Set up by my girlfriends sister

[Azza]

I’ve been royally set up and besides the person who set me up coming clean I can’t see a way out of this. I was just looking to see if anyone had any opinions on a possible solution.

 

Pretty simply my gf’s sister is a nutcase.

 

I knew the sister first though a sporting club. I am 10 years older than her but she was very skilled and I was appointed to mentor her so we had a fair bit of contact including trips away together. One night at a function she did proposition me but I rejected her. She apparently accepted that and there has been nothing of that sort since then until recently.

 

I couple of years ago she bought her sister (now my girlfriend) to a function where she was receiving an award and long story made short we hit it off and have been together since. It was awkward at the start as my gf was under the impression that her sister and I had something going on. It was only after her sister assured her that was not the case that we got together.

 

Now to the present; The nutcase sister propositioned me again a few months ago when she kissed me by surprise (I did not in any way kiss back and in fact pushed her away). She says it was an accident, I have a twin brother and she swore she thought it was him. I didn’t tell my gf as I thought I’d give the sister a chance after she begged me not to tell (big mistake). We were seen “together” by someone who told my gf and when she approached me about it I lied to keep the peace with her and her sister (yes I know, BIG mistake). She accepted what I said as the source was unreliable but I’m sure it has remained in the back of her mind.

 

Anyway I come home early from work a couple of weeks ago and my gf’s car is in the driveway. I went inside and she was in the shower so I stripped off and went in to surprise her. It was her nutcase psycho sister!!! She tries to pull me in the shower but I just push her away and leave. In those few minutes my gf has come home (she swapped cars with her sister) and sees me naked and wet and seconds later her naked and wet sister walks out of the bathroom. I’m sure you can imagine how that went down especially considering we had already been spotted “together” previously.

 

I have not seen or spoken to my gf since, not even a text. No-one knows where she is or at least are not telling me, she has taken leave from work. She has been home during the day when I am not there to get clothes and stuff. She hasn’t taken everything though so I am hoping that is a good sign.

 

I have sent a text and email describing the truth as I have outlined here but have no replies. To make it worse her nutcase sister is insisting we have something between us and thinks that if I break up with my gf that her and I will have a chance. To that end she is not helping at all by not denying that we kissed and that we were in the shower together.

 

If I place myself in my gf’s shoes I don’t think I could even fully trust me again unless of course the sister comes clean so I can’t blame her for leaving.

 

Is there any way back from this without psycho sister’s help?

[Gloria25]

Do you have any serious plans with your gf (marriage)?

 

If not, I say let this go and move on...

 

Now, how in the WORLD do you two allow her sister to have a key to your place? I don't have keys to my brother and/or sister's places and he doesn't have to mine.

 

Now, if you DO decide to continue with your gf, I believe you need to call the meeting to order. You need to enlist some help with this. You need to set it up where you, your gf, her sister and a third party (like a guy friend of yours) is there so ALL of you are in the same room at the same time and you have a third party there to arbitrate and keep it under control (maybe you'll need two friends of yours to help with this).

 

Cuz, you have no idea what her psycho sister is telling her and you need to tell your gf EVERYTHING right there with psycho sitting there. Now, if psycho goes on about you two having something, then gosh help you. But, I think that with her sister right there, she probably won't have the cojones to try that.

 

I mean all this text and e-mail isn't the way to address this. I'm surprised that weeks have gone on since this incident and the meeting has not been called to order.

[Azza]

Do you have any serious plans with your gf (marriage)?

 

I certainly wasn't looking for this relationship to be anything other than permanent but the marriage word may be a bit further away.

 

Now, how in the WORLD do you two allow her sister to have a key to your place? I don't have keys to my brother and/or sister's places and he doesn't have to mine.

 

She doesn't have a key. My gf needed a bigger car to pick something up so the sister drove around and stayed at our place while my gf went to do the pick-up. Why she didn't go with her I don't know.

 

When I saw my gf's car in it's normal place I didn't think it would be anyone but her obviously.

 

Now, if you DO decide to continue with your gf, I believe you need to call the meeting to order. You need to enlist some help with this. You need to set it up where you, your gf, her sister and a third party (like a guy friend of yours) is there so ALL of you are in the same room at the same time and you have a third party there to arbitrate and keep it under control (maybe you'll need two friends of yours to help with this).

 

Cuz, you have no idea what her psycho sister is telling her and you need to tell your gf EVERYTHING right there with psycho sitting there. Now, if psycho goes on about you two having something, then gosh help you. But, I think that with her sister right there, she probably won't have the cojones to try that.

 

I mean all this text and e-mail isn't the way to address this. I'm surprised that weeks have gone on since this incident and the meeting has not been called to order.

 

I would love to organise something like this but I can't even get her to say a word, not even a "I hate you" if that has to be the case. Unless someone owns up to knowing where she is and how to contact her and can only wait until she one day contacts me. In the meantime I have to hope every day that I don't come home and our house is cleaned out.

 

I guess all I can do is beg her friends to tell me but as far as they're concerned I'm a cheating prick.

 

Her parents would probably know but I am certainly not welcome there right now nor is her sister. I could probably write them a letter explaining but while it may smooth things out in regards to their daughter (my gf) it will also be calling their other daughter a nutcase so I'm not sure how that will go down.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Azza

[Gloria25]

I certainly wasn't looking for this relationship to be anything other than permanent but the marriage word may be a bit further away.

 

 

 

She doesn't have a key. My gf needed a bigger car to pick something up so the sister drove around and stayed at our place while my gf went to do the pick-up. Why she didn't go with her I don't know.

 

When I saw my gf's car in it's normal place I didn't think it would be anyone but her obviously.

 

 

 

I would love to organise something like this but I can't even get her to say a word, not even a "I hate you" if that has to be the case. Unless someone owns up to knowing where she is and how to contact her and can only wait until she one day contacts me. In the meantime I have to hope every day that I don't come home and our house is cleaned out.

 

I guess all I can do is beg her friends to tell me but as far as they're concerned I'm a cheating prick.

 

Her parents would probably know but I am certainly not welcome there right now nor is her sister. I could probably write them a letter explaining but while it may smooth things out in regards to their daughter (my gf) it will also be calling their other daughter a nutcase so I'm not sure how that will go down.

 

Well, I know this sounds drastic, but how 'bout changing the locks?

 

That way, if your gf tries to sneak in to get stuff and/or clean you out - she can't. THEN, your gf HAS to contact you....then, you set up the meeting that way. I'm sure you won't have a problem getting psycho sister to come to the meeting. All you have to do is lie to her and tell her something like come over for sex or something.

 

No, no writing the parents. I say go there in person and again, bring someone with you. I mean, are her parents this naive to not know their daughters and that something is "off" with psycho sister?

 

Oh, better yet....

 

Why don't you text and/or call psycho sister and confront psycho sister. Then...send the texts and/or recordings via e-mail to your gf and/or her parents and prove that you didn't have a thing going on with psycho sister.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Gloria25

[Azza]

Well, I know this sounds drastic, but how 'bout changing the locks?

 

I'd rather not, I still want this to be her house. Changing the locks seems like moving on ans acknowledging it's over.

 

are her parents this naive to not know their daughters and that something is "off" with psycho sister?

 

I think everybody is conned by her. She is incredibly attractive, she's smart, shes a national place-getter in her sport and a part-time model. She got caught with drugs for example and her parents still believe her story that the cops planted it.

 

She is the golden child who can do nothing wrong and I will be the ex mentor/coach who corrupted and seduced their daughter.

 

Even saying all that I would love to sit at a table with them all and have my say and try to explain the truth.

 

Why don't you text and/or call psycho sister and confront psycho sister. Then...send the texts and/or recordings via e-mail to your gf and/or her parents and prove that you didn't have a thing going on with psycho sister.

 

This might be worth a shot.

[salparadise]

Can you prove your whereabouts just before you arrived home? If you stopped and bought gas or groceries or picked up dry cleaning or anything where there would be a time-stamped receipt or credit card transaction, or if you can prove that you left work at a certain time and could have only arrived a couple of minutes before your girlfriend came in, then it could make all the difference.

 

As Gloria said, recording a conversation with the sister might help if you can get her to admit to the charade, or confirm that the two of you have never had sex. But that may not be easy to do, and it could also backfire if it looks like you and psycho-sis are communicating or spending time together.

 

If the parents and your girlfriend are shunning the psycho-sis, that's a lot of incentive for her to give up the deception. Does your girlfriend realize that her sister is prone to this kind scheming and manipulation?

 

Other considerations notwithstanding, what's your tolerance for hot psycho? Could be a wild ride. (kidding)

[Azza]

Can you prove your whereabouts just before you arrived home?

 

I stopped at a bar to have a few drinks with workmates after we finished early and I got money out from an ATM. It was about 2 hours earlier though so I'm not sure it would prove much as my girlfriend had only been gone 2 hours after swapping the car so I still had time to get home and do whatever she thinks I did. It's a start though.

 

As Gloria said, recording a conversation with the sister might help if you can get her to admit to the charade, or confirm that the two of you have never had sex. But that may not be easy to do, and it could also backfire if it looks like you and psycho-sis are communicating or spending time together.

 

I've thought a bit about this and it makes me nervous and could lead to more evidence that me and psycho sis have something going on. I'm worried that if I text and ask her over, it would have to be a bit flirty to get her to come, then she may just not turn up and give me no chance to record anything. Then shows everyone the text and I'm more screwed than I am now.

 

If the parents and your girlfriend are shunning the psycho-sis, that's a lot of incentive for her to give up the deception. Does your girlfriend realize that her sister is prone to this kind scheming and manipulation?

 

My gf is one of the few who aren't conned by her actions but even she doesn't believe that psycho sis would make moves on her own sisters boyfriend. Now I don't know for a fact that is what she thinks but given the fact she hasn't believed my explanation then that's the only conclusion I can come to.

 

Other considerations notwithstanding, what's your tolerance for hot psycho? Could be a wild ride. (kidding)

 

Honestly, before I met my gf I would have been all over that. I very nearly said yes when she propositioned me years ago but as I was in a position of responsibility over her I felt it was inappropriate and that's why I rejected her. Once I met my gf and I knew I could pursue her without the baggage of having been with her sister I knew I made the right call.

 

I have never entertained the idea of cheating on my gf and I would hope she knows that, the thought that she thinks that not only did I cheat but I did it with her little sister makes me sick.

[preraph]

I don't know what if any part your gf played in any of this, and sounds like it would be hard to tell, but just remember they share the same genes. Not sure I'd ever be up for joining a family that was this chaotic. If you do, you're going to have to sit down and make your gf set some boundaries with her sister, first among them that she can't come over uninvited and preferably not when you're there and certainly she must not have a key. You tell your gf everything. If she then sides with her sister, you'll know what a snakepit you need to climb out of.

[salparadise]

I stopped at a bar to have a few drinks with workmates after we finished early and I got money out from an ATM. It was about 2 hours earlier though so I'm not sure it would prove much as my girlfriend had only been gone 2 hours after swapping the car so I still had time to get home and do whatever she thinks I did. It's a start though.

 

I think proving that you could've only arrived minutes before may be the best option if you can figure out how. Were you at the bar with these workmates during the two hours prior? Does the bartender know when you left? GPS data, cellphone or CCTV image showing where you were?

 

 

My gf is one of the few who aren't conned by her actions but even she doesn't believe that psycho sis would make moves on her own sisters boyfriend. Now I don't know for a fact that is what she thinks but given the fact she hasn't believed my explanation then that's the only conclusion I can come to.

 

Seeing the two of you standing there wet and nekkid with her own eyeballs... that's a tough image to have burned into her head. The gap between what she saw and what it means is very small and almost certainly triggers a visceral reaction. Hopefully she will come around and start talking to you again, and at least give you a chance to explain honestly.

 

Any new developments in the past 2 days?

[Azza]

Any new developments in the past 2 days?

 

I have at least managed to get a response from her which said that she wants to believe me and that my explanation makes sense but she saw what she saw and cannot overlook it.

 

For the record she has been burned before when her ex was cheating with her best friend and after having suspicions believed the explanations they gave (and verified by friends) only to find months later that her suspicions were true. So I guess her position is understandable.

 

Her sister is claiming that I seduced her, that she is the young and impressionable one and I am the authority figure and took advantage.

 

My gf has said she would like to meet Friday night to discuss it face to face so I least I will have my chance. Unless she believes my friends it's just going to be my word versus her sisters word, a situation that I should win easily but the whole situation with her ex complicates things massively as this is almost identical.

 

I think proving that you could've only arrived minutes before may be the best option if you can figure out how. Were you at the bar with these workmates during the two hours prior?

 

I have given her the numbers of the guys I was with so she can contact and verify for herself. None of them has had any contact from her.

 

I haven't asked about CCTV footage but I'm hoping it wont come to that. Maybe that's the sort of drastic step I need to take though. I will follow this up tomorrow.

[Standard-Fare]

I'll be completely honest with you: even I am skeptical of this story just reading it, so I understand why your GF would be. In fact it even reads like you may be testing out whether your story feels "valid" enough for your GF.

 

Things that are sounding fishy to me:

 

- The fact that the eyewitness to that forced kiss wasn't able to tell that the kiss wasn't "real." If you really did just reject it and push the sister away, I don't see how the eyewitness could have walked away from that thinking you two were really kissing.

 

- The thing about how the sister thought she was going after your twin brother. It sounds very unlikely unless everyone was totally hammered.

 

- The shower incident altogether. It's so odd that the sister would have chosen to kill her time waiting by taking a shower. Why would anyone do that? And I don't understand how you could have gotten THAT wet by a little scuffle with her presumably right outside of the shower.

 

- The fact that the sister wasn't able to immediately explain these accidents to your GF. For example, with the shower, it sounds like your GF walked in on the two of you, so why wouldn't the sister speak up and tell the real story?

 

Granted, a lot of these things are related to the sister's own credibility, which you say is nonexistent. But I'm just telling you why this story sounds fishy.

[Toodaloo]

Am I the only one that thinks he needs to stop mentoring the sister??? Get some distance going on and all that?

[salparadise]

I'll be completely honest with you: even I am skeptical of this story just reading it, so I understand why your GF would be. In fact it even reads like you may be testing out whether your story feels "valid" enough for your GF.

 

I thought of that as well, and the fact that it was the OPs first post (at least under that username) and doesn't have any history here doesn't build a lot of confidence. The shower sequence seems far-fetched to me too. It would require a lot of coincidental, precisely timed events, not the least of which is crazy sister just spontaneously deciding to take a shower in someone else's bathroom in the middle of the day.

 

But we also don't have any directly conflicting statements, so I'm eager to hear how it all plays out for the OP, and hoping for the best.

[Azza]

It's unfortunate that people doubt what I have said but that just goes to show how much I am up against it to get my gf to understand that even though there is a lot of reasons to say this just can't be true it in fact is absolutely true.

 

- The fact that the eyewitness to that forced kiss wasn't able to tell that the kiss wasn't "real." If you really did just reject it and push the sister away, I don't see how the eyewitness could have walked away from that thinking you two were really kissing.

 

I'm sure this witness knows exactly what happened but they are a known trouble maker and embellishing the truth is par for the course for them. This is the least of my worries as no-one really believes this.

 

- The thing about how the sister thought she was going after your twin brother. It sounds very unlikely unless everyone was totally hammered.

 

Of course she knew it was me, she just said she thought it was my brother to make it look like an accident. You need to understand she is a nutcase.

 

- The shower incident altogether. It's so odd that the sister would have chosen to kill her time waiting by taking a shower. Why would anyone do that? And I don't understand how you could have gotten THAT wet by a little scuffle with her presumably right outside of the shower.

 

Well obviously she didn't just take a shower, she would have seen me pull in the driveway and jumped in knowing that I would assume it was my gf. Well at least that is what I think because as you said why would she take a shower in the middle of the day at our house.

 

As for getting wet, I wasn't all that wet but enough to make it look real bad when my gf saw me. We don't have a door on our shower as it is a wet room type setup, I had taken my glasses off and she had her back to me so I did get a fair way in the shower before I realized and retreated.

 

- The fact that the sister wasn't able to immediately explain these accidents to your GF. For example, with the shower, it sounds like your GF walked in on the two of you, so why wouldn't the sister speak up and tell the real story?

 

The sister didn't speak up because she it a nutcase and she believes once I am single that her and I can be together.

 

But I'm just telling you why this story sounds fishy.

 

Oh I get that, I really do. That's why I believe that I am totally screwed unless I can get psycho sister to come clean.

[Azza]

Am I the only one that thinks he needs to stop mentoring the sister??? Get some distance going on and all that?

 

I stopped mentoring her pretty much at the same time I started going out with my gf.

[Toodaloo]

I stopped mentoring her pretty much at the same time I started going out with my gf.

 

Good.

 

You need to keep her as far away from you as possible.

[sandylee1]

If I were you I would want to vindicate myself and get away from the whole family. It's just not worth it. A potential sister in law who has the hots for you and is going to such lengths?

 

Really, you just don't need this drama in your life do you?

 

If my BFs brother did this, I'd stay the hell away from the lot of them.

[Standard-Fare]

I'm just catching up with this. I'm still pretty confused

 

Because if the sister really WAS this nuts, of course her flesh-and-blood sibling who grew up with her (your GF) would know that and would be accustomed to the crazy behavior. She should be able to relate to and understand some of the accusations you're making of her sister.

 

But OP, you're making it sound like the sister the cleverness and guile to get away with stuff behind everyone's back and cast you as the bad guy. Like, only YOU are the one who this woman recognize her as truly crazy, and you're the victim.

 

I simply don't understand how your GF would doubt your telling of things when you should clearly be the more rational party here.

 

And OP, do you have any updates?

[Azza]

Sorry for not coming back but I have had plenty going on and then the Easter break.

 

I am back with my gf. We met up and she told me she wanted to believe me but that would mean she would have to believe her sister would betray her in that way and she just didn't think she would do that.

 

At my gf's insistence I set up a meeting with psycho sister while my gf was hiding in the house. It took less than 5 minutes before she completely put herself in it. I will never forget the look on her face when my gf came storming out of the other room. They actually got in a pretty full-on fight. I know violence is never the answer but she bloody well deserved it.

 

I actually had a nice surprise from her parents who visited me to apologize in person for what they were thinking and saying about me. They want to get their daughter to seek some help but things are still too raw for that. Psycho sister is staying with friends and although we know where she is there is next to no communication.

 

It was a very stressful time, I knew I had done nothing wrong but it was almost impossible to prove. I count myself lucky that my gf had enough faith in me that she at least gave me a chance to prove myself despite her misgivings.

[TexasMan68]

Just the thought of that psycho someday becoming your sister in law brings chills to my spine. Bunny rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove chills!!

[Gloria25]

Just the thought of that psycho someday becoming your sister in law brings chills to my spine. Bunny rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove chills!!

 

Agreed ^^...Why do I feel that this will not be the last time you have an incident with "psycho" sister?

 

That's why I was asking you if you had serious plans with your gf (i.e. marriage) because all this drama is not worth it, IMO.

[darkmoon]

i call bull on the sister blaming you for taking advantage of her, it takes two, she has hormones that encourage a response, no big deal

Edited April 6, 2015 by darkmoon

[Diezel]

This will not be the last time you deal with psycho sister, mark her words!

[Gloria25]

This will not be the last time you deal with psycho sister, mark her words!

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

[salparadise]

You may not have seen the last of psycho sis, but I don't think you should let her intimidate you. As long as your girlfriend realizes the potential for her to create more drama and is willing to set and keep firm boundaries, I don't think you should bail on the relationship if all is great between the two of you otherwise. Just don't give her any opportunities to worm her way back in, and make sure the gf is on the same page.