lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) I am in a relationship and my boyfriend an I were fighting so I went to my friends house because I needed someone to talk to.. I was high when I got there and he encouraged me to smoke more so I did, and it got to the point where I just couldn't do anything.. he took advantage of me. I didn't want him to touch me or have sex with me, and I never have. hed asked me a few times if I'd ever want to hook up with him but I told him no, and now that he did that, I don't know what to do.. I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend because he might think I'm just lying and that I cheated on him or something.. my current boyfriend is the only man I've ever ALLOWED to touch me and have sex with me. I've had to deal with physical abuse and sexual abuse and it's made it hard for me to trust anyone, and now that my friend has done this to me I just don't know what to do.. and it's hard for me to trust my boyfriend now because of something that happened between us. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Poster request~T Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) You need to do a few things: First make arrangements to never see this so called "friend" again. Second, check into a substance abuse center. If you are routinely in a situation (legal or not) where you are unable to think or voice your objections to certain behavior because you are so high & out of it, you have a problem. Third, after you make arrangements to get help, go to the police station & file a report for rape. If you were as high as you claim you did not have the requisite mental capacity to consent. Especially since I'm assuming all the DNA evidence is gone, you don't have a strong legal suit but you will at least have it on record. Fourth look into counseling for rape survivors. Good luck. I am so sorry this happened to you and you will have to be strong going forward. You have a long road ahead of you but you are the only one who can break this cycle. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clean up~T 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) I know, I should've never allowed myself to get to the point where I couldn't really think but he kept encouraging me to smoke more and I didn't figure it would hurt anything. since this happened I haven't smoked at all.. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clean up~T Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) I'm glad you hear that you stopped but you do have to take the other steps. Even if you can't go to the police, you still have to get this man out of your life & get some rape trauma counseling. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clean up~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) I'm just ashamed of what happened and just wanted to try to forget about it.. it was someone I cared about and trusted that did that to me and it's really conflicting. I don't plan on ever seeing my 'friend' again.. It's my fault for allowing myself to get to the point where I was basically just putting myself to sleep but I thought I was in a safe environment and this is the only time I've ever had that happen to be honest. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm just ashamed of what happened and just wanted to try to forget about it.. it was people I cared about and trusted that did that to me and it's really conflicting. I don't plan on ever seeing my 'friend' again.. It's my fault for allowing myself to get to the point where I was basically just putting myself to sleep but I thought I was in a safe environment and those are the only times I've ever had that happen to be honest. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I am shouting out you. Sorry about that. You need the counseling to help you work through what happened. Ignoring it will allow it to fester & take over your whole life. Do not let them win. Get help. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Quit getting high for one. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) You trusted the wrong people, and you're irresponsible with drugs. Hopefully you report this friend because he's likely to do it to someone else,don't play the emotional card because you care about these regards, hopefully you're strong enough to move on but you'll more than likely need support...otherwise you'll just be one o those people who keep going through bad things and complain about bad things happening all the time because you're around the same stupid pros doing the same dumb crap...you need to take responsibility for your own actions and make decisions to protect and help yourself, if you think other people will change the jokes on you. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm sorry, I'm just weak. I was in a bad place and yes I was irresponsible.. I know it's my fault, I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Common misconceptions about rape Myth The woman was drunk / took drugs / was hitch hiking / wore tight clothes / worked in the sex industry / seduced him / probably got what she was asking for. Fact If a person is unconscious or their judgement is impaired by alcohol or drugs, legally they are unable to give consent. Having non-consensual sex with a person who is intoxicated is rape. Rapists use a variety of excuses to attempt to discredit the women they rape and to justify their crimes. But no-one asks or deserves to be raped or sexually assaulted and 100% of the responsibility for any act of sexual violence lies with its perpetrator. Media often refer to women in the 'roles' that they have - 'young mum', 'grandmother', 'doctor's wife', 'prostitute' etc. - and describe arbitrary factors like what she was wearing or how she'd been behaving when she was sexually assaulted. The implication is that some women are more 'innocent' victims than others, that some are more worthy of sympathy, or that some women are partly to blame for their experience of sexual violence. The rules imposed on women's behaviour allow rapists to shift the responsibility for rape onto women wherever possible, so that rapists are sometimes portrayed as victims of malicious allegations, carelessness or stupidity. There is no other crime in which so much effort is expended to make the victim appear responsible. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Thread clean-up~T 5 Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm sorry, I'm just weak. I was in a bad place and yes I was irresponsible.. I know it's my fault, I'm sorry. The assaults were not your fault. You need counseling to get over this and it may take months. It has happened to millions of women. Experts will know how to help you. Once you can start getting through that, you can work on trying to stay more in control of your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 honestly, I have severe depression, and PTSD, and I just don't know what to do anymore. thanks for your input everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 honestly, I have severe depression, and PTSD, and I just don't know what to do anymore. thanks for your input everyone. Go get help, ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Listen to the first post. You were raped. There is NEVER a reason for somebody to take advantage of your mental or physical state. Unfortunately, as a woman, you have to be more cynical with how you interact with men. Some callous men will take advantage to fulfill trivial urges. It's not your fault. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 The Ched Evans case shows rape victim-blamers are getting scared | Joan Smith | Comment is free | The Guardian In the harsh lexicon of victim-blaming, having sex with a drunk woman could not possibly be rape. It is up there in the top five excuses used by rape apologists, along with the idea that women “invite” attacks through their choice of clothes or behaviour. The whole point of victim-blaming is to draw attention away from perpetrators, whose behaviour has only very recently begun to be scrutinised as closely as it deserves. Why would a man like Evans, with a promising career to lose, risk having sex with a woman who is too inebriated to give consent? The probable answer is, because so many men have done so in the past, laughing with their mates over what is actually a criminal assault. Ched Evans was jailed for raping a drunk woman, she was too drunk to give consent. The OP was similarly raped here, by both men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to get a bunch of people arguing. is there any way I can just delete this thread or anyone knows how? this is all causing me more emotional distress and making me really anxious. Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to get a bunch of people arguing. is there any way I can just delete this thread or anyone knows how? this is all causing me more emotional distress and making me really anxious. Lizzy, get off the computer, pick up the phone, and call a rape crisis hotline. RIGHT NOW. They will help you. Please. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Harold of Andraste Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 A woman who voluntarily gets so drunk or high that she isn't even able to say no isn't blameless. To say that she has no responsibility to act in her own best interest is ridiculous. Yes the men have taken advantage of her and the friend should be charged with rape. But that doesn't change the fact that she has some responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) If you said "no" or "stop," and they didn't, it's date rape, which is rape. As far as the smoking goes, I'm an old hippie and I just have to say smoking isn't much of a self-defense. I was never so stoned I couldn't have bonked a guy with an iron skillet if it came down to it. Pot just isn't that debilitating. Being drunk AND high is a different thing. Being on any barbituates is also debilitating. But just being stoned on pot, all I can say is if it does that to you, you need to stop. That "friend" guy, file a report on him. And next time you know some dude has been trying to have sex with you over and over and isn't taking "no" for an answer, don't go around them anymore. While rape is not your fault, you do have some lessons to learn here about exerting the control you DO have in order to minimize finding yourself in a bad situation again. Edited March 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I will as soon as I search the number and some can help me figure out how to delete this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I will as soon as I search the number and some can help me figure out how to delete this thread. I've reported it to the admins already. Please get off the forum for now and contact your nearest crisis centre. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 just everyone please stop posting, okay I know I'm stupid and I shouldn't have done what I did, I get it. please just stop Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 just everyone please stop posting, okay I know I'm stupid and I shouldn't have done what I did, I get it. please just stop You aren't stupid. Plenty of people get drunk/stoned with their friends and don't get raped. You did put yourself in a compromising situation, but its not your fault that you happened to know 2 rapists who were supposed to be people you could trust. Please listen to d0n and 1040, they gave you really good advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyblue Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I will take their advice I just wish someone could help me figure out how to get rid of this thread Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 just everyone please stop posting, okay I know I'm stupid and I shouldn't have done what I did, I get it. please just stop You're not stupid. You made some bad choices, but regardless of those choices, no one deserves to be treated that way. What they did to you was wrong. d0nnivain gave you excellent advice. Follow through with what she suggested. You need to seek help. You can't get rid of the thread. I don't think threads are deleted. They can be locked. Alert a moderator. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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