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Interesting read about a middle-aged divorced man


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LookAtThisPOst

Figured since this fell under the "Divorce" thread, this would do just fine

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/15/opinion/sunday/to-a-friend-on-his-divorce.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

 

I wonder if this write-up is pretty much standard and as a person who has never been married, can that person count their blessings?

 

This man had to end a 12-year marriage based solely in his layoff and dwindling finances apparently. At least it seems to have been the trigger.

 

He only THOUGHT they'd die alone together, but "It didn't turn out that way." According to him, even seeing therapists didn't help.

 

He reminisces through his early wedding photos and other times together with his ex-wife. Friends said to him, "Can you guys at least try to work on your marriage?" There was no real amount advice that would keep them together.

 

That being said...and IF You're currently single..is it a relief to read this or perhaps depressing to read it?

 

Is this the inevitable? Is this article telling us....considering this day and age where our older generations who met in WWII, married, became great-great-grandparents, and died together....that nowadays, that the inevitable divorce will creep in upon us?

 

Is this a warning to us singles that desire marriage?

 

"Don't bother, you'll just wind up like this guy...sleeping on a mattress at his uncle's place."

 

Just tell me what kind of thoughts go through your mind reading this?

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LookAtThisPOst
Good read!

 

As a guy (37) getting ready to end 10 years of marriage, it's about what I expected to be the case.

 

Right, like I wonder among those you, Jrdinvt, how closely you mirror that article?

 

Is this also a warning to those who are single and never married that want to be married?

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DivorcedDad123

He sounds still stuck in his marriage and longing to have it back. A bit whiny actually.

Would I get married again? Hell no! The cards are stacked against you from the start.

I don't "pine" for the days of marriage. Greatest thing was getting out. Life has been great since then! I look forward to coming home,instead of dreading it. I got the house,so I wasn't destitute upon divorce. I hired a decent atty and fought through court,so I wouldn't end up in servitude the rest of my life. Too many fall on their sword and take the easy way out. They get screwed by the court system. Especially men!

If you're single,there is no way I'd ever advise you to get married.

Life as a single man is about as good as it gets.

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You can have all the benefits of marriage (except some tax breaks) by cohabiting. Marriage can be good or bad, but the majority are simply not good, and nearly half end well before death. But all marriages end either through divorce or death, and someone gets left behind.

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I wonder if this write-up is pretty much standard and as a person who has never been married, can that person count their blessings?

 

Experience varies widely, since people vary widely. We each have our stories.

 

This man had to end a 12-year marriage based solely in his layoff and dwindling finances apparently. At least it seems to have been the trigger.
Economics can be very important in a marriage and people can have widely varying emotions regarding money.

 

He only THOUGHT they'd die alone together, but "It didn't turn out that way." According to him, even seeing therapists didn't help.

He put a lot of stock at the altar of another. Some people are like that. A partnership is elemental to their sense of well-being..

He reminisces through his early wedding photos and other times together with his ex-wife. Friends said to him, "Can you guys at least try to work on your marriage?" There was no real amount advice that would keep them together.

IMO, it's OK to reflect on the good times as long as one accepts that they were just that, good times in the past. Valued memories, like any we have in life.

That being said...and IF You're currently single..is it a relief to read this or perhaps depressing to read it?
Though different in particulars, my M went something like this guys account and I see it as a story with some portions I identify with and others not. I feel neither relieved nor depressed, now nearly five years out from D. I had other responsibilities during the more immediate period that didn't allow such reflection so perhaps that was a gift. It was what it was.

 

Is this the inevitable? Is this article telling us....considering this day and age where our older generations who met in WWII, married, became great-great-grandparents, and died together....that nowadays, that the inevitable divorce will creep in upon us?
I expect everything to be transitory today and accept the transitory nature of today's humanity.

 

Is this a warning to us singles that desire marriage?

 

"Don't bother, you'll just wind up like this guy...sleeping on a mattress at his uncle's place."

Perhaps it's a warning but I see it as what it is, a story, just like each of us has a story. IMO, with few exceptions, no marriage is truly 'bad', even those which end. There is good and bad, happy and unhappy, healthy and unhealthy, in all parts of life. It's a mixed bag.

 

Am I glad I got married? In general, yes, because it taught me a lot of life lessons I'd never have learned otherwise and provided some real joy I wouldn't have had and didn't have during the couple decades prior I was single. MC helped me get over the feelings of failure for not having a lifelong M like my parents did and also reinforced my belief that a long life is in itself a success because it affords opportunities. Hopefully there are a lot of memories left to make. We'll see

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BTW, the author of the article is a pathetic pessimistic whiner. If he wants happiness - with or without a relationship - it's on him to go get it. I did.

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You can have all the benefits of marriage (except some tax breaks) by cohabiting. Marriage can be good or bad, but the majority are simply not good, and nearly half end well before death. But all marriages end either through divorce or death, and someone gets left behind.

In some countries the family/divorce laws have changed with the times. Cohabitate for a certain period of time and its considered a de-facto marriage/relationship and your assets are up for grabs. Cripes where I live the laws have been amended to even allow mistresses claim on assets (affair expiration and death estate settlement).

* You need to avoid living together and have a regular turn over rate to avoid this

Edited by ascendotum
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