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Has anyone accepted the possibility of being forever alone?


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I'm not even bad-looking, however it's just such a burden to find, date, and attempt to make women happy. Even if something serious does start to form, at no point in time can I "coast" like the woman does; I need to keep making her happy and always have in my mind the possibility of her cheating or walking off. It just seems too stressful to get involved with anyone.

 

I'm not even motivated by sex. That's what masturbation and escorts are for.

 

I'm giving serious consideration to just dying alone; never finding someone.

 

Anyone else gone down this path?

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I'm not even bad-looking, however it's just such a burden to find, date, and attempt to make women happy. Even if something serious does start to form, at no point in time can I "coast" like the woman does; I need to keep making her happy and always have in my mind the possibility of her cheating or walking off. It just seems too stressful to get involved with anyone.

 

I'm not even motivated by sex. That's what masturbation and escorts are for.

 

I'm giving serious consideration to just dying alone; never finding someone.

 

Anyone else gone down this path?

 

Sure, being in a relationship is stressful, but I think you're overlooking the benefits of a relationship, too. Being with someone is not just about making a woman happy and always being afraid that she will leave. Also, I hate to break it to you, but woman can't coast in a relationship, either.

 

Being with someone, eventually, involves getting to know someone deeply, and being deeply known. Love, affection, attachment, trust, mutual care and nurturing, a sense of comfort and belonging—all of these things, hopefully, are part and parcel of a relationship after a while. It's just about, "I have to be vigilant, because this woman will leave me if I make too many mistakes!"

 

If that's your predominant view of relationships, I'd recommend that you do some work to change that perception. Most likely, you have a lot of offer a woman, and you don't want to miss out on that because of skewed perception.

 

Just my two cents.

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As an unattractive guy, I know that is very possible and I except it. I would not want to be with someone who does not really like me and is not attracted to me.

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Okay-looking girl and that's actually what I'm striving for to be honest. Mainly because of my trust issues and "real nakedness", as in opening up to someone emotionally and letting them into my thoughts is something that scares the hell out of me. Maybe a few years of therapy will change that in the future but I rather have good friends than bad relationships anyway. There's a line for me and I'm afraid it would be interpreted as 'uninterested' because I'm not fully involved, so I rather be on my own than string someone along.

 

As for "dying alone"; please, this phrase is so overused. Look up Hesse's "In the fog", that poem is spot on.

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Ive not wanted to be alone so much its become as self fulfilling prophecy. The best thing I can do now is embrace solitude as it seems to follow me despite what I do.

 

Its starting to become preferable now. I honestly cant contemplate what it must be like to be in a relationship with someone who loves me. The concept is literally alien, relationships are what other people do, its not meant for the likes of me.

 

Its a shame in some ways but I would rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship with kids caught up in the middle, trapped and unable to get my life back. I still have a life and thats the main thing. Travel is now my focus. I can go to my grave and not regret the lack of sex or love, I think I will regret going to my grave and not seeing more of the world and you dont need a relationship for that.

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Lol...

 

I'm more worried about when the next time I'll get laid and how long it will last:laugh:

 

I'm also worried more about if I'm gonna get too old and miss out on my best years of having sex. I mean, I haven't gotten to put stuff like my french maid costume on and after a certain age, I am not sure if it would be appropriate to do that (like MILFs wearing sweats with "Juicy" on their behinds).

 

Also, I don't know cuz I'm coming on 40, but I guess after people reach a certain age, sex isn't about swinging from the ceiling - they are looking for someone who can sit on the porch and hold their hand. So, if one day I actually find a guy later in life, will he be up for hot sex?

 

So, for me it's more the fear of missing out on good times with a mate before I get older rather than dying alone.

 

When I see other couples, of course, you wonder and sometimes wish you had the like - but, then again, I know me and know that I can only do so much contact with people that I'll make it being alone. Besides, I'll always have a doggy by my side to protect and keep me company ;)

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PinkInTheLimo

I have accepted that it is a real possibility and it no longer scares me. Right now I really enjoy my life on my own and I don't let being alone stop me from doing all the things I want to do. If I want to try out a good restaurant I go there on my own and I expect them to treat me like a queen and as a matter of fact most of the time they do (and if they don't, I give them hell).

 

I recently started a new dating round and I am really not impressed with the men I see there nor with the ones I meet. In general I find men extremely selfish and it certainly gets worse with age. I really am not interested in having a man in my life who expects me to do the household chores and expects me to be sweet and kind to him even if he is grumpy and negative and criticises me. And when it comes to criticising there are some men out there who seem to feel the constant need to straighten a woman out: criticise what you eat (I had a guy who always picked on me for eating butter and mayonaise with my French fries even though I am really slim), certain innocent habits (had a guy who picked on me because I prefer using big cotton handkerchiefs rather than the paper ones - better for the environment), the music you like (I love all kinds of music but listen mostly to modern rock/pop and had a guy telling me that this was not "real music"), etc...

 

I am at a point where professionally I am doing really well and make enough money to buy myself a holiday home so why on earth would I let myself be bossed around by some sad man with dropping testosterone levels?

 

If the presence of a guy makes my life better, he is more than welcome. But if he makes my life miserable, out he goes.

 

I am pretty sure that unless I would have serious health problems I can be very happy on my own.

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Lol...

 

I'm more worried about when the next time I'll get laid and how long it will last:laugh:

 

I'm also worried more about if I'm gonna get too old and miss out on my best years of having sex. I mean, I haven't gotten to put stuff like my french maid costume on and after a certain age, I am not sure if it would be appropriate to do that (like MILFs wearing sweats with "Juicy" on their behinds).

 

Also, I don't know cuz I'm coming on 40, but I guess after people reach a certain age, sex isn't about swinging from the ceiling - they are looking for someone who can sit on the porch and hold their hand. So, if one day I actually find a guy later in life, will he be up for hot sex?

 

So, for me it's more the fear of missing out on good times with a mate before I get older rather than dying alone.

 

When I see other couples, of course, you wonder and sometimes wish you had the like - but, then again, I know me and know that I can only do so much contact with people that I'll make it being alone. Besides, I'll always have a doggy by my side to protect and keep me company ;)

 

I can very much empathise with this, it bothers me too- I feel kind of cheated that I have only ever had two serious girlfriends and they were both in my early 20s when I wasnt really bothered about having a girrlfriend. Ive now gone through most of my 'young adulthood' without having sex and like you say its now a concern that I have missed out on my best years.

 

Harsh as it sounds I think of sex as something youthful and beautiful, so the idea of having a full sex life at 40 does not seem half as attractive as the thought of one at 30. The plus side of this is that as my youth slips away I care about it less, to the point where I just have to accept that I have missed out on my chance to live that sort of life. I can either cry about it or accept that its gone and concentrate on achieving other goals in life that I have total control over.

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Gloria and insert_name, I had the best sex of my life in my early 40's...you don't get too old, it can be a passionate, awesome experience even beter then when you were young...and I had a very active sex life in my 20's. was married in my 30's and 50 is right aroiund the corner for me now.

 

And as for relationships...I am done. I incurred so much damage from the psychopath I was with for 7 years I can't even contemplate ever being in another relationship. It will take me years to heal from the trauma I endured, and though it is really depressing and makes me really sad sometimes, I am resigned to it. I need to focus on me now, on my healing, and on my emotionally disturbed, high maintenance DS11...if the universe grants me another chance at love with a stable, healthy man it will happen...but I am not counting on it. And I am not looking for it..and I will treat my life as I will be alone for the remainder of it...

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PinkInTheLimo
Gloria and insert_name, I had the best sex of my life in my early 40's...you don't get too old, it can be a passionate, awesome experience even beter then when you were young...and I had a very active sex life in my 20's. was married in my 30's and 50 is right aroiund the corner for me now.

 

And as for relationships...I am done. I incurred so much damage from the psychopath I was with for 7 years I can't even contemplate ever being in another relationship. It will take me years to heal from the trauma I endured, and though it is really depressing and makes me really sad sometimes, I am resigned to it. I need to focus on me now, on my healing, and on my emotionally disturbed, high maintenance DS11...if the universe grants me another chance at love with a stable, healthy man it will happen...but I am not counting on it. And I am not looking for it..and I will treat my life as I will be alone for the remainder of it...

 

I agree, sex certainly does not get worse once you are in your forties. I would even say that the older I am the more I enjoy it.

 

I hear you about healing from a traumatic relationship. I have had several of them, thanks god I always got out at some point, never married, never had kids. Right now I am at the point when I am over my previous relationship with a lying, cheating emotional parasite who invaded my life under false pretexts. I know that the reason why that leech was attracted to me was the fact that I was a much happier, honest, beautiful person than he was and will ever be. But of course after the leech was gone I felt very lonely, empty and worthless. Leeches suck the life out of you, they always do.

 

After a couple of years of solitude, a lot of thinking and working hard to find happiness again I am very careful about who I let into my life. A guy has to have done his emotional work and reached a maturity which matches my own. No way will I become the support system for some 50 plus guy who just got divorced after a long marriage and wants to find a girlfriend who will take care of him ASAP. These guys have not learnt anything. They have no clue why their wife had finally enough of their selfish attitude, their bad habits. They are the kind of guys who would never have divorced themselves because they liked the comfort of having a wife who was cleaning up after them.

 

To be honest, I am far from impressed with the guys my age (50) or a bit older. I was never very much into younger guys but I can really see why a woman my age would rather opt for a guy 10 to 15 years younger. They really are more emancipated, find it obvious to help with household chores and don't have this urge to always have the last word and be the boss.

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Anyone else gone down this path?

no, not really...but you may try using women instead of letting them use you

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Nope, and I'm not a Greek goddess.

 

I also don't assume it is a man's fault I don't have a date, I do not assume that I am entitled to a date, and I do not cope with the loneliness by deciding to become a predator.

 

I work on MYSELF, stay positive and content, keep my eyes wide open, and don't assume the worst.

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Has anyone accepted the possibility of being forever alone?

 

Comparatively, it was far easier to accept after being divorced. For the 20 or so years prior to being married, accepting such a possibility was a bit of a battle.

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I'm not even bad-looking, however it's just such a burden to find, date, and attempt to make women happy. Even if something serious does start to form, at no point in time can I "coast" like the woman does; I need to keep making her happy and always have in my mind the possibility of her cheating or walking off. It just seems too stressful to get involved with anyone.

 

I'm not even motivated by sex. That's what masturbation and escorts are for.

 

I'm giving serious consideration to just dying alone; never finding someone.

 

Anyone else gone down this path?

 

The only purpose that I see in ever being in a long term relationship or getting married is having children.

 

If I don't believe that the woman will make a good mother (the vast majority of women that I meet have absolutely no nurturing ability), then I'm okay with letting her go.

 

Also, I haven't met many women that actually add something to my life. So I'm not particularly sad about the idea of ending up alone.

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I've made peace with the concept - there are pros as well as cons.

 

Heavily doubt it will come to that though! :laugh:

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The only purpose that I see in ever being in a long term relationship or getting married is having children.

 

If I don't believe that the woman will make a good mother (the vast majority of women that I meet have absolutely no nurturing ability), then I'm okay with letting her go.

 

Also, I haven't met many women that actually add something to my life. So I'm not particularly sad about the idea of ending up alone.

 

What area do you live in? Seems you have had severely negative experiences with every woman you come across. Just find that hard to believe.

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What area do you live in? Seems you have had severely negative experiences with every woman you come across. Just find that hard to believe.

 

I've lived in New York and California.

 

I'm also a professional that has spent time in the military. So I've spent a lot of time around "career-driven, independent" (read: very masculine) women.

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So I've spent a lot of time around "career-driven, independent" (read: very masculine) women.

thats a shame, those types of women should be outlawed

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thats a shame, those types of women should be outlawed

 

Some of them (very few) are okay. Unfortunately, though, the women that are not like this tend to have multiple kids and are simply looking for a man to leech off of.

 

So I guess it really depends on what you want from a relationship. Men have really great options these days, for sure.

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Define 'alone'...

 

 

No, I don't accept the possibility of being forever alone... I have great friends and family.

 

 

I have accepted or am coming to accept that I won't find someone I can share my life with.

 

 

Around here, most of the single men (and lots of the married men too) have questionable integrity and have let themselves go physically and intellectually. I could move, but I don't see things improving much that way. It's just how things are in the dating world these days... since I refuse to be anyone's FWB, f*ckbuddy, or placeholder.

 

 

There are lots of other things I'd rather do than spend my time and energy on those men.

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Define 'alone'...

 

 

For the purposes of my response, alone is described as being without a romantic and sexual partner and actively making a choice to not pursue same. This is a bit easier for a typical man since we have to make the efforts of pursuit, at least in my generation. A woman who makes the choice to accept still has to fend off male advances. Different kettle of fish. I saw some examples of those differences during the couple decades my mother was a widow. Socializing meant dealing with men hitting on her and she simply wasn't interested. I'll have no such challenges. I'll simply live alone, exist and romance and sex will be somewhere else. I've seen that already in the five years since divorce. It's easy (the results, not the choice).

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The bottom line?

 

Some people, by their very attitudes, are pretty much guaranteeing they will be alone. Because really, what woman is going to WANT to be with a man who hates and generalizes all women?

 

Not me

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