In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take (Updated)

[writergal]

"It's impossible," said pride.

"It's risky," said experience.

"It's pointless," said reason.

"Give it a try," whispered the heart.

 

 

Why don't we take chances when it comes to love? What holds us back? Why do we hesitate telling that other person how we really feel? When you take a risk, you may lose. But you have a 50/50 chance of winning.

[preraph]

I've found that even some of the worst experiences turned into good entertaining funny stories in my old age. And you can pluck wisdom from your mistakes and mishaps life deals you. No fun at the time, but when you look back on it, you know you were very alive at least and out there living instead of ruminating.

[writergal]

I agree with you preraph. At 44 (a young 44 at that!), I've decided to take more risks in my romantic life. I'm tired of letting my pride, experience, and reason dictate what risks I take. Sometimes, the heart knows what's right, and I have decided to trust my heart more. My list of regrets is long enough. I don't plan to add anymore regrets to it where love is concerned. Go big, or go home!

[soyou]

"It's impossible," said pride.

"It's risky," said experience.

"It's pointless," said reason.

"Give it a try," whispered the heart.

 

 

.

 

I'm in such a situation. I just wish I could brush off my pride!:(

[writergal]

I'm in such a situation. I just wish I could brush off my pride!:(

 

Why can't you soyou? What's preventing you from expressing how you really feel to this person?

[Gloria25]

Cuz of my childhood - where you're supposed to learn basic things such as love, trust, etc didn't happen.

 

Top that off with a world in which things are topsy-turvy (i.e. men who didn't know a good woman if she slapped him upside his head, guys wanting to sit back and have you pay all/half their bills, the lazy guys who are out of shape and/or who smoke weed/do drugs) and the selfish, self-absorbed flakey people we have out there in the dating world now a days...forget it.

 

In sum, lots of garbage out there in the dating world. For me to trust my heart, time and finances with someone who ain't gonna cut it...forget it.

 

Like La India said...'the perfect guy will never come...he is a mirage, a dream and it won't last for long, cuz eventually he'll revert to being a nobody'. All they do is interrupt your grove, f-with your heart, head, and once you give them the time of day he'll drop you like a hot pocket.

 

http://youtu.be/R2D-Ylw7OGM

 

Then, you'll see they dumped you for someone who is taking them for a ride and f-ing them over...go figure.

 

BTW...even better Anita Baker - "Fairy Tales"

 

You sit there believing in Cinderella, but real life shows you that not only will he not save you - he'll leave you to die. Watch "Maleficent" some day, the story is that no prince is gonna save your butt.

 

Edited February 21, 2015 by Gloria25

[toolforgrowth]

the lazy guys who are out of shape and/or who smoke weed/do drugs

 

A lot of people who smoke weed allow it to consume their lives. I used to be that way, and it was a major detractor from my marriage. My xWW cheated and had her share of issues, but so did I and that was definitely one of them.

 

With that being said, I still smoke. I've just learned to cut back and have it be a part of my life instead of all of my life. There are a lot of people who haven't yet learned to do that.

 

I have an amazing job, make good money, own my house, am a devoted father, and have learned how to be a great partner. The fact that I also enjoy weed when I'm relaxing doesn't auto-disqualify me as a good person or a man who is unworthy of dating. Just ask my GF.

 

One can enjoy alcohol without being an alcoholic. Likewise, one can enjoy weed without being a total pothead. Moderation is key.

[autumnnight]

I agree with you preraph. At 44 (a young 44 at that!), I've decided to take more risks in my romantic life. I'm tired of letting my pride, experience, and reason dictate what risks I take. Sometimes, the heart knows what's right, and I have decided to trust my heart more. My list of regrets is long enough. I don't plan to add anymore regrets to it where love is concerned. Go big, or go home!

 

Thank you for this. I'm nowhere near ready, but when I am, I'm going to pull this out and remember it. And even though I used a bunch of kleenex over the last couple of weeks, I'm NOT sorry I went big.

[writergal]

Thank you for this. I'm nowhere near ready, but when I am, I'm going to pull this out and remember it. And even though I used a bunch of kleenex over the last couple of weeks, I'm NOT sorry I went big.

 

That's awesome that you aren't sorry for being true to yourself. Why should you be sorry that you expressed your honest feelings to another person?

 

I'm definitely not sorry. I think it's important to be honest with people you are romantic with. I think there needs to be more of a balance between when the heart leads, and when reason, pride and experience lead us in situations with significant others. The heart matters. People forget that a lot of times, I think, when they try to rationalize feelings.

[autumnnight]

That's awesome that you aren't sorry for being true to yourself. Why should you be sorry that you expressed your honest feelings to another person?

 

I'm definitely not sorry. I think it's important to be honest with people you are romantic with. I think there needs to be more of a balance between when the heart leads, and when reason, pride and experience lead us in situations with significant others. The heart matters. People forget that a lot of times, I think, when they try to rationalize feelings.

 

I'll stop talking about me after this. But I was cautious and had both eyes as open as they could be. I didn't open up completely until time had passed and patterns were established. Then I was all in, passionate, giving, open, and blissfully happy.

 

If I can't be that, then I'd rather not bother.

[writergal]

I'll stop talking about me after this. But I was cautious and had both eyes as open as they could be. I didn't open up completely until time had passed and patterns were established. Then I was all in, passionate, giving, open, and blissfully happy.

 

If I can't be that, then I'd rather not bother.

 

Being vulnerable is an attractive quality in people we fall in love with. When you fall in love with someone, it's because you both except everything (faults and triumphs) about that person. There's no conditions set by one or both people to remain in the relationship. That's because each person excepts the other person's flaws.

 

If you can't be passionate, giving, open, and blissfully happy then why bother! I totally agree.

 

People think vulnerability is a bad thing. It is if the partner is abusive and manipulative. But if you are with someone who is a genuinely good person, then being vulnerable with them is a strength because it shows them that you accept yourself 100%, so they can feel safe accepting you 100% too. When we hide our feelings, we hide our true selves. No one can ever love you, if you hide yourself from them.

[jupiter7]

This is a tricky saying. It can mean whatever you want it to mean.

 

I've looked back on relationships and said, if only I'd listened to my head and left earlier, I'd have saved such time.

 

Or, if only I'd been prouder, valued myself more, I wouldn't have spent that time with someone who didn't appreciate me.

 

Right now, I'm saying ... it feels right....it feels right....should I reach out?

 

Who is to say what is actually right? Some of us are ruled by logic, some by emotion and intuition. Your natural way is just fine, whether that is head or heart. Tread your own path.

[No Limit]

I'm afraid no person would be worth economic suicide and destroying everything I will have worked for since I was thrown into school at 6.

 

I'd sooner make trips to vulcanos than that (I mean it, I want to see one up close someday! ).

[preraph]

I agree with you preraph. At 44 (a young 44 at that!), I've decided to take more risks in my romantic life. I'm tired of letting my pride, experience, and reason dictate what risks I take. Sometimes, the heart knows what's right, and I have decided to trust my heart more. My list of regrets is long enough. I don't plan to add anymore regrets to it where love is concerned. Go big, or go home!

 

Listen, me and my friends used to do some unconscionable things. Once at the door of a disco (we hated disco) we made a bet who could pick up a guy in a jumpsuit first. I won. It was lime green. Was it a proud moment in my life? No, it was ratchet, but makes me crack up every time I think about it.

[writergal]

I guess my intention with this thread was to encourage people to take more risks where love and communication is concerned.

[Toodaloo]

I wish but I have no one to love! Not for want of trying or lack of looking.

 

I have to say though I am not happy about declaring my love for anyone (apart from my dogs) I think I will give it time before I lose all abandon.

[Got it]

I guess my intention with this thread was to encourage people to take more risks where love and communication is concerned.

 

Writer, and I think that is a good message. People allow obstacles because of fear, plain and simple. Because the chance of pain is too overwhelming than knowing/trusting that they will survive through to the other side, that even if things don't work out, they will be okay. So it is safer, easier to sit back and just backseat drive other people, to judge others, than to put themselves out there and risk being vulnerable.

 

Does it mean you will make mistakes? ABSOFRICKINGLUTELY. Does it mean you will get hurt? Sure. But does it mean you can't rebound, can't overcome, can't succeed. Nope.

 

Putting yourself out there to be evaluated by others in a romantic way is one of the most vulnerable states to be in. You, if done properly, lay yourself bear, and risk the other not seeing or appreciating your worth. But that is life.

 

So you take your time, you focus on where you need to improve, your coping mechanisms, conflict resolution, childhood issues, you see your patterns, and you work on having healthier ones. And you DON'T look for a fantasy, you don't look to be saved, and you are grown up to know "happily ever after" only exists in stories because stories end. And your life doesn't at that moment. So there is a "then after", there is the mundane of life, and the day to day irritations. And you know that is when one works on love.

 

So instead of focusing on how the other person fails, you want to be successful in relationship, you focus on what you are bringing to the table and not what you are owed. Sure you have a balance so you don't adopt codependent traits, but you work on not always focusing on the ills down to you. And that is hard, because we like to get up on our little martyr pillar.

 

So risk it, I think. I notice my fears and I deep dive them to see what is valid and what is a trigger. And I risk it. I know, no matter what, I will be okay. And since I believe we only go around this world once, take the chance.

 

But in relationships, taking those first chances is the easiest part of love and eventually marriage. The rest is much harder and much more rewarding.

[writergal]

I wish but I have no one to love! Not for want of trying or lack of looking.

 

I have to say though I am not happy about declaring my love for anyone (apart from my dogs) I think I will give it time before I lose all abandon.

 

I am single right now too -- not for want of or lack of looking. Believe me, it's a jungle out there for us singledoms, especially with online dating being what it is (a big pain in the ass).

 

But the next opportunity I have for a potential relationship, I plan to hurdle over the obstacles like uncertainty, insecurity, and fear in hopes that I'll reach the finish line (to find someone to be in a solid relationship with that lasts).

 

Writer, and I think that is a good message. People allow obstacles because of fear, plain and simple. Because the chance of pain is too overwhelming than knowing/trusting that they will survive through to the other side, that even if things don't work out, they will be okay. So it is safer, easier to sit back and just backseat drive other people, to judge others, than to put themselves out there and risk being vulnerable.

 

Does it mean you will make mistakes? ABSOFRICKINGLUTELY. Does it mean you will get hurt? Sure. But does it mean you can't rebound, can't overcome, can't succeed. Nope.

 

Putting yourself out there to be evaluated by others in a romantic way is one of the most vulnerable states to be in. You, if done properly, lay yourself bear, and risk the other not seeing or appreciating your worth. But that is life.

 

So you take your time, you focus on where you need to improve, your coping mechanisms, conflict resolution, childhood issues, you see your patterns, and you work on having healthier ones. And you DON'T look for a fantasy, you don't look to be saved, and you are grown up to know "happily ever after" only exists in stories because stories end. And your life doesn't at that moment. So there is a "then after", there is the mundane of life, and the day to day irritations. And you know that is when one works on love.

 

So instead of focusing on how the other person fails, you want to be successful in relationship, you focus on what you are bringing to the table and not what you are owed. Sure you have a balance so you don't adopt codependent traits, but you work on not always focusing on the ills down to you. And that is hard, because we like to get up on our little martyr pillar.

 

So risk it, I think. I notice my fears and I deep dive them to see what is valid and what is a trigger. And I risk it. I know, no matter what, I will be okay. And since I believe we only go around this world once, take the chance.

 

But in relationships, taking those first chances is the easiest part of love and eventually marriage. The rest is much harder and much more rewarding.

 

+1. Briliant post Got it. You definitely "got it!" I agree with you about being vulnerable.

 

Putting yourself out there to be evaluated by others in a romantic way is one of the most vulnerable states to be in. You, if done properly, lay yourself bear, and risk the other not seeing or appreciating your worth. But that is life.

 

Being vulnerable with another person can be a scary experience if you let self-doubt creep up on you. That's why I think vulnerability only works if you are genuine with yourself first, so that you can be genuine with another person if that makes any sense? Sure, you risk them rejecting you regardless of how well you put yourself out there to be evaluated. But I'd rather they judge me right away, so I know exactly who they are and can decide whether or not I want to pursue something with them.

[Gloria25]

I guess my intention with this thread was to encourage people to take more risks where love and communication is concerned.

 

And my response is that no matter how much "encouragement" people will try to give me, I will not put myself out there for the sake of "looooove" and "communication" cuz it's all a joke.

 

People are just so not worth it now a days if you ask me. I like my dogs cuz they got my back. People will never have your back. I like my vehicle, cuz it tells me it's got my back. Again, people will never have your back.

 

I believe this not just cuz I came from a dysfunctional home, but I see it every day. I have gfs who's husbands spend, cheat, etc. I listen to the stories on the radio and stuff. I go on OLD and just bleh at the "available" singles out there. I look at my neighbors and I say "no thanks, I rather be alone".

 

And, all I want is simple stuff in a mate. A guy with his own stuff, job, fit, no drugs/weed, no drama. But, now a days things are so messed up guys think they should just have a penis and a pulse and you should get on your knees and thank God for them.

 

Guys are also so weak now a days. I was listening to an old podcast where this guy was talking how his wife is the one who wants to do projects around the house and he just wants to read stuff online.

 

Thanks women's movement for turning guys into girls who want us to pay half/all their bills!!!

[melodymatters]

I married a man nearly half my age. We were work friends, then after a few years of widowhood and celibacy I decided to have a "fling" with him. Now we have 3.5 yrs of a pretty happy marriage behind us.

 

Will I lose my looks while he hits his prime ? It's pretty much guaranteed. Will he leave because of that or maybe just some totally unrelated reason like so many same age couples do ? Who friggen knows ! I buried a 24 yr old husband and 19 yr old daughter, youth is no guarantee of anything.

 

I'm planning on living my life, building my business, loving the man beside me who as of today loves me madly and if he splits guess what ?

 

I'll mourn and then I'll get the hell over it and find another dude who thinks I'm the cats pajama's. Get busy living or get busy dying I always say !

 

Good post writergal !

[Gloria25]

I married a man nearly half my age. We were work friends, then after a few years of widowhood and celibacy I decided to have a "fling" with him. Now we have 3.5 yrs of a pretty happy marriage behind us.

 

Will I lose my looks while he hits his prime ? It's pretty much guaranteed. Will he leave because of that or maybe just some totally unrelated reason like so many same age couples do ? Who friggen knows ! I buried a 24 yr old husband and 19 yr old daughter, youth is no guarantee of anything.

 

I'm planning on living my life, building my business, loving the man beside me who as of today loves me madly and if he splits guess what ?

 

I'll mourn and then I'll get the hell over it and find another dude who thinks I'm the cats pajama's. Get busy living or get busy dying I always say !

 

Good post writergal !

 

And, my point is, why disturb my life to have someone come in then leave? Especially if it's a situation I "know" will end (i.e. the age gap you appear to have in your RL)?

 

That's why I prefer FWB, casual stuff. That way I don't invest much and won't be surprised when it ends.

 

Not gonna put a ring on my finger, commingle finances, shack-up, etc. all cuz I just want a "feeling" for a couple of days, months, years.

[toolforgrowth]

And, my point is, why disturb my life to have someone come in then leave? Especially if it's a situation I "know" will end (i.e. the age gap you appear to have in your RL)?

 

That's why I prefer FWB, casual stuff. That way I don't invest much and won't be surprised when it ends.

 

Not gonna put a ring on my finger, commingle finances, shack-up, etc. all cuz I just want a "feeling" for a couple of days, months, years.

 

I agree with this, but to a point. I will never get married again or co-mingle finances. For me, marriage is "BTDT", and I don't like the idea of the state getting involved in my personal life.

 

And my xWW tried to get her hands on as much of my money as she possibly could, so I guard my money very jealously. Nobody will have access to my accounts except me.

 

But I have no problem with living with a significant other. My girlfriend and I recently talked about moving in together. It's not going to happen anytime soon (which I'm more than okay with), but it's something that we both realize is on the horizon if things keep going well.

 

I very much like the idea of sharing my life with someone I love, cheating and money-grubbing ex wife aside. The key is to wait for someone you are truly compatible with before taking those steps, and to not rush into them.

[Satu]

I've done some very scary things in my life because I didn't want to be the person who walked away.

 

All of them turned out to be great experiences.

 

Fortune favours the bold.

[Got it]

I've done some very scary things in my life because I didn't want to be the person who walked away.

 

All of them turned out to be great experiences.

 

Fortune favours the bold.

 

I see fear as a weakness. So those who dress it up however they like, how "sophisticated" they are, how "knowing" etc, the more excuses why they don't want it, the more you can see they are just afraid of it. And fear is weakness. So I see them as weak.

 

You can tell the people who are just content with whatever situation they have in their lives, it just shines through. I guess it reminds me of the line, "doth lady protestest too much".

 

I believe, as long as there is a silver lining, a lesson learned, there are no bad experiences. And I have had to search sometimes for that lesson! lol. We learn from our mistakes not from our victories so I am fine when I "fail", it just shows me the way and tests my resolve. It develops me.

[Gloria25]

I see fear as a weakness. So those who dress it up however they like, how "sophisticated" they are, how "knowing" etc, the more excuses why they don't want it, the more you can see they are just afraid of it. And fear is weakness. So I see them as weak.

 

You can tell the people who are just content with whatever situation they have in their lives, it just shines through. I guess it reminds me of the line, "doth lady protestest too much".

 

I believe, as long as there is a silver lining, a lesson learned, there are no bad experiences. And I have had to search sometimes for that lesson! lol. We learn from our mistakes not from our victories so I am fine when I "fail", it just shows me the way and tests my resolve. It develops me.

 

Weakness or wisdom?

 

Going on 40 w/o paying for some guy's bills and/or supporting kids that aren't mine. I'll take wisdom over perceived weakness any day.

 

I think a weak person is one that cannot stand on their own and gets into bad situations and/or just "couples up" in the fear of being alone.

 

In battle, sometimes you have to retreat to regroup and come back for round two.