SpiralOut Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I know someone who has an autistic kid. I know that kids with autism have quirks, but I heard a story about something he did that doesn't sound quite normal. He got a hold of a lighter and set the couch on fire. He stood there and watched it and laughed while it burned. He did not go ask for help. Someone else was home so they smelled the smoke and were able to put it out, thankfully, before it became serious. When I asked "does he know he isn't supposed to do that?" they answered "yes he does, but he would probably do it again anyway if he had the chance." They hide all matches and lighters from him now. The way they told the story, they made it sound as if he did it because he's autistic, but I find that hard to believe. I could believe him doing it by accident and feeling bad about it afterwards, but it sounds like he did it on purpose for fun. I had also been told that he is actually quite smart, so if he's smart then why would he do that? I didn't think autistic kids were supposed to be dangerous. Do you think there is some other problem going on? I am just wondering because this is my boyfriends nephew and they now consider me to be "part of the family." This family will be a part of my life. I cannot help but feel freaked out by this kid who does dangerous things without appearing to understand (or care?) that it is dangerous to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 my nephew suffers from severe autism. he's 6. they are aggressive, combative, argumentative, and extremely hard to control. even if they are on medicines. autism falls within a spectrum, so within autism you can have kids who function really well and don't display too many behavioral issues, and then there are ones like my nephew (and perhaps this child in your life) who need constant monitoring. i *think* they know right and wrong, but they do it anyway, and they are very very smart, but not in a logical/thinking way with reasoning ability. they can figure things out, and often will do 'bad' things for reactions and to just laugh and react for themselves. sadly, my nephew takes out his anger and issues on our family dog - he terrorizes it and he knows he shouldn't but does it anyway. the behavior never gets 'fixed' it is a mental/social/behavioral issue that needs constant meds and therapy, depending upon its severity. they are a danger to themselves and others, which is why you need a parent who cares and can curb the behavior(s) as much as possible. my nephew (just 6) was released from school early last week for punching a kid smack in the face, for nothing. it's a mental illness and the stuff they do is whack a lot of the times. just don't mother the kid or in any way offer your help - it's for the parents to handle. just understand the little boy is ill and is doing it from a place of illness and not normalcy. so, to answer the question.. yes, it's normal for some autistic kids to behave that way. we suffer through similar stuff and i'm sure other families do as well. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 "Normal" for a parent/family member of an autistic child is way different than it is for other parents. Each kid is not like the other. Some kids on the spectrum need to be constantly watched, some don't. But this particular kid should be under constant supervision. Also, most autistic kids have areas of focus. (animals, trains, tools, colors,...) for this kid it may be fire. Which is very dangerous. Find a support group you can talk to, And if you are going to be involved with him on a more regular basis, you should have open and accepting conversations with his parents so you know the ins and outs of dealing with him. (triggers, and how to react to them) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Lighting fires and laughing about it aren't typical autistic traits. Actually, that is a serious behavior that would warrant extra attention. Autism isn't defined by aggressive or destructive behaviors at all. It's characterized by problems with communication (namely social communication) and a restrictive/repetitive behaviors/interest. Aggressive or destructive behaviors may result from these problems or interests, but they aren't necessary to the diagnosis. Personally, I think that autism is diagnosed a lot right now. And as kids grow, I think people may see what looked like autism in youth could easily manifest itself in more sociopathic behaviors as an adult. Autism does have a lot to do with problems with empathy and social interaction. Sociopathy has a lot to do with problems with empathy and social interaction. The two disorders overlap in some ways, imo. That being said, there often problems with the way an Autistic person processes the sensory stimuli he may come in contact with. For example, he may process sounds or sights differently. In that way, watching fire might be more stimulating to the boy. But, that sort of obsession with watching fire would have been noticed beforehand...someone should have had an idea that an obsession with fire were possible. So, personally, I think something more than just autism could very well be going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 So, personally, I think something more than just autism could very well be going on. I agree. It would be naive to think otherwise. I hope they keep fresh batteries in the smoke detectors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Seems he has a touch of pyromania as well. One of my nephews was a mean little shlt. He used to run up to people sitting around the house and smack them with whatever he had handy. One day he cracked my great aunt in the knee with the handlebar off a tricycle he probably trashed and my brother finally fixed his red wagon. He grew out of it real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Kids without autism do much worse things. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Depending on the level of autism, they can certainly be violent and light fires. It's a terribly difficult thing for any parent to handle because the kids are often loving at times and then scary to the point you're afraid to go to sleep around them. As long as you believe the parents are good people and there isn't something chaotic they're doing like addiction or abuse to contribute to behavior issues, you can assume this is part of the autism. If you feel there's any egregiously bad parenting, however, you could always let Child Protective Services investigate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) Lighting fires and laughing about it aren't typical autistic traits. Actually, that is a serious behavior that would warrant extra attention. I agree. It would be naive to think otherwise. I hope they keep fresh batteries in the smoke detectors. I was thinking the same thing. They seem to be just blaming it on his condition but I think it must be something else. I am not sure about the smoke detectors, he did say something about them. I am not positive that they even keep them on. As long as you believe the parents are good people and there isn't something chaotic they're doing like addiction or abuse to contribute to behavior issues, you can assume this is part of the autism. If you feel there's any egregiously bad parenting, however, you could always let Child Protective Services investigate. They treat the kids well enough so far as I can tell. There problems in the household, however. The mother had gambling problems then tried to kill herself a couple years ago. She seems to be okay now, she got treatment, except nobody talks to her about it or asks if she's okay. It sounds like a volatile situation. If something bad happened, like if the house burned down then I'm sure my bf would take them into his house. Also he is tied financially to their house as he is on the paperwork for it, so if his sister starts gambling again then payments will come out of his bank account. He got stuck paying for their house for almost a year until they got back on their feet. The BIL is the type who doesn't like to rock the boat, he kept his wife's secret from everyone instead of getting her the help she needed. Ugh I don't mean to vent about it. I don't talk to anyone about it since it's not my business to blab his family issues but honestly it stresses me out to hear about it. He is very stressed out by it, not so much by his nephew I mean but by his sister's issues. ETA: Basically the entire situation stresses me out. It became too much when I finally heard about the fire-starting behaviour. His family is close. If he and I move in together and marry (which we have discussed and both want in the future), I need to consider what I'm getting into. If the sister slips with up her gambling, we would have to pay for their house until she gets better. If she becomes unwell again (or disappears), who looks after the kids? What if this kid burns down their house, then we'd be all living together I guess. I know these are all worst case scenarios, but hey any of those things could happen. Edited February 1, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Well, gambling addiction and suicide are huge issues. So there may be more to the situation than meets the eye. In fact, she might have tried to burn the house down herself to cover a gambling debt by collecting insurance. Your bf is embroiled in this situation and it will likely take a toll on him. Not sure there's anything you can do except see if you can be with him while he remains embroiled in it. But I would not want them living under my roof! So keep your own place. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 My son has autism, a mild version of it but he still has some unusual quirks. He knows right from wrong (as this kid does) and setting fire to things does not seem to me to be an autistic trait. It sounds like an obsession with fire combined with a total lack of concern about the consequences. If the family have explained to him the danger of doing this, maybe by saying he could harm his own family badly, and he still ignores this, then this is very serious. The family need to talk to a psychologist urgently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Seems he has a touch of pyromania as well. One of my nephews was a mean little shlt. He used to run up to people sitting around the house and smack them with whatever he had handy. One day he cracked my great aunt in the knee with the handlebar off a tricycle he probably trashed and my brother finally fixed his red wagon. He grew out of it real quick. I don't understand, is that am American phrase 'fixed his red wagon'? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) So would it be inappropriate for me to say that this sounds more serious than just an autistic thing? It wasn't easy for me to sit there and say nothing while he told me this. He acted like it wasn't even that big of a deal!! He didn't even sound concerned! That's what bothered me more than anything was the flippant attitude that he has towards it. Maybe that's just his way of dealing with it, I don't know. Maybe that's what really bothers me, the fact that I can't really say what I'm thinking. I need to be very careful with what I say. It's a sensitive subject, ALL of it is, everything he told me. I try to be supportive and non-critical but don't always succeed. I have strong opinions about gambling, and I already said some things that maybe I shouldn't have. It stresses me out to sit there with a poker face, keeping my real opinions to myself. Edited February 2, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts