Indirectly involved in an infidelity.. and paying the price!

[Million.to.1]

Hi Loveshackers.

 

I'm in a pickle. I need some clarity. I'm really angry and I want resolution/justice. Insight/ advice much appreciated.

 

 

My boss, who I sub-contract/work for, is also an old friend I have known for 18 years. We have a dozen or so mutual friends. We have worked together for 2 years pretty much full time. I'll call him S.

 

He cheated on his partner 2 years ago, and she found out 1 year ago. They have 3 kids together and she would have been in early pregnancy with their 3rd when he cheated. I didn't know of this until recently.

She has never really liked me (supposed jealousy/insecurity) but was always civil. We'll call her R.

 

I am in a LTR and my partner also works for S - 1 or 2 days a week.

 

Anyway...Last week it was revealed to me by S that he can no longer employ me or work with me because of his infidelity, and R, not trusting him around woman in general. She hasn't been happy about us working together for months (for no reason what-so -ever) and he was supposed to "faze me out" by Christmas. He was hoping it would "blow over" because I am his most reliable and skilled worker. Im his 2IC. He never said anything to me, I had no warning till last week when it came up between them again and he had to act, and I am now jobless.

 

Anyway.. They are obviously trying to work things through, (good for them) but this is a major for me.

He also expects me to keep quiet, not let R know that I know, or tell anybody the reason why I no longer work for/with S. He says to say "he just doesn't have anymore work for me" which is bollocks because he has way too much and will need to employ to replace me.

 

I feel I have been completely d!cked in this situation and he is using me as a scape goat. He is a great one for blaming others, being sneaky and avoiding confrontation. I don't know what lies is is telling people/client/ friends/R and no doubt he will throw me in it to whoever if he can protect himself from any shame.

He has done this to other employees/friends too. People he can blame for his own drinking/general uselessness.

 

 

He is flicking me a job or two I can do independently because he feels guilty but I'd rather tell him to go shove it.

 

I will find more work eventually and I no longer care about the friendship. His true colours are out!

 

I want to be free to tell people openly what happened to me because I don't feel it is my responsibility to cover this up for their benefit when in doing so will have a negative effect on me in more ways than one. I'm so pissed off with both S and R, but mainly S.

 

 

Any advice?

Edited February 1, 2015 by Million.to.1

[preraph]

As long as you didn't sign an exit agreement, you can tell people anything you want. And you can ask an attorney if there's any grounds for suit, but since you're a contractor, probably not. That sucks, but I guess he feels he did what he had to do. Now she can be jealous of someone else...

[CarrieT]

He threw you under the bus.

 

I think you should tell him that you are going to confide in your LTR partner because you are in an intimate relationship and are not capable of lying to your partner (that is sort of a passive-aggressive statement to your boss, of course).

 

Keep him at arms length and I would have said to throw him under the bus if you needed a good referral. If you can find work without him, I would lay open his actions to others...

[Satu]

I never agree to keep other people's secrets.

 

I always say, "If it's a secret, I don't want to know it."

 

I will keep certain things private, but 'private' and 'secret' are two very different things.

[Million.to.1]

That sucks, but I guess he feels he did what he had to do.

 

What he is doing is the wrong and it's far from the right way to deal with this.

Again, he is deflecting.

 

He need to grow some balls and start being a decent partner/father rather than victimising himself and using others to cushion his fall.

[elaine567]

I will keep certain things private, but 'private' and 'secret' are two very different things.

A good point that, I never thought about it like that before.

[Million.to.1]

He threw you under the bus.

 

I think you should tell him that you are going to confide in your LTR partner because you are in an intimate relationship and are not capable of lying to your partner (that is sort of a passive-aggressive statement to your boss, of course).

 

Keep him at arms length and I would have said to throw him under the bus if you needed a good referral. If you can find work without him, I would lay open his actions to others...

 

Thanks CarrieT.

 

My partner knows already.. There was no way i was going to not tell him!

....And so do a few of our mutual friends. S seems to think that he has this all under wraps, but, no. I was actually told a few weeks ago by another friend about the A. I kept quiet then. When S told me, I pretended it was the first I'd heard of it. Now that it affects me in this way, I'm considering being completely open about it.

Edited February 2, 2015 by Million.to.1

[Satu]

A good point that, I never thought about it like that before.

 

When I think about something being private, I take it to just be something a person doesn't want to share.

 

I see a secret as being something that a person has a right to know because it affects them, being kept from them for no good reason.

 

That's my take on it, anyway.

[elaine567]

million.to.1

I am sorry to hear that.

Disgusting but not totally unsurprising behaviour from your boss in the circumstances.

But gutting for you and it sounds like the law should be on your side here, but perhaps not if you are a contractor.

[gaius]

Since he's going to be a major reference and your partner still works for him it seems a little strange to start bridge burning by yacking about his affair all over town. That could easily come down on your partner, no?

 

It's certainly not the ideal situation but he did employ you for 2 years and expecting him to prioritize you over his partner is a little unrealistic. Unless you gave him a kidney I don't see him having a responsibility to keep you employed indefinitely anyway. Just because you're friends.

[Million.to.1]

Since he's going to be a major reference and your partner still works for him it seems a little strange to start bridge burning by yacking about his affair all over town. That could easily come down on your partner, no?

 

My partner does not need that work. It is a top up for him on top of his real career.... and he could easily find something else for that and is already looking. It is not his main source of income. He is also disgusted by S's actions and is fully SUPPORTIVE OF ME and any decision I make going forward.

I also do not really need a reference from him as I am seeking contract work, not "employment".

 

It's certainly not the ideal situation but he did employ you for 2 years and expecting him to prioritize you over his partner is a little unrealistic. Unless you gave him a kidney I don't see him having a responsibility to keep you employed indefinitely anyway. Just because you're friends.

 

I do not expect to be a priority, but I am not to blame here, nor do I deserve to be used as a scapegoat. I didn't "give him a kidney" but I worked hard for his family business and helped put food on his children's table. I was his friend and put up with a lot of crap on the work front due to his A fall-out. Of course he has no responsibility to employ me indefinitely, but he could have given me notice, some time, or something! He dealt with this whole thing incredibly poorly. And who knows what lies he is telling about me now to protect himself further. The guy is an A$$.

 

 

Thanks for you opinion Gaius, but that will be all thank-you.

[compulsivedancer]

Hi Loveshackers.

 

I'm in a pickle. I need some clarity. I'm really angry and I want resolution/justice. Insight/ advice much appreciated.

 

 

My boss, who I sub-contract/work for, is also an old friend I have known for 18 years. We have a dozen or so mutual friends. We have worked together for 2 years pretty much full time. I'll call him S.

 

He cheated on his partner 2 years ago, and she found out 1 year ago. They have 3 kids together and she would have been in early pregnancy with their 3rd when he cheated. I didn't know of this until recently.

She has never really liked me (supposed jealousy/insecurity) but was always civil. We'll call her R.

 

I am in a LTR and my partner also works for S - 1 or 2 days a week.

 

Anyway...Last week it was revealed to me by S that he can no longer employ me or work with me because of his infidelity, and R, not trusting him around woman in general. She hasn't been happy about us working together for months (for no reason what-so -ever) and he was supposed to "faze me out" by Christmas. He was hoping it would "blow over" because I am his most reliable and skilled worker. Im his 2IC. He never said anything to me, I had no warning till last week when it came up between them again and he had to act, and I am now jobless.

 

Anyway.. They are obviously trying to work things through, (good for them) but this is a major for me.

He also expects me to keep quiet, not let R know that I know, or tell anybody the reason why I no longer work for/with S. He says to say "he just doesn't have anymore work for me" which is bollocks because he has way too much and will need to employ to replace me.

 

I feel I have been completely d!cked in this situation and he is using me as a scape goat. He is a great one for blaming others, being sneaky and avoiding confrontation. I don't know what lies is is telling people/client/ friends/R and no doubt he will throw me in it to whoever if he can protect himself from any shame.

He has done this to other employees/friends too. People he can blame for his own drinking/general uselessness.

 

 

He is flicking me a job or two I can do independently because he feels guilty but I'd rather tell him to go shove it.

 

I will find more work eventually and I no longer care about the friendship. His true colours are out!

 

I want to be free to tell people openly what happened to me because I don't feel it is my responsibility to cover this up for their benefit when in doing so will have a negative effect on me in more ways than one. I'm so pissed off with both S and R, but mainly S.

 

 

Any advice?

 

Sounds like a wrongful termination suit waiting to happen.

 

It is totally within your rights to expose the affair. Of course, your SO will probably lose his position, and your friend/employer will probably talk sh]t on you if you expose it, so it may backfire.

[newmoon]

you're not really an employee so he doesn't owe you any loyalty and vice-versa. you can tell anyone you want about what is going on, but all that 'tattling' reflects more upon you than him. it's best to just cut ties completely since you know what he is doing and feel uneasy about it, or as a scapegoat. you won't be doing quality work for him anyway when you dislike him. if you and your SO don't really need his 1 or 2 days a week work, then both of you should just exit asap and move on from someone like that, because eliminating your SO will be next on his list.

[Million.to.1]

Sounds like a wrongful termination suit waiting to happen.

 

It is totally within your rights to expose the affair. Of course, your SO will probably lose his position, and your friend/employer will probably talk sh]t on you if you expose it, so it may backfire.

 

I'm not planning on Posting the news on FB or anything...

... and certainly will not do anything until I'm in a stronger position. Basically I just don't want to feel bad about telling the truth if asked or explaining to other future bosses the reason I'm needing work.

There probably is a legal route I could take... I'll seek advice.