Ethnicity

[Timshel]

How has your own ethnicity or those of people close to you affected your experience in relationships/work/existing in the world?

 

This is not a question about racism. It is a question about personal experiences which may include perceptions of racism. So....real life, things that happened, what you took away from it and how do you think it impacted you personally?

[Shining One]

I've had more than one girl/woman tell me: "You're such a great guy, I would totally date you if you were White/Hispanic". There were also a few variations: "I need to find a white guy like you." or "Do you come in white?" I know they thought they were being nice, but it still stung. I heard it enough times to make me feel that being Indian was "wrong". Those were depressing years.

 

I was the secret lover to two women whose families would have disowned them for being with a brown man. It felt good to be wanted on some level, but still bad knowing that I could never be something more.

 

I once rejected a woman's sexual advances due to me being in a relationship at the time. She asked me a month later if I had rejected her because she was dark. I told her that wasn't the case and explained to her that I've never cheated before and I do not intend to cheat.

[ThaWholigan]

I've noticed I get far more noticeable interest from women of other races with a thing for black men than I actually do from black women. Not that the former like me more, just that it's more noticeable, they seem more likely to make their interest known.

[Timshel]

I've noticed I get far more noticeable interest from women of other races with a thing for black men than I actually do from black women. Not that the former like me more, just that it's more noticeable, they seem more likely to make their interest known.

 

What do you think about this? How does it make you feel?

[ThaWholigan]

What do you think about this? How does it make you feel?

I think it's interesting, but I can't say I feel strongly about it but I do feel good that I have interest.

[CrystalCastles]

How has your own ethnicity or those of people close to you affected your experience in relationships/work/existing in the world?

 

This is not a question about racism. It is a question about personal experiences which may include perceptions of racism. So....real life, things that happened, what you took away from it and how do you think it impacted you personally?

 

I've never been in a relationship with a guy of a different race than me (I'm a Russian Jew). However I've had friends of different races. Most of those friends have lived in my country for a long time so it hasn't really impacted me much. I do have a friend who recently immigrated from the Middle East. We're studying Arabic together. So that has impacted me, its a language I'm very passionate about so I feel lucky that I have someone who enjoys teaching it to me. I don't understand the point of racism. I think people of different races tend to also come from different cultures and I see that as a learning opportunity, rather than something to sneer at because someone is different than me.

[gaius]

I've never been in a relationship with a guy of a different race than me (I'm a Russian Jew). However I've had friends of different races. Most of those friends have lived in my country for a long time so it hasn't really impacted me much. I do have a friend who recently immigrated from the Middle East. We're studying Arabic together. So that has impacted me, its a language I'm very passionate about so I feel lucky that I have someone who enjoys teaching it to me. I don't understand the point of racism. I think people of different races tend to also come from different cultures and I see that as a learning opportunity, rather than something to sneer at because someone is different than me.

Have you talked about Israel yet? Most Muslims seem to do a jig when Hamas or Hezbollah knock off a few Jewish kids, even Cat Stevens so that might be a fun conversation.

 

I'm kind of pale white so besides getting sunburnt a lot I've generally ended up with white women so far. Just because where I live it's mostly white and Hispanic people. And since most of the Hispanics are immigrants from Brazil it's kind of difficult to start a conversation when I don't speak portuguese. And loathe soccer.

 

Some of the women I've had the strongest primal attraction to have been black but there's very few of them locally and I'm not going to a Trayvon Martin/Michael Brown rally or even pretending I support that kind of nonsense. =/ Cultural differences like are more of an impediment than most people want to acknowledge.

[CrystalCastles]

Have you talked about Israel yet? Most Muslims seem to do a jig when Hamas or Hezbollah knock off a few Jewish kids, even Cat Stevens so that might be a fun conversation.

 

Most definitely we have! He doesn't do any jigs, sorry to disappoint you gaius. He knew I was a Jew from the start, apparently that didn't bother him. He told me of all the Jewish cities in the country he's from, and also that he believes that Palestinians should be mad at Britain, not the Jews because it was Britain who occupied Palestine before Israel was formed and it was Britain who meddled in the Middle East and caused problems there in the first place.

 

There are actually quite a few Arabs who don't hate Israel. There's actually a page on facebook titled "Palestine loves Israel" which has almost 30k likes. I think the Jew hate comes loudest from Americans and Europeans. But I've found that from reading on here and from people I encounter every day, the most intolerance towards other races comes from the locals.

[GoldieLox]

I'm half Lebanese. After 9/11, I actually stopped telling people this for a few years because of the looks I would get (you can't tell by my skin tone- I'm a handful of other European things which results in my being pale as a ghost, oddly enough). After a while, I pretty much said the hell with it, and decided that if people couldn't pull their heads out of their behinds far enough to think practically, then they weren't worth my time.

[Gloria25]

 

Some of the women I've had the strongest primal attraction to have been black but there's very few of them locally and I'm not going to a Trayvon Martin/Michael Brown rally or even pretending I support that kind of nonsense. =/ Cultural differences like are more of an impediment than most people want to acknowledge.

 

See, and that's what I wonder if Caucasian guys think about me before they'd get to know me cuz my beliefs, lifestyle, etc does not mesh with African-Americans. Now, I'm not blindly supportive of guns, God, and conservatives either.

 

I mean, one of my gfs said I need to put rims on my vehicle and I looked at her like she's crazy. Another, I don't like going to clubs/events with her cuz there's nothing but black guys and I do not like the music/crowd.

 

I'd go into more detail on my opinions on what I've heard is the "black experience" but, I might offend people.

 

I'm black/Hispanic and have been exposed to many cultures/ethnicity/races/etc...I am not attracted to black men and I believe that has a lot to do with my dad, who is Hispanic ethnically, but black by race and he "is" literally blacker than black.

 

I learned a lot from him, but he was a bum and a hustler. He blamed white people for all his problems and did not take any responsibility for his own. Yes, racism and discrimination exists, but white people did not force him not to go to college, work a 9 to 5, and/or run and get women all over preggo with a bunch of kids. He had so many kids with different women and all he did was beat all of them and blame them for his shyt. Some of his kids I know, some are still out there somewhere.

 

Oh, and while he dated lots of non-black and/or mixed, light skinned women, he sure let us know how much we weren't "black enough" and how he couldn't stand "half-breeds". Go figure.

 

Sorry if I offend anyone, but IMO, many blacks have the same f-d up world view that my dad has/had and on top of me not being attracted to black men, FUBU, rims, etc - I don't want that crap in my house.

 

I have a lot of Black and Hispanic friends...I also have some Caucasian friends, but am guarded on how comfy I get with either ones.

[Quiet Storm]

Gloria, you know a lot of black people like that, but there are a lot of black and mixed people that aren't like that and don't have that world view. I wish I knew you in real life so I could show you some. I'm white but married to a black guy and have mixed kids. Just be yourself girl and you will be OK.

Edited January 30, 2015 by Quiet Storm

[Got it]

I am white, married to a man of Hispanic/Spanish descent and no, I haven't felt much of an impact.

[thefooloftheyear]

You would have to be Italian to understand....but yes, we do have an edge...:laugh:

 

TFY

[Gloria25]

Sp

Gloria, you know a lot of black people like that, but there are a lot of black and mixed people that aren't like that and don't have that world view. I wish I knew you in real life so I could show you some. I'm white but married to a black guy and have mixed kids. Just be yourself girl and you will be OK.

 

I know not everyone is the same, cuz look at me...lol

 

But I also just am not attracted to black men...I think that has to do with my dad being a jerk. Not sure how/why but other some of my siblings date black, some won't date white, but only date hispanic with caucasian features.

 

Sorry, I needed to correct...Of my family members that do date black people, they are either ethnically from like the islands or hispanic, in other words, they don't date black-americans, per se. I think it's cuz culturally it's easier for us to relate to others who share our same/similar ethnic/cultural backgrounds. Many of us were born here, but lived overseas and/or have adopted non-american culture/practices (like cooking, music).

 

Some of my family surprises me too...some from the island are hard core conservatives...go figure.

Edited January 30, 2015 by Gloria25

[Quiet Storm]

Gloria, it's ok to not be attracted to black guys. I see white guys in my area that like black/mixed/hispanic girls. My husband's niece is black and married a white guy. He's a really good guy, too.

 

Everyone has preferences, and our experiences influence them. Your experience with your dad has created an association in your mind, and that's just how you turned out. You are guarded and can't get comfy around other races, but I say just be yourself. You are honest and funny and people of any race find that endearing, whether its for friendship or romance.

[Timshel]

You would have to be Italian to understand....but yes, we do have an edge...:laugh:

 

TFY

 

Ha, soooo true.

 

Thanks everyone for the responses. The reason I started this thread is personal.

 

I am an adopted child by two Lily white, ivy league WASPS. What I know of my ethnicity, my biological mother Bessarabian (German) Gypsy: Blonde, fair and blue eyed.

My father Greek and Jewish (ethnic Jew.)

 

Though I have never met either, I'm sure the little I do is true as my children have represented my genealogy. My son is very fair with blonde hair and blue eyes, though I am tan with brown hair and brown eyes. Brown is dominant and blue/blonde is necessary as blue/blonde is recessive.

 

In my lifetime, I have been bullied by black women because they thought I was a light skinned black person trying to "pass." I have been bullied by hispanic people because they thought I was trying to deny my heritage. Many times I have been approached by Spanish and South Americans speaking their native tongue. My reply has been I don't speak this language, their reply was: umm hmm you don't want to. What?

 

I grew up in a white world, with complete personal racial ambiguity. There were no identifier's for me, only what I have and continue to observe. It has been an interesting place to come from, to say the least.

 

Thank you for all of your thoughts.

[Gloria25]

Ha, soooo true.

 

Thanks everyone for the responses. The reason I started this thread is personal.

 

I am an adopted child by two Lily white, ivy league WASPS. What I know of my ethnicity, my biological mother Bessarabian (German) Gypsy: Blonde, fair and blue eyed.

My father Greek and Jewish (ethnic Jew.)

 

Though I have never met either, I'm sure the little I do is true as my children have represented my genealogy. My son is very fair with blonde hair and blue eyes, though I am tan with brown hair and brown eyes. Brown is dominant and blue/blonde is necessary as blue/blonde is recessive.

 

In my lifetime, I have been bullied by black women because they thought I was a light skinned black person trying to "pass." I have been bullied by hispanic people because they thought I was trying to deny my heritage. Many times I have been approached by Spanish and South Americans speaking their native tongue. My reply has been I don't speak this language, their reply was: umm hmm you don't want to. What?

 

I grew up in a white world, with complete personal racial ambiguity. There were no identifier's for me, only what I have and continue to observe. It has been an interesting place to come from, to say the least.

 

Thank you for all of your thoughts.

 

I feel ya, cuz while I feel blessed and proud to have so much variety in my ethnic/race/culture/national background - at the same time it causes a lot of headaches cuz I have beliefs/thoughts/practices that aren't 100% to any particular race/group/culture/ethnicity...so most people don't "get" me and/or have an expectation that I'm supposed to be X, Y, or Z way when I "get" me and "like" me just the way I am and shouldn't be pressured to swing either way.

 

Like, when I first got in the Army and at work was singing some Hispanic music, some black girl asked me 'so, you don't like "our" kind of music?' And, I was like WTF? I listen to rock, pop, hip-hop, techno, salsa, merengue, barely any country, etc....so, who is she to dictate what I'm supposed to listen to?

 

And, even within the Hispanic community, some don't care for us Hispanics that are black by race. I also think many Caucasians prefer Hispanics who are more Caucasian in race/features...Some African-Americans don't think I'm "black" enough. And, Caucasians, no matter how much a bit of Irish, Scottish, etc decent I come from - definitely do not consider me part of their "crew".

 

So, yeah, us mixed peeps are sometimes out there just making our way how we see fit.

Edited January 31, 2015 by Gloria25

[Timshel]

I feel ya, cuz while I feel blessed and proud to have so much variety in my ethnic/race/culture/national background - at the same time it causes a lot of headaches cuz I have beliefs/thoughts/practices that aren't 100% to any particular race/group/culture/ethnicity...so most people don't "get" me and/or have an expectation that I'm supposed to be X, Y, or Z way when I "get" me and "like" me just the way I am and shouldn't be pressured to swing either way.

 

Like, when I first got in the Army and at work was singing some Hispanic music, some black girl asked me 'so, you don't like "our" kind of music?' And, I was like WTF? I listen to rock, pop, hip-hop, techno, salsa, merengue, barely any country, etc....so, who is she to dictate what I'm supposed to listen to?

 

And, even within the Hispanic community, some don't care for us Hispanics that are black by race. I also think many Caucasians prefer Hispanics who are more Caucasian in race/features...Some African-Americans don't think I'm "black" enough. And, Caucasians, no matter how much a bit of Irish, Scottish, etc decent I come from - definitely do not consider me part of their "crew".

 

So, yeah, us mixed peeps are sometimes out there just making our way how we see fit.

 

 

Yep. Thanks Gloria, we are. It's a mysterious and I think beautiful place really. To have no allegiance except humanity. When I was young and still once in awhile I have people ask me "what are you?'

 

How many people know what it feels like to be asked what they are by strangers? My feeling when I was little and to this day, I am human. But there it is. How has it shaped us, I am not sure. I am always wondering about other people's experiences.

 

I am so grateful that I am able to see a spectrum. It has both confused and taught me.