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him not wanting us to live where his ex lived


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My other half pretty much will refuse to talk about the subject of his house. He owns(still paying on but only in his name) he had got the house because of his ex. He had no intentions of getting married to her after he learned how she is, he was quickly driven away from her but still lived together until i came along. He moved out leaving his ex girlfriend in the house so that we can live together. I dont like the idea from the beginning. He said oh she'll only be there a month or two and realize she can't do it and wouldnt want to still live there. Him amd i know we are getting married in the future but at this time we are paying bills, lucky me i accountered her debt on his credit cards because she is the type to throw a fit like a kid if she didnt get what she wants. Him and i came together as one very fast. We have a child together its both of our first. It is now a year and half later and the ex still is living in the house.

I want her gone completely and want to move my family into his house to make it ours. But everytime i try talking about it he doesnt want to and gets frustrated. I think there is no problem with living in the house he use to with his ex because we can do projects like painting new decor, changing it all up. Of course our furniture and belongings and getting rid of everything else but he still doesnt want to. I as a mother want to raise my child in one place and say oh this os where they leared to walk, ride bikes, started school learned to drive ect. Because he had said she wont stay in there long that would mean we would go there after she leaves. He says he cant just see her on the streets if i bring it up but its not like im saying now im saying give her two months or so to find somewhere. I dont think its fair his (our)family is in a apartmemt while she is in his house. Im thinking of our family and it doesnt seem like he is and it makes me mad that hes over nice about it. Or if he gets tiered of me bringing it up he'll just say fine ill sell the house and we can get one together. If we did that we would be paying double if not more then his mortgage now since he got it when it was low, and not only that theres nothing wrong with it. Its just getting him over what ever ego he has going on and make him realize our relationship and oir family isn't going to go by just his play book. How do you think i can get him to quiet his mouth and fully hear and see what im thinking of is not just to "take" it away and be "mine,mine, mine", he just needs to wake up and i need to convince him(:() she needs out of our lifes comepletly and that we need to move in his house for our family.

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Chances are this woman conflicted a hell lot of pain on him to the point where he can't stand her mere sight. Perhaps she's the crazy type and he knows she might come after you two for revenge. Maybe there's more to the story than you know...

The possibilities are endless; you'll have to ask him why exactly he doesn't want his own house.

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Definitely talk to him about it.

 

My GF is in a house that she bought with her ex. She kept the house after their divorce. I have to admit it is a weird feeling when I am there and he (the ex) comes to pick up their daughter. I am generally comfortable their but it is not mine or ours.

 

The other afternoon I was there by myself and the dude showed up to get his daughter. He could clearly see me sitting at the computer through the glass doors...it was a strange feeling.

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Wow, seriously? He is letting his ex-gf live rent free in his house for a year and a half?

 

Tell him he needs to grow a spine and do the necessary for you and his family. It is understandable that he doesn't want to live in the house that they shared, but if this is the case he can simply sell it and buy another one for you and the family.

 

It's not realistic or reasonable for him to be financially supporting his ex all this time.

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This is why you don't go for guys that use women like a monkey branch: jump from one to another when it suits. You are expecting a guy to deal with a difficult problem, to assert himself and he wasn't even able to move out of a property while in a bad relationship until he met you. I'd imagine he moved in with you almost straight away. He will stick around and might leave again when he meets a woman that doesn't give him much of a hard time.

 

All I can say is I wish you good luck because a man like this too weak to have a good quality life with.

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I guess he is feeling guilty, in that he had committed to her enough for them to get a house together (albeit he owns it), yet he then moved out and almost immediately in with you.

She probably feels he owes her and perhaps he thinks that too. Did he in fact cheat on her with you?

 

YOU need to sit him down and do some serious talking here as to how he sees you and your relationship going forward.

I know you have a child and that things moved forward pretty quick between the two of you, but you need to be certain he is on the same page as you regarding the future.

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This whole thing is messed up. I have a bad feeling that you are a rebound, your child together not withstanding.

 

 

A good guy would have fixed the living situation the minute you found out you were pregnant.

 

 

He's never going to move you into that house. If I were you I wouldn't want to live there after her anyway. But he should be trying to sell it to buy a new one for his child.

 

 

The fact that she lives rent free & still carries her CC debt tells me she is his priority not you & your child.

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No she pays the mortgage i wouldnt tolorate that. He didn't move shortly after he got the house it was about two years after and again he knows he is going to be with me(marriage) they dont have a child or anything together him and i do. Thier relationship died about three years before me. They worked oposite shifts which she chose and shes thr type its her way or the high way type. He finacially couldnt get another house since theres debt on his name(credit).And i think if things are changed in the house we can be fine. I want have more kids and he does to but i wont till im in a house.

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She was always planning the wedding for them and was talking to venues and churches but they never said that committment together. He wanted a family but she didnt so it wouldnt of worked for them aanyways. Him and i are that type of committment (wantingmarriage and obviously already have a child)

When he'll respond he wants to sell it if i push his buttons but at the same time he doesmt because he knows he wont get a house payment of a apartment rate and cheaper thrn most in our valley. So he does if i upset him but doesnt cause he knows that would be a mistakr his words not mine thats why i dont understand why he doesnt want to move hos family in there. I work from home so i can takr care of our child and he works so its not like money would stop us.. on how a house all the bills are separate unlike a apartment .

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She was always planning the wedding for them and was talking to venues and churches but they never said that committment together.

 

Be very careful here, she wasn't doing all that off her own bat, he, I guess strung her along, probably in a similar way to what he is doing to you now .

YOU and your child are in a pretty vulnerable position here.

 

As you already have a child, why aren't you already married and living in his house, if he is so committed to you?

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She's his priority. You having a child did nothing to change that. He wants her there and probably wants to get back together with her. As is, he has every excuse to go over there because he owns the house. He likes having that option.

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This doesn't sound right. I don't think you know the whole story. It just doesn't make sense...your family is living in an apartment and his ex who he was not even married to is living in a house owned solely by him? Either she's crazy and he's scared of her, he's still involved with her in some way, or he's not sure he wants to be with you forever. Does she have kids of her own living there? If she has kids that are attending school and are settled, that's the only legitimate reason I can think of.

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