappy but fail to get out of it or are just addicted to it.And some have gone through horrible pain and I do feel their pain and feel sorry for that. I was just curious that how can they knowingly and intentionally hurt someone for such long time. As you gave example of drug and food addiction, somewhere I can understand but the lack of empathy for others that makes me bit disappointed. I believe if you go searching for an AP with intention as with adult sites or chasing one down in social situations, there may be a huge lack of empathy and care. I can only speak for myself, but the ex chased and suited me. I believe I fell for and as deeply for them as their spouse once had. Was it my first and last affair? Yes. Did I feel extreme guilt for my part in it? Yes. But I will explain in the next paragraph. Human behavior can be traced back to the animal kingdom and natural instinct. You have two women who are subconsciously standing their ground for the best, their natural instinct toward survival. They want this alpha male in their life to love and protect themselves and their family. For example you have an alpha monkey taking care of his clan, but he keeps leaving to suit another female and what this leads to is both fighting for survival and the best for their family, life, and situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 ... I want to understand that why do OW/OM not forsee the pain of a BS. ... why stop there. i got a bigger raise than you, but you need it more --- should i feel your pain. there are countless examples. we are all selfish at some point --- or do you wave in EVERY car in waiting to get in line. OW/M owe nothing to the M (they were not party to it), so it rests on the WS. AND the hurdle that most ignore is a WS said yes for a reason. i seriously doubt WS woke up one day and say time to find a FB, it evolves. the signs were there (looking in the mirror). why were they missed --- there was at some point a communication failure or worse 'i don't care' attitude. this leaves the potential for an opportunist to move in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 A lot of times, the OW/OM is actually a MW/MM as well. If the MW/MM is not thinking about their own BS, they are most certainly not considering the feelings of the OBS. They are simply not on the radar. Maybe at a later point, when the fog begins to clear. But not at the beginning. It is seriously the huge rush of brain chemicals taking over. They leave no room for logic. If they did, if there was room for decision-making and forsight and empathy, affairs wouldn't happen as often as they do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Livingeachday Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Lirilcheater ..thanks for sharing. Freudian slip here much? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Unfotunately they do not care about the things you are asking. Yes, we're all just evil people. Really downright horrible sociopaths who care nothing about the human race. And you know this because you have personally met every single one of us, of course. You are no doubt a full expert on the subject of every single person in society in order to possess this level of all-encompassing knowledge. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
boneheadedmove Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I can only speak from my own experience. Yes, there was the constant thought of the husband. The guilt and knowledge that she's not mine led to multiple instances of trying to end it. My situation has yet to be resolved, so I'm not sure what hindsight will reveal. But I do know it was love at first sight, there was a mutual obsession, we both knew it was wrong, and we both didn't want anyone to get hurt. Now all three of us are hurting. I can honestly tell you I don't know why I went through with things. Is there something wrong with me? Probably. But I know the reality of what I was feeling was the deepest and most satisfying love I've ever experienced. It's just totally unfortunate it was under the circumstances it was. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Hello, I have never been betrayed nor been a OW. Just out of curiosity, I want to understand that why do OW/OM not forsee the pain of a BS. I mean things aka love just doesnt happen in a day. You feel attraction towards a person, text him , call him, meet him, and sooo on. And each time you know where you are heading to. You know you are getting involved with a taken person.How do you not take into account that this person has significant other and even if your married man badmouths his wife, but you dont know what exactly is going on with their marriage.How can you participate in cheating a person.Will you not be hurt if someone did the same to you. I'm sure there a various reasons depending on the people involved. But, in general, people involved in any kind of dysfunctional behavior are themselves wounded in some way or have their own issues. In that state, most people are far more obsessed with their own needs than the impact their behavior may have on other people or even ultimately on themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liril Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 @Livingeachday : Hmm..not sure what you want to say. The world isn’t an ideal one. People do make bad choices or are just selfish. I just wanted to learn from different perspective even though I might not like what they tell but it gives something to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liril Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 @velvette : that does make sense. Some OW that I have come across they were in bad situations when they chose this path. But it has always baffled me how come they can chose something that might hurt someone. Maybe they just didnt think much about others or like just one poster said they feel they are not responsible ,only the married person is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liril Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I can only speak from my own experience. Yes, there was the constant thought of the husband. The guilt and knowledge that she's not mine led to multiple instances of trying to end it. My situation has yet to be resolved, so I'm not sure what hindsight will reveal. But I do know it was love at first sight, there was a mutual obsession, we both knew it was wrong, and we both didn't want anyone to get hurt. Now all three of us are hurting. I can honestly tell you I don't know why I went through with things. Is there something wrong with me? Probably. But I know the reality of what I was feeling was the deepest and most satisfying love I've ever experienced. It's just totally unfortunate it was under the circumstances it was. I can understand your dilemma. Maybe you are soft to make one discrete decision and stick to it.Not saying you are bad person but in your thinking to not hurt anyone, somewhere you end up hurting others and yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Like you OP, I am neither a BW or a WW . What I have learned and noticed is that APs tend to block the BS out of their thoughts when they're in an A. Or because most MM/MW lie about the state of their marriage, they feel they are providing happiness. A form of rescue from the horrible marriage and from the nasty husband or wife. MW often say their husbands are abusive and controlling. MM say their living like room mates, no love etc. So I guess for some APs, if you believe the marriage isn't great, then you don't believe your hurting anyone or that the BS deserves it because of what they've been told. As human beings, most of us have a conscience. That's what stops us from doing certain things. When we go ahead and do the things we know are wrong, we try and justify those actions in our mind. We put our needs above others , and as such their pain isn't a consideration. Another common line I hear from the single OW/OM, is that they never cheated, they did nothing wrong, they didn't break any marriage vows and it's ALL down to the WS. You'll never feel think about the pain if a BS, if you stick with these views. Of course there will always be those who know there will be pain and don't care. There are some women who only pursue MM because it suits them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Like you OP, I am neither a BW or a WW . What I have learned and noticed is that APs tend to block the BS out of their thoughts when they're in an A. Or because most MM/MW lie about the state of their marriage, they feel they are providing happiness. A form of rescue from the horrible marriage and from the nasty husband or wife. MW often say their husbands are abusive and controlling. MM say their living like room mates, no love etc. So I guess for some APs, if you believe the marriage isn't great, then you don't believe your hurting anyone or that the BS deserves it because of what they've been told. As human beings, most of us have a conscience. That's what stops us from doing certain things. When we go ahead and do the things we know are wrong, we try and justify those actions in our mind. We put our needs above others , and as such their pain isn't a consideration. Another common line I hear from the single OW/OM, is that they never cheated, they did nothing wrong, they didn't break any marriage vows and it's ALL down to the WS. You'll never feel think about the pain if a BS, if you stick with these views. Of course there will always be those who know there will be pain and don't care. There are some women who only pursue MM because it suits them. I believe the bold to be true in most cases. The XMOW even told me that I was the one who caused the downfall of my M. If she only knew. My WH spun such lies to her, we were finally able to compare our stories after my last Dday (False R). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I may be one of the few people who actually had it verified to me by the BS that what he told me was correct. Specifically, that she shut him off from any intimacy or sex and has no intention of being a sexual partner to him ever again. She told me that more than once, during the A and after it, and seemed proud of the fact that he 'chose' to stay with her in spite of it. Well, I guess she won a prize in her eyes. As for me, I think of the Garth Brooks song, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I may be one of the few people who actually had it verified to me by the BS that what he told me was correct. Specifically, that she shut him off from any intimacy or sex and has no intention of being a sexual partner to him ever again. She told me that more than once, during the A and after it, and seemed proud of the fact that he 'chose' to stay with her in spite of it. Well, I guess she won a prize in her eyes. As for me, I think of the Garth Brooks song, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers". So what prevented him from leaving this marriage with no intimacy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I believe the bold to be true in most cases. The XMOW even told me that I was the one who caused the downfall of my M. If she only knew. My WH spun such lies to her, we were finally able to compare our stories after my last Dday (False R). But you know even if I believed a MM about this. I'd say fine, get divorced, then we can talk. Why would I want to sneak around with a man. Have a man I can't walk around openly with. If the man is so weak, that he can't leave a bad marriage, he wouldn't be the one for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 So what prevented him from leaving this marriage with no intimacy? My story is on here if you want to read it, and that question is answered. I can tell from your question and your other posts that you are asking because you doubt anyone would not leave such a marriage. Not true, some men don't, or at least he didn't. Had nothing to do with me either way. This thread isn't about my story and I'm not going to hijack it by going into details further than what I provided just as background to my response. Thanks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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