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Why is there such a social stigma to being a virgin?


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First and foremost, I am asking a serious question. I really want to know where virgins are looked down upon to the point where the v-word is the go-to insult for some people. I may be sexually <in>experienced, but there are various reasons why. Part, if most of it has to do with the fact that I don't meet women often, and it could be because I am shy or it could be because I have little drive to meet them. It isn't always the stereotypical reason why, like a guy is too scared to talk to woman and other reasons that come to mind.

 

What I want to know is why some people look down on those who are sexually-inexperienced. So a guy hasn't stuck it in, big deal. So a guy hasn't been alone with a woman and they were naked, big deal. I know the same could apply to women because I have heard of women who are virgins getting picked on for it.

 

So can anybody tell me why there is a stigma? Thanks.

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Errrrr,

I may have been asleep at the wheel but I didn't know that there was such a stigma ? :confused:

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Errrrr,

I may have been asleep at the wheel but I didn't know that there was such a stigma ? :confused:

 

It's only a stigma if you're male.

 

OP, if you are male and haven't had sex, in the minds of others that means nobody ever desired you. And no woman wants to get with someone that nobody else desired. No ego boost for them.

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NGC1300,

 

OP, if you are male and haven't had sex, in the minds of others that means nobody ever desired you. And no woman wants to get with someone that nobody else desired. No ego boost for them.

 

I don't agree.

 

I have never met a virgin male but if I had done, I'd think "Great, now I can get him educated so he knows how to please me !" - and what fun that would be ! :D

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NGC1300,

 

 

 

I don't agree.

 

I have never met a virgin male but if I had done, I'd think "Great, now I can get him educated so he knows how to please me !" - and what fun that would be ! :D

 

You are in the minority then. Most women don't want a sexually inexperienced male .

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ThaWholigan
You are in the minority then. Most women don't want a sexually inexperienced male .

In my experience, as a late bloomer who lost his virginity at nearly 24, a lot of women don't actually care all that much.

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I think it has to do with people letting their imaginations run away. They come up with outlandish reasons to explain why a man hasn't had sex yet.

 

No women "desired" him. He was locked away in a convent. He's asexual. He's deformed or doesn't have a penis or something wrong down there. Any manner of over the top explanations.

 

I've been with Virgins and the reason why they hadn't had sex yet? They were just doing other things in life. Having sex hadn't been their life priority. It simply hadn't happened yet. No more, no less.

 

Because of this, as long as a man doesn't create a problem of his virginity, I have no problem with it either.

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No one cares. More importantly, no one knows (unless you tell them).

 

Teenagers are cruel. They will make fun of anyone for anything. The best thing to do is to just get used to not giving a f*ck about what anyone else thinks.

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So can anybody tell me why there is a stigma? Thanks.

because at your age you don't know much and being a virgin means you know even less

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CrystalCastles

I am a woman and I don't care.

 

I've had crushes on virgins in their late 20s, my current partner wasn't experienced when we met, and I've got plenty of good looking guy friends who are 27, 28 and are still virgins because they're busy establishing their careers at the moment after grad school. So what?

 

Its not that hard to explain to a guy what you like him to do. If a guy is eager to please, telling him what you like would be a piece of cake. There's no hurry for anyone to have sex, men should have sex when they want to, not when society says they should or women say they should.

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In my head, the stigma of a virgin, is that of a very needy/clingy person.

 

I was with a guy once who was a virgin when I dated him. I took his v-card. At the time I didn't care. It wasn't something I looked down on him because, and actually it was kind of cool to be like, "I just took that guy's virginity!"

 

But aside from that, people in general, at least him, and I remember my first experience, tend to get REALLY attached to their first loves/first sex partners.

 

He became very clingy, needy, overbearing, never gave me room to breathe. When I asked for a break/breakup he became even more pathetic, begging/pleading/bargaining. Basically everything everyone never wants to be when they are broken up with.

 

Even after the breakup it took him a very long time for him to stop contacting me.

 

I look back on my life, and I behaved the same way with my first sexual partner. It's a feeling and experience you've never had before so the attachment is amplified like 5 billion times and it's something very hard to separate from, even if the relationship is over.

 

I wouldn't be able to handle a virgin again in my life.

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One of my best guy friends is a virgin, and I would happily take his virginity if he wanted.

 

But sex has never appeared to be a priority. He is doing other things! And that's fine.

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Because if someone is older and is still a virgin (not saying you're older I have no idea), then it's clear they are not very outgoing or curious and exploratory. For me, people who never break out of the rut they grew up with are still children. People who do it for religious reasons, I consider them fearful extremists and I wouldn't go near one. I like a person who has stripped off whatever nonsense they grew up with and rebuilt themself and isn't afraid.

 

Of course, if someone has a disability or some physical reason they cannot change to prevent them from getting a partner, that is an entirely different and very sad matter.

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In my head, the stigma of a virgin, is that of a very needy/clingy person.

 

I was with a guy once who was a virgin when I dated him. I took his v-card. At the time I didn't care. It wasn't something I looked down on him because, and actually it was kind of cool to be like, "I just took that guy's virginity!"

 

But aside from that, people in general, at least him, and I remember my first experience, tend to get REALLY attached to their first loves/first sex partners.

 

He became very clingy, needy, overbearing, never gave me room to breathe. When I asked for a break/breakup he became even more pathetic, begging/pleading/bargaining. Basically everything everyone never wants to be when they are broken up with.

 

Even after the breakup it took him a very long time for him to stop contacting me.

 

I look back on my life, and I behaved the same way with my first sexual partner. It's a feeling and experience you've never had before so the attachment is amplified like 5 billion times and it's something very hard to separate from, even if the relationship is over.

 

I wouldn't be able to handle a virgin again in my life.

Well, you would be surprised if you come across someone who never really made sex a priority. Not all guys like the one who you mentioned are clingy after that. Unless of course, you've had other guys like this before.

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Because if someone is older and is still a virgin (not saying you're older I have no idea), then it's clear they are not very outgoing or curious and exploratory. For me, people who never break out of the rut they grew up with are still children. People who do it for religious reasons, I consider them fearful extremists and I wouldn't go near one. I like a person who has stripped off whatever nonsense they grew up with and rebuilt themself and isn't afraid.

 

Of course, if someone has a disability or some physical reason they cannot change to prevent them from getting a partner, that is an entirely different and very sad matter.

Well, what do you mean by "older"? I am in my late-20s. Sometimes I ask myself why I never got into that kind of situation, even though I sort of came close, but things fizzled out before they could.

 

I find your comment to be a little judgmental. You said that just because they are virgins, they are still considered children. You actually said that if someone has a disability, then it's a sad matter? I found what you said to be rather judgmental.

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ThaWholigan
In my head, the stigma of a virgin, is that of a very needy/clingy person.

 

I was with a guy once who was a virgin when I dated him. I took his v-card. At the time I didn't care. It wasn't something I looked down on him because, and actually it was kind of cool to be like, "I just took that guy's virginity!"

 

But aside from that, people in general, at least him, and I remember my first experience, tend to get REALLY attached to their first loves/first sex partners.

 

He became very clingy, needy, overbearing, never gave me room to breathe. When I asked for a break/breakup he became even more pathetic, begging/pleading/bargaining. Basically everything everyone never wants to be when they are broken up with.

 

Even after the breakup it took him a very long time for him to stop contacting me.

 

I look back on my life, and I behaved the same way with my first sexual partner. It's a feeling and experience you've never had before so the attachment is amplified like 5 billion times and it's something very hard to separate from, even if the relationship is over.

 

I wouldn't be able to handle a virgin again in my life.

I didn't do any of that :laugh:

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Well, you would be surprised if you come across someone who never really made sex a priority. Not all guys like the one who you mentioned are clingy after that. Unless of course, you've had other guys like this before.

 

If that's the case, that's not a guy I want to be with either. Sex IS a priority. At least for me. So I could never/would never be with a man who was fine never having sex.

 

For men where sex IS a priority, but for whatever reason remained a virgin until later in life, the bonding factor is the problem for me, as I already stated.

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It's only a stigma if you're male.

 

This.

 

If you're female and a long-time virgin, people believe you're hard to get -> higher value.

If you're male and a long-time virgin, people believe you lack the skills to get women or have 'undesired traits' -> lower value.

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It's because everyone has differing opinions on sex that virgins are stigmatized so much. Some people believe sex should be a natural progression, some believe it to be a priority, and some believe it is sacred. Add In different personality typed and life experiences and you have a very diverse concept of sex alone. It's one of those things we are so opinionated about that it's difficult to look at from an objective view. Thus, people stigmatize virgins

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If that's the case, that's not a guy I want to be with either. Sex IS a priority. At least for me. So I could never/would never be with a man who was fine never having sex.

 

For men where sex IS a priority, but for whatever reason remained a virgin until later in life, the bonding factor is the problem for me, as I already stated.

 

By "priority," I meant when guys actively hunt for women, and won't stop until someone willingly sleeps with him. That is what I meant. So you'd rather have some guy who has had a lot of sexual partners under his belt over a guy who isn't as experienced? Wow.

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WomenWubber

Because most people tend to make assumptions about other people based on society's influence, their preexisting bias and past experiences rather than keeping an open mind.

 

Also being a virgin is not the norm in western societies, which is why it's generally looked down upon.

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autumnnight

Supposedly, anyone who actually says they believe the Bible should value someone who is a virgin. Sadly, that is not the case, even people who hate infidelity because THAT is a sin in the Bible. These same people often forget that the sticky little work fornication is in there to.

 

Glass houses and all that ;)

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I don't think there is a stigma, it's just unusual after high school. I agree though that some of the posters do come off as a bit judgmental. Everybody develops at their own pace. There is really no reason to penalize them for it. Susan Boyle was a so called kissless virgin till her late 40's!

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I had no idea it was a stigma. Where does this ever come up in conversation?

 

It amuses me how some posters have a magical insight into society. Do they actually run around asking their friends what they think of virgins and the answer was.... 'There is a stigma'.

 

Another silly assumption by someone who is clueless or has really poor social skills.

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Look at it this way. As a man, you are naturalized and socialized to pursue. As they say, a blind squirrel gets an acorn eventually, so after going after girls (or guys) for some period of time, people would think you got laid. Oh why haven't you gotten laid yet? Are you so defective that some girl wouldn't throw you a bone? Are you too picky man? Are you too chicken? Asexual? Not having sex with a woman is pretty much a sign that no woman sees you as a man. I'm reading The Art of Seduction now and the author said its like an empty restaurant. By seeing no one sitting in there, no one else will either.

 

I am a virgin myself at almost 25 years old and this is an issue I struuggle with daily. To have missed out on the times when it was easy to actually get girls, to not be seen as a weirdo. If I ever do have sex, I plan on not saying that. Maybe even making up partners and past girlfriends if asked. It's all I can do. I want to avoid the double embarrassment of being bad at sex and having no past experience with girls. I get so depressed when I think of it.

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