Do most relationships fail because people can't compromise?

[Nikki Sahagin]

I like to think that I have a pretty realistic view of relationships.

 

Your partner cannot be 100% what you need or want 100% of the time.

 

I think relationships naturally involve compromise.

 

I believe most people would prefer that they can have 100% freedom in a relationship and also that they can basically be 'single' in all the fun ways but have the relationship tacked on. This works for some people but largely I think, you must change somewhat once you are in a relationship.

 

For instance, if I like going out every thursday, friday and saturday to clubs and bars when I'm single, when I'm in a relationship if my partner would rather I spent those important free days with him or at least 1 or 2 of them, I'd compromise in a heartbeat.

 

If I said to my partner, 'I know you love your phone but when we go out, can we put phones away and just be?', I'd expect him to say yes.

 

Instead I think many jump to feeling controlled or nagged when really the ability to compromise should be a natural adjustment.

 

I feel a lot of people, perhaps due to instant gratification, don't know how to compromise. They don't know how to make space for another persons needs or wants. I think this is largely why so many relationships fail. I also think certain behavours (although this will vary between couple to couple) are not appropriate for relationships.

 

I mentioned this in another thread....although I'd never stop a bf going to a club, for me, when I'm in a relationship, I don't feel a need to go clubbing. For me, this is part of a single lifestyle, although like I said, I'd compromise if it meant a lot to my partner.

 

Do you compromise with your partner?

Do you find it an issue in your relationships or dates?

[d0nnivain]

Of course you compromise. As you said, nobody gets 100% of what they want 100% of the time. They key to a happy marriage is to make it a win win for both sides.

 

In my marriage, I love the beach but DH doesn't care for it. So we compromise. We go on a beach vacation one year & a city vacation the next. His family reunion every year is close to a beach I like so we make a weekend out of it so I get some surf & sand.

[toolforgrowth]

The phone thing I completely understand and agree with you. The only caveat I'd give you about that is that I'm in the age group where both I and my dating pool of women most likely have children. Because of that, we do need to have our phones handy in case we need to be reached regarding our kids.

 

But if they're just checking Facebook, that's a different story!

[Starship]

Like many things in life, 'it depends'.

 

I do things because I love my boyfriend and our relationship is the most important thing in my life times a million.

 

As I've gained experience in life, I know what is important. The things I compromise on are 'no big deal' in the larger scheme of things. I never do anything to make him feel insecure in our relationship...because of this everything else has a nice easy feel to it.

 

It is cliche but the little aggravating things are rarely about those things. They are symptomatic of other issues. I really work hard on the trust and emotional openness with my guy. I work hard at making him feel like a man and satisfying him in a physical way. Don't let frustrations grow.

 

The club thing you mention. I would never stay out with my girlfriends after midnight. My guy would never say anything but I don't want any chink in his easy feel with me. So, yes, I compromise but it's no big deal cramping my lifestyle.

[Haydn]

Compromise is trust. The ex that brought me here compromised about 1% of the time. Of course this was probably my fault but that`s a different story.

 

That was the only RS where a loved one refused to compromise.

 

Now with my BH (Better half).

 

Trust is always there. Of course we have the odd tiff and stand off`s but they are always resolved with a hearty compromise and ta firm shake of the hand.

 

But in all seriousness RS just cannot function without compromise. We both go out with mates on a regular basis and always wish each other a good night out. Me with the blokes or her with the girls. We even pick each other up sometimes.

 

(me in the car half cut, mumbling, i love you as parts of LDN flash past in a blur, can we stop for a large doner?)

 

Not quite sure if i am making much sense here but i think you get the picture.

[MissBee]

I like to think that I have a pretty realistic view of relationships.

 

Your partner cannot be 100% what you need or want 100% of the time.

 

I think relationships naturally involve compromise.

 

I believe most people would prefer that they can have 100% freedom in a relationship and also that they can basically be 'single' in all the fun ways but have the relationship tacked on. This works for some people but largely I think, you must change somewhat once you are in a relationship.

 

For instance, if I like going out every thursday, friday and saturday to clubs and bars when I'm single, when I'm in a relationship if my partner would rather I spent those important free days with him or at least 1 or 2 of them, I'd compromise in a heartbeat.

 

If I said to my partner, 'I know you love your phone but when we go out, can we put phones away and just be?', I'd expect him to say yes.

 

Instead I think many jump to feeling controlled or nagged when really the ability to compromise should be a natural adjustment.

 

I feel a lot of people, perhaps due to instant gratification, don't know how to compromise. They don't know how to make space for another persons needs or wants. I think this is largely why so many relationships fail. I also think certain behavours (although this will vary between couple to couple) are not appropriate for relationships.

 

I mentioned this in another thread....although I'd never stop a bf going to a club, for me, when I'm in a relationship, I don't feel a need to go clubbing. For me, this is part of a single lifestyle, although like I said, I'd compromise if it meant a lot to my partner.

 

Do you compromise with your partner?

Do you find it an issue in your relationships or dates?

 

 

I think there is a fine balance between compromise and compatibility.

 

All relationships will involve compromising and meeting the person halfway (which is also different from simply letting one person have their way and you "compromise" by agreeing to what they want all the time, that's not compromise).

 

I think some people are simply incompatible with each other where they do things so fundamentally differently or have different values and priorities so compromising is more so a constant tug of war and feeling like you aren't yourself because you're always having to adjust. I think if you can't compromise fairly comfortably or if you find yourself compromising on core values then you're probably not a good match.

 

I think many relationships don't work mostly because of incompatibility. I think many people compromise when they are incompatible because they want it to work but overtime grow to resent it or can't keep it up and things fall apart, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think most people you date you won't be with forever and ever amen, and you learn and grow until you hopefully find someone with whom you are most aligned and where you're both willing to compromise in the small ways you don't align versus having the whole relationship be about huge compromises because of incompatibility.