Jump to content

Do men have a fear of being settled for by a woman?


Recommended Posts

A question for men on here. Do you have the fear or worry that a woman would be with you due to a good job you have & the security, or do you not worry about it at all & don't even think about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think, going only by my own experience, and discussing this matter with people i know, an awful lot of guys settle, because they're frankly scared of ending up on their own.

 

A lot of guys seem a lot more vulnerable, emotionally, nowadays than ever before; Possibly it's more evident and "out in the open" due to communication methods, the media, technology and guys finally acknowledging that it's ok to show feelings. But from what I hear, many men 'grab 'em while they can'.....

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud

What if the security is the most important thing in the world to a woman and the provider of that is the most beloved person in the world to her because it's the most important thing?? Believe it or not women value all different kinds of things, not everybody has #1 on her list "good looking tall badboy," in fact I bet that's pretty rare in the big picture!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
organizedchaos
A question for men on here. Do you have the fear or worry that a woman would be with you due to a good job you have & the security, or do you not worry about it at all & don't even think about it.

 

Based on your posting history, do you over analyze every other aspect of your life this much too? Serious question.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

If I was single now, in my mid-40s, it would be a red flag to watch for but it wouldn't by any means be a "fear". And that's how I'd phrase it as advice to guys with minimal or no relationship experience because of "nice guy" issues. I think they underestimate their own abilities to spot when a woman is just acting like she is into him when she really isn't as much has he is into her. There's just a certain lack of authenticity that will come through in her behavior sooner or later.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

She has to have some reason. Right?

 

Would you feel better if she was with you because you were tall or good looking or had a killer personality? What if you were only two out of three? What if you were dirt poor and drove a beat up, rusted out, plastic duct taped over the rear window, baby shlt green 1979 Ford Fairmont? But looked like Tom Cruise. I don't know many women that would sign on for that either.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Based on your posting history, do you over analyze every other aspect of your life this much too? Serious question.

 

Sometimes. I'm a bit of a worrier at times. Not exactly a turn on for women I suppose.

Link to post
Share on other sites

From a high level - who wants to think their partner settled for them ?

 

What are you suspecting would be the trade off for a good job, secure life, and a gentleman? ....... your ugly? fat? short? insufficient man parts? bad in bed? or what?

 

I can understand you, and have considered this more than once.. but if you think about it very few LTR or marriages are too a "perfect partner" who exceeds expectations in all areas even if they do marry thinking they hit the loto on it all - they find they may have more than a few things to compromise or "settle for".

 

A good job, solid career, intelligence, and being a gentleman are not bad things to "settle for".... what matters in the end is how YOU think of yourself. A man who has accomplished a solid life should be proud of himself.

 

Related story...

 

There is a woman here - with over 300 past partners, who met a man a few years ago. At first she had no physical attraction to him, but his education, intelligence, culture and more - she grew to love and admire and find him attractive...then she married him. She seems very satisfied now ...in all areas with him. Did she settle ? or just make the right choices in a husband?

Edited by dichotomy
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Not something I'm terribly worried about. Considering I'm quite selective and more confident in myself, the thought is unlikely to cross my mind.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
From a high level - who wants to think their partner settled for them ?

 

What are you suspecting would be the trade off for a good job, secure life, and a gentleman? ....... your ugly? fat? short? insufficient man parts? bad in bed? or what?

 

I can understand you, and have considered this more than once.. but if you think about it very few LTR or marriages are too a "perfect partner" who exceeds expectations in all areas even if they do marry thinking they hit the loto on it all - they find they may have more than a few things to compromise or "settle for".

 

A good job, solid career, intelligence, and being a gentleman are not bad things to "settle for".... what matters in the end is how YOU think of yourself. A man who has accomplished a solid life should be proud of himself.

 

Related story...

 

There is a woman here - with over 300 past partners, who met a man a few years ago. At first she had no physical attraction to him, but his education, intelligence, culture and more - she grew to love and admire and find him attractive...then she married him. She seems very satisfied now ...in all areas with him. Did she settle ? or just make the right choices in a husband?

 

Of course you should be happy & proud of yourself, but the person you're with should be proud & happy to be with you too. Who wants to be with someone where they think "well he gives me all my needs so he'll do".

Link to post
Share on other sites
She has to have some reason. Right?

 

Would you feel better if she was with you because you were tall or good looking or had a killer personality? What if you were only two out of three? What if you were dirt poor and drove a beat up, rusted out, plastic duct taped over the rear window, baby shlt green 1979 Ford Fairmont? But looked like Tom Cruise. I don't know many women that would sign on for that either.

 

But his point is women would screw those guys then marry a provider and possibly still have affairs. I think NJ rants too much, since his gripe is that he is "missing out". That is to say the women won't screw him now.

 

However, it does seem to be an issue in general. I once went on a date with a woman who seemed to be into me and invited me out on a second date. I had cold approached her. She changed her mind about getting jiggy with me half way through that date, but it turned out she was "settling" with a guy back in her home country.

 

She seemed to be the exact type that NJ goes on about. She loved playing the field of good looking Italian guys, but was settling for a guy who didn't have much going for hm physically though he ticked all the boxes with regards to career etc. She even referred to him in my company as a "Good boy" :laugh:

 

The sad thing is from talking to her that evening and her overall attitude towards him I am 90% sure she will have an affair at some point. Sad!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
But his point is women would screw those guys then marry a provider and possibly still have affairs. I think NJ rants too much, since his gripe is that he is "missing out". That is to say the women won't screw him now.

 

However, it does seem to be an issue in general. I once went on a date with a woman who seemed to be into me and invited me out on a second date. I had cold approached her. She changed her mind about getting jiggy with me half way through that date, but it turned out she was "settling" with a guy back in her home country.

 

She seemed to be the exact type that NJ goes on about. She loved playing the field of good looking Italian guys, but was settling for a guy who didn't have much going for hm physically though he ticked all the boxes with regards to career etc. She even referred to him in my company as a "Good boy" :laugh:

 

The sad thing is from talking to her that evening and her overall attitude towards him I am 90% sure she will have an affair at some point. Sad!

 

Okay, why are you mentioning me & saying I rant so much, yet you yourself said some women do exactly what I said & you experienced it yourself.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Don't you think you'd be able to tell the difference between a woman who is in love with you and a woman who is settling for a provider?

 

It's likely but a lot of men get burned. Isn't it 1 out of every 10 men think their the father of a child that isn't even theirs? As I said it's not anywhere near all women that do this, but they are out there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Okay, why are you mentioning me & saying I rant so much, yet you yourself said some women do exactly what I said & you experienced it yourself.

 

Because you start multiple threads complaining about women. I just accept there are women who have affairs, select based on looks, and height etc. There are others who don't.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Okay, why are you mentioning me & saying I rant so much, yet you yourself said some women do exactly what I said & you experienced it yourself.

 

Yes but these are anecdotes about certain women, not meant to be viewed as an indication of how all women are and how all women treat men.

 

Seems you hear a story.

Sometime, somewhere, some woman treated a man bad and so in your mind all women treat men bad...

 

You rant about how all men fear being "settled for" by a woman and on here men are saying they never think about it.

Yet Ethan78 relates an anecdote and you are back on the "settled for" fear trail again.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
It's likely but a lot of men get burned. Isn't it 1 out of every 10 men think their the father of a child that isn't even theirs? As I said it's not anywhere near all women that do this, but they are out there.

 

But what I'm asking is, why don't you trust that YOU will be able to tell the difference between a woman in love and a woman settling for you?

 

Who knows what the issue was with those other guys.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Because you start multiple threads complaining about women. I just accept there are women who have affairs, select based on looks, and height etc. There are others who don't.

 

I don't hate women, And I've been told I have decent looks, and I don't care about the height issue anymore. But yeah, I'm concerned at times about the woman I wind up with not genuinely liking me for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
But what I'm asking is, why don't you trust that YOU will be able to tell the difference between a woman in love and a woman settling for you?

 

Who knows what the issue was with those other guys.

 

I'd need to know all about her & the way she acts around me. If she looks or acts bored than it's likely something is wrong there. I prefer an affectionate woman who likes to touch & is always smiling or just has a lively personality.

Edited by NJ123
Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't read anything but the question subject line and here is my answer:

 

Only negative, defeatest males who have a victim mentality, overthink, and spend their time whining instead of improving themselves.

 

Regular, normal men do not obsess over this.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
I'd need to know all about her & the way she acts around me. If she looks or acts bored than it's likely something is wrong there. I prefer an affectionate woman who likes to touch & is always smiling or just has a lively personality.

 

This is exactly my point. Of course you'd need to know all about her. A real loving relationship with a real woman would likely alleviate your fears. It would be obvious that she deeply loves you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
This is exactly my point. Of course you'd need to know all about her. A real loving relationship with a real woman would likely alleviate your fears. It would be obvious that she deeply loves you.

 

The thing, though, with this type of male, is that they want to know all of that before they even go out, along with a guarantee that she will say yes.

 

That ain't how it works.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
The thing, though, with this type of male, is that they want to know all of that before they even go out, along with a guarantee that she will say yes.

 

That ain't how it works.

 

If there's something about someone I don't like in terms of their personality or the way they act around me than we aren't a match & wouldn't want us to waste each others time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...