Failed again...been crying for a while now.

[acuriousman99]

I keep trying to get somebody who likes me. Somebody who can at least somewhat accept me.

 

I saw somebody I thought I might like today. She looked so wonderful, a great sense of self and very positive aura.

 

She sat across from me at the other computer, we were seperated by a row of computers so our faces were a little obscured. I wanted so badly to go up to her and say hi or say anything. Something that would show her I was worth something and not as ugly as this outer skin makes me to be.

 

But I couldn't do it. I wanted to so badly but I failed and I just sat there slumped as the piece of garbage I was.

 

Her friend came over and they started talking about dating and relationships. They were both so happy, they had so many people who wanted them and accepted them. They had it all and I had nothing.

 

It dawned on me that I'd always had nothing. Nobody ever had excitement in their voice when they talked about me like those two talked about all the people in their lives. No matter how much I tried or wished, it never came to life.

 

I cried on the way home and hate myself more than ever. I'm so tried of being this hideous creature that no woman looks twice at. I can't take this.

 

Help please

[Eighty_nine]

How old are you?

 

Please don't talk about yourself like that. Everyone has trouble dating, everyone. And you know what? Most people end up with someone who is really right for them, eventually.

[autumnnight]

It's heartbreaking to hear someone talk about themselves this way. Most of us are our own worst critics. I cannot imagine that you are "hideous." But I know your pain is very real. I am sorry you are struggling.

[Satu]

If you're not in therapy, you should be.

 

Your view of yourself needs to be sorted out.

[acuriousman99]

How old are you?

 

Please don't talk about yourself like that. Everyone has trouble dating, everyone. And you know what? Most people end up with someone who is really right for them, eventually.

 

I'm in my early to mid 20's. I've been trying so hard for years trying to find anybody. I've tried online sites and put a lot of thought into the messages. A lot of my matches read the messages but after viewing my profile and seeing pictures of me (You can see who views you profile on Okcupid) they refuse to speak to me. This happens over and over.

 

I've tried women in real life but I can tell they don't like my face. It's so obvious. But now I'm really starting to feel how much I hate it and how little I have compared to everybody else who's had relationships by this age.

 

If you're not in therapy, you should be.

 

Your view of yourself needs to be sorted out.

 

I can't afford that right now.

[2.50 a gallon]

You should be able to get help thru some state or county agency.

 

 

You are looking at relationships from a man's point of view. Which is most men are attracted by a woman's looks, her sexuality. Women look at these things from a different perspective. Yes they can be attracted by a man's looks, but they are much more attracted to a mans' manliness. His confidence, his sense of humor, his out look on life, his playfulness, etc.

[acuriousman99]

You should be able to get help thru some state or county agency.

 

 

You are looking at relationships from a man's point of view. Which is most men are attracted by a woman's looks, her sexuality. Women look at these things from a different perspective. Yes they can be attracted by a man's looks, but they are much more attracted to a mans' manliness. His confidence, his sense of humor, his out look on life, his playfulness, etc.

 

I just get over what I look like though. I know they're all judging me the second I come up to them and have already decided they want nothing to do with me before I ever open my mouth.

[whatcanitellyou]

A few thoughts for you.

 

First, I doubt you're hideous. .... most people are in the normal range unless you have some crazy deformity. If that's the case see a doctor.

 

Second, neediness, desperation and self loathing are extremely unattractive, so get yourself some help there. Go to the gym, make sure your hygiene is good, and find a low cost counselor. You can't afford NOT to.

 

Lastly, think about the kind of women you're after. Men have a tendency to think they can get a supermodel when they're basically average, so when they can't get one they get upset. But they pass over perfectly nice women in their search for hot women, porn stars, and supermodels. Make sure that isn't you, and judge women on the same criteria you wish to be judged.

[1040]

I doubt you are as ugly as you say. Even if you are low on the scale, you can succeed. Go somewhere there are lots of couples. Football game, shopping area, etc. Look at all the couples. Are all the men handsome and buff? Are all the women beautiful or even pretty? Not by a long shot.

 

And think about the following women, with the number of marriages they had. If stunning women can't keep men, who go after looks more than women do, you have plenty of hope. Even gorgeous folks have these sorts of troubles:

 

Lana Turner (8)

Rita Hayworth (5)

Cheryl Tiegs (4)

Christie Brinkley (4)

 

Maybe try to get in better shape if that's what you think holds you back. Hold your head up. Focus on your strengths. Learn public speaking. Don't give up.

[barcode88]

Dude, I can empathize because it sucks being there. I think everyone has been around people who have more than they do, and its easy to be envious of that person and wish your life was like theirs.

 

But SERIOUSLY... You need to get your **** together! Its extremely pathetic to lose it like you did.. And if you ever want to pull yourself out of this self perpetuated slump you're in, you need to man up a bit.

 

Work on your confidence:

1. Be in a job you like, do it WELL. This will give you confidence that you are GOOD at something.
   
2. Have some hobbies that you enjoy and that you do well at, it shows that you have INTERESTS.
   
3. Go to the gym and workout. This one is a no brainer, it raises your T levels and makes you more confident and physically attractive at the same time.
   
4. Don't let people walk all over you. Stick up for yourself and don't take **** from people. No one respects a man who won't stand up for himself.
   
5. Walk straight and tall, if you slouch or have bad posture, you don't exude confidence.
   
6. When you talk, don't rush, take your time to speak slow/normally. People who talk too fast are perceived as nervous/unconfident.
   
7. Everyone deals with rejection, but you shouldn't be afraid of it. If you don't try, you'll never be rejected. If you have never been rejected it means that you have never had success. Sure it hurts the first few times, but you learn to take rejection in stride eventually.
   

[acuriousman99]

Dude, I can empathize because it sucks being there. I think everyone has been around people who have more than they do, and its easy to be envious of that person and wish your life was like theirs.

 

[*]Everyone deals with rejection, but you shouldn't be afraid of it. If you don't try, you'll never be rejected. If you have never been rejected it means that you have never had success. Sure it hurts the first few times, but you learn to take rejection in stride eventually.

 

But what do you do when you've already been rejected before you even say anything? When women refuse to even make eye contact with you for more than a few seconds before turning away and never looking back? When they purposely avoid standing near you or sitting near you in any situation?

 

What do you do when you already know what's going to happen and there's nothing to do to stop it? I do have a job I love (I do photography) but women never get a chance to learn that about me but I never get to tell them.

[1040]

But what do you do when you've already been rejected before you even say anything? When women refuse to even make eye contact with you for more than a few seconds before turning away and never looking back? When they purposely avoid standing near you or sitting near you in any situation?

 

What do you do when you already know what's going to happen and there's nothing to do to stop it? I do have a job I love (I do photography) but women never get a chance to learn that about me but I never get to tell them.

 

Women admire accomplished, confident men. Looks matter a lot less to them than theirs do to us.

 

Have you had a photo show in a gallery, something like that? Take pictures at a party or a wedding and give them out later (maybe to the bridesmaids?)? Take baby pictures and give them to friends/relatives of the mom?

 

Anything like that may be something to try. Don't give up.

[barcode88]

But what do you do when you've already been rejected before you even say anything? When women refuse to even make eye contact with you for more than a few seconds before turning away and never looking back? When they purposely avoid standing near you or sitting near you in any situation?

 

What do you do when you already know what's going to happen and there's nothing to do to stop it? I do have a job I love (I do photography) but women never get a chance to learn that about me but I never get to tell them.

 

The reason they avoid you is because you probably come off as repulsive. Work on the things I said and you'll be received better.

 

Oh and what should you do when they reject you? Not give a **** and move on with your day.

[SoulCat]

I keep trying to get somebody who likes me.

 

But you don't even like yourself, how can you expect someone else to like you?

 

 

I wanted to so badly but I failed and I just sat there slumped as the piece of garbage I was.

 

This level of self-loathing is deeply unattractive.

 

They had it all and I had nothing.

 

Stop talking nonsense.

Seriously, quit that damn pity party. Again, it's deeply unattractive.

 

 

I cried on the way home and hate myself more than ever. I'm so tried of being this hideous creature that no woman looks twice at.

 

Time for you to grow a pair. Your problem is not that you are a 'hideous creature', it's that you portray yourself as one.

It's not women you have a problem with; it's YOU you have a problem with. And you are the only one who can change that.

Like some posters have suggested, go to the gym, take up running, take a public speaking class. Anything to boost your self worth.

 

Make sure you dress smartly, take care of personal hygiene and grooming. Stand up straight with your head held high. I appreciate that this may not come natural to you, so fake it til you make it!

[spiderowl]

I do think some kind of therapy would help. There is probably a great disparity between how you feel about yourself and how others see you. If you feel weird or ugly, you will be conveying that to others by your attitude, your lack of a happy demeanour, and the way you look at them and approach them. They will sense you are feeling bad in some way and won't know why. They won't know why you keep a distance or look so unhappy or shy. I've seen the most physically unattractive guys have lots of friends and a lovely girlfriend because they are great people to be with. You need some help to re-evaluate your inner picture of yourself. Please find out what therapy might be available to you through your local doc or online help organisations. I have felt like you and still do occasionally and I know how painful it is and how it affects interactions with others. I bet you can look back and remember some good interactions when you felt positive about yourself. Those are the ones to focus on so that you can recapture that feeling and realise it can happen.

[Fleur de cactus]

I read your post last night and logged in today to respond to you because your story was emotional. Please don't get discouraged, Believe me there are many other people who are shy and afraid of rejection. What they do is to continue loving themselves before expecting love from others. You have to accept who you are and love who you are. Dating is not easy for me neither, I dont even think that I am ugly but for some reasons, I have a hard time to find someone who respond to my interest. I dont give up and keep telling myself that I am worth. Love is something good but instead of waiting for love and blaming yourself, try to get busy, do other things that make you happy. Go out for walk, hiking, gym and some others activities that keep you busy. In the meantime, find help. There is a way to find coverage or assistance if you cannot afford therapy. Talk to your physician, your friends, your family for support. You need someone you can talk to when you feel down and lonely. All the best.

[2.50 a gallon]

curious

 

What kind of photography?

 

 

The reason I ask, is when I was younger I too was into photography and to be honest used it to get me laid. I was only an amateur. I had a two bedroom apartment, with the second bedroom set up as a combination hobby bench and photography studio. A few lights, a day bed, a couple of rolls of seamless paper, a few props, such as a guitar, tennis racket, etc.

I had this deal where I took nude photographs of women. I sold them on the idea to get their photographs when they were young and before they had married and had kids.

They would buy the film, and after the session, I would return the film to them and they would have it developed.

It was a great gig. Women talk, and you would be surprised how often I would find a woman I had never met before asking if I would be interested in taking their pictures. They loved it when I could get a great photo of them looking their sexiest.

[loverboy69]

I'm a good looking guy. I've always worked hard on my physical appearance because I thought it was the only way I'd be accepted in gay culture. I used to be so obsessed with myself. I had to have the perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect abs, perfect outfit, perfect demeanor, perfect car, perfect condo/location etc.

 

I got myself into a lot of debt trying to keep up with a fantasy I built up in my head that was unhealthy. I was lean and fit yet I'd spend thousands getting liposuction on parts of my body I thought were just a little too soft. I was really so insecure inside and I hid behind my looks because that was the only form of validation I put any value into. I'd always hear people say I was "hot," or "good looking," but I really wanted to hide from the world. I was terrified of being called out for the smallest imperfection. All it took was the rare skin blemish and I would hide out in my condo away from the world until it went away canceling plans with friends/family pretending to be sick. I was pathetic.

 

I spent a lot of time depressed in my 20's because I couldn't seem to get passed one night stands. I even had women who didn't know about me throw themselves at me but I was dead in that respect so I was miserable. I'd meet guys who only wanted to sleep with me but never wanted to take it past there. I'd see happy couples in the mall or at amusement parks who seemed so happy and I had nobody.

 

I lived in the closet for most of my 20's. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends, family or even a licensed therapist about my issues. I felt I had nobody to confide in so I internalized everything which eventually led me to become bitter.

 

It wasn't until I hit 30 that I realized that relationships are based on so many other things than looks. I got help in the form of an older gay colleague/mentor who recognized the signs because he was just like me. He was brutally honest with me, gave me great advice and pointed me to a great doctor in my area who specialized in helping people like me. I started to meet real guys and formed some great genuine relationships.

 

Right now I'm in love with a man (my age mid 30's) who is scruffy and couldn't care less about looks, clothes, brands. He's just an average Joe and I love him for all of his imperfections including his oil stained fingers he gets from working on his quads and motor bikes. He is the total opposite of what I thought was "my type," but I'm okay with it. I also love him because for the first time I can remove the plastic shell of fake perfection and allow myself to be vulnerable. He sees all my faults and flaws and teases me about them but I love it. Once and a while I still regress to a mild form of my former self but I remind myself of how far I've come and I snap out of it.

 

I don't know what you look like but please try to get passed the self deprecation. Don't be like me and waste the best decade of your life angry and bitter. Remember: The sexiest quality in a man is his confidence and you need to project that whether you are around family, friends or the woman of your dreams.

 

Go to your local grocery store. While walking the aisles smile at everyone; man/woman/child you pass and look each person in the eye no matter how good looking they are.

 

Next time you are at the mall find a female who you mildly find attractive and ask her "for a woman's opinion," on something. Tell her it's your sister's birthday and you can't figure out what kind of present to get her. Most women are nurturing and will try to help. Be funny, witty and charming. Try this a few times with different girls until you are ready to take it further. Don't worry if you fail a couple of times. Just shake yourself off and try again. Switch the gender to male and the subject to "brother," and you'll know how my SO got me.

 

Good luck.

Edited March 10, 2015 by loverboy69