saywhatnow22 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned. I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us. #1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore. #2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city. #3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing. Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more. We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying. Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries! Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Can you explain how people are supposed to get together? Tinder only? This is a serious question. I think you are atypical. 17 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Rest assured there are many women who do NOT feel like the OP. I don't and most of the women I know don't. As long as I guy can respect a no, it is NOT creepy to be friendly. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Can you explain how people are supposed to get together? Tinder only? This is a serious question. I think you are atypical. Agreed. Plenty of women are flattered to be approached by a guy that is confident without being cocky. I'm sorry OP but you don't represent "women" well enough to say "women don't like..." 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Can you please send this memo to all the women who started threads asking why men don't approach them. I think whatever women want in regards to this issue should be respected but stop sending men mixed messages. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 That is what is causing this problem for you. If you do not want to be approached avoid smiling and eye contact like other girls do. I doubt other girls get approached as much you. Even more attractive (sorry just being honest) do not get approached multiple times a day every where they go. You are the common denominator. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
EveAFlame Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 OP, you should probably speak for yourself. Plenty of women don't mind and enjoy respectful and flirtatious approaches. It isn't creepy and it doesn't put pressure on anyone. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author saywhatnow22 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Can you explain how people are supposed to get together? Tinder only? This is a serious question. I think you are atypical. Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all. But there's appropriate places to do it. Like a bar, a party, work, club, etc. Those are places we SPECIFICALLY go out to socialize. But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all. But there's appropriate places to do it. Like a bar, a party, work, club, etc. Those are places we SPECIFICALLY go out to socialize. But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more. Nope, you still don't speak for all women, or even most I suspect. Sorry. How are are you btw? 10 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all. But there's appropriate places to do it. Like a bar, a party, work, club, etc. Those are places we SPECIFICALLY go out to socialize. But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more. You can be pretty much social anywhere you want. Approach isn't the right word. Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Not work. Unless the guy wants to risk a sexual harassment claim. OP, just put in earphones if you don't want to be approached. Maybe the Indian approach with arranged marriages has some merit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's a "Big no no" to YOU. And that's certainly your prerogative. However, since there are billions of women on the planet, it's a bit presumptive to demand that we all feel the way you do. I dont. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all. But there's appropriate places to do it. Like a bar, a party, work, club, etc. Those are places we SPECIFICALLY go out to socialize. But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more. That is just ridiculous. I don't agree with that at all. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm fine with men being friendly and approaching anywhere. As long as they will be respectful if I'm clearly not interested, there's no harm in saying hello. People meet this way all the time. I agree with the poster who said if it offends you to put in headphones. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I agree with others. You are atypical OP. I, as a woman, feel that it's perfectly ok for a man to approach a woman as long as he is respectful and takes the hint if the woman politely declines his advances. I don't know about other women, but to all the men out there who care to approach me I find it: Flattering, brave, confident (which is a good thing), and admirable. I've had it happen a few times, and although I had to decline because I'm already taken I always make it a point to tell them how flattered I was and that it made my day. It's my hope that it boosts that guy's self esteem enough that he'll keep trying and will meet someone one day! Plus I think meeting in an everyday place is kinda romantic in a way... 15 Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Flattering, brave, confident (which is a good thing), and admirable. I've had it happen a few times, and although I had to decline because I'm already taken I always make it a point to tell them how flattered I was and that it made my day. It's my hope that it boosts that guy's self esteem enough that he'll keep trying and will meet someone one day! I wish all women were like this. I don't think many women appreciate how utterly terrifying the approach can be for a lot of guys. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 OP, a lot of couples meet for the first time in bookstores, grocery stores, dog parks and other public places. Somebody had to get the ball rolling in those cases - and it's often the man. Granted, most good men don't "randomly approach" women for the hell of it. They notice women that they find attractive and/or intriguing (and "attractive" applies to both personality and looks), they determine if the women seem approachable (or she notices him and projects open body language) and if so they go say hello and have a friendly chat with her and go from there. No agenda, no expectations. He does not get invasive or overly personal. Maybe it leads to a date, or a new acquaintance, or just a pleasant 5 minute conversation to pass the time. It's unlikely women would find this kind of guy creepy. If the woman seems like she doesn't want to be bothered then the good guy respectfully leaves her alone without making an outward or inward fuss about it. Part of basic social graces is to be able to recognize AND respect others' wishes. Real creeps tend to blatantly disregard the "respect" part, and many of them view women as little more than property. Creepiness/non-creepiness in general is much more deeply predicated on HOW a person goes about things, HOW he interacts with others and HOW he carries himself...instead of the what/when/where. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I can only agree with the OP about one thing, and that is that approaching someone based on looks alone is going to be the least efficient way to meet someone who you like and likes you back. It's not rocket science. The way to meet the right people for you is by leading an active life in which you engage in every activity or interest you care about and meet people with whom you have things in common. A cold approach on the street has zero appeal. A person coming up to you who you have seen before doing an activity you love or at a concert you love or reading a book you love is a much more welcome thing to a woman. Because you know there is at least one common strand. Without that, women know it's just men thinking they'd like to have sex with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I can only agree with the OP about one thing, and that is that approaching someone based on looks alone is going to be the least efficient way to meet someone who you like and likes you back. It's not rocket science. The way to meet the right people for you is by leading an active life in which you engage in every activity or interest you care about and meet people with whom you have things in common. A cold approach on the street has zero appeal. A person coming up to you who you have seen before doing an activity you love or at a concert you love or reading a book you love is a much more welcome thing to a woman. Because you know there is at least one common strand. Without that, women know it's just men thinking they'd like to have sex with them. This is true but let's be honest this is what most people notice at first. If you are smart it should take much more than that to get the ball rolling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all. But there's appropriate places to do it. Like a bar, a party, work, club, etc. Those are places we SPECIFICALLY go out to socialize. But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more. Has the world really gotten so bad that were not allowed to talk to another human being unless it's in a place specifically designed for socializing? Have peoples walls really gotten so high that other people need to be forbidden from interacting with them unless they are clearly seeking that? I've had some of the best conversations with total strangers of both sexes at museums, book stores, the train, etc. While some politely decline to talk, most seem pleased to have someone take an interest in something other then themselves. Oh, and speaking for at least one man, just because someone is friendly and says hi or comments on the book your looking at doesn't necessarily mean they are hitting on you. TOJAZ 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) The majority of guys I go out with are via being approached. So um....sweetheart, you certainly don't speak for me. But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more. What's a "BIG NO-NO" is you trying to police people's activity. What even is this thread? Edited March 6, 2015 by Lernaean_Hydra 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I am a woman, I never get approached, and I would LOVE IT if I was approached. I'd find it flattering, fun, and it would likely make my day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 To all those who wonder why men never approach women anymore this is the reason. A man never knows what he is walking into when he talks to a woman and it sometimes just isn't worth it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 When I was dating, I would rather have been approached in a grocery store, bookstore, etc. as opposed to a bar or club. Neither of which I frequent more than 1-2 times a year. I've never met any man that turned into a serious long term relationship in a club or bar. Now a guy in a bookstore or picking up groceries? Let's see where this can go... I also know very few women that are hit on multiple times a time by dashing men... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) You stole my line OP, it's probably a koinkidink. Paranoia will run amuck. I suppose after your lambaste you will not return to reply. I would not ask or answer this thread but somehow feel accused so; if you don't care for male attention while running errands a ring on the correct finger may help. Also, no smiling, no laughing or having any fun. It's fun, lighten up. Carry mace and don't use the term big no-no. It's taken. Edited March 6, 2015 by Timshel punctuation: semicolon Link to post Share on other sites
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