For those who need to read this.....

[Chasing_mya]

Love doesn’t come with excuses. If someone wants to be with you they’re not going to create excuses about why they can’t. If someone wants to be with you, THEY ...WILL BE WITH YOU it’s that simple. Why are you sweating someone who’s BARELY worried about you? Why are you losing your mind over somebody who’s BARELY thinking about you?

 

Why are you putting in your time on someone who BARELY has time for you? It’s pointless. You need to reevaluate your worth if you think BARELY is what you deserve! Straight up. If you can love “BARELY” that much, just imagine how GREAT it would feel to be with someone who wants you just as much as you want them. Stop wasting your life holding on to somebody who’s BARELY putting any effort to hold on to you. You’re putting your hope into someone you know will leave you hopeless.

 

Think about that. They got your heart in a layaway that they're BARELY making payments on. They do JUST ENOUGH to give you hope. JUST ENOUGH to keep you holding on. They do just enough to keep you off the market so nobody else can see your value. Because they know if somebody else sees it then they'll lose you forever. They know they get by with BARELY, so that’s what they're giving you. Someone doesn't BARELY call you because they miss you, they do it because they're bored. Someone doesn’t BARELY spend time with you because they miss you, they only do it because they’re bored.

 

I hope this hurts enough to make you change...You’re their last resort to save them from boredom. And you’re voluntarily placing your life on hold for that? For BARELY? When they ain’t making NO REAL effort to make you theirs? I'm telling you it isn't as hard to let go once you realize what you’re holding on to isn't REAL. And I’ll leave you with this, You can’t make somebody stay from where they wanna leave, and you can’t keep someone away from where they want to be. ‪

Edited February 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix spelling, add paragraphs and move to GRD

[DKT3]

Good point OP, I think the problem is hanging on to words and dismissing actions. Infidelity is the second or third leading cause of divorce, depending on what you look at. Meaning people leave marriages and relationships everyday. With or without kids, bills, or money. If someone loves you more then anything they wouldn't be with or stay with someone else. Of course its easier to believe excuses for why they stay once you've gobbled up what they sold and either risked your way of life or put your life on hold. Makes you feel like less of a fool.

Edited February 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SolG]

I agree,... and also disagree.

 

I stayed in my largely unfullfilling marriage until my daughter left for college. To say in absolute terms that if you love someone mote than your spouse you'd leave is too simplistic. I could've loved a man 20 times more than my xH and know I still wouldn't have left tne family home.

 

I was absolutely where I WANTED and chose to be. Does that mean I didn't love my xH? No, I really did and still do care for him dearly; but not in a romantic way. Does that mean I didn't crave and wish for so much more? Absolutely not.

 

Maybe my own history made me more vulnerable to xMM's scerario and I was played like a fiddle. But I believe I have enough insight into his context to know that isn't the case. He HAS chosen where he WANTS to be. But it does not automatically follow that that choice equates to the fact that he didn't love me. He just didn't love me enough.

 

Yes, people leave all types of marriages for all types of reasons every day. But my own experience shows that people also stay in all types of marriages for all types of reasons.

Edited February 26, 2015 by SolG

[AmyBamy]

It didn't hurt at all, bc it only describes one possible scenario, not the millions that are possible. And, tbh, I didn't read it all bc I got to "someone who BARELY has time for you" and something about heart on layaway or something and couldn't stop rolling my eyes bc it didn't even come close to any affairs I have ever known of.

 

There are billions of people in the world, all unique and with their own personalities and situations and investments in relationships. Who are you trying to convince here that affairs are less than?

 

Not to mention - people stay in crappy marriages all the time for "BARELY". One label doesn't corner the market on "BARELY".

[todreaminblue]

I feel marriages go through all sorts of trials and to get out when the going gets tough wouldnt be my style in fact....i am the opposite ill fight till i cant fight no more....i never married but i had a fifteen year relationship..i did however know when it was time to stop fighting for the relationship....all the spirit i had ....was defeated

 

wasnt because i loved my self less ....just that i loved him more.....i sacrificed hurt feelings, dreams hopes and wishes and betrayal too many times...it killed my spirit

 

all in all....he didnt deserve that...because he didtn appreciate that spirit till i left what i did..and now he is in another relationship and doing things i always wanted him to do like give up drinking and drugs.....would i do it again.....without a doubt.....because ill do that sacrifice and fight for the right guy...a guy who appreciates what i am willing to do in a relationship...how i support ...i expect to be supported.... and who i am..

 

and hell yeah....ill fight if i need to....hopefully by my partners side.....that is if i have another relationship...because i am selective...probably too selective....ill know when the guy is right for me........deb

[Lernaean_Hydra]

It didn't hurt at all, bc it only describes one possible scenario, not the millions that are possible. And, tbh, I didn't read it all bc I got to "someone who BARELY has time for you" and something about heart on layaway or something and couldn't stop rolling my eyes bc it didn't even come close to any affairs I have ever known of.

 

Then the message wasn't for you... Maybe the mods removed some content (doubtful) along with moving it to General Relationship Discussion but nowhere did I read that the post applied specifically to affair relationships nor where it purported to describe all affair scenarios. :confused:Regardless of where it was initially posted, from what I read, it could apply to anyone in a lopsided relationship of any kind. Getting so defensive feels a lot like projection.

 

 

There are billions of people in the world, all unique and with their own personalities and situations and investments in relationships. Who are you trying to convince here that affairs are less than?

 

Not to mention - people stay in crappy marriages all the time for "BARELY". One label doesn't corner the market on "BARELY".

 

Pretty sure they weren't trying to "convince" anyone of anything. I'd posit the main purpose was to say that staying in any relationship in which you feel you aren't getting a fair shake, and/or are receiving the bare minimum (or less!) of commitment/time/effort/etc should probably reevaluate the status quo.

 

Those out there in an affair or otherwise who don't feel this way about their relationship can easily disregard the post as it doesn't apply....

[Chasing_mya]

If the thread doesn't apply, let it fly. To eachs own and you are definitely entitled to your opinion. This is something I read and thought I'd share as it may have helped someone, somewhere.....If it doesn't pertain to you, keep moving on to the next....

[Chasing_mya]

Thanks Lernaean_Hydra!!