Jump to content

borrowing money


Recommended Posts

So here is the scenario. Couple seriously dating, but not living together. The girlfriend has some credit card debt and she has a payment plan to get rid of it by December 1st. But the interest is $200/month. Boyfriend has a lot of money and offers to lend her that money so she can pay it to him without interest. He says, why give the bank that much money? Should she accept the offer, or not mix money with love?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you looked into other options to eliminate the interest? There are many factors here that need to be taken into consideration. What percentage of your income is the debt, how serious are the two of you, can you pay him back sooner than the end of the year?

 

I don't lend money to anyone that I expect back. I once lent a friend a considerable amount of money but beforehand I told myself that if he doesn't pay me back, I'll never lend him money again, but I won't let it ruin our friendship. If he can't pay me back, so be it. He ended up paying me back in monthly installments.

 

 

I would recommend having a serious discussion with your boyfriend about what might happen if the two of you were to break up before the money was paid back. Also look into other options that may be better than this personal loan.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I never lend anything.

 

I consider that if I can afford to lend, I can also afford to give.

 

So I give what I can afford to give.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Nobody I know who has 'a lot of money' lends it out without conditions attached. They didn't get wealthy by being generous.

 

IMO, mixing love and money isn't a healthy idea until far down the road to a legal partnership. I did something similar to that outlined in the OP, though most of it was paying off my exW's car loan rather than credit card debt, but that was after we were married. The car remained hers and she took it without compensation when we divorced.

 

I tend to look at such transactions as gifts. Makes life a lot simpler. However, I'm just an average working stiff, not wealthy, nor will ever be.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope.

 

 

No lending, no borrowing.

 

 

She needs to find a zero interest card and transfer the funds she owes onto that..and then when that starts to charge transfer the funds to another zero interest card..etc..

It's her debt.

It's her responsibility.

 

 

It's kind of him but she would be better off learning the above - maybe he can help her with that.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Best not to lend. I have sometimes given money if I have a friend in need, I tell them they can give it back if they want or that they can later give it to someone else in need.

 

The problem is that if you can't afford to just give it you will fall out over it if they can't pay it back.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks. I decided, with your help, not to accept the offer. I didn't ask, he offered, but I think there will be too many complications.

 

As a Professor, sometimes I don't have summer salary, and I'm uncertain about this summer, still waiting to hear. If I don't get the contracts I'm waiting for funded, I won't have salary and I will modify the automatic payment for those 2 months to much lower, and increase again to the normal automatic payment after. But I would feel too stressed out to give him less in the summer.

 

I would also feel too indebted, and subservient if you will... As it stands now, I can pay on my own until December and if I have to delay 2 months, I will, but things will not be muddled.

 

I just didn't want him to feel I don't let him be a provider/protector. And yeah, he has a lot of money. That amount wouldn't make a dent into his checking account. Still....don't want to jeopardize our relationship with money issues.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Best not to lend. I have sometimes given money if I have a friend in need, I tell them they can give it back if they want or that they can later give it to someone else in need.

 

The problem is that if you can't afford to just give it you will fall out over it if they can't pay it back.

 

Well, I was borrowing, not lending. So that would be advice for him :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
So here is the scenario. Couple seriously dating, but not living together. The girlfriend has some credit card debt and she has a payment plan to get rid of it by December 1st. But the interest is $200/month. Boyfriend has a lot of money and offers to lend her that money so she can pay it to him without interest. He says, why give the bank that much money? Should she accept the offer, or not mix money with love?

 

I wouldn't borrow or lend prior to a live-in relationship or marriage. Maybe I'd gift someone but I'd consider the money gone, a gift. If he'd make it a gift, perhaps then accept it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If he offered & she didn't ask, I think it's OK for her to accept it. He's nuts for offering but his stupidity is no reason for her to spend $200 per month in interest.

 

 

If she's a good soul she will pay him back. If she has no idea how to manage money which I suspect is the truth if the INTEREST is $200 per MONTH, he's never going to see that money again, she will continue to rack up debt & their relationship will have a firey death.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
If he offered & she didn't ask, I think it's OK for her to accept it. He's nuts for offering but his stupidity is no reason for her to spend $200 per month in interest.

 

 

If she's a good soul she will pay him back. If she has no idea how to manage money which I suspect is the truth if the INTEREST is $200 per MONTH, he's never going to see that money again, she will continue to rack up debt & their relationship will have a firey death.

 

Ok, I'm on both sides of this issue...

 

I mean, I'm an independent chick...I have NEVER asked a guy for anything - even money. I've had guys offer stuff and like my last FWB, always looking for things to do around my home and did them even though I insisted he didn't have to (i.e. working on my vehicle, handiguy stuff).

 

On one side, unless you're married - I do not believe in doing major purchases together and/or commingling finances. I also believe that before you get married - YOU have a responsibility to handle your finances, in other words, you come to the marriage with clean hands instead of dumping your debt on your SO.

 

On my "other" side, I believe that if you are in a good RL - NOT a RL where the chick is a golddigger, blue-collar golddigger, dependa, sugar baby - that a guy should have no issue with spending money on you. Case in point, I have a sibling who is with someone. He has bought her certain things and they are shacking up.

 

The only reason I am cool with him buying her stuff cuz I KNOW her. She is not using him (from what I can see for now). She's a hard worker. She is beyond generous to my/her sibling, family, friends, etc. She is a joy to be around. She is also very sexy - so I know she's taking care of my sibling ;) . I like her a lot. But, I take issue with my sibling enjoying her company and body w/o marrying her. YET, cuz of is previous marriage, I DO NOT want him to marry her either - no matter how sweet she is. So, I agree with him buying her stuff. She deserves to be compensated for him enjoying her body/time w/o putting a ring on her finger.

 

Now mind you, despite my flip/flop views on this issue - I still do not and will not accept things and money from guys. I sorta guess it's hard for me to let my guard down and simply allow a guy to do things for me. I'm also like this in un-romantic situations too. It's hard for me to ask friends, people at work, etc to help me and stuff. Recently, I had to move around my vehicles and didn't ask anyone for help. I had to run in freezing cold to pick up one of my vehicles. Goes to show how much I will be "independent" and not ask for help on anything.

 

So, if he offered...then, maybe it would be ok to take the money. But, again, I can see where it would get complicated and I believe the OP should handle her debt/business cuz it's not her SO's job to do that.

 

Boy, let me dawn my fire retardant suit cuz I'm about to get flamed!!!!

Edited by Gloria25
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks. I decided, with your help, not to accept the offer. I didn't ask, he offered, but I think there will be too many complications.

 

As a Professor, . . . .

 

 

As a Professor why are you using the word "girl" to describe an adult woman?

 

 

Similarly, how the heck did you get into a situation where you are paying $200 per month in INTEREST on credit card debt? If you said student loans, I could understand. But credit card debt?

 

 

Forget the BF, get yourself some credit counseling. Get a PT job in the summer. Write a book. Have a garage sale & sell some of the stuff you bought to rack up all that debt; hopefully it was stuff not fancy dinners, concert tickets & vacations. Spend some of your considerable intellect learning how to budget.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
As a Professor why are you using the word "girl" to describe an adult woman?

 

 

Similarly, how the heck did you get into a situation where you are paying $200 per month in INTEREST on credit card debt? If you said student loans, I could understand. But credit card debt?

 

 

Forget the BF, get yourself some credit counseling. Get a PT job in the summer. Write a book. Have a garage sale & sell some of the stuff you bought to rack up all that debt; hopefully it was stuff not fancy dinners, concert tickets & vacations. Spend some of your considerable intellect learning how to budget.

 

BTW I didn't use the term girl. I said girlfriend. I don't have another term for the girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If you have a better idea of what term to use, let me know. I am not sure why you're so aggressive though. You don't have to pay my debt, so why do you care? Is it to make yourself feel superior by putting others, not as good as you, down? It was a question regarding whether or not to accept a loan from a boyfriend, if it's a good idea in principle, not whether or not I am a bad money manager. Obviously I am not good, but there is no need for you to be insulting. And no, it wasn't "stuff" that I can sell, nor it was fancy dinners. Plus, I never said I couldn't pay it off. He just said it would make more sense to get rid of the interest through him.

Edited by BluEyeL
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
As a Professor why are you using the word "girl" to describe an adult woman?

 

 

Similarly, how the heck did you get into a situation where you are paying $200 per month in INTEREST on credit card debt? If you said student loans, I could understand. But credit card debt?

 

 

Forget the BF, get yourself some credit counseling. Get a PT job in the summer. Write a book. Have a garage sale & sell some of the stuff you bought to rack up all that debt; hopefully it was stuff not fancy dinners, concert tickets & vacations. Spend some of your considerable intellect learning how to budget.

 

I agree with your post, but come on, the use of the term "girl"? I call myself a "chick" you know. I also use the term "dude" and don't care for the term "boyfriend" I prefer "guy" to address some guy I'm seeing "boyfriend" sounds so tweeen/teensish. Funny though, I don't have issue with referring to me as a guy's "girl"...

 

Just sayin', terms shouldn't be taken so seriously...unless you "know" for sure the person's intention behind the term (like the "n" word).

Link to post
Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse
Case in point, I have a sibling who is with someone. He has bought her certain things and they are shacking up.

 

The only reason I am cool with him buying her stuff cuz I KNOW her. She is not using him (from what I can see for now). She's a hard worker. She is beyond generous to my/her sibling, family, friends, etc. She is a joy to be around. She is also very sexy - so I know she's taking care of my sibling ;) . I like her a lot. But, I take issue with my sibling enjoying her company and body w/o marrying her. YET, cuz of is previous marriage, I DO NOT want him to marry her either - no matter how sweet she is. So, I agree with him buying her stuff. She deserves to be compensated for him enjoying her body/time w/o putting a ring on her finger.

 

Wow, you sure do spend a lot of time and effort worrying about your brother's love life/living arrangements/marital status! How about you let him decide whether or not to marry, live with or buy stuff for his partner? It's really none of your business.

 

OP, I would never accept money from a partner unless it was a £20 until payday kinda thing, my partner and I do that most months while we're getting back on our feet after moving and starting new jobs. I firmly believe that what one person brings into a relationship is their responsibility to manage. My boyfriend has a tonne of debt, I have none (not because I've never had debt... I seriously have, and I got insolvency), I earn a third more than he does so in theory could help him clear his debt faster but it ain't happening and he'd never accept it anyway. I lived with a partner previously and paid all our rent and bills while I was sick but working and he was unemployed (not through his own fault to be fair), he ended up upping and leaving a couple years into the relationship and got a job halfway through, but it made me realise how much more debt I'd got into as a result of support him and that it was money down the drain. I will happily pick up the grocery bill or train tickets to an event or whatever if he's skint and I have plenty that month but I'd never give or accept money from a partner to clear a debt. Too muddy, too much risk of resentment/subservience, and for the giver, a high chance it was all for nothing due to most relationships, statistically ending. Unless I'm married, I'm not financially supporting a partner for any great length of time or with debt repayments.

 

If a person can afford to and WANTS to just purely give money with no expectation of ever having it back then fair enough from a loss perspective... but I still wouldn't advocate it from the risk of it damaging your relationship. I had a boyfriend offer to give me a certain amount each month while we were dating because I was struggling financially so much and knew I would be for two years straight (studying, and now on a great wage... he is a professor, I was a pizza delivery driver by night and unpaid intern by day essential) but my self respect made me turn it down and struggle on alone.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse
I don't need credit counseling. I will pay it all off before the end of the year.

 

What kind of debt do you have that costs $200 in interest each month but which will be paid off within the year, without you getting a significantly better paying job? Those numbers don't seem to add up to me unless it's payday loans or something dodgy. My debts were costing me £200 a month to pay off, including interest, and would have taken me at least a decade realistically to clear.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
So here is the scenario. Couple seriously dating, but not living together. The girlfriend has some credit card debt and she has a payment plan to get rid of it by December 1st. But the interest is $200/month. Boyfriend has a lot of money and offers to lend her that money so she can pay it to him without interest. He says, why give the bank that much money? Should she accept the offer, or not mix money with love?

 

I wouldn't do it personally.

 

I would rather just pay the bank rather than have him loan me the money. God forbid we break up, then that would be an added thing to deal with. My guilty pleasure is watching court shows lol, but mostly when I visit my parents, and most of the cases are about people who loaned money while dating then broke up or the terms seemed clear while together then got switched when they broke up etc. I've loaned money once in a relationship and never saw it again...I agree with Satu that it's one thing to give a gift but don't loan it if you need it back. Lesson definitely learned.

 

Even if married I probably still wouldn't, but especially if we're just dating, for me I see more cons to borrowing significant sums of money from a partner than not. You'd have to pay your debt with or without them so I'd just try to do it on my own. The fact that he offered is of course nice and if say you're truly struggling, like you can't pay it, then that's one thing, but if you can pay it, but just pay more interest, I'd just do that and not get the loan from him personally.

Edited by MissBee
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

You all may not be aware of this if you are not in education, but most college professors work on a 9 months contract and then hope for summer school. You can try to personally prorate your salary to cover summer, which most do, but crap happens. The economy over the last 7 or 9 years has not been stellar. And yes, student loans can go on credit cards and begin spiralling.

 

Most people who have found themselves in awful debt and are in the midst of a plan to climb out of it already KNOW they messed up. They probably don't need to hear it.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Wow, you sure do spend a lot of time and effort worrying about your brother's love life/living arrangements/marital status! How about you let him decide whether or not to marry, live with or buy stuff for his partner? It's really none of your business.

 

Ok, for one, who said if this is a brother of mine?

 

Two, I, to the date of today, haven't and will not say a thing to my siblings about who they spend their money on.

 

In responding to threads (or initiating my own) I use as examples people I know, see on TV/radio and/or myself. Where "else" would I refer to in order to make a point?

 

BTW, I don't have kids, but helped in raising some of my siblings...hence, how I speak of them like if I was a mum. Also, they DO come to me (even their SOs) at times to seek my approval, advice, and/or opinions.

 

The sibling I mentioned in this thread, his ex wife did a number on him so yeah, anyone he's dating, my antenna is up cuz he's family and I care for him. So sue me already.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BTW I didn't use the term girl. I said girlfriend. I don't have another term for the girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If you have a better idea of what term to use, let me know. I am not sure why you're so aggressive though. You don't have to pay my debt, so why do you care? Is it to make yourself feel superior by putting others, not as good as you, down? It was a question regarding whether or not to accept a loan from a boyfriend, if it's a good idea in principle, not whether or not I am a bad money manager. Obviously I am not good, but there is no need for you to be insulting. And no, it wasn't "stuff" that I can sell, nor it was fancy dinners. Plus, I never said I couldn't pay it off. He just said it would make more sense to get rid of the interest through him.

 

I apologize for upsetting you.

 

However, if you haven't gotten a handle on your finances, and you have CC debt that has interest payments of $200 per month, the short term solution of having somebody else pay that isn't terrible & I said you could take the money. I also said that the offer to pay your debt interest free was a questionable financial decision by the offeror. But really if you are in that much of a hole -- and debt with a $200 per month interest payment -- is a pretty big hole -- getting out from that interest payment is definitely in your best interests. But it's a short term fix unless you address how you got there in the 1st place.

 

Since you seem to have integrity & a desire to fix this, take the interest free loan but make it a business transaction. Give him back a writing with a payment plan and a guarantee of repayment. That takes it out of the romance & possibly some kind of gift & makes it a business transaction that inures to your fiscal benefit: A win-win for everybody!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Nobody I know who has 'a lot of money' lends it out without conditions attached. They didn't get wealthy by being generous.

So true!

I'd lend my last penny, I've been brought up in a generous family...and that's exactly why none of us will ever be rich.

Money means very little to me, people, relationships and experiences all mean much more, that's why I can lend money.

 

And that's also why I never borrow money!!

People who have gone to great lengths to have considerable money in their bank accounts more often than not place a high value on that money.

 

Way I see it - you probably can place a value on someone's friendship/relationship - and I'd rather not find out exactly where that line falls.

Playing with fire.

 

 

Also outside of the issue of lending/borrowing money - doing so within a relationship is different to doing so within a friendship. This is going to seriously alter your relationship dynamic! Even if he doesn't mention the money your most likely still going to feel it hanging over you.

And handing over monthly instalments to your SO?....it wouldn't be for me! ...Would it not be weird like "So heres this months £200, now do you want dinner or a movie?"

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
What kind of debt do you have that costs $200 in interest each month but which will be paid off within the year, without you getting a significantly better paying job? Those numbers don't seem to add up to me unless it's payday loans or something dodgy. My debts were costing me £200 a month to pay off, including interest, and would have taken me at least a decade realistically to clear.

interest rate is 19.9% and it's 14K. I put it on automatic payment 1700/month, it'll he cleared out by December. If I get summer salary, I'll make some bigger payments, I wrote it all down, I can clear it by August best case scenario, most likely Dec.

 

He asked me again if I want help with that. By his demeanor I got the gist that he doesn't care if he's not getting it back. But I thanked him and said I care more about our relationship not getting muddled because of money issues than about that interest and as soon as I get it under 10K, I'll transfer the balance to a zero interest offer. I'm getting those frequently, but those cards have lower credit limits. He said he doesn't care about that money and he's sure our relationship would be just fine, but if that's what I want, it's ok, he just wants me to know he wants to help. He makes 6 times more money than me. I make a good income.

 

So that's what was decided, thanks. I think our relationship would be fine, but it would be my pride that would take a hit.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
So true!

I'd lend my last penny, I've been brought up in a generous family...and that's exactly why none of us will ever be rich.

Money means very little to me, people, relationships and experiences all mean much more, that's why I can lend money.

 

And that's also why I never borrow money!!

People who have gone to great lengths to have considerable money in their bank accounts more often than not place a high value on that money.

 

Way I see it - you probably can place a value on someone's friendship/relationship - and I'd rather not find out exactly where that line falls.

Playing with fire.

 

 

Also outside of the issue of lending/borrowing money - doing so within a relationship is different to doing so within a friendship. This is going to seriously alter your relationship dynamic! Even if he doesn't mention the money your most likely still going to feel it hanging over you.

And handing over monthly instalments to your SO?....it wouldn't be for me! ...Would it not be weird like "So heres this months £200, now do you want dinner or a movie?"

That's exactly how I feel, last paragraph. I know he wants to help, but it would not feel good. And it's not that I can't pay my bills and I'm desperate. It's a rather minor issue.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You all may not be aware of this if you are not in education, but most college professors work on a 9 months contract and then hope for summer school. You can try to personally prorate your salary to cover summer, which most do, but crap happens. The economy over the last 7 or 9 years has not been stellar. And yes, student loans can go on credit cards and begin spiralling.

 

Most people who have found themselves in awful debt and are in the midst of a plan to climb out of it already KNOW they messed up. They probably don't need to hear it.

Yes, it's because of the uncertainty of the summer income, not having enough savings built up, the divorce, having my son 100% of the time and not getting child support, paying 100$/night for childcare when I go to conferences. Some of that it's three work trips I booked hoping I'll get reimbursed, but grant money didn't work out as planned. And some of it is home repairs I needed to make.At the same time, I bought some tutoring with Sylvan learning for my son. And of course, me not paying enough attention and not planning better.

Edited by BluEyeL
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...