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Hey guys!!

 

I'm a little stressed out with one part of my relationship. For about a month now my boyfriend doesn't stay hard during sex. He can repeatedly get hard again, but After a few times of getting soft we just kind of lose interest and just go to cuddling.

 

Now we are with each other a lot of the time. When were with each other we are always touching each other some how. Rather it be holding hands, cuddling, or just resting each others hand on one another. We repeatedly kiss through out the day and tell each other we love them. There's nothing missing in the overall affection part of our relationship. Just when it comes to sex he's not ready to go or stay hard like he used too be.

 

Of course I think it's something I'm doing wrong. But he insists it's not me.

 

I don't know much about his past sex life, just know his past relationships didn't last long at all. Could it be that having sex with the same girl for a long period of time is new to him and he's just getting to use to me... That he just doesn't get aroused anymore?

 

I don't know. Everything I read online goes straight to saying he's cheating on me which I honestly do not think that because we are with one another a lot. Or another thing is an underlying issue In our relationship. Which I don't see that either. We have our fights but always make up and are back to being super affectionate..

 

I will just like hear some of you're opinions on this or see if anyone has had experience with this problem.

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Hey guys!!

 

I'm a little stressed out with one part of my relationship. For about a month now my boyfriend doesn't stay hard during sex. He can repeatedly get hard again, but After a few times of getting soft we just kind of lose interest and just go to cuddling.

 

Now we are with each other a lot of the time. When were with each other we are always touching each other some how. Rather it be holding hands, cuddling, or just resting each others hand on one another. We repeatedly kiss through out the day and tell each other we love them. There's nothing missing in the overall affection part of our relationship. Just when it comes to sex he's not ready to go or stay hard like he used too be.

 

Of course I think it's something I'm doing wrong. But he insists it's not me.

 

I don't know much about his past sex life, just know his past relationships didn't last long at all. Could it be that having sex with the same girl for a long period of time is new to him and he's just getting to use to me... That he just doesn't get aroused anymore?

 

I don't know. Everything I read online goes straight to saying he's cheating on me which I honestly do not think that because we are with one another a lot. Or another thing is an underlying issue In our relationship. Which I don't see that either. We have our fights but always make up and are back to being super affectionate..

 

I will just like hear some of you're opinions on this or see if anyone has had experience with this problem.

 

 

How old is he and does he watch porn a lot?

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How old is he? Is he on any medications, including over-the-counter? Is he overweight, or fit (and does he work out)?

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Michelle ma Belle

I too am curious regarding his age BUT having experienced that myself a time or two with past lovers including my current man, it often has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

 

And I repeat...a time or two...NOT all the time. If this is something that is happening more and more frequently perhaps you need to discuss it in more detail with him. You can't continue ignoring the pink elephant in the room for heaven's sake. Sex is important in any healthy and happy relationship. If you're noticing a significant change in your sex life you need to have that uncomfortable talk if only to get on the same page.

 

If I've learned anything about men and their erections (or lack thereof) it's how much they HATE discussing it. Mainly because they're embarrassed or feel like they've disappointed us so it's imperative NOT to make him feel more self conscious about it than he might already be. Coming at it from a loving and understanding point of view is crucial to having him open up. Putting him on the defensive will effectively shut down any progress you might make.

 

As for the notion that he might be cheating on you...who knows but I would avoid jumping to that conclusion so quickly unless you have real reason to think this. Like I said before, it's not unusual to experience ebbs and flows when it comes to one's sex life. The key is communication.

 

Good luck.

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He is about to turn 25 in a month. So I feel he is too young to be having the problem. He used to work out a lot but since we've been together he stopped working out and has gain a but of weight but is about 180lbs so not overly over weight. He does not watch porn but I know he does masterbate some morning when I'm not there. No medications. But he is a smoker.

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We have talked about it.

 

He's either tired or not feeling good. He gets a little upset when I bring it up. And that I have nothing to worry about.

 

He does tell me when we are not having sex that he wants to quit smoking and get in shape again bc he feels like crap.

 

I also asked to try to not masterbate and save it for me lolol.

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He does tell me when we are not having sex that he wants to quit smoking and get in shape again bc he feels like crap.

 

I also asked to try to not masterbate and save it for me lolol.

 

You've gotten to the heart of your issues right here. No big mystery. If he keeps smoking, he won't be getting it up at all by the time he's 40.

 

What made him get so lackadaisical? Masturbation is a lot less effort; sex with you is more physical.

 

Next time he mentions getting in shape, hold him to it. Make plans together to see that it happens.

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You've gotten to the heart of your issues right here. No big mystery. If he keeps smoking, he won't be getting it up at all by the time he's 40.

 

What made him get so lackadaisical? Masturbation is a lot less effort; sex with you is more physical.

 

Next time he mentions getting in shape, hold him to it. Make plans together to see that it happens.

 

I smoke, and quite a lot. I'm approaching 50. Yet the slightest contact with my wife and I'm hard, even just like holding hands when out shopping. So I don't think it's the smoking.

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I smoke, and quite a lot. I'm approaching 50. Yet the slightest contact with my wife and I'm hard, even just like holding hands when out shopping. So I don't think it's the smoking.

 

It probably isn't in his case. Yet. One third of men over 40 have some type of ED. Often it's a combo of hypertension and smoking, or prediabetic conditions. Or excess weight and crappy lifestyle choices.

 

You're one of the lucky ones. So is my husband, who smoked for 25 years before quitting at 45. I do highly recommend OP's bf give it up now while it's easier. He's already got problems, the smoking doesn't help.

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It probably isn't in his case. Yet. One third of men over 40 have some type of ED. Often it's a combo of hypertension and smoking, or prediabetic conditions. Or excess weight and crappy lifestyle choices.

 

You're one of the lucky ones. So is my husband, who smoked for 25 years before quitting at 45. I do highly recommend OP's bf give it up now while it's easier. He's already got problems, the smoking doesn't help.

 

I guess he needs to eliminate anything that might be affecting his erections. Yet OP says he's still masturbating so I doubt that it's physiological.

 

In my case I don't want more erections it's quite embarrassing already having it come up at inappropriate times and places! Although I must say it seems to get hard much more often since I lost weight and got fitter, so perhaps there's something there he could do.

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In my case I don't want more erections it's quite embarrassing already having it come up at inappropriate times and places!

 

I'm pretty sure AARP will send you a little flag you can attach and wave proudly. Good for you! (And my husband too ;))

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I have also been told that I put too much pressure on him to perform.

 

I have in the past had bad reactions to him going soft a couple times.

 

Therefore he said I have put too much pressure on him.

 

I don't know if that really can be a thing?

 

With on top of that the smoking?

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I have also been told that I put too much pressure on him to perform.

 

I have in the past had bad reactions to him going soft a couple times.

 

Therefore he said I have put too much pressure on him.

 

I don't know if that really can be a thing?

 

With on top of that the smoking?

 

 

Pressure a thing? Oh yes, very much so.

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salparadise
I have also been told that I put too much pressure on him to perform.

 

I have in the past had bad reactions to him going soft a couple times.

 

Therefore he said I have put too much pressure on him.

 

I don't know if that really can be a thing?

 

With on top of that the smoking?

 

What kind of bad reactions are we talking about here? What did you say/do?

 

I'd bet a thousand bucks that it's about pressure and/or relationship issues. I think it's purely psychological with no physical component. For the vast majority of young men of his age, performance anxiety is the most likely non-substance issue that would cause it. If you've had bad reactions, then you'd better start seeing it as your issue too. All the kissy-face in the world won't compensate for judgement and criticism between the sheets.

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